WARNING-DO NOT attempt this at a furniture store near you.
"We need new lounge furniture," Leonard said. "Our old arm chairs are looking really sad and saggy. I don't like Veronica buying furniture as she always gets something flashy and cheap and never wants to try it out properly first.
It was my first time at a sauna, but this was a weekend of indulgence in Amsterdam, the city of sin and I wanted to make the most of it. I wanted to do all the things that I didn't dare to do back home in England. So here I was, nervously paying my entry fee and collecting my two towels.
It was a warm sunny Sunday afternoon, I was sat at home on my own, bored, nothing on TV.
I decided now would be a good time to cruise around the local park to see if I could find myself a horny stud.
I got into my car and took the short 10 minute journey to the parking lot at the park.
»Oh oh oh, you HAVE to tell me all about it!«
Nina's eyes got a twinkle as she rolled over in her bed on her stomach and looked at me.
»Tell you what?«
I acted stupid even though I knew exactly what it was she wanted to hear.
»You know,« she gave me a mysterious smile.
I strolled through the local park, one warm April evening. It was just getting dark, and the path was clear in front of me. There was enough light for me to finish my circle and head for home. I usually jogged for exercise, or took a trip to the gym, and it showed. But I enjoyed a pleasant walk as well.
It was the annual benefit picnic for the VFD, and it was hot. A hundred degrees in the shade, and record-shatteringly humid. As my wife and I sat listening to the band and sucking down the lemonade, a strange sensation came over me. Usually I was not a hot weather person, but this extreme heat felt like a sauna, and as I got used to the sweat, I started feeling the stirrings of desire. My wife was here to hobnob with her friends, though, and I knew she would not be receptive at this place and time.