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Where’s My Head?

Category: Anal Sex
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“I’m not sucking your dick!” the hot redhead wearing the warbonnet screamed at the president of I Felta Thi.

“Well, I’m not giving you a ride home then, you snotty cock-teasing bitch,” he snapped. “There are plenty of other chicks here who will blow me and say, ‘Thank you, sir, for giving me the opportunity.’ You can walk home for all I care.”

The girl left the fraternity house in a huff. The Halloween party had turned into a drunken orgy, and she had no intention of sucking or fucking some frat rat. No, not this night. She hoped something far more exciting might happen. It was midnight. “It’s time,” she muttered out loud. “Time to turn into a pumpkin?” She tittered.

Unusually warm for late October, she hadn’t bothered with a coat to cover her skimpy Native American costume. Although she seriously doubted that Pocahontas actually wore such an extremely short faux-leather halter dress with lace-up sides and beaded fringe like she did. After she had strolled on the highway for about fifteen minutes, several cars going the opposite direction had passed her, but none were going her way. Finally, she saw the headlights. The vehicle looked large as it approached, like a truck perhaps.

She stuck out her thumb as the vehicle passed her. The motor home braked hard and pulled over to the berm. She ran up to the passenger side and peered in the open window where a very attractive woman sat who appeared to be in her mid-twenties and was wearing a pirate costume almost as skimpy as her own outfit. Her companion, a man, also wore a pirate costume.

The pirate girl opened the door and got out. “Ahoy! Where are you going?” she asked.

The Indian princess looked over the pirate girl intensely, admiring the red velvet double lace-up corset mini-dress trimmed in black. But it was the red swashbuckler hat with red satin bows and an ostrich feather that really got her attention.

“The next town,” the redhead answered. “Straight ahead a dozen miles.”

“We’ll give you a lift,” the pirate girl offered. “Hop in, matey.”

The redhead got in and sat next to the driver. The pirate girl sat next to her on the other side.

“So what famous pirate are you?” the redhead asked the man. “Blackbeard would be my guess.”

“Aye, you got it!” he replied with an enormous smile. “Edward Teach, that’s me, lassie. What gave me away? The beard?” The redhead stared at his long black beard tied in pigtails and adorned with black ribbons that covered most of his face and extended down to his waist. “Nobody ever had a black beard quite like Blackbeard, you know,” she offered knowingly.

“Yes, and I’m the meanest, nastiest, dirtiest, ugliest, baddest, pirate motherfucker who ever lived,” he insisted insolently. “I’ve had 14 wives, and they all ran away. But I caught the last one and ordered all my sailors to rape her.”

“Hey, don’t you know that it’s dangerous hitchhiking?” the pirate girl asked. “Why, you could get raped or something, or worse. I heard about this case last Halloween where this couple picked up a girl who was hitching a ride, and after they had their fun with her they . . .”

“They what?” the redhead inquired after the pirate girl paused.

“Are you sure you want to know? It’s really sick.”

“Yes, yes, tell me. Now I’m curious.”

“Well, let me just tell you this. The couple claimed to be descendants of Alexander ‘Sawney’ Bean who was born near Edinburgh during the time of King James. Sawny moved to County Galloway near the shore. He had many children and grandchildren, most the result of incest. To feed his big family he robbed travelers and the victims became sexual playthings for his tribe, and then they became dinner. They had so much meat they threw much of it away in the sea. Several limbs and body parts that washed up on the shore alarmed the local community and—”

“Stop it!” the trembling redhead screamed.

“Avast! Calm down, lassie,” the bearded one admonished. “You need to splice the mainbrace.”


“He means have some grog,” the pirate girl advised. She handed the redhead the bottle, and they passed it back and forth, imbibing.

The driver unexpectedly slowed down and made a right turn onto a dirt road.

“Hey, where are we going?” the redhead asked.

“You’re going to heaven,” the bearded one answered as he leered at her.

“Well, I have been a good girl,” the redhead agreed. “Most of the time, anyway.”

“Or maybe hell,” he continued. “Do you like anal sex?”

“Say what?” the redhead blurted.

“Your Indian name is pronounced POKE-A-HOT-ASS, right?”

“Edward, you’re scaring her!” the pirate girl chastised. “We don’t want this hot little number to freeze up on us, now do we?”

The pirate girl ran her hand up the redhead’s leg, from her knee to underneath the fringe of the little dress. “My my, your panties are quite moist. Wet, even.”

“Stop that!” the redhead objected.

“You’ll be begging for us not to stop real soon, bucco,” Blackbeard stated matter-of-factly. “I bet you do like it up that tight little aft of yours.”

“I want to get out!” the redhead insisted.

“Where’s my head?” he asked.

“What are you talking about?”

The pirate girl answered. “Edward Teach, also known as Blackbeard, was beheaded on November 21, 1718, at Oracoke Island, North Carolina. He had retreated to his favorite hideaway—called Teach’s Hole—for a wild pirate party that went on for several days. The Royal Navy got wind of it and captured him in a moment of vulnerability. The captors believed the only way to ensure that the infamous Blackbeard was dead was to remove his head. They hung the head from the bowsprit and threw the pirate’s body overboard. As the body hit the water, the head hanging from the bowsprit shouted, ‘Come on Edward.’ The headless body swam three times around the ship before sinking to the bottom. From that day to this, Blackbeard’s ghost has haunted Teach’s Hole, forever searching for his missing head. On nights when the wind is blowing inland, you can still hear Blackbeard’s ghost roaring, ‘Where’s my head?’ That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. I’d like to stick to you, babe.”

“Yeah, I know that story,” the redhead said, appearing to be a little less frightened.

The redhead had been looking at the pirate girl, and now she glanced back to the man. He had pulled down his pirate pants. No underwear. He was fondling his huge erect penis. “Like I said, wench, where’s my head?” He stopped the motor home.

“I think you better give him a blowjob,” the pirate girl cautioned, “if you ever want to get home in one piece. Blackbeard loves chopped liver, you know, especially if it belongs to a hot-to-trot foxy redhead.”


“Belay that talk! You’re going to shut the fuck up, Red,” Blackbeard retorted, “and breathe through your ears. But first I want to see your tits.”

“Yeah, let’s free those puppies,” the pirate girl agreed.

The pirate girl unbuttoned the top of the redhead’s halter dress. No bra.

“Nice hooters!” the bearded one exclaimed in admiration. “Maybe I’ll fuck those nice ripe melons before you polish my python of pleasure with your pretty painted lips. Nah, I’ll do that later.”

“I don’t think she’s a real Indian,” the pirate girl remarked. “Look, she has freckles.”

“Fuck the freckles,” he growled.

The man pulled her down on him, and the woman pushed her down on him. With both of them manipulating her head and prying open her mouth with their fingers, the redhead had little choice but to suck it. The fact that the she was gagging on the huge member only encouraged the pirate girl to push her head down harder on it. The redhead began to feel as though she were swallowing balls. All the while Blackbeard kept roaring in pleasure.

“Arrrrrrrr, shiver me timber! Arrrrrrr, you wench! Aye, aye, aye! Ohhhhh aye!”

The pirate’s pecker erupted in an explosion of milky man mustard. The redhead didn’t have much choice but to swallow as much as she could or choke because the pirate girl kept forcing her head down on the spunk-spurting one-eyed monster.

“Damn Red, that was good!” Blackbeard complimented. “Blimey! Best blowjob I ever had.”

The pirate girl looked at him with icy daggers of deep blue eyes.

“Well, maybe not the best,” he corrected himself. “Pirate girls give the best head. But you play the skin flute so good now we’ll rock your boat. My motto is ‘Put out or get out.’ But that’s only on my pirate ship, of course. Here on the boat with wheels we don’t throw you to the sharks. We are the sharks!” He guffawed manically.

The two dragged the redhead back to the bedroom of the motor home. They stripped her and secured her to the bed with the Bed Buckler Restraint System. “See how this is a quick and easy way to convert any regular mattress into a bondage playground?” the pirate girl offered. “A set of tethers slip under the mattress and the easy clip buckles connect to the restraining cuffs on your wrists and ankles.”

“Indians ate people, I’ll have you know, Red,” Blackbeard said with a leer. “In the Mohawk language, ‘Iroquois’ translates to ‘eaters of men.’ And like I said, you can really bite the bone, you hot little bitch.”

“But Pocahontas wasn’t an Iroquois,” the redhead protested.

“No matter, all Indian chicks love to smoke the pole, and they also love to munch the rug.”

“Aye, they do!” the pirate girl added.

“Do you know what the word for eating humans is?” Blackbeard asked


“No, not that. But to reiterate, you can swallow the pirate pork sword with the best.”

“Cunnilingus, then?” the redhead inquired.

“No lassie, but we’ll give you a go at that real soon. And if you don’t swab the deck as good as you polish the mast with your lips, your best parts will be in my lobster pot, a la Jeffrey Dahmer. The word for eating human flesh is anthropophagy, and begad, I’m hungry! Now I’m going to eat you and you are going to eat her.” He pointed at the pirate girl who quickly shed her costume.

Blackbeard licked his eyebrows. The redhead stared at his enormous tongue, which he wielded like a weapon. “I can’t wait to get a taste of that bearded clam. Look at how that little patch of red hair matches her head. Maybe I’ll scalp her down there.”

“Blackbeard, she’s the Indian. You’re a pirate, remember? Oh look, she’s so scared she peed the bed,” the pirate girl remarked disapprovingly.

“Use yer deadlights, matey. No, that’s not pee,” Blackbeard disagreed. “Our Indian princess is so hot that she’s dripping already.”

Blackbeard got between the redhead’s legs. He began to make little skull and crossbone designs on the inside of her thighs with the tip of his tongue. He nuzzled his face into her little red bush. She couldn’t help but strain to get her pussy closer to him. The piratical goober eater separated her pussy lips with his tongue. After she opened up he ran his tongue up and down between the layers of woman-flesh. She spread her legs further apart, and he began to eagerly tongue fuck her.

“Bad pirate, bad pirate,” she moaned.

Blackbeard began to roll her clit with his tongue. Her legs shuddered. He formed his lips into an “O” and began to suck on her clit.

“Oh you dirty motherfucking pirate . . . ohhh . . . ahhh . . . you are the nastiest, ugliest . . . baddest . . . ahhhh . . . ohhhh . . .” the redhead groaned as she began to squirm like crazy.

“Sit on her pretty face, matey,” Blackbeard ordered the pirate girl. She did. The pirate girl soon also began to squirm like crazy.

The next half hour could only be described as multi-orgasmic.

“Yo ho ho, now it’s time for Blackbeard to take the booty!” he yelled, stroking his now fully erect again monstrous member.

The two pirates undid the restraints and turned the redhead over and bound her again. They placed pillows under her until she was propped up into the desired position.

“Begad, now there’s a rosebud!” Blackbeard exclaimed with great glee. “Gangway! It’s time to pillage that poop deck!”

“Look, she even has freckles on that cute little behind,” the pirate girl commented with a snicker. “Our wild wench must have been frolicking in the nude.”

“Fuck the freckles!” Blackbeard snarled.

The redhead turned her head and watched Blackbeard spit on his hands. “Don’t you have any lube?” she screamed. “I’m an anal virgin!”

“Do you think they had lube back in Blackbeard’s day, lassie?” he responded, leering at her. “Yo ho ho, I think no. A little saliva will work just fine.”

Blackbeard began to lick her ass, and his incredible tongue found her hole. She jumped.

“Your beard is tickling me!” the redhead complained.

“No worries, POKE-A-HOT-ASS, I’ll use something else. But you didn’t whine about my beard while I was flipping your bean.”

Blackbeard began to use his fingers to probe in her hole. And then she felt somebody bigger than a finger and knew it was the head of his cock. “Uhhhhhhh,” she uttered, gritting her teeth.

“Where’s my head now, lassie?” He guffawed. “It’s right up your mighty fine arse. Ahoy!” he roared as his pushed it all the way in.

“Yeeooww!” she yelped. “I feel like I’m going to shit myself.”

“No worries,” he assured her, “I’ll pack your fudge real good, Red. You won’t have to worry about shitting for a week.” He turned to the pirate girl and commanded, “Matey, rub her clit and play with her nipples so she doesn’t think about the pain.”

Blackbeard began to attack her little pink hole like a jackhammer. She began to scream bloody murder, but soon she quieted down and merely whimpered and whispered over and over something about doing to others as they do unto you.

“She’s going to cum, Cap’n!” the pirate girl soon concluded. “I can tell.”

Suddenly the redhead yelled, “Harder! Fuck me harder!” And when Blackbeard did she could only mumble, “Ohhhhhhh . . . arrrrrrrrrgh . . . fuuuuuuuuuhhhhk . . .”

Blackbeard began to roar, “Arrrrrrrr, shiver me timber! Aye, aye aye! Ohhhhh aye!”

Just as the redhead began to orgasm, Blackbeard pulled out abruptly and blew his wad all over her ass and back. The pirate girl took Blackbeard’s position and licked up the cum and then ate the redhead from behind until she got off again.

Soon Blackbeard got behind the wheel of the motor home and began to drive once more. They approached the town the redhead had mentioned. “Well, here we are, lassie,” he said.

The redhead began to giggle. “Blackbeard, turn around and let me drive.” She showed him the strap-on harness with the big blue dildo attached that she had fetched from her large purse. “You be the hitchhiker this time, and I will plunder your pirate ass!”

“Aye aye, matey!” he exclaimed enthusiastically. “Your cap’n does indeed believe in the golden rule. But . . .”

“But what, Blackbeard? I want to ram it up your butt like you did mine!”

“Yo ho ho! But first, Red, we are going to stop at the drug store and buy some lube.”

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