The truth is, I want to be hurt.
The red plastic cup of beer in my hand is damp and sweating. The bass is pounding so loudly I can feel it vibrating inside my veins. My shirt is sticking to my skin along my spine, my skin tired and dewy and angry. God, I hate my life.
My head is spinning, but I’m not tired. I am so very, very alive. My pulse is buzzing and my fingers are twitching: I need to do something. Someone. I need this wild energy inside me to be calmed. I need this raw hatred to be sucked out of me. I am too angry. I am too alive—too alive for a girl who’s dead inside.
I brush my hair—long, glossy, the color of sunlight on water—out of my eyes and head to the bathroom to freshen up. It smells like vomit and sadness. I splash icy water on my wrists and wipe off the smudged mascara under my eyes. I look at the girl staring out of the mirror at me: enormous navy eyes smudged with inky kohl, a delicate half-teardrop nose, lips so full and flushed they don’t need lipstick, and luminescent milky skin. A pretty face. A face I despise. The body that goes with it is slender, with that same moonlit skin, long legs, a flat stomach, perky breasts, a smattering of small black tattoos. I hate it too.
I want to be hurt. I want my soul to feel as alive as my body.
I walk out of the bathroom, adjusting my short black leather skirt and look around at the hollow, paper-doll creatures that dance and laugh and flirt around me. I hate them.
I walk out into the cool, dark alley. The night wind greets my face like a slap. The chilly air rushes into my lungs like its trying to drown me. I throw my head against the wall a little too hard, hard enough to make my eyes water. Ugh. I need to get out of here. I need to go somewhere.
The quiet, nasty voice in the back of my mind perks up at the looming danger of the dark alley. I want to be hurt, it hisses again.
I start to walk. My shoes—caged leather booties with five inch heels—aren’t exactly cut out for the job: my feet are aching within minutes. I relish the pain. It distracts me from the pain in my head.
In the tiny, narrow street ahead, I see the glowing butts of lit cigarettes. Four of them. My body screams at me: danger, stop. I approach the figures easily.
Three men, probably not much older than my nineteen years. Handsome enough, wearing clothes that show that they care, but not too much. Eyes that are just a bit too alive. Perfect.
“Hey, baby,” one of them croons at me. His smile is crooked, devilish, disarming.
“Hey,” I gasp back, out of breath.
“What’s your name, kitten?”
“Pretty name for a pretty girl.”
I nod. I don’t want to talk. I want to be fucking hurt. I look around at the other men. Their faces are interested, a little lecherous.
“What’re you doing around here by yourself, baby?” It’s another man speaking. The tallest one.
“Yeah, it’s not safe here,” the blonde one chimes in.
“You might run into danger,” the first man finishes. His smile is predatory.
“I’ll be more careful,” I answer, although it’s a lie. My palms are sweating. I’m starting to wonder if I’m getting myself in over my head here.
The first man—the leader, the alpha—touches my cheek with the back of one of his hands. “Maybe we can take care of you, baby.”
“Maybe.” My voice is wary.
His hand trails down my neck and rests on my shoulder. “Do you know who walks these streets at night, love? Not nice girls.”
“No,” I agree.
“Whores,” he says. “Slutty little girls looking for men like us. Naughty girls. Are you a naughty girl, baby?”
“No,” I whisper.
“I bet you are,” the blonde man interjects.
“Let’s find out,” the tallest one suggests.
“Come on,” the blonde man urges. “Find out if she’s a naughty girl. Show us.”
“I’ll do it,” the blonde man offers, too eager. I’m trembling.
“Quiet.” Alpha shakes his head. “I’ll do it.” He turns back to me. “Come on, angel. Be a little naughty for us.”
“No.” I’m breathing hard. I want this. I don’t want this. My cheeks are flushed. My cunt is hot; my lace panties are soaking with the evidence of my excitement.
They’re all too close. I can smell aftershave, whiskey, peppermint gum, and sweat. The tall man steps behind me, so close I can feel the head of his body against my back. I’m surrounded. There’s no going back now.
The alpha’s hands grip my hips. He leans in and kisses the side of my neck. His stubble scratches my skin; his breath is hot and moist.
“Stop,” I order, but I don’t try to move.
“Shh, baby, shh.” The alpha runs a finger over my lower lip. “Be a good girl, now.” He moves his hands to the straps of my tank top and pulls them down my arms. My tits are on display, held up by my black-lace bra.
“Fuck,” the blonde moans appreciatively. He reaches forward and squeezes my tits in his hands, hard.
I push his hands away.
“Hold her,” the alpha orders. The man behind me holds my hands behind my back. The blonde man pulls my bra down, tucking it under my breasts. My nipples—small and pink as pencil erasers—stiffen in the cold air.
“Fuck, you’re sexy.” The alpha kisses my neck again, pushing the blonde man out of the way. He kisses his way across my chest, fondling my tits between rough fingers. He tugs at one of my nipples with his teeth, hard enough that it hurts a little.
Finally. More. With one hand, he twists and pulls at my other nipple, kneads my breast hard.
“Come on, come on,” the blonde man urges, impatient.
The man behind me is breathing quickly. I can feel his erection pressing against my ass. He grins it against me, lowers his mouth to my ear. “I’m gonna pound you so hard, baby. Feel how hard my cock is for you?” He licks my ear, tugs my earlobe between his teeth. I’m shivering. I’m so wet.
The alpha’s hands find my skirt and pulls it down roughly. They crow at the sight of my black lace panties, the shape of my mound, my pierced bellybutton.
“God, you’re hot,” the blonde whispers. I can see the bulge in his slacks, see the lust in his face.
I’m getting what I wanted, but I’m afraid. These men are so hungry. They’ll eat me alive. Good.
The alpha rubs his hand over my panties, surprised when they come away wet. “You’re soaking!” He laughs. “Jesus Christ, do you like this? Do you want us to fuck you like the dirty little whore you are, right here in this alley?”
He can see the answer in my eyes. I don’t bother saying no.
He pulls his jeans and underwear down. His cock springs forward: eight inches and thick, the veins standing out against his skin. A bead of precum is glistening at the tip of his mushroom head.
“Do you want my cock, baby?”
I shake my head no. Yes, I want it. Yes. Fuck me. Now.
“Yes, you do.” He pulls my panties down and thrusts two fingers up inside my cunt, moaning at the tight wetness of my cunt squeezing around his fingers. “You’re so tight. I’m going to stretch that tight little cunt wide open, baby.” He brings his cock between my legs, slides the tip of it over my clit. I moan.
The blonde man is bug-eyed. “What a slut.” There’s admiration in his voice.
The alpha thrusts his cock into my cunt in one fast motion. I cry out—he’s so big!—and the man behind me covers my mouth with his hand.
“There’s a better way to keep her quiet,” the blonde interjects. “Put her on her knees.”
The alpha pulls out, running the head of his cock over my clit again. I’m on fire. They push me down onto the cold concrete. I’m on my hands and knees, a whore in the alley. A toy. The alpha positions himself behind me, his hands hard on my ass cheeks. He shoves his cock into my cunt again, hard. I cry out. The blonde boy pulls his jeans down and drops to his knees. His cock is shorter and thicker, still huge, so red and hard it looks angry. He shoves his cock into my mouth so hard I gag.
The third man is stroking his cock—longer, thinner, a little curved—as he watches us. He watches my ass cheeks shake as the alpha drives his cock into my pussy, watches my tits bounce in the air, watches my eyes water as the blonde man holds my head and shoves his cock down my throat. I can’t breathe.
My pussy is throbbing. I’m choking, gagging, slobbering all over the blonde man’s cock. He’s grinning wildly.
“You’re so fucking tight,” the alpha moans delightedly. His hands are squeezing my ass so hard I know he’s leaving bruises. He lets go to spank me, hard. “Ungh!” I moan against the blonde man’s cock. I love being spanked. My clit is quivering.
The blonde man pulls his cock out of my mouth and slaps me with it, hard. My eyes are watering. I’m crying out. I’m not even aware of where I am anymore. It’s just sex, just feelings. I can’t think. It’s heaven.
The alpha reaches forward and grabs my tits, using them as handles while he fucks me. I scream out with pain, the sound muffled my the blonde man’s balls in my face. His cock is buried deep in my throat. “Lick my balls!” he orders. Obediently, I stick out my tongue, licking his balls as best I can with his cock filling my mouth. “Fuck, that’s good.” He’s shaking. He’s going to cum. He pulls out, showers my face with hot, sticky, salty liquid. He runs his softening cock across my lips, pats the top of my head. “Good girl!” he hums, grinning.
The last man takes his place, shoving his cock into my tired mouth. Behind me, the alpha is still slamming into my cunt, his cock stretching my pussy tight around him. He pulls out, sending spurts of creamy liquid all over my ass. “God, that’s beautiful, baby,” he shouts, slapping my ass again.
The tall man pulls his cock out of my mouth and forces me onto my back. He pushes his cock into my mouth again that way; his balls are pressed against my forehead.
The blonde man pushes one, then two fingers into my cunt. “What a hot cunt,” he whistles. He explores my pussy lips, my clit, his little finger sliding across my tight pink asshole. He pushes the tip of his finger inside. I yelp with protest.
“Every had this hole fucked, slut?” he asked. I shook my head wildly, mumbling “No’s” around the tall man’s cock.
“You’re about to,” he informs me coolly.
The blonde man leans down and licks my clit in careful little circles, his tongue darting down my slit. I’m trembling. God. Without warning, his hot tongue slips down to my asshole, licking circles around my little virgin rosebud. He presses his face right up against my ass, forcing his tongue inside. I’m squirming, gasping, shocked, and wanting.
The tall man stops fucking my mouth as if the blonde man was giving him an idea. He shifts forward. “Lick me ass.”
“No!” I’m gasping for breath already. “No.”
The alpha man reaches under me, slaps each of my tits hard. “Go on,” he demands, angry. “Do what he says!” He pinches and pulls my nipples, so hard I’m struggling not to cry. He moves up and shoves my face down, pressing my face between the tall man’s ass cheeks. Finally, I let my tongue dart out, circling the man’s asshole the way the blonde man is circling mine. The tall man moans delightedly as the alpha presses my face deeper into his ass.
“Ugh, yeah, stick your dirty little tongue up my ass!” I try to obey, stiffening my tongue and forcing it into his tight hole. He’s wriggling with delight, his cock throbbing between his hands. “God, that’s so hot, so fucking hot.”
The blonde man presses his middle finger into my ass, then adds a second and a third. My asshole is burning. There’s no way I can take any of these cocks ion there. There’s no way.
The blonde man spits on his cock and spits on my asshole. He presses his mushroom tip against my rosebud and pushes in—too fast, too fast!—I’m screaming. My asshole must be tearing. Oh god, oh god, oh god. He moves out a little and then back in, slowly stretching my ass around himself.
“She’s so tight,” he marvels.
Tears are streaking my cheeks. The tall man presses his ass down hard, taking my breath away. My tongue licks his asshole furiously: if I don’t make him cum, I’m afraid I’m going to suffocate. He cums all over my tits, the hot liquid burning swirling patterns across my nipples. He slides off of me. “God you’re hot.”
I gasp for breath, but the alpha is already pushing his cock into my mouth. “My turn, baby. Suck me hard.” I obey him quickly, stretching my lips wide to accommodate his girth. He thrusts deep into my throat, his hand forcing my chin up. “Look at me, while you’re sucking me,” he orders.
I look at him.
The tall man begins fingering my clit as the blonde man fucks my ass and the alpha fucks my mouth. It’s so intense, being fucked from both sides. I’m so degraded. I hate it. I love it.
The alpha pulls out of my mouth and forces his body under mine, shoving his enormous swollen cock into my pussy again. I scream: I’m too full. I’m so full. The tall man is watching, practically drooling. “I want you again,” he grins to me, “but shit, I have to piss.”
The blonde man, balls deep in my ass, looks up. “Piss on her!”
The tall man stands over me. “Open your mouth.”
Cringing, I open my mouth. He begins to piss immediately, filling my mouth so I choke and sputter. Trails of piss leak down my cum-covered tits and into my hair. When I’m really coughing, he switches to my hair, soaking it with piss.
The blonde man shouts and slams into my ass, filling me with his cum and then pulling out. My asshole is gaping and burning, trying to shrink to its normal size.
The alpha strokes my clit as he fucks me, pushing me closer and closer to an orgasm. He’s talking the whole time: “I know you want to cum, baby. Let go. Cum for me. You’re going to be thinking about this later, aren’t you? It’ll make you cum then too, won’t it?”
Shivering, shaking, I can’t hold it back. I cum explosively, my pussy clutching his cock and squeezing it so tightly it pushes him over the edge too: he fills my pussy up with cum and pulls out.
I’m shaking, tired, humiliated, as they gather up their clothes and walk away. But I’m also… calm. Satisfied. The rage within me is quiet. For now.