Loading...Oh, God! I just wanted to hide! I wished with all my heart that the Earth would just open up and swallow me. This must be a dream. How could I have ever gotten myself into a situation like this?
Tawdry! Unseemly!
Look at them out there. Four young men dressed in their work jeans and boots leaned on their picks and shovels – Boys, really. They were all in their late teens or early twenties. Each was shirtless on this unexpectedly hot and humid day in early September. The sun gleamed off of their youthful sweaty bodies.
Jerry was the oldest at twenty-four and the other three were standing around him and listening with what appeared to be almost hero worship. I couldn’t hear what was being said as I peered out from between the curtains of my bedroom, but I had a pretty good idea.
The three younger men (I never did learn their names) each listen wide eyed. Every now and then one or another would glance at the house and I swear that I could feel their eyes penetrating these very walls. I never felt so vulnerable and exposed in all my life.
In a way I suppose my sister is the one to blame for this mess that I now find myself in. I had come to the house on Loon Lake to spend a nice quiet, peaceful week before returning to my job as a fourth grade teacher. The home has been in our family since my grandfather purchased it almost sixty years ago. Everyone in the family took turns vacationing here and I always cherished the time that I could spend here.
Unfortunately for me, the reason that I was able to get the camp on this particular week was because my uncle had decided that the leach field needed replacing and he had hired a crew to come in and dig up the entire back yard and take care of the problem before the cold weather set in.
With the workers here it wasn’t as peaceful as I would have liked, but I was still enjoying my stay. I spent most of the days down at our dock soaking up the sunshine and devouring a bag full of romance novels that I had brought with me or writing in my private journal. There was a boat tied to the dock for our use, but I was always afraid that the motor would act up on me and leave me stranded and helpless out on the lake. For me, it was much safer to just relax on my lounge chair on the dock and not take any chances.
On the day before my vacation was to end my sister came to visit. Meg was ten years younger than my forty-three years. People who knew us were always surprised to learn that we were only separated by ten years. Meg was always the more beautiful and her vibrant, bubbly personality made it seem as if she were much younger.
I suppose that I was always a bit jealous of my youngest sister. She was so full of life that people naturally gravitated to her. She had always had tons of friends and more boyfriends than anyone could ever keep track of. I wished that I had been born with just an ounce of the self confidence and nerve that she had in such abundance.
I’m not saying that I had an unhappy childhood at all. Being the oldest of seven, my parents were always much more strict on me. I guess they were just too worn out to enforce so many rules by the time that Meg came around.
To be fair, it wasn’t my parents’ strictness that had made me the way I am. I was always naturally quiet and more serious. I had friends while I was growing, but I was never Miss Popular. Dating? That was something that was forbidden by my parents. There were a few boys that I had kind of liked, but I could never allow any of them to get too close because I knew my parents would not approve.
The first date that I ever had was for my Senior Ball. Jimmy Martin had taken me to the dance and I remember feeling so grown up in my pretty dress. After the dance, we had parked near the lake. We made out for a while and that was really nice. However, when Jimmy had started getting a little too forward, I called a halt to the evening and asked him to take me home.
I can still see the look of disappointment and even a hint of anger in his eyes when I rebuffed him. I knew what other girls did with their dates after the Ball and I have to admit that a small part of me was curious. But I couldn’t take the chance. I would always hear my mother’s favorite condemnation when discussing matters of sex —
Tawdry! Unseemly!
I had several serious relationships through the years. I lost my virginity with Richard Haskins during my college years. He had been my first real boyfriend. It had been awkward and embarrassing. I pretended to really enjoy it, but after a few attempts, Richard left me and started dating a French major with long legs and an apparent dislike of bras.
Richard had been followed by Stephen Gelph. I started dating Stephen in my senior year and I really believed he was “the one”. We were very serious about each other and had talked about getting married. I gave my heart to him completely and I could not imagine a future without him. My world came crashing down around me when we got the news that Stephen was killed in an automobile accident.
I retreated into my shell and it was the darkest period of my life. I didn’t date again for another seven years. I felt that to do so would have been a betrayal to Stephen’s memory and I just couldn’t allow myself to do that. Instead, I threw myself into my teaching career.
Eventually, I met a fellow teacher, Scott Gregory. He was five years older than my 31 years of age and had been married once before. We used to laugh about it being the longest courtship of all time. It started out as a nodding acquaintance that slowly gave way to a shy smile and the occasional exchange of a few words. Only later did it progress to the point where he would stop by my classroom after school where we would sit and discuss our days.
We finally started seeing each other outside of school and I felt for the first time Stephen’s death that I was starting to rejoin the living world. Naturally, as our relationship deepened it led to making love. This was a huge step for me and I have to admit to being too private of a person to share my innermost feelings. I knew that it was wrong to withhold my fears, but I just could never find a way to let them out.
We had sex many times, but I never really let myself go while making love. I still felt as if I was somehow betraying Stephen and the love that we had for each other. I always held myself back. I was accommodating and I “oohed and ahhed” in all the right places. However, accommodating and mechanical is hardly the attributes that one looks for in a lover.
Scott never said so, but my inability to allow myself to let go was what led to our breaking up. He, naturally, started to withhold part of himself from our relationship and we slowly grew apart.
Then came the call that my father had had a stroke. It was out of love, but also my sense of duty that I made the decision to move back to my hometown so that I could help my mother in taking care of my father. The fact that this move would all but seal me off from the rest of the world was never a thing that I consciously thought about and I would have argued vehemently if anyone had ever suggested it. However, moving back to a town of 300 people definitely had that effect.
So, here I was at the ripe old age of forty-three, a single woman who had had a grand total of three lovers in her life and no prospects at all on the horizon. But I wouldn’t say that I was unhappy. I loved my job and the town in which I lived. I wouldn’t have traded anything for the chance to help my mother in caring for my father until a second stroke had taken his life.
I had pretty much given up on finding that one grand love. Stephen had been that to me and my heart would always belong to him. Friends and family had set me up on dates on a few occasions. I always complied, but for the most part the dates were awkward and completely lacking any spark.
I was a normal, healthy adult female who had all of the same desires as any other normal, healthy adult female. My romance novels and my journal were my main outlets in matters of sex. Often I would find myself caught up in some of the steamier scenes —
Tawdry!
– in the books and I would masturbate as I imagined myself as the heroine. That may sound sad to you, but I had long ago come to accept this as a perfectly healthy way of relieving those feelings of longing.
My journal was an even more private matter. I had always kept journals since the time that I was a little girl. For someone who was very introverted and who found it difficult to ever share her innermost thoughts and feelings, my journals were a place that I could express them —
Unseemly!
– without ever having to face any recrimination or disapproval. No one was ever permitted to read the things that I recorded there and I was always careful to keep it locked away. These thoughts were my own and were not to be shared with another living soul.
On the last full day of my stay at the cabin my sister, Meg, came to visit. We hadn’t seen each other in nearly a year and I hadn’t realized how much I missed her until she had called and said she was coming up. I smiled to myself as I saw her climbing out of her Jeep Liberty. She was already talking a mile a minute and practically bouncing with all of her energy.
I walked out onto the porch as she bounded up the steps. We gave each other a big hug and I was instantly so glad to see her. As always, she looked gorgeous. Marriage, the third time around, seemed to be agreeing with her. Arm in arm we walked inside the cabin and plopped ourselves down on the comfy sofa.
Although it had been almost a year since we had seen each other, it was as if it had been only yesterday. Meg was so excited as she told me all about her new life. I found myself again a bit jealous of my little sister as I listened to her and saw the fire and energy that she possessed in such abundance.
She brought out her pictures of my niece and nephew, both of whom I absolutely adore. She had me in stitches as she described some of the antics that they had been up to. Seeing how excited and full of love she was when talking about her children made my heart ache. I had never shared this thought with another soul, but not having children was the one big regret of my life.
We talked and drank Diet Cokes for the longest time. After a while we went for a walk down by the dock and sat in the sunshine. Eventually there came a lull in our conversation and that is when Meg almost shyly asked me about my love life.
“To tell you the truth, Meg, I’m always so busy with my job that who has time for a love life?”
It was a well practiced answer that was usually (and correctly) interpreted by others that this was not a subject I was comfortable with at all. Meg was quiet for a few minutes and I thought that I was clear of this hurdle. Then she turned to me and took my hand.
“San, I love you more than anyone in the world. You know that, don’t you?”
I smiled, nodded, and shifted uncomfortably.
“I wish so much that you would get out there a little more. I know how much you have to offer and I want to see you happy.”
I looked out over the lake, not wanting to make eye contact and simply said, “Meg, I know you care. Its — Its just not as easy for me as it is for you.”
Meg laid her head on my shoulder and I tilted my cheek until it rested against her hair as she said, “San, I only wish that for just once you could see yourself through someone else’s eyes. You’ve never seen yourself as someone with so much to offer. You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re pretty.”
I laughed at that last remark. Meg has been the lucky one our family. I was enough of a realist to accept that. I didn’t think I was hideous or anything, but I also knew that I wasn’t a ravishing beauty either. We sat in silence for a while and it felt so nice to have my kid sister here with me and to feel the sunshine on our faces.
Our reverie was cut short by a growl coming from Meg’s stomach. She jumped to her feet and said, “Oh, no! It’s the dreaded Loon Lake Monster!”
I laughed at our old family joke and played along. I too jumped to my feet and screamed, “Run for your lives!”
We ran, giggling back up towards the cabin. It was perhaps the most carefree moment that I had since my time with Stephen and it felt so good to run along the dock like a lunatic. We headed back up towards the cabin so that I could scramble us up some lunch.
As I busied myself throwing together a salad for our lunch, Meg was rummaging around in the liquor cabinet and pouring herself a drink. She didn’t even bother offering to pour one for me because she knew that drinking in the middle of the day was just something that I would never do.
“Oh my God, San!”
I came out into the living room to see what it was that had grabbed her attention. She was standing in front of the large picture window that looked out over the back yard. She was sipping at her drink absent mindedly as she stared out the window. I came over to join her, still puzzled at her exclamation.
“Would you just look at these incredible specimens of manhood? I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
I should have known. She may be married again at the moment, but nothing ever stopped my little sister from always being on the lookout for any good looking man. I simply said, “That’s the work crew that Uncle Pete hired. They’ve been at it all week long.”
“You sneaky devil, you!”, Meg replied, “You’ve been up here all week with those young hunks around and you never called me?”
“Meg, they’re just doing their job. They’ve been working real hard. Besides, I’m old enough to be their mother.”
I went back into the kitchen to bring out our salad and some plates. When I returned Meg was still at the window and seemed to be lost in her thoughts. Finally she gave a laugh and said, “Maybe it’s a good thing that you didn’t call me. Uncle Pete probably wouldn’t be too happy if he was paying good money and the only thing getting worked on was me!”
I shook my head and was a little perturbed that Meg was showing no signs of ever settling down. However, she came over and joined me and we had a very pleasant lunch. I didn’t say anything when Meg refilled her glass even though I wished she wouldn’t drink so much.
Afterwards, we were lounging on the sofa talking when Meg spied the latest book that I was reading. It was another of my silly romance novels called The Forbidden Duchess. I had completely forgotten that it was even there.
She snatched it up before I could grab it away and asked teasingly “What is this that my prim and proper big sister is reading?”
She opened the book up and started reading aloud, ‘His breath was hot in her ear as he repeatedly thrust his loins into her waiting womanhood’. My God, San! You really need to get laid!”
She giggled as I took the book from her. “You would have to pick the one dirty part, wouldn’t you?”
I placed the book out of her reach but I could feel that my face was beet red. Meg said, “Don’t be so embarrassed, sis. It’s certainly no worse than the soap operas that mom and Aunt Margaret used to watch.”
After a short pause, Meg piped up, “So, I’ve been doing all the talking all afternoon. Now it’s your turn. Whose loins have been thrusting into your womanhood lately? And I won’t let you not answer me this time.”
Now, I could feel my face turning even brighter red. “Meg, don’t talk like that”.
“I’m sorry. But really sis, has there been anyone in your life lately?”
This was clearly a subject that I was not comfortable with. Just as clearly, Meg wasn’t going to let it go so easily this time. She went on, “Sandra, you’re still an attractive woman. Surely there must be some man that has shown at least a little interest?”
“I’ve been on a few dates”, I lied, “You know what its like in that town and how people like to talk.”
Meg gave a sad grin. “I knew it” was all she said.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked.
“Nothing. I shouldn’t be opening my big mouth”
Her remark had made me angry and I couldn’t let it go. “No, Meg. I want to know exactly what you meant.”
She tried to wait me out. When she realized that I wasn’t going to let it go, she finally said, “I would bet everything that I own that you haven’t taken that boat out once while you’ve been here, have you?”
I was taken aback by her seemingly nonsensical answer. Meg continued, “And the reason I know this is because to take the boat out you would be taking a chance that it didn’t break down. I know you, Sandra. You never do anything that requires a risk.”
I broke our eye contact and didn’t know what to say. I blurted out, “I’m sorry that I’m not like you, Meg. I’m sorry that it disappoints you that I actually think before I do something.”
Meg reached out and took my arm. “I’m sorry, sis. It’s not that I am judging you. I’m proud of you. I only wish that sometimes I had some of the sense that you do. It’s just that I love you and I want to see you happy.”
I looked at her and could see that she meant what she said. “No. I’m the one that is sorry. I shouldn’t overreact like that.”
We gave each other a hug and got up to take our dishes back into the kitchen. Nothing further was said by either of us on the subject for the rest of the afternoon. Finally, around four o’clock, Meg said that she had better get going. We hugged again and promised that we would get together more often.
As she drove away, I felt the loss almost immediately. Suddenly, I was more than ready to end my week and get back to the real world. I went back into the cabin and began tidying things up. While I was straightening the cabin I thought about the things that my sister had said. I had to admit to myself that she was probably right about me never taking any chances. I also realized that at forty-three years of age, my chances of suddenly changing my entire character were almost non-existent.
I retrieved my secret journal from upstairs and settled down at the old desk in the living room. I may not be able to change the way I live my life, but while writing in my journal I could be as daring as I wanted to be. Maybe it was all the talk about sex that I had with Meg, but today my writing was a bit more erotic than my usual jottings.
I was thinking about what Meg had said about the four young men toiling in the backyard. I know I had seemed cool in my response to her. The truth was that I had indeed noticed the four of them. In fact I had secretly watched them many times during the week. During the afternoons it would always get pretty hot and they invariably removed their shirts as they worked.
Tawdry!
After a while I noticed that had stopped writing completely. Instead I discovered that I had been staring out of the window at the four of them as they worked. I don’t know how long I had been staring. Suddenly, I noticed that one of them was not doing any work. What he was doing was leaning on his shovel and he was staring intently back at me.
As if I had been hit with a cold bucket of water, my wits came rushing back to me and I was more than a bit flustered. I looked away quickly and got up from the desk. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing, but I knew that it must have seemed as if I had been purposely staring at them.
Unseemly!
I knew that they would be ending their day shortly and I didn’t want to chance any confrontation with them after what must have seemed like my very brazen behavior. I went upstairs and decided to take a shower. I figured that by the time I came out they would have packed up and gone home. This was to be my last night at the cabin and I would be gone by the time that they appeared the next morning to begin work again.
I moved over to the curtains in the master bedroom to make sure that I would be safe from any prying eyes. As I reached to shut them I paused and looked down at the four of them again. Three of them were still working as always. The fourth, the one who had been staring back at me, was clearly only going through the motions of working.
I noticed that he kept sneaking glances into the house. Was he looking for me? What in the world could be going through his mind?
As I looked down at him I took notice of the tattoos that covered a great deal of his upper torso. It was difficult to make out from this angle and this distance, but it looked as if his shoulders and upper chest had some kind of southwestern design. The only thing that I could make out clearly was what looked like a cow’s skull with horns. His right forearm had some sort of snake winding its way over his tight muscles. His left bicep was decorated with a twisted strand of barbed wire. The last tattoo covered his stomach and was the hardest to make out. It looked to me to be a dragon and was quite detailed.
I had never had any inclination to get a tattoo. I had heard that it was quite painful. I couldn’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would willingly subject themselves to the amount of tattooing that this young man had. I had spent a lifetime wanting nothing more than to blend in and not be noticed. Mr. Tattoo, however, must be the sort that fancies himself as being worthy of the center of attention.
Before I got caught again in another compromising position, I shut the curtain and headed towards the shower. I discarded my clothing along the way and reached in to turn on the water and adjust the temperature. As I stepped inside I was immediately engulfed in the warm cascade of water. I closed my eyes and just luxuriated in the heavenly feel of the hot water.
With all the talk and thinking about sex today, perhaps I should have been taking a cold shower. Without even thinking about it my hands started wandering along my neck and collar bones. I was thinking about how that young man had been staring at me from the backyard. I was also thinking that Meg had no idea how close to the truth she had been. The fact was that I was very, very lonely. It was a truth that I tried my hardest to keep even from myself.
I’ve never believed in kidding myself. I knew that I was not some young, shapely sex kitten by any stretch of the imagination. At the age of forty-three my hips had become larger than I was comfortable with. I was not fat by any means. But, there was certainly more padding there than in my younger days.
My fingers drifted down from my collar bones to the tops of my breasts. I was not overly endowed in that area. I wore a 34B cup and I don’t think any man had ever lost any sleep imagining what he might do if he ever got underneath my blouse. If he had managed to get that far he might have been in for a big surprise.
My fingers made their way to my nipples. My nipples! They had been a curse to me since I hit puberty. When erect (as they were now) they extended out over half an inch and were as thick around as my pinky finger. I had spent my entire life being embarrassed because they were nearly impossible to keep hidden. Very early on I had taken to always wearing layers of clothing and always capped off with a sweater or jacket to hide them away.
In addition to being overly large they were also extremely sensitive. That was why I had always taken such pain to make sure they were safely concealed. One day in high school, I hadn’t been careful enough. I had been walking down a hallway while a delivery was being made at the same time. When the cold air from outside hit me you can probably guess what happened. Someone tagged me with the nickname, “Bullets” and it was the source of so much pain and embarrassment to me from that day onward.
My fingers started to roll my nipples in the shower —
Tawdry!
– and I rocked unsteadily on my feet. I remembered the first time that I had allowed Richard to remove my top. I was so nervous, almost shaking in trepidation. His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets! He stopped doing anything else and just stared. I was laying there thinking that he must think I’m some sort of freak! When he finally returned to his senses, he couldn’t stop telling me how beautiful I was. He touched them so tenderly and lovingly. It was the first time that I wasn’t completely ashamed of my body and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him for that.
The hot water hitting my skin and the caressing of my nipples had me on fire now. My right hand dipped down and moved through my pubic hair.
Unseemly!
I wasted little time in finding my clitoris. My nub was already hard and begging for attention. I wiggled my finger back and forth causing me to emit a low moan.
You really need to get laid!
I kept up a steady rhythm and soon my hips were making small thrusting motions against my fingers. I could feel my orgasm rising within me. At this moment this was something that I really needed. I let out a louder moan and swayed uneasily as my orgasm swept through me. My body convulsed as wave after glorious wave washed over me.
I was still breathing heavily as my mind began to come back into focus. I allowed myself a few more seconds to enjoy the hot spray from the showerhead. Then I got about the business of washing and shampooing my hair. When I finally stepped out of the shower I felt more in control of myself than I had since Meg had discovered my book earlier in the day.
I decided that I was going to enjoy the final night of my stay. There was a bottle of one of my favorite wines in the liquor cabinet and I thought I might a well have a glass or two and bask in the last of the peace and quiet that I knew would come to a screeching halt as soon as I returned to work when the school year began. I slipped on a pair of my panties and donned a long, soft silk robe and headed downstairs.
I made my way over to the bar area and found the bottle of wine that I had spied earlier. I took a quick glance out the back window and noticed that the yard was now thankfully empty. Did I feel relief or regret? I would think about that later. Now it was my time to unwind and enjoy my last night in this cabin that I had always loved so much.
I gave a jump and nearly dropped the bottle from my hands when I heard, “I hope you don’t mind me making myself at home.”
I spun around and there was the insolent young man who had been staring in through the window earlier. He was seated on the sofa shirtless; still wearing his dirty jeans and no shoes. I stammered, “Wha- What are you doing in here?”
“I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to scare you out of your wits. My buddy called and said that he was going to be late picking me up and I didn’t think you’d mind if I came inside to wait after slaving in the sun all day.”
I clutched the robe about me and left my arms up, covering my breasts. “I am not your ‘babe’ and you haven’t been ‘slaving’ away for me,” I said, “My uncle was the one who hired you. I don’t remember anything being said about you having the run of the house either”.
My uninvited visitor smiled and said, “My apologies, ma’am. Can we start again? My name is Jerry Langston and would you be so kind as to let me wait inside your lovely home until my ride arrives?”
Its funny how a lifetime of having manners pounded into your head will make you do things without even thinking that you know you shouldn’t. Since he had introduced himself, I instinctively said, “I’m Sandra Perkins” and I held out my hand.
Jerry rose from the sofa and started across the room. As he walked towards me my eyes couldn’t help being drawn to the various tattoos that covered his arms and body. He took my hand in his much larger and rougher hand and shook it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sandra Perkins.”
I looked down at our hands and quickly took in the tattoo of the snake writhing around his thickly muscled forearm. Jerry said, “I’m sorry. Did I interrupt any plans that you had for this evening?”
“No”, I replied, “I was just about to pour myself a glass of wine and relax.”
“That sounds like a pretty wonderful plan”, he said. His voice had a deep timbre to it that was most pleasant to hear.
“Would you care for a glass?”, I asked. Those damn manners again!
“Only if you let me pour”, was his answer. He took the bottle from my hands and poured us each a glass of chardonnay. I took the glass from him and we walked back into the living room.
I took a seat in the chair opposite the sofa while he settled back into the place where I had first noticed him. Luckily there was a pillow which I held upright on my lap to try and preserve as much modesty as I could considering that I was practically naked under the robe. My blood froze as I saw my journal on the end table next to his right arm. I didn’t remember moving it there from the desk, but I had been so flustered at being caught staring out the window at him at the time that I really couldn’t be sure.
There was an awkward moment of silence. In my nervous state I drank my wine much faster than I normally would. Finally Jerry asked if I would be staying at the cabin much longer.
“No”, I said, “this is my last night here. I will be leaving early tomorrow morning to return to work.”
Jerry smiled and replied, “Yeah, I’m not going to be around here much longer myself. Monday I’m heading to California. I have a cousin in Los Angeles that has been after me to move out there. He said there was plenty of work to be had.”
I asked him a few questions about his move and he answered them quite excitedly. Without my saying anything he reached across the distance between us and poured me a second glass of wine. He told me that he had always dreamed of moving out of this small town and he was looking forward to everything that California had to offer. As he talked (and as I drank) I couldn’t help but take a closer look at those incredible tattoos.
I also noticed that he had hardly touched his wine after his first couple of sips. I said, “You don’t seem to be much of a wine drinker. Can I offer you something else?”
“A cold beer would be wonderful if you have one”, he replied.
I told him that there was some in the fridge. I rose and went into the kitchen to get one for him. There was a small mirror attached to the front of the refrigerator with a small caption below it that said “Look who’s eating again”. I took a minute to look at my reflection and fiddle with my hair that was now a complete mess. I stopped what I was doing and just looked at myself in the mirror and thought to myself, “What in the world are you doing?”
There was another thought there as well. Though I never would have given voice to it, there was a small part of me that had to admit that it was nice to be sharing the company of a man again. Was it so wrong to think this way, to actually enjoy having a man (even a total stranger) show some interest in me? A man who was moving a continent away and whom I would never see again?
Tawdry!
I took another long drink of my wine and opened the refrigerator to get his beer. As I spun around I almost jumped out of my skin as I bumped into Jerry. He had come into the kitchen without me hearing him. I accidentally spilled a bit of my wine on his chest in my clumsiness. He just stood there over me with that sly grin on his face.
“I’m so sorry! I’m such a klutz”, I stammered, “look at the mess I’ve made!”
In my flustered state I did the first thing that came to mind. I reached my hand up to his bare chest and tried to wipe up the spilled wine.
The young man stood his ground and simply said, “Oh, I think I’ll live.”
I was still feeling so stupid. I blurted out, “You must think I’m a complete imbecile”.
Jerry replied, “No, not at all”. He paused for a moment and then added, “I know of a way that you can make it up to me”.
“What’s that”, I asked.
“I think you owe me a kiss for dumping your drink all over me. That’s the least you could do.”
I thought for a minute that my mind must be playing tricks on me. Did I really hear him right? I tried to make my mouth work, but no words would come out. What should I do?
In my hesitation, Jerry took the initiative and slowly lowered his lips to mine. I was totally unprepared for his action and my lips lay flat as he kissed me. He must think I’ve never kissed anyone before in my whole life! I tried to redeem myself by at last puckering my lips.
I never would have admitted this to anyone, but for a moment I felt like I was in heaven. I, Sandra Perkins, was kissing some complete stranger almost half my age while wearing nothing but this thin silk robe and a pair of panties! I knew this was wrong —
Unseemly!
– and I started to raise my hands (still clutching my glass of wine and his bottle of beer) to push him away.
Just then the sound of a motorboat out on the lake came to my ears. A remembrance of something Meg had said earlier in the day flashed across my mind.
“You haven’t taken that boat out once since you’ve been here, have you? You never take chances”
Again I hesitated. In my hesitation, Jerry reached up and tried to take the wine glass and the bottle of beer from my hands. My brain was so addled that I didn’t let go of them. He placed them high up over my head on top of the refrigerator, then held my hands in place over my head. As he did this his body pushed against mine. I felt as though a flame had been ignited inside me as his hard, young body pinned me against the door of the refrigerator.
Jerry broke our kiss and looked at me with lust filled eyes. He must have seen a look in my eyes that was telling him that I had been lonely for far too long. His lips descended on mine once again. This time was more prepared. This time our lips came together in hunger.
Forgive me, Stephen!
A soft moan escaped me as our lips ground against each other’s. When I felt his tongue touching my lips, I opened them willingly. He released my hands and wrapped his arms around my waist. My hands came down to rest upon his tattooed shoulders. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ever kissed me like this. I also couldn’t remember ever letting myself totally go like I was doing now. My body was on fire and I needed this young man like I’ve never needed anything before.
His strong hands pulled me tight against his naked chest. I could feel the warmth of his skin easily through the thin material of the silk robe. Subconsciously I began to writhe against him, greedily seeking all of the stimulation that I could get.
Jerry’s right hand moved from my hip up to close around my breast. Fireworks were going off in my head as his fingers gently squeezed my nipple causing it to become fully erect. I could feel a subtle change in Jerry’s posture as he felt my body react. He changed his grip a few times as if in surprise.
He broke our kiss once again and raised his hands to the front of my robe. Grasping the edges of the opening, he pulled it slowly open. I stood there totally exposed to his gaze from the waist up.
Very slowly he said, ” Oh….my…..god” and then looked me in the eye. Sandra, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.”
What woman wouldn’t want to hear that? After nearly a lifetime of being ashamed of my body this man was telling me that I’m beautiful? His lips once again moved in to take possession of mine. As he kissed me his hands moved to each of my breasts and eagerly pinched and rolled my sensitive nipples.
I willingly opened my lips to accept his tongue with a moan. I arched my back to press my breasts more firmly into his rough hands. I could feel the cords of the muscles in his powerful shoulders as I clung to him. My ten years of self-imposed solitude was roiling up inside me and now burned so bright that I thought it may consume me.
I felt a deep moan, almost a growl, come from Jerry’s lips as our kiss continued. I gave myself over to him completely. It felt so wonderful to be kissed by a man again after so many years. I didn’t want it to ever end.
Eventually, he did break our kiss. He moved his lips to the side of my neck and eagerly feasted on the soft flesh that he found there. My breathing had become pretty ragged and I was moaning almost constantly now. I looked down as my fingers traced the images of flames that were tattooed on his shoulders.
Jerry’s lips kissed a trail from my neck along my delicate collar bone. I could feel the cool surface of the refrigerator against my back through the thin silk material. His fingers never stopped rolling and teasing my nipples and I was in such ecstasy that I thought I might have an orgasm from this alone.
Suddenly, Jerry dropped to his knees before me. I looked down at him as he took a moment to stare at my naked breasts. Then his head moved forward and his lips wrapped around the nipple of my left breast. I held his head to me lovingly and moaned, “Oh, yes.”
He used his lips and teeth to pull at my nipple. The things he was doing to me felt so wonderful. Just when I thought I couldn’t stand it for an instant more, he switched to my other breast. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head as he again sent me into orbit with his talented mouth.
All too soon (at least to me) he released my nipple from his lips and slowly drew himself back up to a standing position. I felt the sense of loss immediately, but he didn’t give me time to dwell on that notion. His lips moved in to kiss me deeply again. I reached my left arm up to circle his neck as out tongue once again eagerly sought each other’s out.
He wrapped his left arm around my shoulders and his right hand began to trace along the curves of my body. He started from my shoulders and slowly worked his way down to my hip. After about four or five such circuits, his hand moved lower. I gave a small jump as I felt his rough hand cup my womanhood
My breathing had become so heavy by this time that I had to break our kiss. I hugged him as tightly as I could and I gave a long low moan as I felt his hand reach inside my panties. His middle finger traced along the folds of my vagina. I had become so turned on that I was well lubricated down there. His finger easily found its way inside me.
“Oh, God”, I moaned, “Yes, there.”.
He eagerly slipped his finger deeper inside me. My juices drenched his hand as my inner muscles contracted around his digit. Slowly, he started moving his finger in and out of me. I had never needed a man’s touch so bad in all my life.
Tawdry! Unseemly!
Jerry’s finger now found my swollen clit. I thought I would die from the sensations that raced through my brain. His finger moved back and forth in a steady rhythm against my sensitive nub.
Such a contrast it was from the way that I had touched myself in the shower earlier. His fingers were so much larger than my own. His touch was rougher, but not unpleasantly so. And whereas I knew what action my fingers would take, his touch was unpredictable. Unpredictable, yes but his every movement was setting off explosions in my brain.
I closed my eyes tightly as I felt my orgasm rising within me. My arms tightened around his broad neck and I cried in my ecstasy. When my orgasm exploded, my mind went completely blank. It was if my brain had developed a short circuit of something.
I don’t remember exactly what I said or did as wave after wave of pleasure swept through me. I do remember thinking that I wanted this more than anything in the world at this very moment and wished that it would go on and on forever.
I slowly became aware of two things. One was that my throat felt scratchy from crying out so loud and the other was that there were tears in my eyes. Whether the tears were from feeling shame at the way that I had behaved or over the fact that I had denied myself this incredible pleasure for far too long, I did not know. What I did know was this had been the single most explosive orgasm that I had ever experienced.
After I had orgasmed Jerry just held me. I knew I was going to have to say something, but I had no idea what it was I was going to say. For the moment, I just basked in the warmth of being held by a man. Sexual gratification was one thing, but my self-imposed celibacy had also denied me one of the greatest feelings in the world. That was the feeling of being held in the strong arms of a man and feeling that special closeness.
As I rested my head against his chest I became aware for the first time of the bulge pushing at the front of his jeans. I suddenly felt very selfish for having focused so intently on my own pleasure. My hands traced along the muscles of his back and I rubbed my cheek softly against Jerry’s chest. I could feel the rise and fall of his heavy breathing and could feel his heart thrumming strongly in his chest.
I turned my face up to his and our eyes locked. Slowly, I drew my hands around to the front of his waist. My fingers found the button at the top of his jeans and fumbled with it for a moment before I felt it come loose. I could see his nostrils flaring and the look of desire in his face as I pulled the material apart and forced his zipper down.
When I could pull no more, I grasped the waistband of his jeans and pushed them down over his hips. Jerry assisted me in lowering his jeans all the way to the floor. My heart raced at the thought that I was now standing before a completely naked man for the first time in a decade. Our eyes were still locked with each other’s as my hands sought out and discovered his hardness.
His length and girth were pretty much the same as my past lovers. What was so incredible to me was that Jerry felt so rock hard to my touch. His warm flesh felt like steel in my small hands and it seemed to pulse like some wild, untamed animal. I watched his eyelids quiver as my hands explored along his length. It felt so good to be able to give him back a little of the pleasure that he had lavished upon me.
I gripped his hard shaft with my right hand and let my left hand drift down to touch his sack. I felt Jerry sway momentarily as my hand began to stroke him He closed his eyes and lifted his head and moaned out, “Oh, Sandra.”
With our gaze now broken, I lowered my eyes to get a better look at what I was doing. I took in his tattooed body, rippling with muscles and the site of his hard member in my hand. I leaned my head against his chest and kissed the depiction of the cow’s head that I had seen earlier when he had caught me openly staring out the window at him.
My right arm began to tire and I switched to my left. I had pleasured my lovers in this fashion in the past, but this was the first time that I had done it in this position. My left hand was a bit more awkward and my shoulder began to hurt much too quickly. Frustrated, I again took his shaft in my right hand and continued stroking along his length.
I could feel Jerry begin to thrust his hips in time to the movements of my hand. All too soon my arm began to tighten up. I tried switching my grip to ease the discomfort. I was beginning to feel so inadequate and wished with all my heart that I could show him the pleasure that he deserved.
Without even thinking about it I began to sink towards the floor.
Tawdry!
I watched his tattooed body slowly rise above me as I settled onto my knees. My vision was completely taken up with the sight of his hardness and I felt a wicked thrill at what I was about to do.
Unseemly!
I heard Jerry moan deeply above me, “Yes!”
I wrapped both of my hands around his engorged shaft and pulled the skin back tightly. Slowly, I moved my lips forward and placed a loving kiss on the tip. I felt the moisture of his precum and my tongue eagerly lapped it up. I looked up into Jerry’s face as I licked along the underside of his organ.
Jerry’s hands moved to my head and his fingers buried themselves in my hair. I opened my mouth wide and engulfed the swollen head.
Forgive me Stephen!
He slowly thrust his hips forward, seeking out more of the warmth of my willing mouth. I kept both hands rapped around the shaft to prevent him from pushing too much of himself inside. I knew I was not an expert at this sort of thing and could not possibly take much of him without gagging. As he would thrust forward I would tilt my head to the right. As he withdrew, my tongue would delicately lick the underside.
As I was taking Jerry in my mouth I watched the way his tattoos seemed to come to life before my eyes. The dragon on his stomach undulated with each of his thrusts and I could almost swear that it was a real fire-breathing serpent.
Suddenly, he reached down and took a hold of me by the shoulders and raised me up. I had been so focused on what I was doing that I was confused at Jerry’s actions. Was I doing something wrong?
Jerry looked at me with such pure lust that it scared me for a moment. His eyes were wide and his nostrils flared. He was breathing so heavy and his moans sounded more like the growl of a wild animal. He slipped one arm around my shoulders and easily scooped me up into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him as he carried me towards the master bedroom.
He kicked the door open and carried me to the bed that had been used by countless relatives through the years. Jerry gently laid me down on the thick comforter. I watched as he slid to his knees and pushed my legs apart. I heard his growl once again as his tongue quickly found my clit and I could not help the strangled cry that erupted from my throat.
Jerry’s strong fingers held my hips tightly as he pressed his face to me. My body was on fire and I couldn’t wait one second longer. I reached down and took a hold of his head and guided him up over me. We twisted our bodied awkwardly until we were both laying full length on the old bed.
Our lips came together for another passionate kiss. As out lips mashed against each other’s wetly, I reached down to grasped his steel-like shaft in my hand. I was so lost in lust that I greedily guided him to my moist opening. When he felt himself at my entrance, he pushed forward sending his thickness deep inside me.
We each gave a long low moan as our bodies joined as one. My hands moved to his muscular back and I could feel those muscles flexing as he began to move inside me. I rose to meet his thrust with all of my strength. My hands slipped down to grab a hold of his bottom and I tried to pull him deeper inside me as my legs wrapped themselves around his powerful thighs.
Jerry lifted himself up so that his arms held him above me as he thrust into me over and over. I chanced a look down between us and could hardly believe my eyes at the sight of his hardness moving in and out of me. The sight of his tattoos once again springing to life barely registered in my mind before I could feel another orgasm building inside me.
The world seemed to go out of focus as my orgasm broke over me. My fingers gripped his shoulders savagely and I twisted and writhed beneath him. Our passion must have overwhelmed Jerry as well. I heard him groaning louder and louder until he pushed all of the way inside me and his body tensed. Another orgasm hit me as I felt his hot seed exploding deep inside my womb. Jerry collapsed over the top of me and I held onto him fiercely as he dumped spurt after spurt of his essence inside me.
Finally, we both ceased all movement. I pressed my lips against his neck and savored the feeling of having him inside me and the feel of his strong arms holding me tightly. All too soon, he rolled off of me onto his back, carrying me along with him to rest my head against his shoulder.
During our lovemaking my mind had been completely occupied with the sensations coursing through my body and seeking out the next bit of pleasure that was sure to come. Now came the awkward moment when I found myself completely naked with someone who was a total stranger until barely an hour ago.
“Sandra, that was the most incredible experience of my life”, he said. I smiled to myself deep inside. “Your writing was so passionate, but I never dreamed that it would be like this”.
So, he had read my private journal! I really should have been upset at this invasion of my privacy, but I found that it didn’t seem to matter to me. Maybe I had left it laying about in some secret hope that someone would see the real me that lurked inside. I would have to leave that thought for some other time. Right now all I wanted to do was enjoy the feeling of being held by man and the feel of our flesh against each others.
“Maybe I should rethink this move to California”, he joked, “Are you sure that you really have to leave tomorrow?”
I replied weakly, “I wish I didn’t have to, but I have to get back and get ready for work.”
“Well, if you have a change of heart I would love to see you here in the morning.”
I was touched that he would tell me such a thing.
“In the meantime,” he said while rolling up onto his elbow, “I don’t plan on wasting one moment of tonight while I have you here.”
With that he pressed his lips to mine once again. I thought that my body would be completely worn out and sated, but I was surprised to feel myself responding to him immediately. We made love again and he brought me to the heights of passion that I had never dreamed were possible.
Later that night I drove him home after he had admitted that there was no friend that was mysteriously delayed in picking him up. The next morning I awoke feeling bruised, battered, and altogether wonderful. I straightened up the cabin and packed my Range Rover for my return home.
However, when I turned the key in the ignition, nothing happened. I tried the key many times, but the beast just didn’t want to stir this morning. I would have to call a garage and maybe someone could drive up from town to pick me up and bring me home.
A wicked thought occurred to me — Maybe another couple of days at the cabin wouldn’t be so bad! I could have a garage tow my car in and I could delay my homecoming until Sunday night, couldn’t I?
So, that is how I found myself looking out the window at the group of young men. Could Jerry be telling them about his hot conquest of the older lady at this very moment? Or was that just my guilt and overactive imagination at work? Would he want to see me again? Or was I just being a silly woman?
Just then Jerry’s eyes lifted and he saw me for the first time. He smiled immediately and I felt a shiver run through my body. Did I have the nerve for another marathon lovemaking session with this young stud? I wasn’t entirely sure.
Then I heard a motor out on the lake and a secretly smiled to myself.