Loading...It’s late. Deep within the AM. The storms are rattling the house, shaking all the windows… with a crash the room goes white, lit brightly beyond any recognition, for just a split second. Then total darkness. Again. I’m scared. I’m alone. I hear the sheets of rain colliding against my window…
and I open the blinds to watch the storm. Laying with my head at the foot of my bed, I have my head propped up on a pillow. Tears. The night is lonely when all your evil comes out and you have no one to share it with.
I want to hurt.
The power is out and I have my flashlight laying by my side… in case the night should require the use of my vision. Although I wish… that someone else was here to be my vision. I wish someone else was here to tie a scarf around my eyes… to leave me stranded in the middle of the room… my naked ass clashing with the unbearable iciness of the concrete floor. Someone to kick me with their boots. Kick me in the mouth. Taste blood. Someone to touch me, so sensually… with so much tenderness… and so much fear. Their fingers, so warm against the cold night air, tracing the lines of my collar bone… running over my shoulder blades. Their tongue… so delicately stroking the sensitive flesh of my pussy… so wet… so much yearning… so much need.
I have to hurt.
My fingers will not do. I need to be stretched to the point of pain. Agony. I fumble with my bed clothes, searching for the flash light. I hold it in my hand… heavy… thick… cold… it will have to do. I press it against my entrance… pushing hard… it feels like I am bruising… but it isn’t budging. Lubricant. Where is my lubricant? I get up and fumble around my room… I could turn on the flash light… but I don’t want to break the darkness, so I just feel around for what I need. I rummage through the top drawer of my dresser… found it.
I make my way back to the bed and throw my covers to the side. I want to be cold. I feel my nipples harden with the frigid air, wishing for a tongue to circle around them. Wishing for another’s hot breath across my breasts, their teeth sinking into my skin. Their knife drawing rivers of crimson against the pale flesh. Licking it up and then kissing me, letting me taste my blood in their mouth. It hurts. I let a moan escape at the thought.
I coat the flash light with lube and go to make another attempt at forcing it inside myself. I softly pull my underwear down. Pink, sheer, with little black bows on either side. I let them gather at my feet. Then I am pushing this horrid blue hunk of plastic against my lips once more… the force yet again feeling like bruises. I know it doesn’t fit but the lube allows me to easily force it inside. I push, hard. I cry out a bit when I feel the tip of it inside me… but slowly slide it the rest of the way in. My eyes water and I want to cry but I don’t. I feel my walls throbbing against the cold blue plastic. Pain. Dear Jesus, it is pain. I haven’t ever been this full. It feels like something is ripping me apart from the inside, tearing me down from my core. I want to curl up against my pillow and sob and get used to the feeling… but I can’t move without horrible, stretching, ripping pain… so I just lie on my back and breathe deeply. Then, on impulse, I take my hand and push it hard inside me, all at once, and hold it there. I feel it pushing against my cervix… I feel like I am breaking. It is a completely indescribable kind of pain. Like bone breaking bone. I cry out, some crazy animalistic sound, filled with pain and longing. Oh God I need this.
What I need is a scarf. But I don’t know if I can get up…. I get up anyway, slowly, without moving my hips, so as not to move the object imbedded so deep inside me. I find my scarf and go to lay back down on my bed, savoring the immense relief I get from being on my back. I lift my head and tie the scarf tightly around my neck, pulling on either side until my mouth feels a bit numb and my brain feels a bit fuzzy. I leave it there like that and with one hand clutching tightly around my throat I use the other hand to lightly massage my clitoris.
I moan deeply, imagining you on top of me holding my throat like this while tormenting my clit. Imagining your fingers filling up my mouth and pulling against my teeth as you fuck me with your other hand. Imagining you thrusting the handle of your knife against my spot and then shoving it into my mouth to let me lick my juices off of it. Imagining me begging you, “Sir, oh God Sir, please.” Oh God, I can feel pleasure mounting now. I feel so full… it is so unbearable. I feel the walls of my pussy tense around the object inside of me, I feel them spasm rapidly and uncontrollably… and I am once again reunited with the pain of being stretched beyond my limits. Oh God, I am almost screaming now. I don’t know how to describe it. I feel like I am overflowing. Tears leak from my eyes, I bite my lip and taste blood. I am trying to breathe but the scarf feels tighter now… and it seems like I cannot open my mouth enough to suck in air. Fuck.
I pull wildly at the scarf with my hands, sliding my fingers underneath it and pulling out the knot. It comes loose and I gasp, sucking in the cold air. I am exhausted with the feeling of my orgasm, the walls of my cunt still tensing around the flash light. I go to pull it out but I hesitate, knowing how much it will hurt. I brace myself for the pain and slowly pull it out from inside of me. A whimper escapes me, I can’t help it. But it’s over with now. I slide open the drawer of my night stand and place the flash light inside, making a mental note to wash it the following morning.
Finally, I curl up onto my side… hugging my pillow… and sob. I feel used… somehow… and alone. I curse myself for doing what I just did, for I knew it would leave me feeling this way…. I’m not sure it was worth it… but in a sense the emotional pain was what I was looking for. But it’s not what I want, and I know it’s not what I need, and I know it’s not what I was looking for. But I guess it just happens sometimes when all your evil comes out and you have no one to share it with.