My name is Alexander Demkakova, but my friends just call me Alex. I am from the Czech Republic formerly known as Czechoslovakia. We lived just outside Prague, where my Dad and Mom both worked. When my story begins I am in sunny Southern California far from the dreariness that enveloped the land of my youth. In California I live in Westwood where I attend the University of California in Los Angeles, most of you know it as UCLA.
I hope as you peruse my life you keep in mind that it is true. You may have your doubts to its authenticity. You may find yourself asking, how could this possibly be true? You have a right for I can hardly believe it myself. I have only one request; do not pass judgment until you have read it all. Until you have had a chance to digest it all and hopefully understand me better. I write this not to entertain, amuse or arouse you, only inform. In doing so, I hope to cleanse myself and learn to understand better myself the changes in me.
I write this the only way I know how, from my point of view. When you read the entries from my journal realize they are unaltered. They are my thoughts and feelings as I lived them. I choose to tell my story through them to help establish a timeline. In my journal I try to relate my experiences and emotions as accurately as possible. Yet sometimes there are no words to describe what I am going through. And like everyone else telling their recollections they are one-sided. Read between the lines, see the real me and maybe the same won’t happen to you.
Friday November 18, 1994
She was the most gorgeous creature I’d ever laid eyes on. I use this term loosely because she was all woman and of a class that far outranked any that I had come upon during my, albeit short in time but broad in exposure, time on this planet. Her hair was as black as a starless night, flowing like a silent river to her slender waist. As she shook her head, the lights from high up in the library shimmered across it like the moon on a lake devoid of ripples. I stared transfixed; the books in front of me no longer having any relevant hold on me. As she turned her head my direction our eyes met. In them I could see eternity, they held a depth as great as any ocean and I felt I might fall into them and drown. No, not drown. Be lost in them never to return and I was afraid, not of her but for my own sanity.
I literally had to tear my eyes from her. But like an accident scene they returned with a morbid curiosity that was uncontrollable. She laughed and it was not the laugh of hearing a good joke or finding something funny, instead it was more the chuckle of finding something amusing, or someone. In her eyes burned a fire so bright I felt it would consume me. There was a confidence in them that only comes with experience. She laughed again, not loud enough for any to hear but it mocked me even so, as if to clarify how small I really was, that my experiences to date had been less than noteworthy. But then she smiled, as if to say, I can teach you.
I must have fainted. Because when I next opened my eyes there was a small crowd gathered around me, someone was asking if I was okay. As my head began to clear I remembered those eyes. I pushed up to a sitting position ignoring the hands of those trying to help me. I scanned the room, my eyes begging for a glimpse back into her soul but she was not there. As I sit here writing this I began to wonder is she ever was.
Monday November 21, 1994
I’ve spent the last two days in a fog. Wandering around the campus searching for her. I told myself earlier that I would go for a walk, a short one. Not spend time obsessing on someone who may or may not actually exist. However when I arrived home a short time ago I realized it was well after midnight. I had spent hour’s frantically scanning students as they traipsed form class to class. After searching the library I found myself down in the village of Westwood. Going in and out of restaurants, bars, bookstores and anywhere else that people might congregate but to no avail. She haunts me; my waking hours are spent in a haze that I can’t seem to shake. The time of dreams is even worse.
Friday November 25, 1994
I tell myself repeatedly to stop. It’s been a week since my breakdown. That is what must have happened for I can’t get control of myself. I haven’t been to class in over a week. The small amount of friends I have is dwindling daily. My thoughts are no longer my own, they belong to her. Dreamtime is no longer the diverse playground that once dominated my sleeping hours.
I saw her last night. She was ahead of me as I walked back from one of my jaunts. I chased after her but she vanished before I could catch up. I am beginning to believe that she breathes only in my mind. I feel as if I have been sucked into a tornado, propelled along a path I have no desire to be on and unable to alter in any way.
I am starting to think this is what happens just before the mind shuts off. I question my sanity more with each passing day.
Saturday December 10, 1994
It has been two weeks since my last entry, why bother? The routine is the same every day. Upon waking I tell myself, this is the day when I pick up the pieces of my shattered life. The day that I return to some form of normalcy. During the last couple of days I have stopped telling myself that, I know better. All I see when I venture inside myself is her, my angel. I have put a pet name to the image that is scorched onto every inch of my brain. The angel I see at night as I lay staring at the ceiling. The angel I chase around campus that disappears like a wisp of smoke.
I am now wondering if it is all worth it, trying to muddle around in this inane and insane existence. I no longer wish to live if it is without my angel. Maybe she is just that, residing on a higher plane than I could ever hope to achieve with the limitations of this body. Maybe she awaits me on the other side. It is two in the morning and I need some air. This may be my last entry for I no longer wish to continue this fight alone…
…it is now almost five. I left my room with every intention of not returning. Walking the short distance of my dorm I barely noticed the dark hulking presence of Drake Stadium or the quiet tennis center. I headed past Spaulding Field and into the myriad of brick buildings that comprise the medical sciences section of the school. I continued through the town of Westwood barely noticing the nightlife that was in full swing. My plan was to walk to the freeway, pitching myself in front of a car whose driver would have no chance of avoiding me. But as I reached the bottom of the on-ramp, a voice spoke one word. “No.” I spun around to see where it had come from but I already knew it had not been spoken aloud. I also knew it was my angel though I’d yet to hear her speak.
I shambled back through Westwood towards campus near hysterics. So she had spoken inside my head, why should that surprise me? She did everything else there. I sat down on a bench at the edge of the campus. Leaning back against the damp wood I asked aloud, “Why?”
“Would you die for me?” The same throaty voice that had given me my stay of execution asked from behind me.
“I’m dying without you.” I never glanced back, afraid that once again she would not be there. But she was and it must have been the right response because she came around and took at seat at my side. Once again I was given the opportunity to see those eyes. And in them I saw myself. Not the shell of a man that had been lost since my first encounter with them, but me. Whole and alive like I had never been before. We remained silent, eyes locked, for how long I know not. Then she said she must go. She promised to meet me tomorrow night at ten at our bench.
Sunday December 11, 1994
Last night we met as agreed upon. She is everything I could ever want in a lover, partner and friend. I was mesmerized as we talked, completely lost in both her words and those eyes. We spoke of everything, our hopes for the future, likes and dislikes, our dreams and our fears. So I shouldn’t have been surprised, but was, when she asked. “What turns you on?” After a brief pause to compose myself I responded honestly. “You.”
“I mean what do you fantasize about.”
“You. You have been the only thing on my mind since the first time I saw you in the library. Normally I have a very active imagination when it comes to my fantasies but you have overpowered it. Your beauty, no there is more to it than your beauty. It is in your eyes, I see power and experience. You have lived and what I see there overwhelms me. You turn me on.” Once again answering her question, though it was a pitiful attempt to put what I felt into words.
Once again she caught me off guard with her response. “You are the one with power. I have waited a long time for you. You have something inside that even you have yet to understand, M’lord.”
“M’lord?” I asked confused.
“Do you prefer Master?” I looked into her eyes. What I saw startled me, both a confidence and a humility that caught me off guard. “My only wish is to please you.” I was aghast, here I was willing to do anything just to sit in her presence and she was offering herself to me.
“Why would you want to call me Master? I have nothing. I am nothing.”
“Oh no sir, you have far more than you know. You have power, it emanates from every pore. I can see it in your eyes. I feel it when you speak and my only hope is that I won’t disappoint you. What would you require of me?”
It gives me the utmost pleasure just to be in your presence.” I said completely taken aback at the direction our conversation had turned.
“I am afraid that I must leave soon, M’lord. Can I see you again?” She said as she stood to leave.
“I would ask you the same question.” I said. “Can I see you again?”
” Next Friday at ten, here.” She pointed to the bench where I still sat.
“I’m not sure I can make it a whole week without seeing you.”
” I am afraid that is the earliest that I can make it.”
“Then you will live in my dreams until then.”
“Thank you sir.” With a slight bow she turned and walked away. I watched her until she disappeared from my sight. Glancing down at my watch I realized it was almost five in the morning. What had seemed like mere minutes had actually been close to seven hours. She had asked what she could do to please me. I answered her aloud though the only one to hear me was the wind. Allow me the privilege of being with her forever.
Saturday December 17,1994
I spent the entire week thinking of her and our conversation. Did she have any idea what she was doing to me? As I sit writing this I am a bit perplexed and wonder why I have not asked little things, like what was her name. I would have thought that would have been one of the first things I would have inquired about but it never seemed important to me. I knew nothing of her past. I had no idea what she did for a living or why I couldn’t see her more often. This was troubling to me but not enough to say anything. My fear was that by prying into the areas that she was not forthright might put an end to what we were developing. What are we developing? I have taken a long hard look at this as well. This was so different than anything I had ever encountered I was unsure what it was or how to proceed. But last night clarified some things and clouded others. She was there right on time but not before. I was sitting on the bench deep in thought when she suddenly appeared. She fell to her knees greeting me as if I was her king. “Good evening M’lord, what may I do to please you?”
“You can start by standing up.” I looked around to see if anyone was paying us notice. “What would you like to do tonight?”
“Anything you desire Sir. Anything you command of me.”
“Anything?” I asked incredulously. My interest was piqued but I was still expecting someone to leap from the bushes and exclaim, ‘You’re on candid camera.’
“Of course, anything you ask.”
“So if I told you to remove all of clothes, right here. You would?”
“Would you like that Sir?” Her hand moved to the top button of her blouse.
I stammered a no and then a yes. Then correcting myself I told her I would love to be with her but not here. She suggested we go somewhere where we would have some privacy. When we arrived back at my dorm room she asked again what she could do to please me. I reiterated that do be with her was my desire but her response was much more direct.
“How do you want me? What would you command of me?”
“Let me get this straight, you would do anything I asked of you? Anything?”
“Of course M’lord.” I searched her eyes looking for a glimmer or a telltale sign that would give her away and let me know that she was just kidding, that all of this was just a joke. Instead I saw a desire there that I had never seen in another. It was more evident, more full of devotion and love and more overpowering because of it. I realized that the rest of life paled in comparison to what I saw in her eyes.
“Strip!” I barked out the command, though as I sit here writing this I know not from where it came. I look back and it was almost as if I were outside of my own body. The words came out of my mouth. I could hear my own voice ringing in my ears. Yet it wasn’t me that ordered it, or was it?
There was no hesitation on her part. Her hands danced on the buttons that held her treasures at bay. I watched, almost in agony, as the silky fabric slid from her shoulders. It dropped with the sound of rustling leaves when the wind licked at them on a hot summer night. Me eyes traveled from her face down her exquisite neck to her beautiful breasts. They were not large but in my eyes were perfect. Her nipples straining to reach me as a child reached for a parent upon taking their first steps. Her hands glided over her body stopping at the top of her skirt. Her fingers tugged at the buttons there, fumbling for the first time. I was glad that she finally displayed a slight case of nerves although slight that mirrored my own. After unbuttoning her skirt her fingers toyed with the zipper briefly before sliding it down. Her skirt slid down without any further provocation and landed in a heap at her feet. My eyes which had continued down with the skirt now followed the curve of her ankle and up over her calf. They continued up her taunt legs that quivered slightly as my eyes landed on their intersection. I paused briefly taking in the beauty of her most sacred treasure. Her lips were a rosy brown and shimmered with the wetness that betrayed her excitement. The little mound of hair above them trimmed and neat, as jet black as that on her head. My eyes continued their journey of exploration up her body, over her stomach that although firm had a nice voluptuousness to it. Her breasts as I said before were not large, maybe even small to some, yet perfectly proportioned to the rest of her. Her nipples also giving away the excitement her body was feeling. Her head was arched a little to one side making the muscles of her neck strain and stand out. I don’t know if it was intentioned or not but they way she stood made her all the more inviting. I walked towards her and placed my hands on the side of her face, cupping it softly. I wanted to tell her that I would be her slave, to let her know how I would worship her. As if reading my mind she spoke. “A Master must cherish his slave as much as she does him, maybe more.”
“Are you reading my mind?”
“That is also her job, M’lord.” With saying this she lowered herself to her knees at my feet. Her hands tugged at my jeans and opened them with a jerk, in one motion slid them to my ankles. Her hands cupped me ever so gently and she leaned over and pressed my cock to her lips. She moved her face over me before parting her lips. She enveloped me taking my hardness into her soft warm mouth.
“You do a very good job of it.” I gasped.
She withdrew and whispered. “Thank you M’lord.” Once again she took me into her mouth slowly. As her mouth explored me I realized this was unlike anything I had experienced before. It was if she was paying homage, like every action of her mouth and tongue was meant to show her devotion. It wasn’t oral sex; it was worship, as if the part of me in her mouth provided her with the substance of life. The same way I felt when I looked into her eyes. She continued as if possessed until I was at the point of no return. I tried to pull myself from her mouth but she dug her nails into my flesh not letting me withdraw. Only after I was completely spent did she pull back. I looked down and saw in both her expression and eyes a quiet satisfaction as her smile widened.
I asked her to lie back on the floor. This time I knelt down, with my hands I opened her to me. Spreading her legs wide to afford a view of what I next desired. I lay on my side, my head resting on my arm between her knees. I asked her to show me how she touched herself. To give to me what she reserved for her most private moments. I watched as her finger traced her lips. Her arousal was building as she lightly rubbed at her little nub of pleasure. I looked beyond the fingers at work, up to her breasts. Her nipples remained erect. Her chest rose and fell with each labored breath that came in shorter gasps each time. Our eyes locked as her fingers continued to tease. In them I perceived a begging for release. They made pleads for me to give her the command she so desired. “Cum.” I said lightly and her back immediately arched as her heat enveloped her. What had moments before been silent moans of pleasure became animal cries of release. I leaned in, placing my tongue on her and tasted her for the first time.
Her juices flowed into my mouth as she pressed into me. I lapped from her second mouth as a famished wolf that had just finished a long and exhausting hunt. I drank deep not wanting to waste a drop of her honey which was ambrosia to me. She pushed harder, forcing me deeper into her folds as her body continued its violent convulsions. Her orgasm would start to fade and I would think it was coming to an end and then it would crest again like the waves of a relentless ocean. Over and over she shook and trembled as my left hand cupped her ass and my right teased at her clitoris. I felt her juices pooling in my palm as she continued to press herself to me. I felt another wave growing though it was unlike the others. It was not the wave that softly lulls you to sleep as it gently caresses the sand. This was the one that originates deep at sea, the kind that is formed by underwater earthquakes. It builds for miles and devastates all in its path. She screamed out releasing the all-consuming fire that had engulfed her entire being. She cried out over and over for me to stop but I couldn’t. I was a man possessed, trying to get my fill of the nourishment she provided like a gift from the gods.
She lay panting and trembling, her body unable to recover from the onslaught of pleasure. However I was more excited than ever. My flesh so hard it hurt. I climbed on top of her and with one thrust entered into her secret place. I plunged into her with an uncontainable fury. She gasped for breath as she bit down on my shoulder. Her teeth clamping down as I drove both of us once again to the abyss. My thrusts coming harder and harder as our flesh slapped together with the sound of thunder. It was my turn to cry out this time as once again I erupted. She wrapped her legs around me and cried out to claim her as my own. To fill her with my life blood and make her mine. I collapsed nest to her as we both fought for air to fill our lungs.
I’m unsure how long we had lain in our state of bliss. I remember her rolling over at one point and thanking me. I didn’t notice that she had stood, or that she had gotten dressed. “Next Friday M’lord?” I nodded I think.
After she had left the questions came pouring in. What was her name? Where did she live? Why did I have to wait a week to see her? But most importantly, Why? Why had she chosen me? I winced as a pain shot through my shoulder. I went in the bathroom to look in the mirror. It was already bruising and her teeth marks were visibly evident. I smiled as I thought of her marking me and decided next time it would be her turn.
I slowly drifted off to sleep wishing she were next to me. Pining for her body against mine. As I drifted off to sleep I wondered again if she had any idea what she was doing to me.
Saturday December 24,1994
Well, it’s Christmas Eve Day, though it doesn’t feel like it, just another day devoid of my reason for living, for that is what Chelsea has become. Although most of my questions remain unanswered I did at least find out her name. I asked nothing more of her than her name because once again I was overwhelmed again by just being in her presence. We met at the bench again but immediately headed for my room. Again the dorm was mostly deserted because most had gone home to friends and family for the holiday break. Once inside she asked, “What may I do for you tonight Master?” Again she caught me off guard, it was the first time she had addressed me as such.
I had been thinking all week of our next encounter and how I could do anything that would top last weeks. I didn’t want to disappoint her but I also wanted to test her. To see what if any limits she would put on me. I once again commanded her to remove all her clothing. As she stood in front of me naked I was moved almost to tears on just how beautiful she was.
I removed a tie from my closet and wrapped it around her head covering her eyes and bound it tight. I placed her on the floor and instructed her to bend her knees and place her feet flat on the floor. Taking some rope I bound her wrists to her knees forcing her legs wide apart. I placed a chair between them and was afforded a view that took my breath away. Only then did I speak. “Do you realize the danger you could be in at this moment? You barely know me and are in an extremely vulnerable position.”
“I know you better than you think Master.”
“I could do anything I want to you right now. The building is almost empty. If I gagged you no one would hear a sound.”
“Would you like to gag me?”
“You don’t seem to understand Chelsea!” I shouted louder than I had intended. Reaching down I pulled the blindfold from her eyes. “I could kill you and never be caught.”
“If you so desire Master.” The look of devotion unwavering in her eyes.
“I’m not kidding my pet.”
“Neither am I Master. I do not wish to die but if that is your wish I will comply.” The look of devotion still unchanged, as our eyes remained locked, though I saw them mist over as tears began to form. I stared down at her as a single tear escaped and slid down the side of her face. I watched as it crawled down to her earlobe and hung there for a split second before dropping into her hair that was pooled beneath her. I thought of the devotion that she displayed. She was willing to hand me the knife and turn up her wrists. What would require more than that? How could anything I ever asked be harder to comply with?
“Master?” She whispered interrupting my train of thought.
“Is that what you desire of me?”
“Of course not. If you were to bleed, I would bleed. If you were to die so would I. I would never hurt you.” I leaned over and untied the rope that was binding her. “It was a test.”
“I know Master. I told you I know you better than you think. Although you did take me by surprise tonight, but in a very pleasing way.”
“I knew you were strong, that you were the one I would give myself to, yet you have surprised me how quickly you have found yourself.” She said with a smile and rose and walked to the bed and picked up her purse. Opening is she removed something though because her back was to me I knew not what. When she turned around I saw that it was a small coiled piece of leather. As she held the handle and let the coil fall I saw that it was a whip.
“I don’t think we will need that.” I blurted out.
“I would humbly ask that you do it for me Master. It is a reminder of my position. It is what I desire of you Sir, if I may be so bold.” At first I was reluctant to hit hard, but as she coaxed me along the snaps of the whip cracked against harder and harder. As it came down in contact with her back, the back of her legs and her ass she asked for more and I obliged. At least until I saw blood well from one of the recent stripes I had made. When I stopped she asked. “What is wrong Master?”
“You are bleeding.” I answered pointing at her injured backside. Her response once again caught me completely off guard, she laughed.
“Did you hurt me?” She teased, “Better kiss it and make it better Master.” When I did she moaned aloud and once again I was more turned on than I could imagine. As I kissed and licked at her I closed my teeth on her flesh, now someone else will have some marks I thought to myself. “Fuck me Master, I beg of you.”
When we had finished I asked her to tell me about herself. Instead she rose and started dressing. “Is everything okay?” I asked afraid that I had offended her.
“Everything is wonderful Master and I will answer all your questions soon. For now I must go, please be patient with me. Next Friday?” She asked the question though we both knew the answer. I would not let her go, I would chase her to the ends of the planet if needed. Later when I was brushing my teeth I noticed another bruise with teeth marks on my chest that I didn’t even remember getting. When I touched it I felt a small amount of pain but hardly noticed. Thinking back on the bite I gave her I smiled.
Saturday December 31, 1994
New Years Eve! I have just arrived home from the most incredible night yet. This time the floodgates were opened. She took me to her place tonight and she has answered my questions. She lives in a beautiful townhouse on the outskirts of Westwood. Upon entering I had no idea what would greet me but was pleasantly surprised. It was tastefully decorated, no chains or other devices that would bring to mind her personal kinks. One painting on the wall was of here and it caught my attention. Whoever had painted it had known my angel well. They had captured her eyes had I if I was talented enough with paints. They also saw in her eyes all that I did. “Would you like something to drink?” She asked interrupting my thoughts.
“As you wish, would you like me to remove my clothes?” I answered with a nod. I almost hated to see her covered now in fact. “Would you like to retire to the bedchambers Master?”
“Very much.” She led me by hand up the stairs and guided me to a bedroom, an extremely dark bedroom. And again, as if she were reading my mind said to me.
“Your eyes will adjust soon enough, besides we don’t really need light for what we are doing. She was right on both accounts. Not only was the light not needed but it was almost as if I could see in the dark. When she placed the whip in my hand this time I knew what was expected. There was none of the complacency of the first time; in fact I was starting to enjoy using it.
Finally I got to sleep next to my love. As I was drifting off to sleep she whispered. “Now we can be together forever.” When I awoke a couple of hours ago I went into the bathroom. It took me a couple of minutes to realize I was staring into a mirror but all I could see was the shower curtain behind me.
She explained a little. It is still hard to fathom. A vampire? I guess I’ll adapt, after all, I get to be with her forever. Just like she said.