She wanted to die, without him her life felt black and gray, like the sky. She sat in her little house looking out at the rain as it left icy trails down her window. She thought the tears on her face must look just like that, cold, wet rivers of pain. She wished someone would come and rescue her from herself. Rescue her from those dark feelings that invaded her head like parasites. She needed to be beaten, to be abused and hurt for the bad things she’d done and said to him.
But it was too late for even that, he had had enough, he was done with her and her monthly tantrums that came as rhythmically as the tides and the phases of the moon. It had always been that way, she had known that, but she’d let down her guard and the blackness had come before she’d been ready. It overtook her, and she, in turn, overtook everything in her path, leaving behind destruction and the rubble of a once happy relationship. You’d think after all the years she’d been through this scenario that she’d learn to watch for it and compensate or at least isolate herself during those times, but she hadn’t. She understood why some cultures would have the women removed from their homes during their cycles, it was for the best. She had unleashed the fury and ruined her life…or so it felt.
She took the gun from it’s brown leather case, just holding it on her lap, not opening it just yet. She rocked in the chair with it, as if it held all her answers, and she felt her mind slip into the darkness once again, leaving behind thoughts of those who loved her. She couldn’t feel it, that love that other’s professed, the lack of His overshadowed any other. She undid the gold hooked clasp and lifted the lid on the leather case, closing her hand around the handle of the gun, feeling it’s coldness. As she raised it to her head, it felt very heavy, she felt weak, hardly able to bring it up to the level of her temple, but she managed. Still, she rocked in the chair, mesmerized by the continuing rain on the window, her mind blank of all other thoughts, except of Him. She had loved Him so, but she had destroyed His love with her own inability to control her emotions, once again. She slid her finger over the trigger, hand shaking with the strain of holding the heavy gun to her head, and she whispered softly, “I love You…still,” and she squeezed the trigger.
Click!…nothing, it wasn’t loaded. “Well what the hell?” she said aloud this time. “He always kept this fucking thing loaded!” Now she was pissed, she threw the gun across the room, sending it crashing into the framed mirror with the deer etchings on the wall. It crashed to the floor, shattering into a hundred little pieces.
“What the fuck am I doing?” she thought to herself. “This is crazy, I have to get out of this house or I am going to really do something crazy here. I’ve been depressed before, but this is taking it to new heights.”
Determined to wage war on the beast that resided within her, she went to her bedroom, ignoring the mess on the floor for now. She didn’t care if the whole house burned down around her, she was going to beat this devil that lived in her head one way or the other. “Fuck it! I am going to go DO something, I don’t know just what, but I am out of here!” She changed into her little green slut dress, as she called it, no bra, no panties, stepped into some sandals and went into the bathroom to put on some makeup. She applied more than she’d ever worn before, using the red lipstick that she’d bought and never used. She stuffed some money into her purse randomly, and headed for the car. She didn’t see the man in the shadows, as he stood casually tossing up the bullets in his hand and watching her.
She drove downtown, parking her car half hazardly in an alley way, and walked into the dimly lit bar from the back door. She’d been here years before when she was younger, and remembered it to be a fun place, a pick up bar really, a place to get drunk and meet men. She ignored the stares as she headed for the bar, slinging her leather purse onto the bar, not caring that it sat in a wet area the bartender had just washed off with his dingy rag.
“Give me a martini, gin, no vermouth, an olive, on the rocks,” she said to the bartender. “Yes Ma’am,” he replied, not liking the tone of superiority she used with him. “Another spoiled bitch,” he thought to himself, as he poured the cheap bar gin into a glass for her. He sat the glass in front of her and she picked it up and downed half of it in one swallow. “Wow,” the greasy little bartender muttered. “You got a problem with that???” she asked him, and she downed the rest of the gin in the second swallow. “No Ma’am,” he muttered to her again. “Get me another!” she commanded him, and he immediately obeyed her command and retrieved another drink for her. This time she tossed some bills onto the bar, and turned away, sipping her drink and looking around the bar. Several business men sat at a table, eyeing her approvingly. She glared at them, silently daring them to approach her. She’d cut them off at the knees with her wicked tongue in the beat of a heart. They couldn’t hold her gaze and turned away. She was a psycho bitch from hell this night and she knew it. She finished her drink and thought better of staying, picking up her purse and heading out the door. There was no one there that interested her even remotely, and she’d decided to go somewhere else. She was restless, and she’d give in to that feeling on this night, following her whims as if she were a she-wolf crazy with the full moon.
Just as she reached her car and attempted to place the keys in the lock she felt a large, strong hand close over her mouth from behind. She responded instinctually, biting down on the fleshy part of the palm that cut off her air supply, tasting blood. “You fucking bitch!” She heard an unfamiliar, deep voice growl in her ear, then total darkness as a black cloth was tied tightly across her eyes and her hands were drawn behind her back and cold, metal handcuffs clasped onto her wrists roughly. The hand was removed, quickly being replaced by a bitter, rubber gag that was thrust between her teeth, making her gag with the taste of it. She choked a few times, and then settled a bit as she realized she could breathe through a small hole in the ball gag. Her heart beat wildly in her chest. She was afraid, very, very afraid. “How can this be?” she thought to herself. “An hour ago I was sitting in my kitchen with a gun to my head, and now I’m about to die at the hands of strangers…” She realized she’d been very foolish, very foolish indeed. She didn’t want to die, she wanted to live and she wanted to fight these bastards who had taken her.
She was roughly thrown into the backseat of a car, her dress sliding up fully exposing her hip and buttocks as she laid on her side on the cheap plastic of the back seat. “Look at that!” one of the kidnappers laughed at her predicament. “She is one hot bitch, no wonder He wants her,” and he slid his hand up her calf, feeling her soft skin. She shuddered at his touch, and felt the bile rise in her throat once again. She could smell the sweat and the alcohol emanating off these men, and it made her ill. “Don’t touch her you asshole! You know what He said, if we touch her, we die.”
“Well, thank God for that,” she thought to herself. She didn’t know who He was, but at least her fate didn’t rest in these two cretins’ hands. She heard the front doors of the car close, the motor started and they began driving off with their captive beauty fully restrained in the back seat. She laid with her cheek against the seat, smelling the exhaust from the car as it leaked into the area she was held. She could still smell the sweat of the two disgusting men, but the taste of her fear far outweighed the nauseating scent of them. She moaned a few times against the gag, but couldn’t form any words as it was a rather large rubber ball gag, and her jaw ached with the extension. “Shut up bitch. We aren’t going to hurt you. We’re just taking you to someone who WILL,” and both the disgusting men laughed with that comment.
The car finally came to a stop, she had no idea where they were or how far they had come, and she never saw the car that followed a discreet distance behind. The blindfold was still firmly in place, and her hands remained bound behind her back. She felt the cool evening air as she was roughly pulled from the backseat by a pair of strong hands. She stood on her feet a bit unsteady, and she felt the other pair of hands reach out to steady her. “Whoa there girl, we don’t want damaged merchandise now,” and his hands slid slowly down her arm, sending little chills of revulsion to her center. “Come on, let’s get her delivered so we can get paid,” the other man said and he pulled her along. He guided her up several steps and through a door.
“Ahhhh, I see our little prize has arrived. And quite intact as agreed. Here is your money gentleman, now you may exit immediately please,” she heard an unfamiliar, very deep voice with an English accent in front of her. The men concluded their business and left, leaving her with a new predicament to deal with.
“Very beautiful indeed. I can see why we go to such trouble for you my dear,” the English gentleman said, as if to himself.
What was he talking about? She was very confused, and very frightened. Who was “we?” And why had they brought her here? She moaned against the gag.
“Be patient darling, all in good time,” he responded to her struggles. She felt something cold being pulled tightly around her neck and fastened in the back. Then something clicked onto it, and she felt a tug at her neck. “Be a good girl and follow me now,” he ordered. She stood still, not moving, until she felt a sharper tug at her neck and she tentatively took a step forward. “Better,” he encouraged her, and she followed him blindly being led by the neck on a leash as if she were a dog. She stumbled a few times as he led her down a long corridor, but was able to keep up with his fast pace by the tugging she felt at her neck. She bumped into him when he stopped at the entrance to a large, darkly paneled room. He steadied her with his firm hand and stepped into the room.
“Master, your guest has arrived,” the Englishman said to an unknown presence in the room.
“So,” she thought to herself, “the Englishman is NOT the man I will deal with. Then whom will it be?” She was soon to find out.
“Thank you,” she heard His voice for the first time. It was unfamiliar to her, but there was no mistaking who was in charge here. His tone was very commanding and very deep. “Remove the ball gag William.”
The Englishman obeyed at once, “Yes Sir,” and he undid the strap behind her head, gently removing the gag from her mouth. She flexed her jaw for a moment and took in a large deep breath. “What the fuck is going on here? Why am I here, and what are you going to do with me you sleazy bastards??!!”
The Man completely ignored her tirade, and calmly said, “I can see why you need my help. She is like a wild, untamed bitch in heat. But we will tame her for you, in time.” She thought he spoke to William, but there was another presence in the room, she just didn’t know who it was…yet.
“WHO ARE YOU?” she screamed at The Man.
“You are to remain silent until I tell you otherwise, or we will replace the gag!!!! Do NOT speak unless I give you permission. You will nod your head yes or no to my questions!!! Do you understand me???” He sounded very angry to her.
Her heart beat wildly in her chest, she was afraid, but she was also very angry. She had faced death once already this evening, and she would do it again if she had to. “I WILL TALK ANY FUCKING TIME I WANT TO ASSHOLE!!” she yelled back in his general direction, the blindfold still in place.
She felt the first biting blow of the crop across her should blades. It tore her dress to shreds as it rained down on her soft white skin. She screamed with every stinging strike and the fury bubbled out of her in one tremendous wave after another. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” she screamed at him. She tried to run, to escape the pain any way she could, but he kept up with her, always being right behind her, and she ran blindly into furniture and walls. Her restrained arms made her flight very cumbersome and she soon tired.
“She is fast. William, put her on the cross.” he wasn’t even out of breath with the exertion, and she panted wildly trying to catch her breath from the pain and her feeble attempts at flight. She felt the handcuffs being removed and she was gently led by William, her arms being raised one at a time above her head and bound in another position. They had been behind her back for some time now and the new position did give her some relief, momentarily. Her ankles were bound as well and she was now standing with her back against some sort of hard wood, her arms extended above her head like a Y and her ankles apart and bound as well. She was like a living letter X.
“William, bring me the knife,” The Man casually directed, as if he had asked him to pass the salt. She felt her heart race at his words, thinking, “this is it, he’s going to kill me now.”
“Please!” she heard her words pleading for her life as if they came from another body. “Don’t kill me.” She felt the stinging blow of the crop once again, this time across her thighs, and she winced and gasped with each strike.
“I told you not to speak! Must I keep punishing you?” The Man asked her.
This time she remembered, nodding her head no, quickly. She felt the coldness of the blade against her cheek as he laid it there. “It really would be a shame to have to scar you, but if that’s what it takes to teach you how to behave…” His voice trailed off. Again she nodded her head rapidly back and forth. “Ahhhh, I see you are beginning to learn. That is very good…very good indeed.”
She felt the fabric at the front of her dress give way, as he sliced it open with the sharp knife and pulled it off her body. William had removed her sandals before encasing her ankles in the restraints, and she now stood completely naked except for the collar around her neck. She could feel the coolness of the wood against her back and it soothed the hot, stinging sensation the crop had yielded.
“No panties or bra this evening either I see. She is quite the little slut, isn’t she William?” The Man asked.
“Yes Sir,” William again responded quickly.
“What shall we do with her first then? What do you suggest William?” he asked his servant as if this were some sort of game.
“Well Master, of course, You would know better than I, but I do think her breasts need some sort of intervention for being so exposed in public. Wouldn’t you say?” the Englishman too sounded as if it were a game and he was enjoying himself.
“Yes, I quite agree William. Good choice. Get the clamps, the one’s with the jade in the grips, I do believe they will look nice against that white skin and that red hair.”
She had felt nipple clamps before, when He, her Master, had put them on her. She liked the sensation they provided her body, and He had liked to tug and pull on them, teasing her to limits she had never experienced before. She was still confused, she didn’t know why these strangers had taken her, and why they were going to do these things to her. She was still very afraid, but the fury was there too, and she knew this was what had caused her all the problems in the first place, her fury. This time, the intensity of her emotions would get her in serious trouble and cause her significant pain. Would she learn to control it? Or would it destroy her? Thoughts of her Master flickered through her mind, the longing, as always, was very sharp.
She felt The Man grasp her left nipple, pulling it away from her body and letting the harsh little clamp enclose over it. It was very close to the end of her nipple and caused her great pain, this was different than what she had experienced before, this was far more intense and painful. She winced and bit her lip as she tried not to cry out. “She learns well,” The Man said. There was no reply, only silence. She felt the same treatment being given to her right nipple, and again bit back the urge to scream out with the pain of it. It was like little thunderbolts of pain that went from her breasts to her brain and down to the hot area between her legs. Little electrical jolts that, in spite of her resolve, caused the muscles of her vagina to tighten. She could feel herself growing damp there and gritted her teeth from embarrassment.
She felt a finger graze between her legs, and plunge into her, causing an involuntary gasp to burst forth from her mouth. She immediately felt more pain as he sharply tugged at the chain connecting the two nipple clamps. She knew what he wanted…her silence. Again she bit her lip, as she felt the fingers probing her, one, two, then three of them, thrust up inside her and then withdrawn to rub across her clitoris. She almost lost it with that sensation, but she was able to remain silent. “She is a hot little bitch,” she heard The Man say again, with no response in the room. She felt his fingers probe at her mouth and she instinctively opened to allow them to enter her mouth. She sucked them clean, tasting the sweetness of herself on them.
“Let’s test her control, shall we?” Again she felt his fingers slide over her labia, and probe at her center, drawing up over her clitoris, encircling it and stroking it just the way she liked. It was if this man had watched her pleasure herself before, and he KNEW…somehow he knew just how to do it. She felt her breathing increase and she struggled to control the moans that longed to escape her lips. He was rapidly bringing her to the peak, and she wasn’t at all sure she’d be able to stop herself from toppling over the precipice.
“You are NOT to cum, slut,” he instructed her, his voice casual as if this were something he did every day. How was she to control it? His fingers played her firm little bud like an instrument and he was the maestro.
Now she felt something hard and cold slip into her, and the sensation was bliss. She NEEDED to be filled at this moment, and somehow he knew that also. He slid it in and out, over and over and continued to strum her clitoris. She felt the pressure build as she neared the peak, and she tied very hard to hold it back, but the waves overtook her and her vagina clenched at the dildo and her hips arched out as if of their own accord towards his fingers. As she orgasmed He unclasped the nipple clamps and removed them abruptly, causing her to cum again with the sharp painful sensations she felt in her breasts. She could feel the muscles in her vagina clamp against the dildo, holding it within her, even as he attempted to slide it out. It was a powerful orgasm, but she hated it even as it gave her such pleasure. It was a sign of her submission to this man, and as much as she wanted to submit it was something she struggled with…total submission.
“She has little control,” The Man said, again the room remained silent. She slumped forward against her restraints, her muscles jello after the two intense, back to back orgasms. She was angry at herself and at her body for it’s betrayal. “She has much to learn…,” and the sound of his voice caused that reflex anger to rise within her once again.
“You have to be punished now slut. I told you not to cum.” This time his voice showed a touch more emotion. She felt the restraints at her ankles being removed and her wrists were freed. She gratefully lowered her arms to her sides, stretching the sore muscles, trying to find relief. Before she could pull herself together, she felt the tugging at her neck once again and she followed it’s lead. She took only a few steps before she felt hands once again raising hers above her head and they were locked into wrist restraints that must’ve dangled right above her head. She now stood in the center of the room ,naked save for the collar, her arms restrained directly above her head.
She stood proudly, still not broken, still determined to over power this man with her will, still feeling the last vestiges of a fury that started many days ago and had almost destroyed her. Her thoughts flickered over the pain she felt from the loss of the man she loved. She knew it was her own fault, she had lost control of her anger, her paranoia and with that loss she had lost Him. She would give anything to turn back time and undo what she had done and said to him, to be given the opportunity to make him understand this demon she lived with once a month. The demon made His life uncomfortable during that week, but to her, it made life a HELL. It felt as if the feelings she did have grew in inverse proportion to the number of days before her flow and by the time she was ready to start she couldn’t discern between a fleeting feeling of annoyance and utter fury. If only He had understood that she needed MORE reassurance, loving concern and DIRECTION during those days…if only he still loved her. If only he would forgive her…if only she could make him understand…if only he had made her STOP and not destroy all that she held precious. If only he had said, “Lynn I am NOT going to let you do this to us, listen to ME and stop it right NOW!” If only he knew how much she loved Him and how sorry she was…if only…
Her thoughts were quickly returned to the present when she felt the first blow on her bottom. This time it was too much, she let out a yelp with the pain of it. What was He using? It felt much different than the crop, it had a thudding sting to it and it was almost unbearable.
“You have been a veryyy bad girl!” The Man said, as she continued to feel the blows to her buttocks and back. Over and over the assault continued on her skin, marking her, leaving a pattern of welted, bright red stripes. He continued the exorcistic beating toward her breasts. This was more than she could take and the screams echoed in the room around her head, reverberating back into her ears and making her dizzy. He continued to use the black leather belt on her as if trying to beat the Devil himself from her soul. She felt her mind and her body shatter as she gave up, she gave in, she turned it over to Him…finally, and the sobs and tears came with a great flood, purging her mind, body and soul. They came with great guttural wails, but the relief she felt was wonderful. How did he KNOW? How did he know this was what she needed? How could he possibly know what was in her heart? When she thought she had no more tears, she felt hands at the back of her head, removing the blindfold, and the light was gratefully dim, but she saw His face for the first time that evening.
It was Him.
It was her Master, her Love…the man who had taken the bullets from the gun, the man who had put up with her bullshit for many, many months…the man who still loved her. She raised her eyes to His and saw the pain there, and her tears started anew, it had been Him. The other man had never laid a finger on her. The other man stood off to the side, he had been the voice, but her Master had touched her. Her Master had broken her will and caused her to learn that she wanted to live, she wanted to overcome this burden they both lived with each month and that he would stay with her and help her to learn to battle the demon. She saw his eyes travel down her body, across the red streaks and settle between her legs. She lowered her eyes to her own body, and saw the blood there.
“You started your period…Thank God!” he said.
And they were safe..
Until next month…