Loading...2001 was a pretty shitty year for me. It started off with my husband of 5 years leaving me. I can’t say it was a complete surprise, I mean I did catch him cheating with my best friend at Christmas. I swear to god I loved him when I married him but…neither one of us had been happy for a long time. He blamed me for getting pregnant. We were just a couple of kids, I was 20 when told my new husband that we had another mouth to feed.
I was on the pill, but he swears I must have missed a day. He wanted me to have an abortion…but I don’t care what people say, I could not kill my baby. That’s part of a woman’s right to choose. I chose to keep my baby. What else could I do, to me it felt like murder.
Ron said he accepted it…but I knew. He hated how fat I got, the extra expense. I had to quit my job in the 7th month, and money was pretty tight. My dad helped out a lot. Ron hated accepting money from him. But we had to. Somehow that was my fault too. My daughter Beth was born, and for 3 years we tried to make it work. It was just too hard. The man I used to love slowly became a selfish, mean bully. He never quite hit me, but he did shove me around, especially when he drank. He would often get in my face and scream at me, tell me how dumb I was. Sometimes he’d say he was sorry later, once he even cried.
“Susan baby, I love you. I need you. Besides I’m all you got, I’m the father of your child. Just don’t piss me off and we’ll be ok.”
What else could I do? I mean I did not like it but he had a point. Afterwards he’d want makeup sex. I don’t know who came up with that phrase but it can be pretty miserable. Me and Ron never made up. We just stopped fighting. He was not sorry for the things he said or done, and I never really forgave him. I just wanted the fight to be over. If you’ve never had it happen to you, it must be hard to understand. I did not want his hands on me. I did not want to submit to him. I did not want to kiss him. It made me feel dirty, cheap, like a whore. He liked to undress me, to strip me naked and spread me open. It was humiliating. I think that was the whole fucking point. He’d fondle me, play with my tits, squeeze my ass, like I was a loaf of bread, a piece of meat. I’m not saying he never made me cum, he did, he always did. For the last year of my marriage I was not a wife, I was his sex toy. Just before Thanksgiving it came to a head, and I knew I had to leave. You see, I did not always give in. Sometimes I resisted.
I tried to that night.
“Ron please, not tonight, I’m tired, just go to sleep. ” I begged him.
The look of hatred that was on his face terrified me, I really did not know what he would do.
“What the fuck did you say to me you dumb bitch? This is all you are good for. I’m gonna fuck you twice as hard, twice as long now. It’s your own damn fault. Don’t you ever defy me, you piece of shit. You shut up and take my mother fucking cock, is that clear!!” he roared at me.
“Y,yyes, I’m sorry. I’ll do it, I’m sorry,” I whimpered in fear and shock.
It had never been this bad.
“Good, 69 me bitch. I want to see how fat your ass has gotten. Suck me good Susan While I play with your chubby butt. ”
It was so degrading. He mauled my ass, and tickled my pussy, while I slurped on his fat cock. My thighs were straddling his chest and I was so exposed to him. He kept whispering how soft and plump my ass was, how one day soon he would fuck me there. That’s what my fat ass was made for. He said a slut like me would enjoy getting her ass split, and ripped. He kept playing with my pussy, massaging my ass as he spewed his filthy threats. I could not help it, I came all over him.
“That’s right you sick little bitch, I knew you’d like this, I knew you’d want my dick inside of you, heh. What a nasty slut you are. I wish your precious daddy could see you now. Think daddy would like you if he knew you let me stick my finger in your ass? Look at it wiggle around! Sit still bitch. Not one word. Oh shit you have a sweet ass. I’m going to fuck you there, I’m gonna enjoy hurting you. I’ll shut that smart mouth of yours. Smack! Whack, Thwap! Don’t you dare scream. I own this ass and I’ll spank it if I want to. Mmmm, soo good. That’s it, keep sucking me, get me nice and hard. You know what’s coming now don’t ya Susie…stop. Lay down on your back, grab your ankles, spread em wide…wider damnit. Now say it, ask me to make love to you.”
Usually I did, but usually it was not this bad.. I could not stop crying, I was shaking and shivering. I could not say the words.
“Please…oh god, please,” I mewled. That made him laugh as he sunk his 8 inch dick into me, slowly, scraping my insides until he hit bottom. The he grabbed a tit in each hand and played with me.
“I love you Susan, you are the best fuck I’ve ever had. Nobody else has ever made me feel so good. Oooh that’s it milk me, milk my fat cock, while I milk your tits”. I was still nursing. Ron loved making me squirt my milk, getting it all over us, all over our bed. He was barely fucking me. He was so deep I could not help contracting, my pussy, as I tried to expel him. Every once in a while he’d slam into me brutally, just to let me know he was in charge. Then, he started playing with my pussy in earnest. He always did that, when he was ready to cum. He made me cum, to prove that I liked it. Just once I wished I could resist…but what could I do? Ron knew how to make me cum.
“Huh, huh, aghhhm ah god, eeee!”
“Oooh Susie, you’re messing up the sheets, you really drenched them. I’m glad baby, glad I could make you happy. Here, taste how sweet you are,” he said as scooped my cum on his hands, and then smeared it all over my face.
The sight of me covered in milk and girl cum, pushed him over the edge. He started slamming into me, hard, jerky powerful thrusts. He was pounding my pussy, ripping my cunt, rutting into me as hard as he could. What could I do? I just had to lay there and let my husband enjoy raping me. That’s how it felt, but I know it wasn’t really rape. I had never said no. He was my husband, he had not hit me, or truly forced me. He said he loved me, and made me cum. Twice. But I wasn’t the point, he did not care if he gave me pleasure or not. Ron insisted on fucking me with the lights on, with my eyes open. He’d stare at me with those cold, cruel eyes as he dripped his spunk inside of me. It made me feel like I was being raped. He’d grunt and thrust into me hard. A nasty little sneer on his face as he fucked me in the missionary position. My 36 c tits jiggling, flapping as he invariably, inevitably asked me, “Do you like it baby, do you feel that Susan? But something was different that night. I looked up in the doorway, and saw my 3 yr. old daughter. “Da, don hurt my mommy!
It nearly broke my heart that she had seen it. She had seen me naked and spread, and seen her father’s casual cruelty. But worst of all she saw how weak I was, how I accepted my humiliation. I did not want her to be like me. I wanted her to feel safe, and protected and loved. I knew I had to leave him, get my self respect back. If little Beth was getting old enough to understand that daddy was mean to mommy, then it was time to go. I had to, but it was not that easy.
My parents lived nearby, and helped out with daycare My dad ran a successful construction business. He was a bear of a man. An ex Jock, and 10 years in construction had layered him in muscle. Six four with thick blonde hair, trimmed in gray frosting at the temples. He had this deep belly laugh, and his eyes just kind of sparkled, when he looked at me, like he was sharing a private joke that only we were privy to. My dad always made me feel loved, but it was more than that. He made me feel special. Dad had known Ron was a loser, but I had refused to listen and married him. When we got into financial trouble all he asked me was how much do you need, and then gave me a thousand more than I asked for. He wasn’t rich, he just figured I would ask for less than I really need, due to pride. He was right. When I told him I was pregnant at 20, he ran across the room and kissed me gently. Then he picked me up and led me around the room, laughing, giggling like an idiot. I wrapped my legs around his waist like a little kid, and he just kept hugging me.
Compare that to Ron’s reaction and, well I lost it. I started crying. Daddy sat down and held me for a half hour. I fell asleep in his arms, listening to his deep rumbly voice tell me that he loved me, and it would be ok.
“Daddy will make sure everything is ok.”
My parents were freakishly in love. They had been best friends since childhood, lovers in school, and married at 19. As much as dad loved me, he loved mom even more. It was almost like they were one person sometimes. Dad loved the idea of having a grandchild so of course… Mom was simply bonkers about being a grandma too. She was a school Teacher, and adored kids. I remember the look on her face when I told her that I wanted to name my daughter after her. It was no surprise that they fell hopelessly in love with Beth. Dad rearranged his work schedule to have afternoons free. He said that he had missed so much of my baby years working , that he was glad to get a second chance to do it right. They were great parents. Kind, loving, funny. I was so ashamed. It would break their hearts if they knew how fucked up my life was.
Finally I told mom what Ron had done, that he had raped me. She told me to leave him, to come home.
“Susan…my god, fuck him!! That , mother fucking piece of shit! I’ll kill him myself. Nobody does that to my daughter. Oh baby, I’m so sorry. You deserve better. Come home with me. Daddy and I will take care of you,”she said as she sobbed in pain and grief while holding me.
I wanted to, I wanted to just shut down but…well I was 25 years old. It was time to grow up. I had messed up my life, I wanted to try and fix it. Mom said I could have 2 months. If Ron touched me again, she was telling my dad. Heh , snicker. I kept getting this image of Ron crying, draped over my dad’s lap, with his pants down, while he got his ass spanked Hee, hee. See how you like it you he-bitch, man-slut.
I decided to take some more computer classes (Dad paid for it) and got my Microsoft Certification. I was finally making a little money, setting it aside, building a nest egg so I could leave Ron. He beat me to it. After cheating on me with my best friend, he cleaned out our joint account, and found my stash of $2,000. Our credit cards were maxed out and he left me, and Beth to fend for ourselves. Happy New Year!
I was a mess, struggling to make ends meet. Upset and depressed about being such a fool. I really was just as dumb as Ron said I was. My life could not get any worse…and then it did.
I got the call around 1am.
“Mmmwhoizzit…whadya want,” I mumbled as I fumbled for the phone. “Susan, honey it’s dad. I need you to come to Springdale memorial ‘s ER right away…mom’s been hurt. Susan your mom has been hurt really bad. Drive safely…but oh god, I think you’d better hurry”.
I dropped the receiver, threw on an overcoat and ran to my car. I did not even lock the door or think about my 4 yr. old daughter. Ten minutes later I was looking at a man I could barely recognize. He looked kinda like my dad, but this man was too small. He had obviously been crying and my dad never did that. This man looked like he had been broken, he was weak. My dad was tall, handsome with a mischievous glint in his eye and a quick wit. He gave tight bear hugs and deep belly laughs. I don’t believe this man had ever laughed, or if he had, he never would again. He glanced up and saw me staring at him and slowly he pulled himself together. I watched as he stood straight, wiped his eyes, and called upon sheer strength of will to compose himself.
“Hello Susan, let’s take a walk.”
My father took me by the hand and led me outside to the ambulance bay.
“Dad I want to see mom, what did the doctor say, what happened?” I asked rapid fire. I knew if I could just see her, everything would be ok.
“Honey…your mom was in a car accident. She lost a lot of blood. The person who hit her drove off and just left her. Ahgod, he just left her. She did not receive treatment right away. Baby…the doctors tried, I, I saw them, I made sure. They really tried….but she was already gone.”
Nononononononononono…. The words did not make sense. I heard him speaking but it was like a deep, buzzing mumble. I felt hot, I was clammy and, sweaty and cold. I realized I had no shoes on. I closed my eyes for a minute, and must have gotten dizzy or something. I looked up and my dad was calling my name. I was laying on the ground, shivering. He sat down next to me, in the parking lot of the hospital where my mother died, and pulled me into his lap. My dad held me, and rocked me and kissed my hair for a long, long time.
The next 3 weeks were a blur. You have not lived until you try and explain death to a four year old girl who loved her grandma very much. I tried to help out as much as I could. I was basically trying to work, take care of my kid, and run two households. My dad appeared to be normal but he wasn’t. He just shut down. He barely spoke, never cried, and refused to go to the funeral.
“I’m sorry honey but I can’t, I won’t say goodbye to her. Not now, maybe not ever. I don’t care what people think, I don’t feel like being on display, listening to their platitudes, their polite sympathy. She’s mine! I’ll honor her in my own way, as I see fit. In private. I hope you can understand.”
I sat in my father’s lap, the way I had when I was a little girl. I kissed him and laid my head on his broad chest. He still did not cry, but that was ok. I cried for him.
That conversation, and my father’s behavior made me a little afraid for him. He needed me, and Beth. He needed people, love, companionship. He needed to talk, to be with the living. I needed him too. I needed help, financially. Saving $700 a month on rent would be a big help. I’d use that money to pay off the credit card bills Ron had piled up. Thank god on the really big cards I was not an authorized buyer on the account. I guess he was afraid I would leave him, and stick him with the bill (hmm wonder why). Moving back home, just made the most sense. It felt good, right somehow. I noticed that I stopped calling him Dad. Moving back home, being around him everyday, having Beth call him “Grumpa” well it made me feel like his little girl again, he was my daddy. I was able to take care of him, I cooked and cleaned and washed for him. It felt kind of nice, to be there for my daddy, to know that he needed me. Beth got to live in a real house, with a big back yard. We showered daddy with love. It felt so good to live with a kind, decent man. No cursing, or screaming, or rape. Just love.
After nine months life seemed to return too normal. I was almost out of debt, Beth was in kindergarten. Daddy sold his company for a nice profit, and with mom’s Life insurance, and the money from the drunk who murdered her, he was able to retire. Dad set up a college fund for Beth and a small trust fund for me. Then he added my name to the mortgage, and paid it off. I was thankful, really I was. But I began to get this odd vibe from him, like maybe he wasn’t going to be around, like he was settling his affairs.
Dec 1st it all came to a head. Daddy had been acting odd all day. He got up early, put on a suit and a tie. It was 7am and I had just gotten out of the shower. I had on a bra and panties when there was a knock on my bedroom door.
“Come in sweetie…” I called to my daughter. She often came in and talked to me while I was getting ready for work. It was not my daughter.
“Oh my god, er um excuse me…I thought you said come in, I’m sorry, oh my god,” my dad stammered as he blushed and stared at my nearly naked body. He turned his head, while I threw on a robe.
“Oh dad, you surprised me, sorry about that. I thought it was Beth. Why are you so dressed up today, you look really handsome daddy, c’mere let me straighten your tie.”
My dad walked over to me slowly. I had to stand on my toes to reach my 6ft 4 inch father’s neck. He must have dressed in the dark, his tie was over his collar in some places. I got very close to him and rested my arms on his shoulders as I fixed the mess he made. He smelled so good. Dad always used Bay Rum and Old Spice. I love the way he smells, wanted him to stay next to me for a little while.
“Dad I want to thank you for taking me and Beth in. I owe you so much. I don’t know what I would have done. You’ve make me so happy. Being close to you again…well it feels really good. I love you so much,” I said as I hugged him tight and nestled my body against him.
Then it happened. I felt daddy’s penis move, just a twitch or two. I mean he did not get completely hard, but we both felt it.
“Um sweetie, I love you too, and I’m glad you are with me. I appreciate all you have done. Never forget that I love you and Beth. Now I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.” I barely heard him. My brain was reeling. I made my daddy hard! That had never happened before. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Dad had always had mom before, he was getting sex on a regular basis. Casual contact with his daughter would not make him hard. But that had changed. Dad had not had sex in over 9 months. Still, the idea of daddy being a man, a sexual man with a penis, made me uncomfortable. After Ron, I did not like sex. He was the only man I’d ever been with, and I never wanted to have sex again.
It took most of the day for me to realize what the significance of Dec 1st was. It’s my parent’s wedding anniversary. I had a hunch, I knew where my dad was, where he would want to spend the day. I put on a nice dress, and asked a friend to pick Beth up from school. Then I joined my father at my mother’s grave.
All these month’s I knew he was sad, but I thought he was getting better. I was wrong. his grief was still fresh in him. He had kept the worst of it hidden from me. But it was still there. In fact it had gotten worse. He was sitting on a blanket next to my mom’s plot. As I walked up I could hear him talking to…her.
“I love you baby, I miss you so much. I tried to be strong, but I’m tired, I need a break. I need my wife back. I have the right to be happy. I have the right to be with you. I just want to make sure our girls are ok. This is your fault. How dare you leave me. Damn you, I can’t stand it anymore. What else can I do.”
I did not know what to say, I was so scared, and angry, I just left. My father would not do this to me. He would not leave me too. I had to find a way to reach him, to let him know how much I loved him and needed him. Sometimes words just are not enough. Sometimes you have to show how much you care. It was late when my father came home. Beth was taking her bath and we had already eaten dinner.
“Dad…I’m sorry I forgot, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to celebrate, um to be reminded of mom…” My father gave me a small smile, and a pat on the shoulder.
“It’s ok sweetie, I just wanted to spend a little time with her. It’s been almost a moth since I visited her last. I’m not really hungry, I think I’ll just turn in,” he said as he kissed my cheek and headed t his room.
Beth and I watched a movie, and then we went to bed too. Shortly after midnight, I went to the bathroom. I passed my parent’s room, and could hear noises. My father was crying! I realized then how stupid I had been, how selfish. I had assumed that he had never cried for my mother. I was convinced that he had locked it all away. I was wrong. My father had been in pain, crying himself to sleep, and I never knew. He was just too proud to cry in front of me and Beth, but he was hurting. He needed me. What could I do? I waited until the crying stopped, counted to 30 and knocked on his door.
“Dad, can I come in?”
“Ah, Sure honey what’s wrong?”
“Daddy, I’m sorry, I can’t sleep. I had a nightmare. Do you mind if I get in bed with you for a little while, just until I get sleepy.”
My father seemed very surprised, and a little amused. I used to love snuggling between my parents when I was a little girl. Even when I was a teenager, I can remember laying across the foot of their bed, and reading the paper with them on a Sunday morning. However, I had never shared a bed with just daddy.
“Susan…would you rather just talk, maybe make some sleepy time tea? I was wearing flannel pajamas, and dad had boxers and a T-shirt. This was not sexual. I just wanted to comfort him, to hold him. I knew he would never let me do it any other way.
“Pleaseeee Daddy, just for a little while, please” I did not wait for his answer. I scrambled into bed, under the covers with him. Then I hugged him hard, and laid my head on his chest. I pulled his arm over my back and relaxed. I know I was doing this for him, but it felt so good, when daddy held me. Daddy finally hugged me back, and I drifted off to sleep in his embrace.
The next morning, daddy was up and about before me. I found him sipping coffee in the kitchen.
“Morning daddy”, I said as I took his mug and drank deeply. Daddy laughed and asked if I was satisfied. “No, not yet said as I sat in his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist and we read the paper together.
“Dad, um about last night…did you mind me sleeping with you. I mean it really helped. I was kind of silly I guess, but it felt good, ” I stammered, and blushed.
Daddy was quiet for a while, but then said, “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You did surprise me, but I’m you’re dad, even though you are 26, I’ll always be you’re daddy. To be honest…well, sometimes I get lon…well sometimes I miss having your, having someone in bed with me. I slept with her for more than half my life. Every night…it’s hard. But last night with you, well it’s the first time I was able to sleep through the night. Thank you, ” he mumbled and stuttered and whispered.
My plan was working perfectly, daddy was remembering that he had responsibilities, that I still needed him. I encouraged Beth to be extra affectionate to him as well. Poor daddy, he had two adoring females, hugging, kissing, sitting in his lap, demanding his attention for most of the day. We had a nice meal together, and then Beth asked him a question out of the blue “Grumpa tell me a story.
“Ok sweetie, how about Cat in the Hat, or the Big Blue Bunny?”
“No Grumpa, tell me a story about Granma.”
The room got really quiet then, I felt tears in my eyes, but did not say a word. Dad spoke in a soft voice: “What do you want to know baby girl.”
“Tell me bout the football game, bout How Much She Loved Him.”
I of course knew the story of when my mother proposed to my father. It was the championship game, my dad was the starting middle linebacker. The game was close, and it was late in the 4th quarter. My dad got hit from behind and was knocked out cold with a concussion. My mom and he had been friends, and then lovers, but had never talked about marriage. Mom was in the stands, but when she saw him lying there on that field she was terrified. She realized that she loved him. She rushed from the stands, and out onto the field. When dad finally woke up, he saw my mother’s tear streaked face. She kissed him on that field, in front of all those people and told him that she loved him, and wanted to be his wife. They were 18 yrs old, had no money, but my dad said yes. What else could he do? You see as he looked up from the ground, at the hysterical woman, he realized how much she loved him, that they were meant to be.
I’d heard the story a hundred times growing up. But as my father told it to Beth that night I listened again, and could not help crying for what he had lost. Dad finished the story, kissed Beth and carried her off to her bed.
Later that night I came to his room. This time I did not even ask him, I just got in bed with my daddy and snuggled up next to him. He sighed, and smiled and let me. I fit perfectly against my daddy. I kissed him and he hugged me tighter. I smiled to myself as we drifted off to sleep.
It was dark. Something woke me up. Someone was fondling my tits. A penis was pressing into my panties. In my disoriented state I assumed it was Ron. I was about to scream, when I smelled the bay rum, and old spice. Slowly I realized where I was, who was fondling me. Daddy had spooned me in his sleep. It was reflexive, instinct. He did not mean to do it. His face was nuzzled in my neck and he was softly snoring. I forced myself to relax. I could deal with this. Nothing bad was going to happen, no sex. He was not really mauling me, he was just holding my breasts, cupping them hard. We both had layers of clothing between our privates. Yes he was very hard, and I could feel him rubbing my pussy with his dick, once I realized it was daddy, and that he was asleep, I was ok. He was holding me too tight to slip away, so I finally accepted it and tried to go back to sleep. It was weird, uncomfortable–but ok. He was slowly humping me now. He is so strong, so powerful. At some point I jus gave in and let daddy have me.
The next morning daddy’s morning hard on was pressing into my crotch. One arm was draped across my breasts. That’s how we woke up.
” Morni..whu, Oh my god! Susan, I am sorry, what have I done?!” Daddy said as he leapt out of bed and left the room.
For a while my brain kind of shut down. Something bad, something dirty had just happened. There was a large wet spot on my panties. It covered most of my butt, where daddy’s cock had nestled in to me. Here’s the strange part, my front was wet too. Somehow daddy must have cum on my pussy and drenched it. My entire crotch and ass was dripping.. My nipples were hard, and my breasts were very sensitive from where his hands had played with me in our sleep. I got out of bed and slowly peeled my clothes off. I walked to the bathroom and could smell the sex all over my body. I was pretty upset, shaking a little, and breathing hard. My daddy had cum on me, my daddy had thought of me sexually. He…wanted to fuck me. Oh I know, it was not really his fault, exactly. In fact he was probably dreaming of mom when he did it. I don’t know how that made me feel. I mean that he wasn’t even thinking of me, that I was standing in for my mom…was odd.
“Oh my god, dad! He’s gotta be feeling guilty, what’s he going to do?” I panicked, and jumped out of the shower. I threw some panties on and fastened a robe around my still wet body, while running downstairs. My father was sitting n the living room. His eyes were red. He looked pitiful, miserable.
“Susan, I need to talk to you. I don’t know how it happened. I’m sorry, oh baby I’m so sorry. I have disgraced myself, and abused your trust. ”
Now don’t get me wrong, I did not like my daddy’s cum, or his big thick dick pressing into me. His hands had no business rolling, squeezing, kneading my tits. But, well come on! He was my daddy, and I loved him. It was a freak accident, I knew it would never happen again. I had to show daddy that I still loved him, that I still trusted him. Slowly I walked over to him and kneeled between his legs and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Daddy please don’t be sad, I forgive you. I love you. It’s ok, I understand,” I said as I held him. My robe gapped open a little and my left nipple pressed into his stomach. If I leaned back to fix it, he would see. So I kept myself tight against him. Daddy was so pleased that I was not angry. He settled to the floor with me and wrapped me tight in his arms, in his lap. I could tell, he wasn’t even hard, I checked.There is something about being in my daddy’s arms that always made me feel safe, made me feel special. I felt so warm, so absolutely loved, I dozed off, while daddy snuggled me.
I woke up to the sound of Sat morning cartoons.
“Morning mommy, morning Grumpa” a bright cheery voice proclaimed. I tried my best not to feel like I’d been caught doing something wrong. I was half naked, my robe was completely open, and I was stretched out on my daddy’s stomach, my head was on his chest., my nipples pressing flat against him. OH no, daddy had done it again, he had cum all over my panties, I was soaking, sopping wet.
I hoped Beth could not see anything. I had a thick cotton robe on. I did not want to appear guilty so I stayed where I was, with daddy’s arms around me. After all, he was MY daddy, I could snuggle with hm if I wanted to.He was still asleep.
“Morning baby-girl, Shh be quiet, don’t wake your grandpa. When she turned back to watch the TV, I carefully slid out of his arms. Dad must have really gushed all over me, my panties were dripping. His pajamas…oh shit, holy shit! His pajamas were dry! My robe was dry…but my panties were slick, sticky, and , very, very, wet. Slowly I realized the truth. Daddy did not cum on me, I came on him.
This was impossible, I don’t even like sex. Certainly not with my own daddy. After Ron I knew I would never trust a man again. I would never let someone hurt me and my daughter. I could not trust any of them. I went upstairs for my second shower of the day. Then I got dressed and asked dad if he would mind watching Beth for me. I could not even look him in the eye. I did some shopping, stopped by my office, went to the library–anything to be alone, where nobody would talk to me. I needed to figure out what was going on, why my body was reacting this way to my dad. I stayed out for hours and had not really solved anything. So, I went home.
It was after 8pm when I got home and Beth was dressed for bed. She was watching TV and my dad was doing a load of laundry. I let Beth finish her movie, and then tucked her into bed. Dad and I were still awkward around each other. He felt bad cuz he had reacted to me sexually. I felt worse cu I had done the same thing, and not told him. So we said good night and went to our rooms. Alone. I just could not sleep. I kept tossing and turning and sweating. I felt itchy and hot. Finally I got up to get something to get something cool to drink. It was 1am so I did not bother with a robe, I had on a silk nightie, no bra, no panties. I went to the kitchen and saw dad at the table. Drinking a glass of milk. He almost choked when he saw me. For a second his eyes filled with pure lust and I felt myself blush. I resisted the urge to cover my breasts, to hide my pussy from my daddy. For some reason I let him see me.
“Hi dad, I couldn’t sleep.”
“Me either….um, well I’m gonna go watch a little TV,” he said as he looked at my nipples peeking through the sheer material. I should have left. I should have gone upstairs. I didn’t.
“Daddy, can we talk?”
“(sigh) Ok, sure baby, I think we need to. ” I knew what I had to do. I had to tell him everything. What Ron had done, how he had raped me repeatedly. How stupid, and weak I had been. I needed to tell him how much I loved him, how he had saved me. That I had moved in with him for my own reasons, it wasn’t just nobility, to take care of him. It was also out of desperate necessity, I had used him. His grief and depression had played to my advantage. I would have to tell him that I had heard him cry, heard his suicidal talk. I would have to tell my daddy that, I was attracted to him, somehow. I chickened out, it was too much, too hard, too soon.
So instead I said, “Daddy, can we talk in the morning, I want to go to bed.”
“Um ok sweetie, we’ll talk tomorrow, goodnight. ”
“No, daddy, you don’t understand, I don’t want to be alone. I want to sleep with you. I want you to hold me. Please, daddy, just hold your girl.”
Daddy was quiet, so quiet. “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry, but I can’t help myself. I can’t just hold you anymore, or let you sit in my lap. I think I better start looking for a new place. It’s not your fault, Susan. Please god, never think that it is. You just look so, I must be sick. If I hold you again, I am going to do things to you. I’m not going to stop. I’ll ruin everything.”
I fell in love with my daddy for the second time in my life that night. I don’t know where I found the courage, but what else could I do? I pulled my daddy to his feet and stood on my toes. Then I kissed him. Slow and gentle at first, then I heard this ragged panting coming from me. Daddy picked me up and dangled me in the air while he licked my tongue, sucked my mouth. So slow, so gentle, so delicious. I hugged him tight and he set me down. I pulled my gown over my head, and threw it aside.
Daddy licked his lips and mumbled, “So fucking beautiful” .
He picked me up in his strong arms and carried me to his bed. Then he got naked, and crawled next to me. Softly he spoke: Susan, I love you. I want to make love to you very much. I need to suck you, to taste that salty little pussy of yours, to suckle at your breast. I want to fuck you hard and thick, and proper. But that is not going to happen tonight. I know baby, I know what Ron did to you. Your mom told me. I know that he was a selfish, greedy bastard. I could not bear it if you ever thought I took advantage of you. We have to take it sl-o-w baby. I just want to kiss you tonight, to sleep naked in your arms. Maybe one day we’ll do a little more. Maybe one day a whole lot more. But tonight, I just want to look, and touch and smell and taste you. Only you. ”
I was 26 years old, and I had never had that, never been in love. I’ve never had a man make love to me like that. It felt sensual, and pure, almost innocent, virginal. It was a precious gift he gave me. Daddy caressed me, licked and sniffed me. He made me laugh, it was fun. Just laying there, exposed. Seeing how bad he wanted me. Looking at his big cock, straining, nearly bursting, bouncing up and down. I straddled daddy and tried to put it inside of me, but he stopped me. He was serious, no fucking. I could feel the heat of his dick next to my pussy and it made me drip sloppily. I wanted him to fuck me now. To slide that cock inside of me. I was used to rough sex. Somehow I knew that daddy would never hurt me as bad as Ron did. Even if he ripped me a little bit, I could take it. I’d let my daddy fuck me. I wanted it. I was sitting on his stomach now and he made me lay down. I reached back a second time to stuff that beefy cock inside of my dripping little pussy when daddy grabbed my hands and held me still.
He was serious. In that deep, daddy voice he said, “No! Susie, that’s enough. Shh, rest little one, hush now go to sleep. Daddy’s here and he loves you.”
What else could I do, he’s my daddy?
Like any good girl, I was trained to obey my daddy’s voice. I kissed him goodnight and he rocked me to sleep. For now, that would have to be good enough.
For now…