I was just going peacefully about my business and there comes this knock on the door. Naturally, I ignored it. I was busy.
Apparently, whoever it was had seen me moving around inside, because they were persistent, and noisy. Too damn noisy. The way that idiot was banging on the door they’d start disturbing the neighbours, and I didn’t want that, so reluctantly I answered.
There was this woman standing there. This very angry woman.
“How dare you just ignore me like that? Do you know who I am?”
I just looked at her for a moment, considering my reply. Then I answered.
“No, I don’t know who you are and neither do I care. I only opened the door to stop you disturbing the neighbours. Whatever you’re selling, I don’t want. If you’re collecting, I already gave. Now please go away. I’m busy.”
“I am the wife of your wife’s lover. I want you to tell your wife to leave my husband alone.”
“I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong person, lady. My wife would not take a lover,” I told her. “Why don’t you ask your husband for more details?”
“Your wife is most definitely sleeping with my husband,” she yelled at me. “You’re just in denial, unable to face up to the facts.”
At this stage, wanting to keep the scene as quiet as possible, (the neighbours, you know), I let her push past me into the front room. For someone who appeared to be asking for a favour she was being awfully pushy and rude.
I tried to sooth her down.
“I assure you, lady, it’s not possible for my wife to have a lover. If she did, I’d know. You’ve got the wrong man. Why don’t you go and follow him around and get a photo of the real woman.”
She thought she had me there. She whipped out her phone and showed me a picture of some guy kissing a woman.
“Very nice,” I told her, “but she still isn’t my wife.”
She was hopping mad at that. Apparently I was still in denial. The whole thing was probably all my fault. I’d driven her away to a better man, but my wife wasn’t latching on to her husband. I had to control her.
I was getting a bit narked by all this thundering denunciation. I still had things to do and she was bothering me. I figure if I can’t soothe her and persuade her to leave, maybe insulting her will do it.
“Listen, lady,” I snarled at her, “if you were any good in bed your husband probably wouldn’t have wandered. But if he has wandered, it wasn’t towards my wife. She had better taste than to pick up someone who finds someone like you attractive. Marry you for your money, did he?”
Typically, it was the no good in bed bit that riled her. All women like to think they’re unbeatable between the sheets.
“What do you mean I might be no good in bed? I am superb. My husband is just trying to help some poor deluded woman who’s stuck with a husband who’s not man enough for her. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
I sighed. This woman wasn’t going easily.
“You tell yourself whatever you want, lady. I can assure you that no-one is screwing my wife. If you can’t meet her husband’s needs, and it appears you can’t, maybe you should take some lessons. Have you considered taking lessons from a pro?”
One again she turned it back on me. More of it’s all my fault because obviously I can’t satisfy my wife. Maybe I need the lessons.
“How do you know you’re any good in bed, lady? Have you asked your husband if you’re pleasing him? Have you done anything about getting a second opinion?”
She didn’t like that one.
“You, sir, are a moron. I am a lady. I don’t hop between beds like some men’s wives.”
So it was time for me to get down and dirty. She was really quite attractive, even if I don’t normally go for the elegant type, so it was easy to imagine her in bed and give myself an erection.
Smiling nastily, I unzipped and flashed my erection at her. My very large erection.
“Look, lady, I’ve got equipment like this. Do you really think a woman used to this sort of loving is going to run around with some pencil dick like your husband?”
“That’s the problem,” she promptly shrieked. “You’ve abused your wife and she is scared of you and so she’s gone to my husband for consolation. You’re an animal.”
I was getting really sick of this idiot. She had to go.
“Lady, I’m an animal with a large dick, and if you don’t want to find out what it’s like, run away. Your husband isn’t bonking my wife. You’ve come to the wrong address.”
She was so angry she was literally bouncing on the spot.
“If you lay a finger on me I’ll scream. You’re a monster. You probably threaten your wife like that, too. That’s why she’s gone elsewhere.”
“I don’t need to. She appreciates me. I only threaten silly little girls who’ll run away if faced with a big dick. Now may I suggest that you start running away before I start taking your clothes off? Once I start I won’t stop.”
“No,” she shouted at me. “I want to know what you’re going to do about your wife and my husband?”
“I keep telling you, lady, nothing. Your husband isn’t screwing my wife but if you don’t go away I’ll be screwing his wife very shortly.”
“You wouldn’t dare. I’d have the police around in no time.”
“Really? And tell them that you can’t hang onto your husband, and screwed your husband’s lover’s husband in revenge and are now crying rape?”
“You’re despicable. How dare you? Your wife’s just a fling to my husband. You should bring her into line.”
“For the last time, not my wife. If he’s mucking around on the side he’s probably screwing your sister because she’s younger than you and better in bed. Now at the count of three I’m going to start taking your clothes off and I won’t stop until you’re naked. And once you’re naked I will screw you. One!”
“He is not sleeping with my sister,” she yelled. “He’s with your wife.”
She paused for a second then squawked, “What do you think you’re doing?”
“You weren’t listening, were you? I reached three. I’m now talking off your clothes.”
I won’t go into details here. Let’s just say there was a lot of squealing and wriggling, but I calmly stripped the silly woman. She struggled, but I was a lot bigger, stronger and faster. It only took a couple of minutes.
Once she was naked I held her hands behind her back with one hand while she struggled, and ran my other hand over her.
“You have a very nice body,” I observed. “Soft in all the right places.”
I squeezed her breast, and ran my palm across a nipple, seeing it stand up like a good little trooper.
“Now are you going to get dressed and go away or do I bed you first?” I asked her.
I’ll give her this. She was determined. She had one thing on her mind and she wasn’t budging from it.
“You wouldn’t dare, you bastard. Now, what are you going to do about your wife?” she demanded.
I sighed. Serves her right, if she can’t see reason.
“Nothing, but you’ve run completely out of time. I’m now taking you to bed and I’m going to screw your arse off. You’ve run me clear out of patience with you.”
I slung her over my shoulder and walked into the bedroom, with her yelling and kicking all the way. I’m glad the house has reasonable soundproofing. I still didn’t want any nosy neighbours over.
I tossed her onto the bed. It was a nice big one, king size. Holding her down with one hand I undid my trousers and dropped them. Now she had a much closer view of my erection, and she didn’t seem impressed. I let her go for a second while I fished out a condom from my wallet, and she tried to scramble away, but I was between her and the door. She had nowhere to go.
Once the condom was on I bounced across the bed and grabbed her again, tossing her back onto the bed. She landed on her back and before she could move away again I was effectively lying on top of her.
She tried to claw me, and she did give me one bite, but I caught her arms and held them above her head while I steered clear of her teeth. My laughing at her probably didn’t help the situation at all.
Her legs were held tightly together, which was only to be expected in the circumstances, but I didn’t see any need to use force. I just lay on her with my knee pressing firmly between her legs, just above her knees. She was spending all her energy trying to hold her legs together, and she looked quite shocked when her legs started to tremble and she found I could then part them with ease.
Now that I was between her thighs, it didn’t take long to position myself for entry. I explained to her that I was now going to come in, and that she’d have more fun if she co-operated, but I suspected that she wouldn’t. I told her that this was her chance to show me just how superb she was in bed.
As an aside, may I say I was shocked that a lady like that knew words like those? Really shocked. What is the world coming to?
I spread her lips a little and pressed against them. She expressed her appreciation by calling me names, but I just smiled and pressed a little harder. She was tight, and she was hot and, surprisingly, she was also wet. This was a help, trying to make my way up her tight passage, but by moving slowly and giving her time to adjust I finally sank all the way into her.
I just held her there for a moment, letting her adjust to me, and then I started to move. To start with, I just made small movements, withdrawing a little and then sinking back in. These little movements can be just as interesting as the big ones, and they encourage the woman’s body to move gently in time with the man’s erection.
I could see the indignation on the woman’s face as she found herself moving automatically with me, but she didn’t bother to try to stop it. She seemed resigned to the fact that I was taking her, and she was just going to let it happen.
I took my time. My work schedule was totally screwed up now, so I wouldn’t bother with it. Instead, I used the time allocated for it in a more pleasant fashion.
As the moments passed, my strokes changed, moving from those initial gentle movements to longer harder strokes, where I would pull almost completely out of her before returning all the way back in with a hard sharp thrust.
She stayed with me as we progressed, her hips lifting to meet me, effectively offering herself to me with each hard lunge. Just because she didn’t want it, it didn’t mean that she didn’t enjoy it. Sometimes there’s a thrill in being mastered, forced to go where your master wants you.
At the end there, she was gasping and mewling in spite of herself, her body taking command away from her mind and accepting the pleasure it wanted. She screamed when her climax finally hit her, and I felt like doing something similar. (Screaming that is, not hitting her.)
Eventually I rolled off her and politely asked her intentions.
“Are you going to get dressed and run along now or do you want to stay and have seconds?”
Her answer was to storm out of the bedroom and throw on her clothes. She dressed furiously, breathing threats of vengeance, and then stalked out of the house.
I watched her get in car, a nice BMW, and drive away.
Then I slipped out the back door, got on my bike and departed. That’s the first time I’ve had a burglary interrupted by an angry wife. I wonder when she’ll notice that I nicked her rings, earrings and watch.