Like many gay men I know, I questioned my sexuality in silence for a very long time. On countless occasions I had sat in my room and fantasized about what it would be like to be with another man, but I had never had the courage to do anything about it or even try and find others who felt the same way I did. After all, where would I look? I was too timid to venture into the bars, and was too afraid that someone would discover my dark secret.
So for years my fantasy world grew, becoming increasingly elaborate and secretive. On the outside I was the boy next door: kind, friendly to others, and seeming as straight as any other guy you’d meet. But in the privacy of my room, where no one could see me to even guess at the nature of my thoughts, I would unleash the man I was inside, and draw mental pictures of all the men I wanted inside of me. That is until I met Darren.
I had moved around a lot after high school and had lived in a lot of different places. Of them all, my favorite was California. So when a job I had been toiling away at up north felt like it was getting old, I decided it was time for me to head back to sunshine and clean streets. I had met Darren the last time I had been out there. We had hung out a couple of times, talked, gone for coffee at Denny’s at 1:00 AM. Just casual times.
He had mentioned to me one night while we were sitting in his car that he had been with guys before. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I had kept my secret from everyone for so long that I was good at being detached. We had enjoyed each other’s company, and he gave me his phone number before I left in case I was ever in the area again. So when I decided I was moving there for good, I gave him a call. He was surprised and happy to hear from me, and instantly offered to let me stay with him. We decided that he would quit his job and we’d move to a bigger city somewhere and maybe even get a place together.
I made all the arrangements to move down and decided it would be easiest to take the bus. He agreed to meet me at the bus station. It was a long trip, covering a big chunk of the continent over the course of two days. By the time I got there I’m sure I must have looked like hell. It was early in the morning and I was dying for a shower. When I got to the depot, there he was, grinning, and looking the perfect picture of the California stud. Curly blond hair, a cute surfer’s face, and a great body that I had never allowed myself to think about. He shook my hand.
“You must be hungry.”
I was starving and I said so. We celebrated my entry into the state by doing the California thing and heading for the Taco Bell drive-thru. I was home.
To my surprise, I discovered that he had moved in with his parents. He was working at a convenience store, just hanging around, and had figured it would be easier for him to save some money if he stayed with them. He said the place wasn’t too big, so I’d have to stay in his room with him. That didn’t bother me much as I’d roughed it a lot worse than that. We got there, unloaded my stuff, and tramped on in. His room wasn’t too big and was made even smaller by the huge bed in the corner. It looked like you could have fit a dozen people in it.
“Think we’ll have room?” I joked.
He gave me an inscrutable grin. “I guess so.”
I slept hard that night as it had been a rough few days for me. When I woke up he had already left for work and I spent the day getting to know his parents and just resting up from my grueling trip. When he got home he said he wanted to go to dinner, so we got in his truck and he gave me the tour of his little northern CA city. Watching him, he seemed a bit preoccupied. I’d catch him looking at me as if he was examining me. He’d quickly look away or ask me something. I decided I was just tired and wouldn’t think anything of it. But during the next couple of days, he started to be a little more blatant. We went to the video store to rent a couple of movies, a favorite way he had to spend time, and when we stopped for gas I offered to pick up the tab in thanks for his letting me stay with him.
“That’s OK,” he said. “You can just bend over for me when we get home.”
I laughed at him and he laughed too. It was, I thought, just the usual crude joke between two good friends. We got home, watched the films, and I again awoke to an empty bed as he was off to work.
I had been staying with him for about a week when we ran by the video store again. On the way I was messing with my hair, which I had been growing out, and he brought out a hair elastic and said I should put it up in a ponytail. I figured what the hell, it beats having it on my neck all the time. So I did, and he gave me a big smile and said it looked good. I kept it up the rest of the night.
We decided to rent the Brad Pitt film Kalifornia. I’d never seen it before and he liked it a lot and hadn’t seen it in a while. I enjoyed it, but was feeling kind of tired and fell asleep shortly after it was over. It had some pretty sexy parts, with David Duchovny’s girlfriend’s nude photography, Pitt doing Juliette Lewis in the car… But I never thought it would have that much influence on Darren’s libido. It was a little after 2 in the morning when I woke up (I knew because I looked at the clock shortly afterwards). I had been dreaming, and for a moment was kind of groggy and couldn’t place where I was. Then I felt a hand on me. I had my jeans on, as I had fallen asleep before I stripped down to the boxers that I usually slept in. The hand was rubbing my crotch, feeling the outlines of my hardening dick, and sliding up and down my zipper, nursing and encouraging the erection that had roused me from sleep.
I didn’t know what to do. The first thought I had was to sit up and ask him what the hell he was doing. But I was torn: his fondling had already stirred my lust, yet I was too groggy to think straight. Suddenly I turned over, causing his hand to fall to the sheets. As I felt my mind awaken, I heard him begin to move. I could feel the bed shaking slightly. I realized he was masturbating. It was too much for me. I had spent hours in my room fantasizing about moments like this, and to have it suddenly sprung on me was more than I could ever have believed possible.
He must have finished, because he got up from the bed, went to the bathroom, and when he came back he stayed on the other side of the bed, curled up, and went to sleep. But I had just begun to awaken, in more ways than one. What did this mean? Better yet, had he been looking at me all this time as someone he wanted to have sex with? I was confused. Sleep finally came after what felt like hours of questioning, and when I awoke in the morning he was again gone.
I spent much of the morning looking at myself in the tall mirror at the foot of his bed. Who was I? The quiet, normal boy everyone knew, or the insatiable gay lover that inhabited my private thoughts and dreams? With the door locked, I stripped my clothes off and looked at my naked body. Yes, this is what I wanted. I wanted to make love to a man. I laid back on his bed, and moved myself into various positions, all the while gazing in the mirror at my hardening cock. On my hands and knees, I looked back and presented my ass to the mirror. I pictured Darren coming home from work, walking into his bedroom, surprised by me on his bed on all fours, and me saying, “Darren, I want you to fuck me.” I looked down between my legs at my dangling cock and saw a translucent pearl of pre-cum shining at its tip. I wanted him. I wanted his mouth on me; I wanted his hot hard dick inside of me.
I spent the rest of the day sprawled on his bed, reading and waiting for him to get home. When he did arrive, it was unexpectedly awkward. He had obviously assumed that my action of the night before meant that I was disinterested. I sensed that he was embarrassed, and that if I had questioned him on what he was doing the night before that he would deny it and claim he was asleep. But I knew that in several hours it wouldn’t matter anyway, and so I kept quiet and let him worry about what he had done. I would more than make up for it when it was time to go to bed.
It felt like the night went on forever. We sat in the living room, silent, his parents engrossed in the television. Finally, I felt it late enough to feign tiredness. I pretended to stifle a yawn, muttered some unheard comment on how I still had not gotten over that awful trip, and stumbled off to his bedroom. I hoped to hear him right behind me. But I prepared for bed alone. I would have to make myself blatantly clear. Normally I would strip down to my t-shirt and boxers. But tonight was going to be unlike any other I had had before. In the dark I threw off my shirt, and then tossed my boxers into the corner and crawled into the bed naked, my cock throbbing in excitement and anticipation of what was to come.
I spent several minutes arranging myself in a manner that would look inviting. I finally settled on legs spread, my arms raised above me, one hand behind my head while I leaned on it in what was supposed to appear to be tiredness. But as the minutes rolled by, I found myself genuinely overcome by tiredness, and at some point I must have drifted to sleep in the position that I had finally settled on.
I awoke to find myself in one of my dreams. A hand was sliding across the inside of my thigh. Fingers grasped and pulled at my bristling scrotum. My 7-inch uncut cock was straining upwards, and I knew that this was going to be the night I had always imagined. His hand grazed my dick as he squeezed and fondled my balls, rolling them from one finger to another as they swung from side to side. I couldn’t see him, but I knew that he was taking the time to discover my previously unseen manhood. He wanted to know what he would be dealing with every night. Every night? The thought startled me. I was living with him. I was sleeping in his bed. He was massaging my balls. And I could do this almost anytime I wanted. I felt like my entire body was on fire.
His hand moved up and began to stroke me. I could feel the foreskin growing wet as the puddle of pre-cum he had created spread itself down my shaft. I assumed he had never been with an uncut guy before, and was getting to know what it felt like. He pulled the skin down, and began to rub his fingers over my head, spreading my wetness all over my pubic hair and my balls. His index finger grazed my dick-hole, and the contact with the sensitive skin made me shudder. Until then, I had given no indication that I was awake, though he didn’t appear to care. But I sensed him look up at me and smile, and suddenly his hands appeared to take on greater purpose. As his left hand cupped my balls, his right seized my shaft and began to slide up and down, squeezing me, its warmth and my growing excitement causing pre-cum to leak from me like a broken faucet.
And then I felt his tongue. At first tentative, then with greater self-assurance he lapped at my throbbing rod. His arms reached behind my legs and pulled me towards him while his tongue slid down to my tightening balls, tasting me, sucking me, inhaling the scent of a man in lust. He took one in his mouth, then the other, and pulled at them with his lips; my dick stiffened with pleasure. With a twist of his tongue, he suddenly sucked both balls into his mouth, and began a rocking motion with his head while his tongue danced across them in his warm mouth. I let out a low moan, and his hands reached around under me; he began to massage and squeeze my ass cheeks, his hands strong and erotic, while his lips and my increasingly wet dick made my navel glisten in the lengthening splinters of moonlight. I felt that I could cum at any moment, and whispered to him that I was set to explode. He pulled back from me, his face hidden in shadow, and said, “You’re going to cum in my mouth.”
He seized my dick and with one swoop engulfed me in his mouth. My swelling cock head collided with the roof of his mouth as his tongue swirled beneath it. Pulling back, he began to kiss it first with his lips, then with his tongue, which slowly slithered across its surface, licking me dry and leaving new traces of lust behind it. Then he sealed his lips just beneath my dripping head and pulled upwards, the suction causing me to arch my hips and groan in absolute bliss. Slowly he eased the pressure, and as his head began to slide up and down my shaft, his fingers reached for my ass. My copious pre-cum and sweat had found its way there before him, and I was already lubricated enough for him to begin to slide his fingers in and out of my “bronze eye,” as my favorite gay author had called it. He pushed into me only up to his knuckle, twisting his finger around, caressing my hole, preparing me for deeper pleasures.
The feelings were so intense I was almost distracted from the work his mouth was doing. But as he pulled his finger out, he increased his speed, and I began to feel the familiar pressure of an incredible orgasm building in me. I wanted his fingers inside of me again, and squirmed towards him, hoping he would understand, too horny to even speak. I felt his mouth smile as it stroked my increasingly rigid cock, and he placed his hands on my legs. He was telling me that he was in control, and he would enter me when he wanted to. But I was already too close to even care, and I let the pleasure created by his mouth wash over me entirely. His lips were twisting around the shaft, his tongue trailing behind, flickering, stroking my head as he prepared for another plunge to its base.
And then he stopped. Dead still. His tongue rested on the underside of my head, its tantalizing presence driving me crazy. I felt like I wanted my entire body to flow out of me in one massive orgasm. I had to cum, and began bucking against him, trying to ride his mouth and get myself off. But he wouldn’t move. Finally, I laid there in trembling silence, on the verge of what felt like some sort of sex death. I was set to have the greatest orgasm of my life for what felt like eternity. Suddenly his hand cupped my balls, squeezing them together while his lips again sealed around my cock head and sucked me towards him.
The cum was like an extension of my body. I felt it building inside of me, and when his finger grazed my yearning asshole I exploded into his mouth. His parents must have heard me. The whole neighborhood must have heard me. I groaned in immense pleasure as I felt streams of hot cum land against the roof of his mouth. I could feel the muscles of his throat contracting as they ravenously drank it down and asked for more. I shot more cum than I ever had in my life, and the entire time I could feel his mouth on me, his tongue lapping at my cock. Finally, after shooting what must have been at least a dozen times, I couldn’t cum anymore, and I sank down into the bed, tingling all over.
I didn’t know what to say. In the dark I could see him staring at me. I still felt overwhelming pleasure, but I also realized that I had just committed myself to something that I had only fantasized about for a very long time. It was unnerving, to feel so aroused and so uncertain at the same time. As I lay there wondering what to do, he began to take his clothes off, tossing them onto the floor behind him. The moonlight from the window reached far enough that I could faintly make out the traces of his erection. His desire began to act on me; suddenly, my mind was as clear as the moonlight. This is what I wanted.
His hands began to roam over my legs, causing my semi-hard penis to stir to life once again. Crawling onto the bed, he moved his body over mine, and I could feel his stiff cock pushed against my inner thigh. His tongue traced the flow of my wetness across my chest, stopping to tease and kiss my nipples, moving on to my brush against my neck. I reached down and grabbed him, causing his cock to stiffen suddenly in surprise. Twisting my body around, I began to run my mouth down his chest, slowly savoring his smell and the feeling of having a man above me.
As I drew closer, I could smell his desire, the strong musky proof of his male lust. I could have toyed with him, but I knew what I wanted. I plunged my mouth onto his cock, and swallowed him as deep as I could, reveling in the feeling of the ridges of his cock rubbing against my tongue. He moaned softly, and I began to swirl my tongue around his cock head, slathering it with my desire and swallowing as much of his wetness as I could. He began to pump his hips toward my face, his cock swelling and pushing against the back of my mouth. I swallowed him all the way to the base of his cock while my fingers caressed his balls. I felt his hands grope for my own throbbing erection; they began to stroke me, and I could feel pre-cum trickling from my engorged head.
It was amazing. I pulled back from his cock to get a closer look at him. He was at least as long as me, though a little bit thicker and uncut. But unlike me, he had a beautiful large mushroom head that swelled out bigger than his shaft. I ran my tongue along its surface and watched as he flinched at the sensitive pleasure it gave him. I began to lick around the rim of his head, circling it in slow loops as a clear wetness began to seep from his stiff pole. I licked at the tip, relishing the taste of his pre-cum. He began to hump my hand, raising his body up to watch me stroke him. Placing his hands on my chest, he pushed me toward the bed. “Lay down,” he said, and I obliged.
He got up from the bed and reached into the top drawer of the dresser. I closed my eyes; next thing I knew, I felt his cold touch around my ass, his fingers lubing me up, sliding along my balls and then into my asshole. He pushed one of his fingers into me, and began to gently slide it in and out. I squeezed my cheeks together, trying to get the feeling of having him fill me up. With his left hand he pushed my legs up toward my shoulder, and thrust another of his fingers into my ass. I began rocking my hips to meet his thrusts. I could feel him wiggling his fingers inside me, trying to massage my prostate. It felt amazing, but I knew I wanted something thicker. “I want your cock in me,” I moaned. He pulled his fingers out, and in the dark I felt the spongy wetness of his cock head slide up and down across my ass. I pushed out against him, catching him off guard, and his cock slid into me. He gasped in surprise and pleasure. His cock felt so good that I arched my back, and reached out with my legs to pull him all the way inside me.
It didn’t hurt at all. His cock was slick and I wanted him to fuck me so badly. I began to rock my hips back and forth, feeling his cock slide in and out of me. His head was rubbing against the thick opening of my ass, and my cock was leaking pre-cum again as it grew into another erection. And then he took control. Having overcome his surprise, Darren began to thrust against me, shoving his cock all the way into my ass. I could feel his balls swinging against me, his cock filling me up and then pulling out to leave a space that I never wanted to be empty again. I wrapped my legs around him and let him pound my ass, let him fuck me like a man. For what felt like forever, his cock was reaming me, hard and fast. I could hear his hips slapping against me, hear him moan and breathe heavily as his orgasm approached. But what I loved most was the feeling of penetration, of violation, the feeling of him taking me and using me for his pleasure. I wanted him to shoot his load in my ass and told him so.
His breathing grew heavier and he pounded me even harder. Even in the dark I could see that my ass was red from being fucked. My cock was now floating in a pool of wetness, and with his last thrusts he was stroking my prostate, causing my cock to throb even more. “I’m going to cum,” he groaned, and with a last brutal thrust he drove his cock as far into me as he could. I felt a stream of his hot wet juice splatter inside me, sending me over the top. My own cock exploded, sending streams of cum shooting up onto my neck and chest. Together we shot our loads, filling my ass and covering me in salty warm cum.
He collapsed onto my chest and together we lay there quietly for several minutes. I listened to see if his parents had been awakened but couldn’t hear anything other than our heavy breathing. He looked up at me. “I’ve wanted to do that from the first time I met you,” he said.
“Well then, let’s do it again tomorrow night,” I responded.
He grinned, and licked at one of the globs of cum coating my chest.
I smiled. “I think I’m going to like California.”