Loading...My name is Ella and my story began before I was born. I was adopted at birth and my adoptive parents provided me with the best of everything. We lived in a large house set some distance from the road in manicured gardens set behind a high hedge. They were wealthy and made sure that I went to the best school and when I went to college my tuition was fully paid for by them, along with a generous allowance.
They impressed on me from age five that, while they were not my biological parents, I was special to them because they chose me. It wasn’t until just before I left for college that they revealed to me that my birth mother had been a whore. This came about because they were concerned that I may have inherited some of my mother’s character traits and I was warned about the many pitfalls of allowing boys to ‘take advantage’ of me, the inference being that if I succumbed once there would be no stopping me. They also impressed on me our religious belief in my ‘saving myself’ for my future husband.
I was a good girl, and while I went to parties, I let it be known that I wasn’t interested in a sexual relationship of any kind. I would be friends to all, but that was as far as I would go. As a result I was part of a circle of friends who did not feel obliged to bow to the pressure of conformity to the social mores of the time, so I was still a virgin when I returned home on vacation.
I arrived home on Saturday afternoon and we had a family dinner at a fine restaurant where I was asked about my studies and my friends and, eventually, my still virgin status. My answer to the question of that status was to confirm, much to their ultra-conservative moral code, that I was still in fact a virgin. Sunday we went as usual to church where I met my many pre-college friends and where, strangely enough the status of my virginity was mentioned. I somehow got the feeling that some of my friends had strayed from the path of celibacy.
On Monday Mother left for a women’s conference sponsored by the church, leaving me alone while father was at work. I sat around doing not much until lunch time when I made myself a sandwich and tried without success to watch daytime TV. The rest of the day I mooched around until it was time to reheat the food for Father and my evening meal. After dinner we sat and watched TV for a while but I felt uncomfortable alone with him so at around 10.00 I made my excuses and went to bed.
About half an hour later I heard Father come up and I heard the shower hiss into life. I put the book that I had been trying to read down and turned off the light to go to sleep. Minutes later I heard my door open and felt him sitting on my bed. “Ella, are you awake?”
“Yes.” My tone of voice implied that I didn’t appreciate being disturbed.
“I need to talk to you,” he paused as if he was trying to find the right words, “it’s about your mother and me.”
“Can’t it wait until morning?”
“No, I don’t think that it can.”
“What is it?”
“Well, you see, we haven’t been getting on at all well this last year. We just don’t seem to communicate any more. The spark has gone out of our marriage.”
“Have you discussed it with her?”
“Yes, she just tells me that I’m imagining things and that she’s happy as things stand.”
“And you’re not I gather.”
“No, I’m not. Do you know that we haven’t had intimate contact in over six months?”
“You haven’t had sex in six months?”
“No, and every time I raise the issue she finds some excuse for not wanting it.” As he spoke he leant across and in doing this his hand brushed my breast. I thought the contact was deliberate and I was beginning to get scared. His face was close to mine now. “I’m so lonely, and I’m frustrated at not being allowed to make love to her. I don’t know what to do.” He was working on my sympathy now, a sob, a tear and the pleading voice. “I’m so afraid that I’ll lose her and end up a sad and lonely man, unloved by anyone.” He dropped his head and rested his face next to mine and sobbed.
“I’m sure that it’s not as bad as all that.” I felt that he was waiting for me to put my arms around him and comfort him but I resolved not to do that. “Have you spoken of this to any of your friends, or people at the church, they have counsellors don’t they?”
“They’re no use, all they tell me to do is to pray about it.”
“I don’t know that I can be of any help to you, I haven’t had any relationship experience.”
“Can you just hold me for a while, please?” I didn’t want to but I couldn’t refuse him either, after all he had supported me all of my life. I put my arm around him hoping that it wouldn’t last long. He slipped between the sheets and put his arms around me, pulling me to him. We held each other for several minutes and then I felt the hardness of his cock pressing against me and his lips against my neck.
This was really freaking me out. “What are you doing?”
“I love you Ella. I have watched you grow into a beautiful young woman and I have come to realise that I love you.”
“Stop that right now! This is all wrong, I’m your daughter and there is a law against this.”
“You are not my biological daughter so that law doesn’t apply. Ella, right now I need someone to love and who’ll love me. I know that this seems to be not right but believe me if it wasn’t right I wouldn’t be doing it. There is no reason that we can’t love each other.”
“Yes there is. I’m saving myself for my husband, we’ve talked about this often enough, can’t you see that if I give myself to you I would be unfaithful to my future husband?”
“What if I am to be your future husband? Look at Woody Allen, he married his adoptive daughter.”
“What if I don’t want to hurt Mother? If we do this it will hurt her.”
“Right now I don’t much care about that.” He mumbled.
“How can you say that? You chose to marry her and the wedding vows that you took were that you would love her and honour her and all that stuff until death do you part. Are you betraying that commitment?”
“Things change between people and sometimes promises we make can become millstones around our necks, this is one such case.”
“Are you telling me that you don’t love her?”
“Yes, and I have the impression that she no longer loves me, I even think that she is seeing someone else. This whole marriage of ours is a farce.”
“But you’re not sure of that are you?”
“No, but how else can you explain her indifference toward me?”
“I don’t, I can’t.”
While we had been talking his hand had moved under my top and he was caressing me, inching upwards toward my breast. I grabbed his hand to stop it moving further up and he stopped his caressing. “You feel really nice, so soft and smooth.” His lips were kissing my neck and I felt his teeth nibble me. I was confused. This was wrong but felt good, I sighed and this seemed to be a signal for him to renew his efforts. He gave up the pretence of slowly working his way up my body to my breast and his hand sought it out and his fingers began to caress and tease me, causing my nipple, in spite of my doubts about whether this was right or wrong, to harden.
I couldn’t let this go any further. “Stop this now!” I scrambled out of bed and ran to the bathroom and locked the door. He began to bang the door. “Go away and leave me alone!”
“Please Ella, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just wanted to love you, you know that I love you.” He was back with the pleading tone to his voice. “You don’t know how hard it has been for me while you were away at college, not knowing whether you were seeing anyone else, not knowing whether you were having sex with anyone else and wishing that I could be there with you, loving you, making love to you.”
“This is sick. I don’t believe what I’m hearing. How could you possibly be in love with me, your own daughter?”
“But that’s it don’t you see, you’re not my biological daughter and those rules preventing fathers from having sex with their daughters don’t apply. The thought that I could one day have you for my own is all that has kept me going these long, lonely nights. Your mother and I don’t even sleep in the same bed any more. I’ve been sleeping in your bed, lying there thinking of how it would be holding you and kissing you and making love, passionate love, to you. My God I’m getting an erection just thinking about this. Please open the door and let’s talk about this, please.”
I don’t know what caused me to open the door, whether it was me feeling sad for him or just plain curiosity, but I opened the door and yes, he did have an erection. He reached for my hand and placed it on his cock and the same force had me closing my hand on it. His hand reached for my waist and he led me back to my bed and my fate. I didn’t know whether he was a good lover or not because up until that time I didn’t have a point of reference, but what I did know was that after overcoming my initial revulsion I began to relax and, while I didn’t like what he did it no longer repulsed me.
“You are not to tell your mother about this, understand?” He told me as he got out of my bed, I suppose it was his bed too, in the morning. We had breakfast and he went to work and I was on my own in that big house with the time to think over what had just happened to me. Here was the man that I respected most in all the world, and who impressed on me the social and sexual mores of his church, going entirely against everything that he’d wanted me to believe in. The more that I thought about it the more that this disgusted me, I felt dirty, I felt that I was a slut for even allowing him to touch me let alone make love to me. But he didn’t make love to me did he? He fucked me like a common whore, he proved the very thing that they told me was concerning them before I went to college, I was my mother’s daughter and, like her I was a slut. In this, the early stages of my depression, I couldn’t see past the fact that I was a whore, I couldn’t rationalise myself to the fact that I had merely succumbed to the sexual advances of a man. It wasn’t as if I had set out to seduce him, the opposite was true, but I didn’t see that.
I needed to get out of the house and think so I put on my running gear and went for a run. I pushed myself hard, and soon I was sweating and with it I was hoping that the sweat would wash the evil from my body, that when I finally walked through the front door I would be once again pure. I must have run for hours and my legs were screaming at me to stop but still I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. I stopped, breathless, turned and walked back home but this was a mistake because it gave me time to think, think about what I had been through. Would he come to me again tonight? Would he revile me again tonight? Did I really care what he did and should I just go with the flow and let him do to me whatever he wanted to do?
It was the same as the previous night except for one additional thing. As I walked past his study I heard him talking on the phone. “She’ll be fine, no come on over.” He came down to the living room where I was seated watching TV, “Uncle Brian is coming over.” My mind raced, Uncle Brian was who he had been speaking to but why would he have said to him that I’d be fine? Uncle Brian was his brother and lived not far from here so I didn’t have to wait long to find out what was about to happen.
As he walked in he tossed a DVD to Father who slipped it into the player and we sat to watch it. I was shocked at what I saw, there were two men and a girl and what they were doing was nothing like I had ever seen or heard of. This was pornography and the fact that Father and Uncle Brian were watching it shocked me, it totally went against everything that we had ever discussed about sex. Then the thought hit me, did they want to do this to me? I noticed that both of them were stroking their cocks through the material of their trousers and Father took my hand and placed it on his cock, just as he had done last night. Uncle Brain reached over and began to stroke my breast. “No, I don’t want to do this. Please stop.”
“But Honey, we had a good time last night, didn’t we?” He had opened his flies and pulled his cock out. “You liked to touch me didn’t you?”
“No! I mean yes I did like it but this is different. Last night I liked it because you told me that you loved me but this isn’t about love it’s about sex and I don’t like that.” I tried several times to push Uncle Brian’s hand away but it kept coming back until he pushed up my top and lifted my bra up so that he could stroke my nipple. In the face of this combined attack I decided that the best thing to do was to go along with them and allow them to do whatever they wanted.
Father obviously sensed my capitulation because his hand went between my legs and pushed my panties aside so that he could push his finger inside me. Uncle Brian stood up and lifted me up so that he could take my clothes off and I soon found myself naked in front of them. It would have been a waste of time trying to preserve my modesty so I just stood there letting them to run their hands over my body, caressing, pinching me and inserting fingers into my pussy. The girl in the DVD was forced to her knees and a cock was forced into her mouth just as I was forced to my knees and suck on Father’s cock.
Meanwhile Uncle Brian had moved behind me and was fondling my pussy, his finger slipping in and out with increasing speed. I was lifted up and put on the sofa, they both stripped off and sat next to me, their cocks standing out in front of them. Father lifted me up and lowered me onto his cock, the juices from Uncle Brian’s finger fucking making it easier for his cock to slide into me until the whole length of it was inside me. He lifted me up and down in time with his hips thrusting up and I could feel every inch of it as it slid in and out. Uncle Brian stood next to me and pushed his cock into my mouth. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the girl on the screen doing the same thing.
I don’t know how many times they must have watched this DVD but what we did matched in every way the action on the screen with one exception, I wasn’t making the same noises as she was, I didn’t care if their egos weren’t boosted by the sounds of me enjoying what was happening because I wasn’t, enjoying myself that is. The whole thing finished with me on my knees and the both of them jerking off onto my face. I was supposed to take it in my mouth and swallow but their aim was all over the place and little went anywhere near my mouth and even if it did there was no way that I was going to swallow that yucky stuff.
As soon as we had finished Father went off and returned with another DVD. This one was similar to the previous one so we watched the preliminaries where they were all fully clothed until we reached the point where we were all naked. The action was pretty much the same as the first until I was straddling Father, that’s when I felt Uncle Brian try to push his cock into my butt. “No, take it out it hurts too much.” He took it out and then I felt him pour some oil into my butt cheek and massage it in, pushing his finger into me. Then the cock was back into action and I felt it pushing further into me. The two of them pushed into me for several minutes before pulling out and I was back on my knees in front of them. Uncle Brian pushed his cock against my lips. “Suck it.” He ordered me.
“No way am I going to put that into my mouth knowing where it’s been.”
“Forget it,” Father told him, “Just jerk off into her mouth.” Uncle Brian reluctantly did as he was told but he made sure that his cock was close to my lips so that I had to take his load into my mouth. I spat it out as soon as I could. I went off to have a shower and left them to clean up the mess as best they could. I heard Uncle Brian leaving as I climbed into bed and my father’s words cut through me like a knife. “I told you she was like her mother, I’ll invite a couple of the guys over tomorrow and we can have a gang bang.”
Minutes later he came into the room. “Please, could you sleep in the other bed tonight, I’m tired and sore and just want to get to sleep.”
“It’s alright Honey, I’m not going to do anything, I want to sleep too.” He got into bed and hugged me until we both went to sleep.
The next day I was angry, angrier than I had ever been in my life. How could he do that to me and there was more of the same to come tonight. I wasn’t going to let it happen to me, I was going back to college and I didn’t care if there was no-one there and I had the dorm room to myself, I just had to get away from all of this. Then my mind began to think about revenge, so I sat down and wrote a long letter to Mother in which I told her of everything that had happened over the last two nights, and that if she needed proof it was in the bottom of her wardrobe. I didn’t want it to arrive before she got home so I waited until I was back in college before I posted it. I didn’t leave a note for Father, I wanted him to sweat it out wondering where I was and having to explain my absence to his friends when they turned up for the promised entertainment.
I had been back in college for three days when there was a knock on my door. It was one of the campus security people and with him was a man in a suit. “Ella Thornton?”
“Yes, what is it?”
“We have some bad news for you. Your mother was found this morning, she is dead.”
“How? What happened?”
“Your father reported you missing on Thursday morning just before she got home from her conference and they’ve been searching everywhere for you. They rang the college and were told that you weren’t here. Then on Friday your mother got a letter that you had written and she must have confronted your father about it because he got very angry and he hit her several times with a baseball bat. She died at the scene from severe head wounds and he has been taken into custody. He claims that, while he had an argument with your mother he left and went to his brother Brian’s place. He claims that he wasn’t in the house at the time of death established by forensics and even hinted that he thought that your mother had been seeing another man and had tried to end that relationship. He also suggested that we check on your movements, after, all attempts to contact you here failed so you don’t have an alibi.”
“It’s all my fault.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s my fault that she’s dead. My father, Peter Thornton but you already know that, he forced me to have sex with him on Monday night and again on Tuesday, only that time Uncle Brian was involved as well. After they had finished with me on Tuesday I overheard my father telling Uncle Brian that he was going to contact another couple of guys and they would have a gang bang whatever that is, although after what they did to me I have a good idea what’s involved. I was angry with them for what they had done and I wasn’t going to stay there and have them abuse me again, so I left, but before I left I wrote a letter to my mother setting out what had happened and leaving some evidence behind to support my allegations. I didn’t post it until I got here because I didn’t want it to arrive before she did. If I hadn’t written the letter she would still be alive.”
“What was the evidence you left?” “A sheet and a rug, both were stained and I thought that forensics might get something from them.”
“We found nothing like that.”
“Maybe Father found it and destroyed it, I don’t know, but I left it in the bottom of her wardrobe, not somewhere that he usually looks.”
“Now we don’t know what was in the letter but we know she got it and it came from here because she talked to someone from the church about it and from the details she gave she had every reason to be upset. We need you to come with me to the station to make a formal statement. We want to know what it was that caused your mother to be so upset and your father to get angry enough to kill her.”
I tried hard to get through my statement to the police but I just couldn’t. The full realisation of what had happened to me and then to Mother was too much for me and I just couldn’t do it. A psychologist was arranged to provide trauma counselling for me and it was several days before I could make a coherent statement. The Sergeant spoke to his superior, “I think we should have charges of rape filed against him as well.”
“I’ll talk it over with them, after all it is their jurisdiction.”
I was taken back to the campus. “You will have to give evidence at the arraignment hearing and then at the trial so you’d better be prepared for some hard times ahead. You will be taken back home to speak to the prosecutors there.”
I was taken to the house and shown where it had all happened. There was still an outline on the floor where the body had been found and it sent shivers up my spine. There was no way that I was going to stay in that house for a minute longer than necessary and, apart from Uncle Brian and Aunty Trish, there were no relatives for me to stay with. The police contacted the church to see if anyone there could take me in but there seemed to be a general reluctance from them to get involved, so I was put up in a hotel.
I spent days going over the evidence with the DA’s office and with each day my depression grew to the point where I had to tell them that enough was enough and to leave me be. In hindsight this probably wasn’t a wise move because I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off all of this, not to be left on my own to wallow in self pity. I needed support, someone to tell me that this wasn’t my fault and that my writing the letter wasn’t the direct cause of Mother’s death. I wanted, needed all of this but, because I didn’t have the self-confidence to ask for it I never got it. As I sat in the hotel restaurant trying to enjoy what would have been a perfectly good meal and ignore everyone around me, this man came and stood next to me. “Do you mind if I sit here?”
“Yes I do mind, I want to be left alone.”
“Aren’t you the girl whose father killed his wife recently?”
“If I am do you think that I would talk about it to some total stranger, you could be a reporter wanting a scoop, or some sort of pervert who gets his jollies by hearing about another person’s misfortunes, particularly if they involve sex, or you could, just because it would make you vicariously famous to fuck me, be trying to hit on me. Either way I’m not interested in talking to you so fuck off!” I swallowed the last of my coffee and stormed out of the restaurant and, as soon as I could, out of the hotel. I had to get out of town and fast. I caught a cab home and, letting myself in, I quickly packed some clothes into a backpack and grabbed my mother’s car keys and drove out of town.
I called by college to arrange to defer my studies and left. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going because I didn’t know where I was going, I just drove.
Eventually I stopped driving. I had been driving for days and after spending most of the day winding my way along twisting mountain roads I decided that I would stop at the next town. It was cold, there was a light fall of snow when I pulled up to the pump at a small gas station in Sweet River Falls. I filled the tank and went inside to pay. “I don’t suppose that there’s a place around here where I can stay for a few days?”
“Well little lady, there’s plenty of hunting cabins hereabouts and I’m sure that you can rent one for a few days. This time a year there’s precious little to hunt, the bears have holed up for the winter and there’s the odd jack rabbit out and about but we ain’t that desperate yet. If you wants I can make a call and see if I can find one for you.”
“Would you?”
“Sure thing, soon as you pay me for the gas.” Financial transaction completed he made the call and told me that the ‘old Springer place’ was available and it was close by. He directed me to a small store about a hundred yards down the road where I could buy provisions and the owner would direct me to the house. I wouldn’t need a key ’cause folks trust each other around here’ and no-one would think of stealing from his neighbour.
I bought enough food for three days and drove to the cabin. News travels fast in small villages, by the time I had reached the cabin there was a fire going and the kettle had almost reached the boil. A middle aged woman showed me around, told me that the water in the creek was fine for drinking. I paid her. “I don’t need to know what it is that you’re running away from, that’s your business but if you need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, then I’m right next door.”
“I’ll be fine thank you.”
I don’t know when I’d slept so well, I was dead to the world within minutes of my head hitting the pillow and didn’t wake until late the next morning. I had a wash, I remembered seeing it done in old movies, standing in a basin on the floor and pouring warm water over me to rinse off the suds. After breakfast I sat on the back porch for an hour just letting the sights, sounds and smells of nature wash over and through me until all of my cares seemed to vanish. For the first time in days I was at peace with myself but then my mind drifted to the trials ahead of me. The prosecutors hadn’t held back when they told of the tactics that would be used to discredit me and the evidence that I would give, they would question my friends in college to find out if I really was a virgin and even if my friends supported me there would be the inference that I had kicked over the traces once I left the confines of my rigid upbringing. They even suggested that the defence would stoop to paying someone close to me, who may have been vulnerable financially, to fabricate a story of me and him going to a motel off-campus for a night of unbridled lust. No financial stone would be left unturned to diminish my credibility.
I decided to go far a walk. I could hear the sounds of the waterfall that gave this village its name so I decided to go and check it out. It was a wonderful feeling standing at the edge of the ravine into which the waters fell, feeling the spray in my face, I stood there for ages taking this all in until I suddenly realised that I was standing very close to the edge and my mind was urging me to take that step into oblivion. It would have been so easy to throw myself into the raging torrent and be swept downstream to freedom but I stepped back and turned to retrace my steps back to the cabin.
Somehow the path didn’t look familiar to me, I must have taken a wrong turning somewhere. I was lost and it was getting dark and I definitely wasn’t dressed for a night in the forest. I panicked and turned back the way I had come to see if I could find where I had made the wrong turning but nothing looked as I had remembered it and I realised that, because I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings as I walked to the falls, I could not hope to remember how to find my way out of there, I would have to spend the night in the forest. Suddenly I was scared, more scared than I had ever been, what if a bear came on me in the night, would it kill me? What about a wolf or even a coyote? My mind was focussed on all of the potential dangers, what could I do?
It took a lot of effort to force my mind to focus on survival but I eventually began to seek protection from the elements. I found a rock overhang that would shelter me from the rain or snow if it fell during the night, I dragged as many leaves and fern fronds as I could into my makeshift shelter to provide some warmth and settled down for the night, and dragging ferns over me I tried to sleep.
It seemed like hours later that I heard a male voice calling, “Ella, Ella can you hear me?” I scrambled to my feet, I was saved. “Here, I’m here!” Minutes later I was in the arms, sobbing in the arms of a policeman who led me back to the cabin. The fire was roaring in the hearth and a blanket was wrapped around my shivering body. My teeth stopped chattering long enough to stammer out my thanks to my rescuer and the people who had formed the search party when it was realised that I wasn’t in the cabin at nightfall.
“Ella, we were so worried about you. We know who you are and what you’ve been going through and we’re here to help you get through this and get better.” It was my neighbour and the owner of the cabin, Mrs Springer.
“But how do you know about me?”
“We check up on lost people who come into town, you see two years ago a young girl stopped here, not unlike yourself, and we let her be, she was a troubled soul and I guess we just didn’t want to get involved. She did something similar to what you did today except that she jumped to her death in the ravine below the falls. We vowed never to let that happen again. So when you came in we made a point of finding who you were and contacted the authorities to let them know that you were here. They told us to keep a close eye on you, they are worried that you will do something silly. So, when you weren’t in the cabin we panicked and organised a search party.”
“I’m sure glad you did, I was freezing to death out there and I was scared that a bear or a wolf was coming to eat me.”
“You get some rest. There’ll be a person from the DA’s office here sometime tomorrow to speak to you. I expect he’ll have something to say about you letting them know your whereabouts in future. In the mean time Troy here,” she indicated the policeman, “will look after you and make sure that you don’t get eaten by a bear or a wolf.” Everyone there burst into laughter, I didn’t know why.
If last night’s sleep was the best I’d ever had this night would rank as one of the worst. I tossed and turned as my mind kept drifting back to my thinking how easy it would have been to jump to my death and not have to go through all of this. I didn’t mind so much giving evidence against my father, he deserved it, but I was scared when I thought of the lengths he would go to in an effort to discredit me, after all he did have the money to buy evidence.
I must have eventually fallen asleep because me next waking experience was the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and bead being toasted on the open fire. “Good morning sleepy head, rise and shine breakfast is just about ready.”
“Oh God, you’re not one of those disgusting morning people are you?” I scrambled from my bed and wrapped a blanket around me and shuffled into the living room and plonked myself down on the couch.
“Hey, none of that, I know the badge says ‘serve and protect’ but that doesn’t mean that I’m your man servant, I need you to butter the toast while I pour the coffee.” I grumbled my way to the kitchen bench and spread butter on the toast for us. It was while we ate that I noticed his name badge was the same as my neighbour; ‘Springer’. What was he, her son or grandson?
Troy left for work after making sure that I had enough firewood for the day. “I’ll drop by after work, would you like to come with me to Gran’s place for dinner?”
“That would be nice, but you don’t need to put yourself out on my account.”
“No problem, I’ll let her know to expect us.” I wondered about that statement, was he deliberate in his use of the first person plural or was it a slip of the tongue? Hmm.
I had just finished washing up my lunch cup and plate when there was a knock on the door. A man stood there looking very official in his suit and with his attaché case in hand. “Can I help you?”
“Are you Ella Thornton?”
“Yes. What is this about?”
“I’m Connor Bradley from the District Attorneys office and I’ve been sent to go over your statement again to make sure that we haven’t missed anything. We have decided that, for the time being you are to be left here out of sight, but we need to be able to contact you if we need to speak to you. Is there somewhere comfortable we can sit and go over this?” I led the way to the sofa. “Now could you describe the events of that first Monday after you returned home from college on vacation?”
“Well, I prepared dinner for my father. . .”
“That would be Peter Thornton your adoptive father would it not?”
“Yes. We had dinner and sat for a while watching TV and at around 10.00pm I went to bed. Half an hour later he, my father, came into my room and sat on my bed. He said that he wanted to talk to me about him and Mother, he told me that they weren’t getting on well and that he was sleeping in my bed. At first I didn’t take much notice but when he leant across me his hand brushed against my breast, it was under the sheet. I didn’t think much about this but on thinking about in the context of what happened later, I think this was deliberate.”
“He told me that they hadn’t had sex for some time and that he was afraid of losing her. While we were talking he slipped under the sheets and he tried to fondle me. I told him to stop and when he didn’t I got out of bed and locked myself in the bathroom.”
“When you say he tried to fondle you, what do you mean, did he place his hands on your breast?”
“Not at first, he had it on my stomach but he was moving it toward my breast.”
“Was he doing this?” He placed his hand on my stomach and began to move it slowly toward my breast so I did to him what I did to Father, I grabbed his hand and stopped it moving. “Then what happened, after you locked yourself in the bathroom?”
“He pleaded with me, telling me that he loved me and when he was in my bed he imagined what it would be like making love to me. I told him that it was sick but he said that because he wasn’t my biological parent it was okay. When I opened the door he was standing there with his erect cock poking out in front of him. He took my hand and put it on his cock, that was the first time that I’d ever handled a cock.”
“And you let him make love to you?”
“No, I allowed him to have sex with me because I was afraid of what he would do if I didn’t.”
“And before this happened you were a virgin?”
“Yes. My parents impressed on me the need for me to remain pure for my future husband.”
“You never had sex at college?”
“No.”
“You were never involved in heavy petting sessions where a boy fondled you, maybe stroked your genital region or you stroked his penis?”
“No! How many times do I have to tell you that I was a virgin.”
“I find that hard to believe, a beautiful girl like you, away from a strict home life for the first time, the temptation to experiment with sex must have been there, and yet you want me to believe that you never once had anything that even remotely resembled a sexual encounter. You would have had to fight them off with a baseball bat.”
“No it wasn’t like that, my friends were all of the same belief and we were comfortable with those beliefs. Nothing happened to any of us.”
“Really, what about your friend Amy Vincent, how is it that she’s pregnant, huh? Is this the second coming of Jesus Christ, another virgin birth?”
“No, she can’t be.”
“She is. How did that start I wonder? With a kiss like this.” He leant over and kissed me on the neck, his hand grabbing my shoulder so I couldn’t pull away. “And move on to this.” His hand dropped to cup my breast. I reached down and grabbed his balls and squeezed them as hard as I could, I hoped that it hurt him. “You fucking bitch!” He hit me with the back of his hand and I tried to get away from him but he threw himself on top of me. “I’ll teach you not to resist.” His hand was between my legs as he tried to get his fingers inside me.
“Get away from her!” I felt him being dragged off me and thrown face down onto the floor, Troy had him hand-cuffed. “You are under arrest, you will be charged with the attempted rape of Ella Thornton.” His rights were spelled out to him as he was dragged to his feet and dumped unceremoniously onto a chair. Troy turned to me, “Luckily we are nosey around here, I was told about this guy turning up, I know we were expecting someone from the DA’s office, but he was delayed and contacted me to tell me that he won’t be here until tomorrow, so when this guy turned up pretending to be the DA’s man we did some checking. We checked the vehicle registration and found that it was a renter so we checked with the rental agency to find out who hired it. It appears that he was hired by your father’s lawyers to ‘seduce’ you to demonstrate your promiscuity and cast doubts on your evidence. You did well by the way.”
“If you were to ask me to rate my level of fear on a one to ten basis, I’d have to put it at eleven, it was scarier than being lost in the forest, or my father raping me. How is it that you always seem to manage to save me in the nick of time?” He blushed and mumbled something about serve and protect. I was again shaking but this time it wasn’t from the cold. When will this all end and how much more would I have to cope with, and, more to the point, could I cope with it. I was on my way down again and Troy could see it in my face.
“What did you plan to do today?”
“Nothing I guess.”
“Nothing is not the best thing for you, have you got any hiking clothes?”
“No, I didn’t really plan this trip.”
“No problem, come with me.” He grabbed the man and marched him outside and up the street to the small police station where he pushed him into the one cell and, un-cuffing him, locked him in. We then went to the store. “Mrs Jenkins, can you fit this young lady out with hiking clothes?”
“What are you planning to do Troy?”
“I’m planning to show Ella some of our wonderful scenery.”
“Come this way miss,” Mrs Jenkins led me to a rack of clothes. They weren’t the kind that I would normally wear but I realised that mine were not designed for hiking in the forest on a day when it could snow at any time, so kitted out in a plaid shirt and heavy jacket, jeans and hiking boots and a fur-lined cap I have to admit that I looked the part. We called into the police station where Troy made a flask of coffee and took a rifle from the gun rack, checked that it was loaded and slung it over his shoulder.
He could have got a job as a tour guide because he knew so much about the forest, he pointed out details that I would have missed if I was walking on my own. As we walked he would slip a question into the conversation that I would answer before I realised that it was in connection with the investigation, this was definitely not what I would have expected from a small town cop, so I decided on a few questions of my own. “You were raised around here?”
“Yes. You’ve probably worked out that I have relatives around here. My great-grandfather was one of the first to settle here, he was a hunter, after bear mainly, and he found the game to be plentiful and, to use the modern term, sustainable. The family has been here ever since.”
“Your police training, that wasn’t from around here was it?”
“No. I did what many small town kids have done before me, I went to the big city to seek fame and fortune. I ended up in a police academy and spent five years in the force there before I just got so depressed with the amount of crime that I decided to come home, I figured I could work as a park ranger or tour guide, but the family had other ideas. The town needed some form of law enforcement, mainly during the hunting season when the hunters, with a little alcoholic motivation, got a little exuberant and shot at things that weren’t meant to be shot at, sometimes each other.”
“What do you do the rest of the time?”
“Protect beautiful young ladies from nasty men.” Suddenly he got serious. “I didn’t mean that to come out the way that it did. You have just had a frightening experience on top of what you have already been through recently and here I was flirting with you, I’m sorry.”
I grabbed his hand and turned him to face me. “Look, Troy, I can call you that can’t I? You don’t want me to call you Officer Springer do you?” I didn’t wait for him to answer. “Troy, you are difference from my father, Uncle Brian and that sleaze you have in your cell. I know that you have a job to do and need to lighten the mood so that I’m comfortable with you so that you can ask me questions without me freaking out and clamming up, and if that requires you to flirt a little I understand that. I know that I can trust you not to try anything, and anyway, what girl doesn’t like to have someone as tall and handsome and wonderfully gorgeous as you flirt with her?”
He looked at me for some time, trying to work out whether I was flirting with him or just trying to ease his mind. He made the right decision. We sat on a rock sipping coffee and looking up at the water thundering over the falls and into the ravine below. I shuddered. “What’s the matter?”
“I was just looking at that and remembering the thoughts that I had of jumping. There wouldn’t have been much to find, would there?”
“No. The girl that jumped before, it was days before we found what was left of her. Every bone in her body was broken.”
“How horrid. When I think about it now I’m glad that I didn’t decide to end it. It must be terrible for people like you having to pick up the pieces of someone’s selfishness.”
“Selfishness, why would you look at it that way?”
“I have thought this over a thousand times, and that decision to end my misery was all about myself, I was giving no thought to those friends and relatives that I would have left behind, the hurt I would cause them, or for the people like you that have to pick up the pieces. Somewhere there is someone who loves me and who may not understand what could have led to that decision, and maybe even blame themselves for not helping.” I stopped and looked at him, his thoughtful face, and snapped out of it. “Okay that’s enough of this morbid conversation, you are supposed to be brightening up my day.”
Brighten it he did, we walked for another hour before turning back, all the time he regaled me with stories of the things he got up to when he was young and foolish, not that he was that old now. He must have been a handful.
Back at the cabin I invited him to stay for dinner. He slipped next door and told his Grandmother that we would take a rain-check. Silver service it wasn’t but it was plentiful and wholesome. We were both famished from the exercise and the brisk air and ate without talking until it was all gone and we sat on the sofa, coffee in hand. “Wow, what a day!”
“Yeah it had its moments.” He was looking at me and I got the impression that he was building up the courage to kiss me. So I kissed him.
“Thank you for everything, especially the gentle way that you questioned me.”
“You noticed that did you?”
“Yes, and I probably told you more about me and what happened than I revealed over all of those days at the DA’s office. I suppose that you’re going to pass all of that on to them?”
“Yes, when the guy comes up tomorrow we’ll have lots to tell him.” He stood up and walked to the door. “I’d better be going, I need my beauty sleep, plus I’d better get out of here before temptation gets the better of me.” He kissed me quickly and left.
The next day we didn’t tell the guy from the DA’s office anything, because the guy was a girl, and an attractive one in a smart business-like way by the name of Nicolle Wheeler. She took us through what I had told Troy and the story of the man in the cells who would be going back with her as soon as she arranged secure transport. “Is it all right if Ella stays here until we need her for the trial, I think that she’ll be safer here?”
“I guess I can look after her for a while longer.” I kicked him on the ankle, an action that didn’t go un-noticed. Nicolle smiled as she dialled a number on her cell to arrange for transport.
We had a week together, no nothing like that happened, we walked in the forest, we had dinner with friends and relatives and we spent a lot of time just sitting and talking, and I suppose we began to feel really comfortable together, before we were summoned to give evidence. We were put up in adjoining rooms at a hotel and escorted by Sheriff’s officers to the courthouse. I was not looking forward to this.
I sat in the courtroom next to Nicolle. “Judge Pederson is highly regarded as been one of the fairest, he doesn’t like any bullshit or grand-standing. Now you will be subjected to some of both under cross, if you feel that it is getting too much for you look at me and I’ll jump in at the next appropriate place and bale you out. You may have to wait a few minutes but I ask you to trust me on this, we have to choose the right moment.”
“I’ll trust you.”
The judge came in and we rose while the clerk read out the charges for the judge. The gavel was banged and we were in business. Nicolle stood up and began her opening address. “Your honour, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the State will prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the defendant, Peter Thornton did, in a fit of rage, brutally attack his wife Elizabeth Thornton in the bedroom of the family home and, as a result of the horrendous injuries she sustained, she was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. We will also prove that he did, four nights before this attack sexually molest his daughter on a number of occasions and the following night, in the company of his brother, Brian Thornton, subject her to a further series of humiliating sexual attacks.” She stopped to allow this to sink in. “The evidence that we will present to you will stretch the bounds of your credibility, may even shock you and for this I apologise in advance. The defence will attempt to discredit the prosecution’s chief witness, his daughter Ella Thornton and cast doubts on her evidence. She is a young girl and has been through a great deal but that will not deter the defence from attacking her at every opportunity and that, unfortunately, is the nature of things in our legal system. We ask that you pay particular attention to the physical evidence, we do not ask you to sympathise with her, because that may sway your judgement. This is a court of law and decisions made in this place are made on the evidence provided, not the emotional issues.”
She sat down and in not much more than a whisper she said, “Let’s see them answer that.”
William ‘Big Bill’ Sutton rose to his feet. This took some doing because he stood six feet four in his stockinged feet and tipped the scales at well over two hundred pounds. He paused and turned to Nicolle before turning back to face the jury. “Ladies and gentlemen, you have just heard something that we in the legal profession have come to expect, an eloquent speech by the Assistant District Attorney, Ms Wheeler. She is very good at glossing over the fact that the little evidence that she will present in this case is a mixture of circumstantial, and the deranged distortions of an emotional young girl.” He walked to the jury box and punctuated the next seven words by banging the flat of his hand on the railing. “There is not one shred of evidence that implicates the defendant, Peter Thornton, a respected member of this community, a regular church goer, with these heinous allegations made against him. You have only one option in this case and that is to find the defendant not guilty of these false allegations and allow him to leave this court a free man. All that I can say to Ms Wheeler is ‘do your best’.” He sat down and leant back in his chair with a look of smug self-confidence on his face.
“Ms Wheeler, are you ready to proceed?”
“Yes your Honour. For my first witness I call Detective Roberts.” Roberts was a solidly built man who gave off a no-nonsense attitude. He was led through his evidence which he gave in a straightforward manner, answering only the questions asked and forming no opinions. This process took the best part of an hour, the only variation from standard practise was a short break to allow the jury to recover from viewing the crime scene photographs of the body.
“I can’t look at it.” I told Nicolle. “I feel sick.” I was taken to a side room and allowed to rest until Roberts had completed his evidence.
“For my next witness I call Ella Thornton.” I stood and walked to the stand. I tried to keep any expression from my face as I walked but I was scared. I took the oath and sat down. “You are Ella Thornton?”
“Yes.”
“You will have to speak a little louder. And you live on Montague Drive Greenwith?”
“I used to live there but at present I have no place of residence.”
“Ella, we are going to have to revisit the events of Monday the 23rd, can you tell the court what happened?”
I had been instructed to keep it simple and straight forward. “I was home from college on vacation and Mother had left that morning to attend a church women’s conference interstate. She would be away for four days and left prepared food in the freezer for us, that’s Father and me, all I had to do was to thaw it and reheat it. I had the meal prepared when Father arrived home from work and we ate in the dining room. After dinner we watched TV together until I went to bed at 10.00pm. Half an hour after I went to bed I heard Father come up and have a shower. After he had showered he came into my room and sat on my bed. We talked for a while and he told me that he and Mother had been having difficulties with their marriage. While we were talking he leaned across me and his hand deliberately brushed my breast.”
“Objection!” Big Bill was on his feet. “That is pure conjecture, you have no way of knowing that the touch was deliberate.”
“Sustained. The witness will confine her evidence to the facts and not her opinion.”
“Then what happened?”
“He told me that he and Mother hadn’t had sex for some time and then he bust into tears and told me that he was afraid of losing her and ending up a lonely old man unloved by anyone. He cried at that point. He got into bed with me and hugged me to him, then he kissed me on the neck and I could feel his erect penis pressing against me. I said to him, ‘what are you doing?’ and he told me that he loved me. I told him that this was all wrong because he was my father and he said that as he wasn’t my biological father the incest laws didn’t apply and that if he knew that this wasn’t right he wouldn’t be doing it. I said that I was still a virgin and saving myself for my future husband, and he asked ‘what if I were to be your future husband, look at Woody Allen, he married his adoptive daughter?’ I told him that this would hurt mother and he told me that he didn’t care if it did. I questioned his marriage vows and he told me that things change and that their whole marriage was now a farce.”
“While you were talking, what was he doing?”
“He was moving his hand toward my breast but I grabbed it and stopped him moving it further. He told me that I felt good and then he pushed his hand under my top to my breast and began to fondle it. I didn’t know what to do. I told him to stop and got out of bed and locked myself in the bathroom. He began to plead with me. I told him to leave me alone but he kept on. He told me that he hadn’t slept with Mother for some time and that he had been sleeping in my bed, lying in my bed thinking of how it would be kissing me and making passionate love to me. He told me that he was getting an erection just thinking about it. I guess I felt sorry for him so I opened the door. His erection was standing out of his pyjamas and he put my hand on it. He led me to the bed and we had sex, several times.”
“Was this sex consensual?”
“No. I didn’t consent to it at all, I submitted to him. It revolted me but what could I do?”
“What happened next?”
“In the morning he told me not to tell Mother about it.”
“The next night, what happened?”
“When he got home he made a phone call to Uncle Brian and he told me that Uncle Brian was coming over. When Uncle Brian arrived he gave Father a DVD and when it began to play I could see that it was a porn film. They sat either side of me and I noticed that they were both stroking their penises. Father told me to stroke his and Uncle Brian tried to put his hand on my breast. I told them that I didn’t want to do this but they continued, Father put his hand between my legs and Uncle Brian had lifted up my top and bra and was stroking my nipple.”
“What did you do then?”
“I realised that I would be unable to fight them off and that they fully intended to do to me what the men in the DVD were doing to the girl so I gave up fighting them and allowed them to do what they wanted to me.”
“After the DVD finished what happened?”
“Father went out of the room and returned with another DVD.”
“Is this the one?” Nicolle walked to the stand and held up the DVD case.
“It’s the same title but I don’t know if it’s the exact one.”
“The action on this video, what were they doing?”
“Again it was two men and a girl but this time, while she was on top of one the other put his penis up the girl’s anus.”
“And they did this to you?”
Yes. While father had his penis in my vagina Uncle Brian put his in my anus.”
“When all of this was over what happened?”
“As Uncle Brian was leaving Father told him that he would call a couple of guys and they would come over the next night for a ‘gang bang’. That was when I decided to leave, but before I did I wrote a letter to Mother telling her exactly what had happened. I also took the sheet that was on the bed the first night and the DVD that I had found and the mat from in front of the living room couch and put them in her wardrobe.”
“But you didn’t leave the letter for your mother did you?”
“No, I posted it from college when I got back. I didn’t want it to reach home until after she got back from her conference.”
“Your witness.” She turned me over to Big Bill and he was just like a hound that had picked up the scent of the prey.
“That’s a very fine story you’ve just told us young lady, but can we believe a word of what you have told us, for instance you say that you were a virgin up until that night. Come now, you don’t really expect us to believe that load of sentimental claptrap do you?”
“It’s true, every word is true.” It was hard to keep my voice down, I wanted to scream the answer at him.
“Really? Tell me, do you know a boy by the name of James Simmons?”
“He’s in one of my classes.”
“Are you two friends?”
“We talk when we see each other, that’s all.”
“I put it to you that you are more than just friends with young Mister Simmons and on more than one occasion you have had sex with him.” He was standing right in front of me and leaning over me.
“That is not true.”
“Can you prove that?” I looked at him, what could I say? If I protested my innocence it would be seen as an admission of guilt, you know, ‘where there’s smoke there’s fire’ without hard evidence it would probably not be believed. “Do you also know Brendan Foley?”
“Yes, he is in the youth group at church.”
“He’s in the youth group.” He emphasised that, telling the jury that this was a trustworthy witness. “He claims to have had sex with you several times after evening services at the church.”
“That is not true.” I looked at Nicolle, she nodded but did nothing for the moment.
“So you say. And Justin MacLean, I suppose that you’re going to tell me that you haven’t had sex with him either?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to tell you.” I was beginning to lose it. “I haven’t had sex with him or anyone else other than Father and Uncle Brian.”
Nicolle stood up. “Your honour I object to this whole line of questioning, counsel is clouding the issue by making unsubstantiated allegations against this witness purely in an attempt to discredit her evidence. He does not have the evidence to support his allegations, all that he has done is to get a list of names of all the boys that the witness had contact with and allege that she had been having sex with them. If he has proof then he should present it and I don’t see the name of any of these young men on his witness list.”
“Well counsel, do you have evidence to support this line of questioning?”
“No.”
“Counsel, both of you, in my chambers now.” He got up and left the court with Nicolle and Big Bill trailing on behind. The only one smiling when they came back was Nicolle. “The jury are to ignore the questions put to this witness by the defence counsel. Do you have any further questions of this witness?”
“No.”
“We will have no more of your legal shenanigans, do you understand this. If I have to censure you again you will be held in contempt, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes.”
The judge looked at me. “You may step down.”
As I sat down Nicolle showed me what she had written on her pad; ’round 1 to us, now for round 2′.
“You may call your next witness.”
“I call Mister Peter Thornton to the stand.” Father got up and entered the witness box. He was sworn in. Nicolle looked at him. Mister Thornton I am not going to take you through what happened on the nights in question or what happened on the day that your wife was killed. I think that we can cut this trial short by taking another line of questioning.” Father looked at Big Bill who shrugged his shoulders, he had no idea what was happening. “Mister Thornton, you are a member of your church’s men’s group are you not?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me, what do you know of a group of men who call themselves ‘the Brotherhood’?”
“I’ve never heard of them.”
“Well then let me enlighten you. The Brotherhood is a group of prominent men within your Church men’s group that meets on a regular basis for, shall we say, recreational activities. These have involved the rental of beach properties where this group of upstanding citizens disport themselves with obliging young ladies.” She did not hide her contempt for these men.
“You know more about this than I do.”
“So you aren’t a member of this group?”
“No.”
“Really, I have here a list of members of this group and your name figures prominently, in fact you are the President. Isn’t this true?”
“This is a fabrication designed to besmirch my name and reputation.”
She ignored his denial and pressed on. “Isn’t it also true that many years ago it was your habit to call into a bar called the ‘Blue Room’ on your way home from these meetings which were nothing more than orgies?”
“No.” The look on his face said it all; how did they find out about the Brotherhood?
“Is it not also true that for a time you had an affair with a waitress at this bar by the name of Melissa Green?”
“No.”
“And did that affair not result in her falling pregnant to you?”
“No!”
“I object!” Big Bill was on his feet. “Counsel is using the same tactics for which I was censured, I ask that she abide by the same rules that we have been forced to obey.”
“Ms Wheeler, is there a purpose to this line of questioning?”
“Yes your honour and we can prove every one of these allegations.”
“Then I’ll allow it.”
“About this time you and your wife had been trying for some time to start a family without success.”
“That’s common knowledge.”
“Did you not, because of this lack of success, make arrangements with your lover to adopt her child?”
“No!”
“You told Ella that her mother was a whore, is that true?
“Yes.”
“So, let me get this straight, you were having an affair with a woman you describe as a whore, odd for a church man, who falls pregnant to you, a little irresponsible of you don’t you think?”
“The baby may not have been mine.”
“You wish. You, in a burst of altruism arrange to adopt the love child of a whore. But this child was the result of your affair? The child that sits now in this very court room,” She pointed directly at me, “Ella Thornton is that child!”
Pandemonium. Wow talk about a shock!
Order was eventually restored. “Conference, chambers now!”
Big Bill was angry. “This is outrageous, you are making a mockery of this trial!” Pederson held his hand up to cut short the outburst.
“Ms Wheeler, you have made very serious allegations I hope that you have proof?”
“Yes I have, it is evidence that has just come to hand. You see Mrs Thornton took a leaf out of her daughter’s book and parcelled up the items that she had found where Ella had left them and posted them to herself, using a Post Office box rented for the occasion, with instructions to a friend that if something should happen to her she was to give our office the box key. We took the items to our lab for testing and this is what we found.” She handed a sheet to Judge Pederson and Big Bill. “You will see that the items consisted of the DVD, a bed sheet and a rug. The stains and their location on the sheet have been identified as blood consistent with the breaking of the hymen and some semen, which is consistent with Ella’s story. A DNA analysis came up with surprising results, if they were to be used for a paternity test there is no doubt that the person whose semen was on that sheet was in fact the father of the person whose blood was also on that sheet. Armed with this information we went in search of Ella’s biological mother and found her. She filled in the details that we didn’t have.”
“And the rug had on it semen from two different men. Analysis showed us that these men were siblings and that one sample matched the semen on the sheet. From my perception I would say that the evidence is not only consistent in every way with Ella’s story, but conclusive. We haven’t even started on the murder evidence. The forensics on this one are equally damning, his prints were all over the murder weapon, he will probably claim that it’s his bat so they would be, but when one of the prints has blood on it that belonged to his wife, I’d say the State has a good case. Then there’s the blood found in the stitching of his hand made shoes, also hers. What else is there, bloody footprints, check, blood-stained clothes found buried in the back yard, check, evidence from the home security system that requires a PIN code to gain entry and his was used at around the time of the murder, check, and when pressed his brother withdrew his alibi. Do you want me to go on?”
“Mister Sutton?”
“It sure as hell look as if my client is guilty. Can I cut a deal?”
“What is it?”
“I assume that the DA will be now pushing to include incest on the docket, if I can convince my client to plead guilty to involuntary homicide will you cut us some slack?”
“Ms Wheeler?”
“No deals.”
“Then I need to talk to my client.”
“Very well you have five minutes.”
Big Bill left and returned a couple of minutes later. “I informed my client of the new and compelling evidence that was about to be presented and he has agreed to plead guilty to the present charges on the proviso that no additional charges will result from this trial.”
“Ms Wheeler?”
“Agreed.” They returned to the court room.
Judge Pederson looked at Father. “I understand that you have decided to change your plea to ‘guilty’?”
“Yes.” He gave every appearance of a beaten man, gone was the self-assuredness he had displayed not that long ago.
“In that case I accept the plea and dismiss the jury. The court will reconvene in one week for sentencing. This court is adjourned.” His gavel hit the block and there was a scramble for the exit by the reporters.
Troy was waiting in the corridor when Nicolle and I walked out of the courtroom. “I’ve booked a table for three in the restaurant across the road. I think a celebration is in order.”
“I’ll leave you two to it, I’ve got to get back to work.” Nicolle was just about to walk away when Troy grabbed her hand.
“Oh no you don’t. We owe you a great deal and we’re going to see that you get it.”
“Alright, but only for a little while. I do have to get back to work.” The little while became a long while and we were all pretty merry when we left. Troy and I caught a cab back to the hotel, we were no longer required as witnesses so the State wasn’t going to provide transport any more plus we had to check out of the hotel in the morning.
I knocked on Troy’s door and he answered it in his shorts and a hotel robe which was more than I was wearing, I was just wearing the robe. “I thought I’d come and thank you for all of your help these last weeks.” I stood on my toes and kissed him, my arms around his neck. He kissed me and the knot, if you could call it that, on my robe slipped and it fell open. “I want to really thank you.”
“Are you sure that you want to do this?”
“Oh yes, I’m sure. Unless of course you’re not interested.”
“I’ve heard some dumb statements in my life but that one beats all.” He kissed me and his hands were inside the robe and I could feel his interest increasing. It was going to be a long night.
“So life is good for you now?”
I looked at the my therapist seated opposite me. This wasn’t the first time that I had gone through the story with him, every time it’s the same ritual, I was told that by going over the story I would be able to come to terms with the elements of it and to search out the positives in those elements. “Yes, I would say it is good. Troy and I are planning to get married as soon as I finish my Park Ranger course and I’ll have a job working with him making sure that animals that aren’t supposed to get shot don’t, and fixing up those that are injured in the process of getting away from irresponsible hunters. And I’ve met my birth mother, she’s a really lovely lady, nothing like I was expecting at all and we get on just fine. She has a husband and a couple of kids, they’re not wealthy but they are happy, that’s the main thing. She’s been very supportive and tells me often that I’m just like she hoped I would be, and that I shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened to Father. I suspect that there’s some bad blood between them, it appears that part of the adoption process was that she had to agree never to try to contact me.”
“Do you still get depressed?”
“Yes. Especially when I think that if I hadn’t written that letter to my mother she wouldn’t have confronted my father and she would still be alive, I know that you keep telling me that I didn’t ask for him to do those things to me, and that if I hadn’t left the evidence for her to find he might have got away with it, and who knows where that would have left me. You keep telling me that I have nothing to feel guilty about.” I’d been hearing this for the last year or so but it did little to stop me from sinking into depression, although these episodes were getting few and far between, and I have Troy to provide me with support. He knows just what to do when I’m down, he makes me laugh and then he makes love to me, and that is so much better than my first experience with sex.
I have almost stopped descending, at last.