Loading...If I close my eyes, I can still relive that night this past winter when I broke a wonderful man’s heart. It was not intentional. Chris Morgan is one of the kindest, most genuine men I know. I tell myself I’m just a human– far from perfect. We’re teachers, you see. My entire purpose is to educate and show love and kindness to all individuals. Chris and I had been showing lots of kindness and making lots of love to each other for about eight months at the time. Chris is the sexiest forty nine year old I have ever seen, and by far the best lover I’d ever had.
We are teachers at the same school, and what drama we could have created given our twenty year age difference!
Matt Phelps began his job second semester as a PE teacher, and I was assigned to be his mentor, even though I teach English. What had developed into a crush for both of us came to a head after an amazing night out with him. See, even though Chris Morgan and I had been involved in an intense sexual relationship, I didn’t know how to tell him I wanted to go out with Matt. And who said the lives of teachers can’t be just as complicated as the teenagers we deal with on a daily basis?
I slept with Matt. I know, I know. You’re reading this now and thinking, damn! This girl makes her rounds! I’ve never been the promiscuous type at all, but how could I resist either man? That particular night I lied to Chris and told him I was going out with a girlfriend from college. I had made the mistake of leaving my cell phone at his house, and being the wonderful man that he is, he took my spare key and had planned on surprising me. Imagine his astonishment when he beat me there, and I showed up later that morning, wearing the clothes of another man.
“Chris!” I uttered in shock as dropped my purse. “I…I didn’t expect you.”
“I don’t even know what to say right now,” he uttered, his voice constantly at an even keel. Even in the most frustrating moments with students, Chris stayed calm. He stood, a dour expression marring his rugged, handsome countenance. “You didn’t have to lie to me.”
He sauntered to the rocking chair by my patio doors and stared out. I walked to him to touch his arm, and he shrugged it away as though I were a shot of venom.
“But, what was I supposed to do? I- I truly didn’t expect things to happen the way they did-”
“But they did, Danielle,” he said strongly, his voice catching. “I’ll tell you something, though.” He turned and looked at me. “I saw it coming. As bad as I hoped and hoped you wouldn’t, you did. And now, there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“What are you saying?” I said tearfully. I shook, though it wasn’t cold in my apartment. My teeth rattled and I hugged myself, longing to feel him, touch him. Anything!
“The way he looks at you,” he said softly, gently. He continued to stare out the window. “The way you smile and blush when he’s around you, the way you giggle, the way he comes into your class for no apparent reason… Oh, God…” His voice trailed off. I heard the pain in his voice as his litany continued. He finally turned and looked at me, and in his indigo eyes, I saw them shine with the promise of tears he would not let fall.
I began to cry openly, and I longed to go to him. I knew that right now wasn’t the time. To my surprise, he inched closer and closer, and he put his hands on my face.
“What the hell was I thinking,” he seemed to say to himself. “I’m an old man. You won’t want someone like me in ten years, or probably even five. I let myself get too close, but what was I thinking?”
“Chris,” I sniffled, caressing his hands that still cupped my face tenderly. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.”
He smiled bitter sweetly, and then ran his hands into my hair, pulling me into him. I cried into his chest as he held me close.
“Why, Danielle? Why didn’t you just tell me!” He asked as he pushed me away. His action wasn’t rough, but it wasn’t gently, either.
A dam broke as I poured my heart out to him. It felt good to cry, and it felt good to let him know what had been in my heart.
“He pays attention to me! He makes me feel good about myself even when we’re not in bed! Damn it, Chris! Don’t you understand? I play along for you. I am polite and professional- not a single person we work with has any clue we’ve been intimate. But with Matt… It just felt good to do something other than have sex.”
He laughed a rueful laugh, and he turned to me, a fire blazing in his face.
“And who is always ready and waiting to suck on my cock or ride on it every chance she gets?” His face reddened and the even keel was breaking. “I didn’t hear any complaints when I had my head between your legs just the other evening!”
“Stop it!” I cried, wiping the tears that still would not cease. They were no longer tears of sadness, but of anger. “You’ve never wanted more from me than sex! You’ve never taken me out to dinner! We’ve never seen a movie! Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, deep down I wanted to be more than your bed partner? Heaven forbid one of your buddies would find out you were involved with me. Or maybe they already know I’m your whore and they just keep silent about it.”
He stopped, his expression changing. The lines around his eyes crinkled and he shook his head in amazement.
“You think that’s all you are to me?”
“You’ve never proven otherwise.” I said painfully.
I watched him sit in the wooden rocking chair, putting his head in his hands as he let out a long sigh.
“I am twenty years older than you, Danielle,” he said after a moment. “You’re not even thirty yet. You have your whole life ahead of you… Marriage, children… You’re young, beautiful and vibrant. It hurts me more than I can even bare to think of you with Phelps, but it’s what you deserve. You need to be with a younger man who can give you all the things I can’t. You were far from nothing but my whore. I was- I do- have very deep feelings for you.”
He sat up and walked over to me, cupping my chin as he kissed me gently, lingeringly. It was the most wonderful kiss- I wanted it to last, but he stopped. He eyed me carefully, the sadness returning. He ran a hand through his silky dark brown hair flecked here and there with gray with frustration.
“It just isn’t fair,” he seemed to say to himself again. He shook his head as he continued. “I use to lay in bed with you, holding you, kissing you, making love to you, and I wondered when the day would come when you’d realize this wouldn’t work.”
“So, you’re basically letting me go now, aren’t you?” I asked in wonder. “But Chris, our age difference means nothing to me. We could make this work. I started out just feeling a physical and sexual chemistry with you, and now it’s more. I don’t want to you to go like this.”
“Later you’ll realize it’s for the best,” he said. “You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for the guy.”
I looked away in shame. No, I could not tell him I was devoid of feelings for Matt. I met his eyes again, and my expression was enough.
He carefully put on his coat, grabbed his keys, and left without another word. Chris had walked out of my personal life, and oddly enough, I felt a part of me go with him. I went back to my bed and wept till I fell fast asleep.
It’s now March, and I’ve been dealing with awkward moments with Chris at school for well over a month now. He is polite and professional, but I see the sad expressions when Matt is near me. I try not to notice, but it’s inevitable.
“Hey, gorgeous, let’s go in my office, lock the door, and you can give me head,” Matt whispered seductively into my ear when he snuck into my classroom during my planning period. I was working on a poetry unit, so my mind was fully on my project.
“No fooling around on the job,” I told him wisely. It seemed I was telling him that more and more often these days. Matt was highly sexually charged. It’s not that I didn’t mind. I just knew there was a place for sex, and it didn’t happen at work.
“I know, I know,” he sighed as he plopped down in a chair. I was inwardly annoyed with him because I was on a roll with some creative lessons, and I didn’t have time for idle chit chat. I sat up and stretched, noticing I had only forty minutes left of my plan.
“Damn, you’re showing off those hot tits to me,” he said softly. “I’m so hard right now. Come on, honey, just come touch me.”
“Matt!” I giggled. The thought was so tempting, but the minute I did something like that, a student or another teacher, or worse, our principal, would walk in on us. It would be bye-bye to both of us! It was common knowledge to most of the staff that we were an item. Principal Chandler didn’t seem to know, or if she did, she didn’t let it be known that she was aware.
Throwing caution to the wind, I pulled him over into a far corner that was not visible from the door. I kissed him as I stuck my hands down into his gym shorts. He groaned with pleasure.
“God, I just want to take my hot English teacher right now and spread her legs and fuck her good,” he whispered as I continued to torture him.
I released my hand and sucked on my finger seductively. I made him a promise for more of the real thing later while I pushed him close to the door.
“I have work to do, Matt,” I told him. He protested, but he left me to my work. It was minutes later that I heard my door open. I looked up and was shocked to see Chris enter with a few dictionaries.
“Sorry to bother you,” he said as he stood in the doorway. “I borrowed these a while ago to use in a measuring experiment. I thought I’d bring them back.”
The sight of him made my heart thump in my chest. He wore black slacks, a burgundy cashmere turtleneck sweater, and a black and white tweed suit coat. His soft hair had grown a bit and was shaggy. My mind’s eye flashed our first night together, and I remembered how silky his hair had felt between my fingers.
“Uh, Danielle?” He asked, and I snapped back to reality. It suddenly dawned on me that I missed him. Terribly.
“I’m sorry, Chris,” I announced, shaking my head. “I guess I was thinking about my…uh, poetry lesson here!”
He smiled as he walked back to the bookshelf to return the dictionaries. He turned on his heel, but stopped and came back by my desk. He sat in the same chair Matt had occupied earlier.
“So, how have things been going?” He asked casually.
“Oh, the same,” I replied, my pulse racing. “Busy.”
“Yeah, same here,” he said. “Abby was home from college last week, so the house is a little lonely now.”
I smiled and thought about his daughter. I’d never met her, but in her pictures she was a lovely young lady. Chris’s wife had died when Abby was still a toddler. He had done a fine job of raising her solo.
We sat in silence for a moment, and there were so many things I longed to say to him. He was about to say something when we were interrupted.
“Hey, there’s cake in the lounge,” Matt announced, barging in. His handsome smile slowly crept away. “It seems kind of tense in here.”
I laughed and leaned back in my chair. I had to think quickly because there was that feeling of tension surrounding Chris and I.
“Oh, Ms. Gray and I were just discussing her poetry lesson,” he said coolly, eyeing Matt speculatively.
“You like that stuff, huh?” Matt groaned, munching on some more cake. “I’m not much for words.”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I like reciting it, too,” he added evenly. “Danielle knows all about my oral expertise….in poetry.”
I felt my face redden, catching Chris’s hidden sexual innuendo, which Matt fully did not catch. I liked him a lot and he was amazing in bed, but Matt was a true jock and not always the brightest on things other than sports. Chris caught my eye and his face was expressionless until he winked casually. He stood, nodded and left.
“I just don’t get why all these women around here are so hot for him,” Matt said a moment after he left. “I just don’t see it.”
“Well, thank goodness you don’t,” I giggled, trying to lighten the atmosphere. I wasn’t going to give him any chance whatsoever to get my opinion on Mr. Morgan. I’m not that good at hiding my emotions. Chris had left my pulse racing and my thighs wet. I had forgotten… no, I take that back. I had never been able to stop thinking about our sexual experiences and how wonderful they were. This morning had been the most contact we’d had since that morning not too long ago.
“No guy love here, Sexy,” he grinned. “And I’m gonna show you how much I like women… specifically YOU… tonight…,” he said as he kissed my nose sweetly. “After the Bulls game, of course.”
“Of course,” I added, rolling my eyes. Matt took his leave and I shook my head.
Spring was hear in full force. I gloried in the long hours of daylight, the sunshine, the green grass… It was spectacular. Lately, I had been coming home, throwing on some comfortable clothes and walking around my neighborhood. I’d put on my headphones and walk, clearing my head and mind, and my heart. I was in an emotional upheaval. I wasn’t quite so sure I wanted to be with Matt anymore. He was wanting to take things to a more serious level, and I just wasn’t sure I wanted him as a long-term boyfriend. He wanted me to go with him that upcoming weekend to meet his parents. That’s a huge step for a couple, in my opinion. And besides, I hadn’t really thought of us as a “couple”. Matt is a great person, but I just wasn’t sure about the two of us a pair. That’s why these long walks helped me.
It was a perfectly flawless Thursday- blue skies, not a cloud in the sky. I had rushed home to have my walk, and as I tied up my sneakers, I noticed a few clouds. Thinking I could beat them, I went ahead and soaked up the fresh air, letting out all my anxieties. I still hadn’t given Matt an answer yet, and I was going to have to let him know very soon. I let it go and enjoyed the exercise. The kids had massive spring fever, and come to think of it, so did I.
It was no sooner that I came in from my walk, thunder began to rumble. Loving a good spring storm, I cracked my patio, waiting for a good lightning show, as well, but to my dismay, Mother Nature was only teasing. Tired, I locked up my patio and hopped in the shower. I had bought a new cute pair of spring pajamas that I excitedly got into after my shower. They were little pink cotton shorts and a matching pink top. I never sleep in bra and panties, and the material felt wonderful against my skin. My hair still wet, I decided to let it air dry. It hung loose around me.
I sat on my bed. It was only 9:30, and I hardly felt like sleeping. I had no grading, no planning… This would be a fabulous time to just curl up and read. I heard that thunder again and glided into my living room where I cracked the patio once more. To my excitement, the rain began.
I breathed in the scent, loving every second of it. I stepped out onto the patio and leaned up against the railing. It felt so fresh, making me feel renewed. I reached out my hand and felt the rain, and to my surprise, it was not cold. Lightning brightened the nighttime sky, and rather than fear, I felt amazement. It inspired me to stand there for a moment, and thank goodness there was protective covering overhead from the upstairs patio. I stood and felt the pain and stress of the day melt off of me.
“Danielle,” I heard a voice call out. “Danielle, what are you doing?”
“Chris!” I said in surprise. I opened my eyes and saw him getting drenched in the spring rainstorm. “What are you doing? My God, get in here!”
Without hesitation, he climbed over the railing and took me by my shoulders.
“What the hell are you doing out here?” He asked me. I could see him from the glow of light in my apartment. “I’ve never seen you more lovely, Danielle. You looked… at peace.”
I searched his face, and I shook my head in amazement. We were standing on my patio- I in my pajamas, and he soaking wet from the rain. But crazily enough, it felt right.
Suddenly, it was evident- it was a pure epiphany. I loved this man! That’s right! I was in love with him. I longed to tell him, but I couldn’t find the words.
“Let’s go in,” he said as he slid open the screen of the patio door and stepped in. “You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m doing here.”
“It crossed my mind,” I told him as I stood shivering. I wasn’t cold. I couldn’t begin to describe what I felt.
He gripped my shoulders again. His stormy blue eyes rivaled that of the storm happening just outside.
“Danielle,” he uttered. “I…. Oh, Christ…I miss you. I miss you terribly. I- I feel sick at times. I miss this cozy little apartment, and I miss the way you make little noises in your sleep… Would you listen to me? I sound like a lovesick teenaged boy. I know I was taking a risk coming here tonight, but I had to see you. I didn’t see Matt, so I figured we could talk.”
I laughed, tossing my head back, and then I gripped him by the shoulders and clung tightly to him. I inhaled his sharp, masculine scent, ran my fingers through his silky hair, and sighed a contented sigh of relief.
“I have missed you, too, Chris,” I told him back. I then walked away from him to study the storm again. I saw his reflection as I talked. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much.”
I watched his expression soften. He stepped behind me and moved my hair from my neck, where he began placing small tender kisses. I bit my lower lip and let my forehead fall against the glass of the door. The kisses would melt me. I was sure of it.
“I need to have you again, Danielle,” he uttered in my ear as he kissed me from behind. “Just let me feel you, taste you. God, I’m like a starving man. Don’t push me away. I don’t know what will happen after tonight, but let me have you. I know you want it, too.”
I wasn’t about to let him walk out that door. My heart soared, but the sickening feeling was there momentarily. Did he only want me for his physical pleasure? The thoughts escaped me as his hands crept up to my breasts, and he deftly closed the blinds as he continued his rash of kisses and nips along my neck.
He finally turned me around and kissed me fully, and I complied wholeheartedly. I had missed his kisses, his touch… It was amazing. He slowly stripped me of my little pajamas and he sat me down on the couch and pulled me down so I was reclining. He knelt in front of me and spread my legs, running his hands up and down my thighs.
I tossed my head back and reveled in his touch. My woman’s passage throbbed. I dimly felt him spread my nether lips. He breathed hot breath onto me, making me get wetter. His tongue grazed the area around my clit, but he failed to touch it. It circled around my clit, and then up and down my slit. I began to pant.
“Taste yourself on me, Danielle,” he said as he parted my mouth with his tongue. I kissed him and tasted my honeyed musk. He lightly grazed my nipples as we kissed gently, tenderly. He then leaned back and rid himself of his clothes. He was hard and ready, but I knew he would tease me. It was so like Chris to do that.
He caressed his hardness in front of me. I licked my lips. I wanted more.
“This is all about you, Danielle,” he whispered as he continued to caress it. “You can’t wait to feel this pumping you, can you?”
He didn’t wait for my reply. He dove between my legs like a man starved. He assaulted my clit as a finger glided into my passage. I cried in passion, loving his tongue, his fingers. Before long, there were two fingers, and I died a little death as he tugged my button with gusto.
His hands sticky from my juices, he glistened the head of his cock with it.
“Taste yourself on me, Danielle, and let me lick you some more.”
I got up so he could lie down, and I let him continue his oral expertise as I slowly devoured his cock. He was large and thick, and I tasted my cum on his cockhead. I swirled my tongue around and about his member.
“Your sweet mouth, Danielle,” he moaned. “Oh, God, you feel delicious.”
I continued my assault as I felt his tongue and fingers conquering my pussy. As he fingered and licked me, I softly licked up and down the length of him, blowing warm air as he had done to me. I heard him moan, but I continued to suck him harder, taking him back as far as I could. With my free hand, I caressed his balls. He tasted spicy, and his delicious cock was velvety in my mouth.
He tortured my sweet button at least twice more, until I was screaming for release. I began to taste the salty precum, and I knew it was time.
“I need you, Chris,” I moaned. “I need you to take me now and fuck me. God, Chris, I need it. Now.”
Without another word, he told me to get up and lean over the arm of my couch. I complied, and he stood behind me and bent to lick my slit once more. At long last, I felt him move his cockhead over my slit, spreading my honey around. He inserted the head, and I squeezed him, longing for more, but he teased me.
“Chris,” I cried. “Don’t tease. Please, God, give me your cock. Put it in me!” I was furiously wild with need. I heard him laugh wickedly, and he kissed my neck. I barely heard him whisper.
“I’ll give you my cock, Danielle,” he said, his voice thick with passion. “But would you have my heart as well?”
“You’d ask me that now? In the throes of desire?” I asked, half joking. But I knew he wasn’t kidding me. “I’ll take your heart, Chris.” I meant it.
He groaned and put just the tip of his cock into my soaking slit, only to pull out immediately after. I moaned, gripping the couch with all my might. He took my hips to prevent me from sliding back on him.
“When you think of me, Danielle,” he said in my ear before kissing it. “Think of this moment.”
As he said that, he gave me his full length and stayed there, and I cried in passion. I moved my hips to meet his wicked thrusts as he took me from behind. His hands encroached around my breasts, and while he fucked me, he whispered things of passion and desire into my ear.
“You make me wild, Danielle,” he uttered. “I’ve missed you. God, you feel so good. Tell me you want me. Tell me how good this feels.”
“Chris, oh yes,” I moaned. “I want you. I want you so bad. You feel amazing, wonderful… oh fuck yes!”
It was a short time before I reached my pinnacle, and when I closed my eyes to ride that fantastic wave of orgasm, I cried tears of release, of joy. And yes, even tears of love.
It wasn’t long after that Chris bucked my hips back and forth faster and faster, and before long, I felt him explode and heard him cry out my name. I squeezed his cock with my pussy muscles a few times before he pulled out. He turned me over and kissed me deeply, fully. I ran my fingertips gently up and down his ribs. He eyed me speculatively.
“We’ve never done it in that position before,” he said as we collapsed onto the couch. His weight above me was a welcomed feel.
“Mmmm,” I moaned. “Any position with you is fantastic.”
“You really mean that?” he said as he kissed my neck and chest. I wrapped my legs around him.
“Of course,” I replied. “And I meant what you asked earlier. I’ll take your heart, but only if you’ll have mine.”
He studied me again. He smiled and kissed me fully, lingeringly, taking my heart and soul, and then pouring it back again. We rested for a while and snuggled on the couch. It felt fantastic.
“We’ll figure out a way to make it work, Danielle,” he said softly.
“Of course we will. Come on, and I’ll show you how much.” I took his hand and we went back to my bedroom. It felt good to have him there again.
We made love slowly this time, taking time to explore, touch, feel. I was almost dizzy with the feeling, but it was amazing. He pressed me onto my back and glided his cock slowly into me once again, and we came together in a waterfall of ecstatic passion.
We lay together, basking in the tender afterglow. I felt content… as content as I had months before we stopped seeing each other. As I looked on my nightstand, I studied the picture Matt had given me that a friend of his had snapped at a party we had attended a few weeks ago. I had leaned it up against one of my dusty little knick knacks.
I knew it would hurt, but I was going to have to be honest with Matt. He’d be fine, I was sure of it. There were probably lots of obstacles ahead for Chris and I, but I was willing to take that risk to be with him. In the mean time, I simply wanted to enjoy the feel of him back in my life, back in my bed, and back in my heart, though truly, I don’t think he ever left that part of me. I turned to face him and he held me close. He kissed me gently.
“Hey, Danielle,” he whispered softly.
“What?” I asked.
“I love you,” he said.
“And I love you.”