Loading...My name is Christian. Most of the people I know call me Chris. Although my mom calls me Christian Edward Matthews whenever she’s mad. I don’t really like my middle name all that much, but of course, I never tell her that. Currently, I’m 19 years old and in my senior year in high school. I started a bit late into school so I’m older than most by at least a year.
Since it’s already October, that means I’m going to be 20 in 2 months – which my friends described to me as “the legal age to party like it’s your last day to live”. Don’t really know if I should agree with that though.
So far in my life, it has been pretty smooth. I have a very supportive family, a group of friends who are pretty cool with just about everything dished out to them, and I’m pretty healthy and fit – able to keep in shape by playing sports and exercising regularly. At 19, I stand at 6’3 ft with 179 lbs of muscle. Didn’t really have that much of a problem with girls either since the ones I tried to date told me that my face is manly with my square jaw and my lopsided grin makes them melt, wrapping that up with my short dirty blond hair and deep blue eyes. Like I said, it’s been a pretty smooth life.
But of course, as much as I’d like to say that my life is perfect, it never is. I’ve enjoyed it so far but lately, it’s been making me lonely. Dating never last a month even if I treat every girl like a princess, and while I have some friends, let’s just say that I’m not really the best company to chat with and laugh with.
Why?
Simple.
I can’t talk.
I was born mute and I can’t produce any sound at all. The good thing about it is that I’m a very good listener, but let’s face it; I doubt anyone could last half a day talking to someone who just stares back at you. Of course I can talk to my family, teachers, basketball coach, and my two best friends with sign language. They’re pretty much all family to me and I’m lucky to have them. But recently, I find myself wanting to be with someone, I don’t know why but it feels like something is missing. But then again, talking to others and socializing is nearly impossible unless I bring a notebook around to write my thoughts. And I don’t really like how the new people I meet look at me with pity, because even with my disability, I don’t feel pitiful at all.
And so, this senior year, I’m determined to meet someone. I’m not sure how I’m going to start or how I’m going to do it, but I just hope it comes to me at some point. It’s already October so I hope a plan comes to me soon. With these thoughts, I quickly get into bed and close my eyes, looking forward what another new Monday morning will bring.
~*~Side B~*~
OK, so, I’m Angelo Sy. There’s not much about me that I can say to describe myself. I’m pretty much a normal 22 year old guy who likes to sing and stuff. I guess its “normal” in a sense that I’m pretty average, being 5’7 ft with 139 lbs. I’m a bit soft everywhere but not exactly fat. I have a slim frame and I don’t really have muscles to boast about since I hate exercise. My hobbies are singing, playing instruments, listening to music, and spending my free time at home playing computer games like a dork. I’m not really a hardcore gaming addict but at this day and age, it’s just what a shy timid guy like me can do for fun.
Being 22 years old, I am a bit old to still be in my senior high. It’s not that I was held back because of my studies. It’s more of a health thing. Being a small half Asian kid with stereotypical clean cut black hair, round eyes that slant on the edges, thin frame, and my almost girly appearance makes me a target for bullies like I have a neon sign over my head that says “helpless wimp with no friends”.
Enduring the torture until I graduate from 8th grade, the summer before I start my first year in high school, I just broke down and told my parents everything I’ve gone through with school and that I’m too scared to face four more years of that. After letting everything out, I was so exhausted but I still ended up hyperventilating and palpitating until I passed out. My parents panicked and called an ambulance to have me checked in the hospital. When I recovered, my parents brought me to a counselor and after talking about my case, I developed an anxiety disorder and they thought it would be for the best if I stopped school for a while during my psychological treatment.
For several years, I’ve been considerably better and started to have less panic attacks and I barely remember the pain of getting bullied. I owe it all to the extreme shower of love and care that my parents and my sister Sandra has given to me, and with the supportive and encouraging words that my counselor has given to me. With that, when I turned 21, they told me that maybe it was time to get me back out into the world. I continued studying at home but they thought that if I want to go to college like I said, it would be better if I at least experience a part of school before that. I was a bit scared of that thought but it made sense so I decided to give it a go. I prepared for a whole year and took advancement exams, with the recommendation of my counselor and home school instructor; a local high school accepted me as a senior high school transferee. Although I only got fully accepted in October since it took some time to complete my papers.
Although from my fear from my experience from school is making my chest tight, I decided that maybe I should at least fix my appearance a bit so I won’t look that much of a loser. I asked my sister Sandra for advice and she ended up dragging me the whole day to the mall, getting me new clothes with dad’s “emergency” credit card, then getting me into a salon to have them fix my hair. My hair has grown a lot from being at home for the rest of the time so the salon cut it up to shoulder length and my sister told them to dye it to a color that will suit me.
Afterwards, when we got home, I tried out my new clothes and combed my hair. As I look into the full length mirror on my cabinet, I really like what I’m seeing. My hair is just above my shoulder, layered beautifully that it frames my face, and with a chestnut brown coloring that makes my dark brown eyes light up. And another thing about it is that my hair feels so soft! I don’t know what they did to it but it feels so nice. So anyway, I went out of my room and went to the living room where my sis is eagerly waiting to see my new look. She squealed in delight and squeezed me so hard that I thought I broke a rib. My parents saw me at dinner as well and they gave me all sorts of praises that made me a bit embarrassed but happy.
After the meal, I lay down on my bed; anxious about my first day in school tomorrow, but having a bit more confidence from all the encouragement my family has given me.