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Your Grandpa’s Funny

Category: Incest
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This story has only marginally incestuous themes although it involves a naked voyeuristic grandfather and his bi-sexual granddaughter in the same bed.


When 68 year old Edgar Whitney went over to put in his daughter’s storm windows for the winter, he thought he was going just to do his daughter a favor. After Anne’s husband took off for greener pastures a couple years ago and pretty much disappeared from his wife and daughter’s lives save the occasional support check, Edgar had tried to help out around the house whenever he could.

Since Edgar was now a widower and retired he had a lot of time on his hands, and since he lived just across town and liked to do the household things that his hard-working daughter lacked the time and skills to do, he never said no.

Besides, Edgar Whitney had a soft spot in his heart for his granddaughter Christie, an adorable little butterball who had just graduated from high school. In candid conversations with a friend named John, a fellow senior citizen who had actually done to his own what Edgar only fantasized about, Edgar had confessed about how he felt about his granddaughter Christie.

“She’s so cute and shy,” Edgar had related. “She’s just like her mother was when she was 18 only a little bit more so. Christie’s Mom was a busty thing too, but Christie’s even bustier. She’s a little plump but those 30 or so pounds are mostly in the right places.”

“You told me you always regretted not fucking your daughter Anne back in the day when she used to flirt with you,” Edgar’s lecherous friend John had reminded him in referencing past chats.

“And Christie’s the same way but not as obvious,” Edgar explained. “She’s caught me looking at her quite a few times, and one time I was down in their laundry room changing the dryer hose and I got distracted by one of her bras in the laundry basket. Picked it up and was looking at the size tag. Boy was I embarrassed!”

“What did you do?” Edgar’s friend asked.

“I asked her if this was hers or her Mom’s?” Edgar chuckled. “She was blushing but she looks at it and then says it was hers. I looked at those cups that were so big you could carry footballs in them, let out a low whistle and told her that she was even bigger than her Mom was.”

“What size bra does your Christie wear?”

“38 but she’s a double D cup. Her Mom was a 38 too but only a single D.”

“Only? Damn, those gals have racks on them! And you tell me you’re not even going to try to do her?”

“I’m too old now. My doing days are over, but I still like to look.”

“You don’t get hard anymore?”

“Sure, from time to time but I don’t know if I could actually do it,” Edgar confessed. “I’m her grandfather.”

“That’s what I always thought about my granddaughters, but then I said that somebody is sure as hell going to fuck these little piglets so it might as well be me.”

“I suppose,” Edgar mused, but he knew that he wasn’t like that. He did like to look though.


“Pot,” Edgar mumbled to himself after unlocking the back door and letting himself in the house, and while it had been decades since he himself had smoked it himself he remembered the smell and from the way the TV was blasting down the hall Edgar deduced it was his granddaughter lounging around.

Edgar tiptoed down the hall, hoping that perhaps Christie was wearing something sexy. He didn’t feel guilty because her mother knew he was coming by and he himself had even left a message on the answering machine to tell Christie he was coming.

Bra and panties would be nice, Edgar mused as he got closer, wincing at the vulgarities of the TV show or movie Christie was watching. Christie wearing that bra he had only seen unoccupied by flesh would make his dick hard for a week he well knew, and just thinking of the prospect had his dick twitching.

Edgar got to the doorway, and when he peeked around the corner he was reassured that the doctor had been correct last month when he told him that his heart was back in good shape, because if he didn’t have a stroke when he looked in Christie’s bedroom he never would.

It wasn’t the TV providing the sounds he had heard, and it wasn’t Christie moaning and talking dirty either although she was definitely in the room even if the old man couldn’t see her face. It had to be Christie on the bed on her knees, naked with her plump and firm-looking ass facing the door, and she wasn’t alone because there were skinny legs and little feet in the air over her round shoulders.

Edgar had no idea who it was although the voice imploring his granddaughter to, “Eat that pussy babe!” was feminine and there were strands of blonde hair up near the headboard of the bed.

“Damn,” Edgar muttered under his breath as he gawked at the erotic scene. “Christie likes girls.”

A lot more than liked them too, Edgar deduced judging by the sloppy sounds his granddaughter was making as she buried her face between the prone girl’s legs, and he wanted to move so he could see more but didn’t dare so he stayed put.

Christie had a nice big ass, Edgar observed although that wasn’t news because she was a big girl, but while her butt was full it looked firm and the skin was creamy smooth.

The crack of her ass was dark. Was that a shadow or was it hair? Edgar kind of hoped it was hair, since he was a child of 60’s when fur on females wasn’t forbidden, and the more he looked at the crevice between his granddaughter’s buttocks the more he convinced himself that he was right.

Christie had a bush that obviously didn’t stop at her pussy, and she got that from her mother’s genes because she had been a furry thing too. Edgar had gotten a hint of that hairy possibility when he saw Christie in the backyard sunning herself last summer.

She had a bathing suit on that day, but unfortunately was wearing a terrycloth wrap over it as she reclined in the chaise, but she had her hands behind her neck as she dozed behind the sunglasses so Edgar had gotten a long and close-up look at her exposed armpits.

They were shaved, which was not unexpected, but Edgar had enjoying seeing how the large hollows of her armpits were coated at noon with a 5 o’clock shadow so dense that it made the otherwise lily white skin look almost black.

Like being in a helicopter looking down at the million man march, Edgar recalled fondly, although that view was a heck of a lot more enjoyable than doing that other reconnaissance would have been. On the rollicking bed Christie’s head wiggled and the slobbering sounds almost drowned out whatever that sweet thing his granddaughter was going down on was yelping about in such a vulgar manner.

Edgar recalled that Christie had a friend who was blonde that he had seen at her graduation party, a tiny little lady who looked a lot like Peter Pan. Was that her moaning and howling as her little feet kicked in the air? How badly he wanted to see.

“Oh shit. Company!”

Edgar froze, having been so intent on looking at his granddaughter’s furry ass crack that he hadn’t noticed the blonde had squirmed around so she could see over Christie’s shoulder, and her announcement had his granddaughter squealing in terror and scrambling to get under the sheet.

Christie’s friend was not so shy and just worked herself into a sitting position on the bed with her hands on her ankles, seeming to enjoy the intrusion with a pixie-like smile.

“I’m sorry honey,” Edgar said with as much sincerity as he could manage while trying not to look at the two. “I called and told you I was coming over.”

“Crap. I never check the machine,” came the voice from under the sheet.

“I just heard the noises and I came down here because I thought it was the TV on and you were awake,” Edgar said. “I wasn’t expecting…”

“I wish you came a little later because I was on the verge of cumming,” the blonde said in a far from nonplussed manner. “I remember you from the party. I’m Jo Ann.”

Edgar couldn’t believe the girl sat up straight and extended her hand, and the old man was even more surprised when he took a couple of steps over to shake the little paw.

“I’m Christie’s grandfather,” Edgar said, trying and failing not to look at the naked little waif’s slender body.

“Nice to see you again Grandpa,” Jo Ann giggled, and from under the the sheet Edgar heard Christie mutter, “Good grief.”

“Lighten up girlfriend,” Jo Ann chided her lover. “Your grandfather’s cool with it.”

“I didn’t mean to intrude,” Edgar said. “I just heard – and well – I also smelled the…”

“Oh shit,” the hidden Christie said.

“Relax,” Jo Ann threw in. “I’ll bet you smoked plenty back in the day, didn’t you Grandpa?”

“Stop calling him Grandpa,” the muffled Christie complained.

“You don’t mind, do you Grandpa?” Jo Ann asked.

“No, it’s fine. As for the weed, I did my share back in the 60’s and 70’s, with my wife as a matter-of-fact.”

“Too much information,” Christie moaned before adding, “Please don’t tell Mom.”

“Grandpa’s not going to tell on us,” Jo Ann said. “Are you? Especially if you join in. Wanna?”

“Gee dear, I don’t know,” Edgar said as he watched the Peter Pan look-alike reach into the ashtray for the joint that had been snuffed out earlier, but when she lit it up and offered it to the old man Edgar took it.

“See Christie?” Jo Ann said. “Your grandfather is smoking with you. How can he bust you now?”

“I’m no narc,” Edgar wheezed as he tried not to choke on the smoke in his lungs, and that got Jo Ann roaring with laughter.

“Oh man Grandpa, you’re so funny,” Jo Ann chirped.

“This can’t be happening,” Christie declared, although when her friend pulled on the sheet she let it slide off her head, holding the rest around her upper torso while clenching it under her arms.

“It’s happening and it’s awesome,” Jo Ann declared. “Grandpa’s cool too. Drop that sheet down so he can check out your jugs. I think he’s getting tired of looking at my little titties.”

“No, I…” Edgar said as he took another hit and passed it to Jo Ann who took it and spread her arms wide.

“I’m the president of the itty-bitty titty committee,” the blonde declared unashamedly as she gave the old man an even better look at the little buds and their equally tiny red nipples. “Whatcha think Grandpa?”

“You – you’re a very attractive young lady,” Edgar said as he wiped his brow. “Really.”

“I believe you Grandpa,” Jo Ann said as he pointed towards the senior’s crotch. “You’ve had a boner since you came in here.”

“Jo Ann!” Christie cried.

“Well he does,” Jo Ann protested. “You can’t miss it. Looks like he’s got a big one. Do you?”

“No,” Edgar said with a chuckle. “Very normal.”

“Take it out so I can see it,” Jo Ann said, and when Christie complained she added. “This is cool. It’s like a porn movie. Take off your clothes and join us.”

“I’m going to be sick.”

“Christie, cut the shit,” Jo Ann said with a hint of annoyance. “Quit playing the prude. Your Grandpa just caught you with your head halfway up my pussy. He knows you aren’t the Vestal Virgin.”

“I’m not the one to judge people Christie,” Edgar said softly. “I hope we can all forget and pretend this didn’t happen. Thank you for the tokes by the way. It brought back happy memories, and you are both as cute as the dickens. Both of you.”

“Wait a minute Grandpa. Sit back down in the chair,” Jo Ann insisted. “I’m going to make my girlfriend come clean here. Tell him.”


“If you don’t tell him I will,” Jo Ann declared, fighting off Christie’s protests. “I’m serious. It’s about time you grew up girl.”

“Please don’t argue,” Edgar interjected.

“No, I’m going to tell you. Christie here knows you’ve got the hots for her – and don’t you hide under the sheet again either,” Jo Ann revealed. “She’s caught you checking her out plenty of times, and she’s even egged you on too. Giving you peeks at her goodies and all. Tell him.”

Christie sat silently, her eyes filling up as she sat there covered up in her sheet as her friend and lover shared what she thought were secrets.

“I’m not putting you down for it. My own grandfather used to do that to me too before he died,” Jo Ann revealed. “Hard not to look at Christie. Not with those tits of hers. You know how big she is too Grandpa, don’t you? She caught you checking out her bra.”

“38 DD,” Edgar mumbled.

“She’s moved up to a 40 DD now Grandpa,” Jo Ann declared, motioned towards the heap of clothes on the floor. “I tell you, if she ever got on a treadmill and dropped 30 pounds or so she could make a fortune down at DiCarlo’s!”

“I’m not going to be a stripper!” Christie snapped.

“Whatever,” Jo Ann said. “So how about it Grandpa? Why don’t you get those clothes off and let us get crazy with you?”

“I’m not having sex with my grandfather,” Christie made clear.

“She watched you getting dressed one time when you stayed over,” Jo Ann said over Christie’s scream. “Peeked in the guest room. She said you’ve got a skinny dick but it’s really long. Uncut too.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Christie told her friend. “I love you. I trust you.”

“And I’m doing this for your benefit,” Jo Ann told her as she slowly pulled the sheet off her friend, and then she turned to Edgar. “She’s not very experienced. I’m the only girl she’s even been with, and she’s only been with two guys. One her age and one lots older. Like your age. Tell your grandfather which guy was better.”

“Please. I can’t do this.”

“Then let’s just let the poor guy get a look at you at least,” Jo Ann said as the sheet came off when Christie eased her resistance.

Edgar tried not to look at his granddaughter as she sat there naked, and while her arms and legs covered up as much as she could there was no completely hiding her massive breasts that hung down to her belly or the jungle of black curls that filled her delta.

“If you aren’t going to fuck him then I am,” Jo Ann declared as she scooted over to the edge of the bed and held her arms out towards Edgar. “The poor guy probably hasn’t had any in quite a while, and I’m horny as hell.”

“I’m flattered – really,” Edgar announced as he got up and started to leave. “But I can’t. If you were 18…”

“Oh, you only fuck girls that are 18 Grandpa?”

“Ever since I turned 18 myself that’s been a rule of mine,” Edgar said as he tried to inject a little humor into the awkward situation.

“Is it because I’m flat-chested?” Jo Ann asked as she thrust her chest out.

“No – you aren’t any such thing. You’re very pretty. Just not pretty enough to go to jail for. No girl is.”

“I’m 19 Grandpa,” Jo Ann said, and then turned towards Christie for support. “Tell him.”

“She is 19,” Christie whispered.

“But – but you don’t have any hair – you know?” Edgar said as she nodded towards the raised mound which was a smooth as a billiard ball. “Between your legs.”

“Oh man Christie, your Grandpa is so freaking funny,” Jo Ann chirped, and as she rubbed the bare mound she announced, “I get my pussy waxed. My pits and legs too, but I’m not very hairy to begin with. Nothing like my furry friend Christie. Do you like my pussy without hair?”

“I don’t know,” Edgar said as he looked at the bare sex of his granddaughter’s lover, and the sight of it made him recall many of the girls in the porn he watched although he usually reverted to the older films in the end.

“Touch it,” Jo Ann said as she held out her hand to Edgar, and when he stepped forward she took his hand and brought it down between her legs. “Not too bad is it?”

“It’s different,” Edgar admitted.

“Bet you would rather fuck Christie’s hairy pussy more though,” Jo Ann correctly observed, and turning to her friend she hissed, “Stop whimpering. Either fuck him or just watch.”

“She’s conflicted – jealous maybe,” Jo Ann said to Edgar as she reached over and started to undo the old man’s belt. “Maybe she’ll come to her senses. You want to fuck me don’t you Grandpa? If you do say so.”

“I do,” Edgar muttered while in a daze trying to figure out who was making his mouth move like this, and turning to his granddaughter apologized for what he felt compelled to do. “It’s been so long honey, and I’ve been so lonely.”

“Speaking of long,” Jo Ann cracked when after the belt came loose his baggy trousers fell right to the floor and the blonde’s hand ran over the bulge in his boxers. “And hard too. Like freaking blue steel.”

“Yeah!” Jo Ann sighed when after she tugged the boxers down Edgar’s pale prong bobbed in her face. “Nice.”

“I think you sold yourself short Grandpa,” Jo Ann said as her little hand grabbed the slender pole and slid the foreskin down to expose the pinkish jumbo olive-sized glans. “You’ve got a little more than 6″ here – maybe 7″. Awesome!”

“Oh!” Edgar groaned as he watched his granddaughter’s friend lean forward and let her lips slide down the veiny pole while from the side Christie sat wide-eyed and open mouthed herself as Jo Ann’s face dipped into the silver curls above his manhood over and over again.

“Honey…” Edgar said. “I – I can’t take much more of this.”

“Then let’s do it!” Jo Ann said as she threw herself back into the bedding and spread her slender thighs wide to show the old man her pink insides. “Rip off your clothes and fuck me grandpa.”

Edgar’s shirt came off even before he undid all the buttons, and as he tried to block out the sight of his granddaughter next to the naked blonde he kicked off the pants from around his ankles and knee-walked up to the tiny hairless orifice.

“So tight!” Edgar groaned as he pushed the tip of his stiff prong into the fold.

“Push Grandpa! Stick that long pecker in my cunt!” Jo Ann said, hoping the wetness of her pussy would compensate for the lack of foreplay, and as the vein-riddled dick tore into her she yelped encouragement. “That’s it!”

“Omigod!” Edgar exclaimed as he felt his dick go in to the hilt, and then his eyes were distracted for the lithe blonde beneath him after Jo Ann tore the sheet his granddaughter was hiding behind.

“Suck Grandpa’s balls, or stick your finger up his ass or something!” the blonde yelped as the bed bounced from Edgar’s humping. “He’s fucking me so good.”

“Can’t,” Christie whimpered but made no effort to cover herself or hide what she was doing while watching her grandfather.

Both of Christie’s hands were busy as she knelt there without the sheet to conceal her. Her right hand was kneading the doughy breast roughly while he left hand was busy inside of the wild jungle of hair between her legs and her glassy eyes explained what she was doing.

“Christie – so pretty,” Edgar mumbled as he forced himself to turn away for fear he would cum.

He hated himself while using the blonde as a trampoline of sorts. He loathed himself for sticking his cock into such a young thing even if she was really far older than her 19 years, and the fact that he was enjoying it so much made it worse.

Most of all he was disgusted by the fact that he was wishing he was sticking his cock into Christie instead of his granddaughter’s friend and lover, who was cumming and screaming it out to the world while the blonde clawed his shoulders and her pussy tried to snap his dick in two.

Christie. His eyes kept going back to his granddaughter and he thought that was not only perverted but rude to the girl who was letting Edgar feel like a man again by giving herself to him.

Christie. That woman/child who to his old man’s eyes was so much more desirable even though in 2014 most men would differ. He adored her fleshy body – her enormous breasts and her hairy pussy – and when he came while he might have been in Jo Ann’s body physically, but in his mind he was dreaming of the cherubic angel frigging herself next to them.

“Oh man Grandpa you still got it,” Jo Ann said after Edgar had cum and straightened his aching back, having pulled his spent cock out and was letting the puckered tip rest on the smooth mound. “Came twice. Christie, you’re a fool if you don’t do your Grandpa. He’s the bomb!”

Her friend barking at her seemed to wake Christie from her trance because she then scrambled out of bed and ran out of the room the the bathroom.

“Honey?” Edgar said as he tried to stop her.

“Drama queen,” Jo Ann said as she dismissed her lover’s action. “She’ll get over it.”

“I shouldn’t have…” Edgar said softly as he watched his semen begin to ooze out of the blonde’s pussy.

“You didn’t like it?”

“No. I mean no that’s not it,” Edgar corrected himself. “It was wonderful. Really. Thank you so much for that.”

“This ain’t Mickey D’s and I’m not working the register,” Jo Ann snapped in a good-natured manner. “I did it as much for myself as I did you – and I did it for Christie to. She’s feels guilty now because she wanted it but didn’t have the nerve to do it.”

“I could never…”

“I saw the way you were looking at her,” Jo Ann explained. “You want her. You want her bad just like she wants you.”

“Just because you want something doesn’t mean you take it.”

“Why not?” Jo Ann said as she crawled out from under Edgar. “Oh well, she’s never going to come out of the bathroom with us here.”

“Think I’ll leave,” Edgar said as he began to get dressed, and after he got himself together he did just that, giving his lover a kiss on the forehead and pausing at the bathroom door to say, “I love you Christie,” before departing, saving the storm windows for another day.

Was she right, Edgar wondered as he drove home. Was the lithe blonde right that not only did he want Christie but she wanted him too?

“You couldn’t do it and you know it,” Edgar told the dashboard as he drove home, but he knew the vision of his granddaughter’s voluptuous body was going to haunt him for as long as he lived.


thanks for reading

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