Loading...“She didn’t want to say anything, but when you fall for someone, it doesn’t really take a lot of work. You don’t have much choice in the matter. It sort of just hits and then you know.”
We’ve all seen commercials where there’s that random thing – that once in a lifetime blink of a moment.
I had one – well, no, two. I was on the Adams Street bridge over the Chicago River. God, she was gorgeous. Black jacket, buttoned, fair skin, skirt… it was long enough ago I don’t remember all the details. She saw me gawking and blushed… and smiled. I should have and didn’t.
Your eyes meet hers and lower – embarrassed. And your heart flutters. Mine did. And I gushed.
I was about to walk away when I had *that* moment. So I turned around and said, “Hey, I’m Jenna. Are you in a hurry?”
She stopped. Win!
And turned around. YES!
And smiled. Oh help me!!
“No. Why?”
‘Cuz I think I’m in love with you, okay’. Inner voice!!
Confronted with the reality of my fantasy, I fumbled, sophomorically.
‘I… um… was wondering if you might want to spend the rest of your life with me.’ Thoughts be GONE!!
What tumbled out of my mouth was “Got time for coffee… or something?”
She smiled.
“It’s Jenna, right?” I nodded. “”Yeah, I have time. It’s a Saturday and I’m shopping. You’re cute. Lets.”
Weak kneed, I followed. I was stunned when she took my hand. Kitty moon walked.
Could it be? How random can it be?
“So what do you do, Miss Jenna?”
“I, um, work.” I’m such an idiot. I’m blowing my chance with this gorgeous woman. “I’m so sorry. I’m totally dusted by how gorgeous you are and I’m fumbling about like I’m 15 or something.”
She laughed. It was water on a waterfall in a remote part of… whatever. You know what I mean.
“You between lovers or just stunned by my beauty?” Can I marry you on a first date?
I shrank under her steady gaze. I have no idea why. And my heart was threatening to leap right out of my chest.
Which, if you’re interested, is a not quite bountiful 34B. I’m teeny – 5 ft 3. I don’t know… they tell me I’m sorta cute.
She! Was… no… is amazing. Not too much taller than me, Brenda’s hair is strawberry blonde. Her body is amazing. Which I didn’t find out till later. She giggled and kissed my shoulder when she read that!! Smile!
So we had coffee. I probably should remember everything about that day. But there have been so many others since that the early ones get lost in the shuffle – a little.
“Tell me about you.” UGH! I did. She smiled.
“Your story sounds a little like mine. My family wasn’t very supportive of who I am.” She shrugged. “It’s gotten better, but I don’t know what they’ll do if I bring you home and announce you as my honey.” I thought I might faint.
Her eyes never left mine. “Did I scare you, honey?”
I coughed and lied, badly. “Not at all.” She giggled. She had seen me blush. Which I had.
“So do you fuck on a first date?” Oh my fucking god!! Who is this woman and…
“I, um, haven’t… but there’s always a first time.” She smiled.
“Shall we?” Yes please!!
We did!!
Oh yeah… her name is Brenda… she prefers Bren. I prefer her. All day, all night. Every night. But I wander.
Her apartment was small but well appointed. She asked if I wanted to use the washroom. I was terrified, horny, and near panic. My experience with first date lovers was: small and none. But this woman had me – and it terrified me that she might see it in me.
Why?
I have no idea.
We’re weird. Duh! You know what I know. We’re all weird. It’s how your weird meshes with hers. Ah yes… I see heads nodding!! Oh goody… you’re on track with me. You may not know my story but I damn well know you know what I was feeling.
There’s that moment when you undress with her – in front of her. You worry she’s judging you. You wonder if she worries about you judging her. LOL You’re so horny, so desperate, that it barely registers.
“Hurry!” I looked into the pool of dark green eyes. And shivered. Make me yours – forever! Please!
I pushed the panties over her hips and shivered as her sex came into view. Bare, it looked like mine. I wondered how it would taste.
We were on her bed, me between her legs.
I bent to heaven, took in her scent, and dove into the sweet wetness.
SHAZAM!!
“Jenna, I swear I’ll melt with that fab tongue of yours.” Giggles.
Her hips lifted when I pushed my fingers into her. Yeah, fuck it. Three of them. Let’s see what she’s made of.
She wailed as she bucked against me.
‘Like it, bitch?’ Inside voice!!
She exploded, her juices coating my lips and tongue. I drank her in, wondering if she was like me – multi orgasmic.
I found out. She was. Is.
She gave as well as she got. Trust me on that.
It wasn’t like me to wake up with someone I’d just met – but it didn’t feel like Bren was just ‘someone.’
And she proved not to be!!
Days turned into weeks, which turned into months. Yada yada.
“I love you.”
Startled, I looked up, distracted from my Outback steak. She frowned.
“What? Do you not love me?”
“How can you ask me that, Bren? You have to know I do.”
Caught. Bagged. Tossed in a canvas something or other and… whatever,
“You’re way more bold than me, honey.” I shrugged, lowering my eyes. “I do. You probs know I do. I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to say the words.” I reached across the table and took her hand. “Don’t doubt for a moment how I feel.”
In another of the oddest coincidences, her apartment and mine weren’t two miles apart. She was in sales with a tech company and I… well, I have a job. But you don’t care – much!
We went to movies, watched the new TV season as it unfolded, giggled as dinner cooked in her kitchen or mine, and languished in our respective beds after… blush!
She taught me what wanton was!! I thought I knew what… no… how… lesbians made love. OMG – I was so wrong. Maybe that was what she picked up on me that first day. That our gaydar had gone off – but… had she seen something in my eyes that let her know she knew more than me?
In time, she became my everything. We met each others families – that was fun! NOT!
My sister hates me. Well, no that I think about it, that was mostly when we were teens. We talk now and then. She’s got her life and I have mine, ya know? My parents have, to me, always been robots. Whatever.
Her family was wonderful. “Jenna, welcome to our family. If our daughter loves you then we love you.” I cried.
We made love that night. “Can we please be quiet? It’s my family.”
I laughed.
“They welcomed me into your family today, honey. I think they’ll be disappointed if we don’t make some noise.”
She laughed.
“You’re right. Shall we?”
We, um, did!!
She was a bit more dominant than me. Dominant in that she took charge of our intimacy more than I did. I didn’t care one little bit. I was kind of happy to let her lead the way. And she didn’t complain on those occasions when I took charge.
Yeah, that night turned into one of those. I turned her on her back and slipped my leg between hers. Her eyes shone.
“Do me up good, you fucking wanton slut.”
“You talk to the woman you love that way, you wanton fucking slut?”
She laughed; I bent to her face and kissed her – again.
And it only got… um… well, it got!!
When we finally finished, it took a while to recover, as it often does.
Bren lifted her head and asked, “How did this happen?” Huh? What?
“This? Tonight?” She laughed.
“No, silly, us! How did we happen?”
Isn’t it funny? She finally asked the question for which I had no real answer. So I did the only thing I could.
“I’ve asked myself from the very beginning, lover.” I bent and kissed her still damp forehead and murmured, “What’s a girl to do when she falls head over heels. At first sight!” She smiled that smile. Kitty had passed out but I felt her squirm. She wasn’t the only one. “You’re so amazing and beautiful and I’m… well, I’m just me.”
“Listen here, just me, you’re perfect to me. And for me, it seems. You’re pretty, you have the most wonderful smile, your figure is marvy, you drive me crazy when you kiss me, and you fuck like the devil herself.”
The blush started on my face, spread to my neck, and hurried much further south. Bren noticed.
“Uh oh, I think I got you turned on again. Yay me!”
Yeah right, yay me! I showed her ‘yay me’ let me tell ya.
It was quite a while longer before we actually went to sleep, completely spent and marvelously, thoroughly sated.
I came awake with a jerk Saturday morning, which was a gigantic mistake. I was all kinds of sore, the really yummy kind. Hee, hee. I see smiles out there!! Woo hoo!! Glad you know what I’m talkin’ about!!
A sleepy Bren looked at me with heavy eyes. “What! You moaned.” She turned her hips and moaned. “Oh! Yeah, me too. Can we go back to sleep please?”
I laughed, rolled her to her back, and latched on to her nipple. Her breasts are glorious!! I checked her bra once; she’s a 34C. And they’re glorious. Not too much; just enough!
Fingers slid through my hair as she let me have my fill of her. I told you that she was dominant in our lovemaking. She never complained when I loved her like I was doing. We’d talked some about our pasts; lovers and other relationships included. We’d both been badly hurt but that’s not unexpected. Lesbians are just like the rest of the world. We just favor our sex over… them. I work with dudes, Bren does too. I saw something on Tumblr that had me in stitches. “I like my men like I like coffee – nowhere near my vagina.” Well said, chickie.
Okay. Anyway, it was a Saturday morning. We normally showered, had breakfast and worked out. Hilarious. We lived so close to each other it came as something of a surprise to find out we were members at the same club.
“How in the hell did we manage not to see each other?” Bren nodded.
“I have a feeling it’s cuz I work out in the morning before work. I know we work out together now, but I’m not sure you’re that much of a morning person. From what I’ve seen at least.”
It was true. I drag my ass out of bed most mornings. It did take me a while to get accustomed to getting up with her and going that early. But you do what you do. And trailing around (after a fashion) with my honey made it way more than bearable. Know what I mean?
So we did our thing and headed home for another shower. The first ones had been solo. Not so the second.
I introduced Bren to the luxury of having your hair washed by your honey.
“A couple here and there used to do it, but it never felt they were near as enthused about it as you are.” She’d smiled over her shoulder as she said it one morning. So I kissed her.
We, um, were a wee bit late that morning! Eyebrows wiggling!!
We had to go food shopping. We were having friends over. Nothing special; four couples we knew. None of us were exactly bar people. Elsa and John Markham were… well, Elsa worked in sales where Brenda did and John was her honey. Deirdre and Robin were a couple; I met them at a lesbian function. You’d be bored with the details. They’d helped me through a crisis once and they’re both very dear to me.
It was a nice night. Grace and her beau Logan are real sweet together. Grace is an admin at work. Logan looks at her like I look at Bren – which is nice! And Celia and Claire… OMG!! Hellions both! We’ve been out with them a few times. It’s felt like “truth or dare” whatever, wherever we are. We usually come home dead tired and laughing like loons.
Penna Rigate and Smoked Salmon Pasta was one dish. Bren’s kind of a health nut. It’s actually way easier to make than it might seem. And god it’s yummy!! I actually picked up the Beef Wellington recipe online. AllRecipes dot com if you’re interested. It’s pretty simple. Seems the woman who wrote the description lived in England for a while and learned of the recipe there.
People brought veggies, salads, a dessert, and whatever they liked to drink. We had stuff too of course. To drink I mean. And appetizers.
We played Charades – which we did poorly but hilariously. We put some music on and danced. Claire suggested we switch partners. We all agreed somewhat nervously, because it was Celia’s idea to pick partners. It was odd being close to the dudes – but I got through it. To be honest, Bren wasn’t too happy with her friends. But, it was a fun night overall.
Bren’s birthday happens to fall real close to Thanksgiving. Her Mom called and insisted we have dinner with them.
“Is my sister going to be there?”
“Yes, honey, Julia and her family are coming. She wanted to know if I was inviting you and your Jenna.”
I laughed when she recounted the details of the call.
Bren knew I hated Julia without ever meeting her. One of my truly icky breakups came courtesy of an evil named Julia, who I once thought was my ‘her.’ C’est la vie. She’d giggled when I told her.
“You have to try and be nice, past experience aside.” I nodded, probably unconvincingly. “No I mean it.”
“I know, I know. I promise I will.”
Jerry, her Dad, and Dorothy, the Mom, were sweet. Jerry was sort of reserved. Dorothy gave me a big hug and kiss.
“You two look marvelous together, Jenna. Seems you’re good for each other.”
Yeah. The look might have been from the frantic, surprise fucking she’d given me. Wowzer! Just sayin’.
She’d insisted I call her Dorothy when we met. So I did.
“Thank you, Dorothy, we do get on fabulously.” I heard the snicker behind me and blushed. Mom’s eyes flicked to her daughter and came back to mine. Uh oh! I know I blushed.
“No need to hide the fact you’re young women in love. My Jerry and I were pretty randy when we were young.”
“Mother!”
“Oh hush. There are things you don’t know and things you don’t need to know. I didn’t say anything out of line.”
I like her! I can see where Bren gets some of her spirit.
Julia and Bob are a pair let me tell ya! They have two little kids who never shut up. You can tell their grandfather tolerates them – barely. He tries to be nice to me; she’s not openly hostile, but she makes no effort to be pleasant.
Dinner was wonderful. Turkey and honey ham, twice baked sweet potatoes, three bean salad, wild rice. The only way to get up from the table and not waddle was to take small portions of everything and pray. No sale. The ham, salad and rice were my undoing. I thought my mother was the only one who knew about wild rice. Nope!
I’ll bet you know her sister and family ducked out early, claiming they had to get the kids to bed. Dorothy snorted when the door closed. Nothing more needed to be said.
Brenda fumed the whole way home. In silence. I let it go for a while.
“I really like your Mom…” She cut me off.
“I really hate that woman,” she spat. “Tight ass bitch and her fucked up morality.” Quiet was my contribution.
“Say something!” She was seething. I didn’t see her like this very often. It bothered me.
“I don’t care for her either, honey, but it’s awkward to take sides. She is your sister. I thought Bob was embarrassed by her behavior. And I can’t stand those two brats!!”
Oh god that laugh!! It gets me right between the legs. I’m serious!!
“He’s stuck with her now that they’ve got the brats. I know I’m tough to be with and I’m sorry. I feel like I’m taking my anger out on you.”
I reached and took her hand.
“We’re a couple. We argue. Ours isn’t the perfect relationship, much as we try to make it so. You can have your moments; so can I. We’re fine. Better than fine, truth be told.” She looked at me and smiled.
“I thought you wanted to melt into the carpet when my Mother saw you blush after I giggled. That was too perfect a moment.”
I blushed again, remembering.
“She was too cute, hinting at their sexuality. Your protestations were adorable.”
“Yeah well, I’m here because they… did it.” I snickered. She smacked my hand. We smiled at each other. “But kids hardly need to hear about their parents’ sex life.”
“Oh I totally agree.” Change the subject, Jenna! “Do you want me to call my parents about Christmas?”
The silence was deafening. She didn’t answer for the longest time.
“You’ve said they’re miserable, Jenna honey. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s something of a miracle that my parents have accepted you. Us. Do what you want, babe. If you make the effort and they’ll have us, I’ll be on my best behavior. Promise.”
“Mom, I met someone fabulous. I’m in love with a gorgeous, lovely lady names Brenda. And I’d love to bring her home and have you and Daddy meet her at Christmas.” My chest tightened and my heart pounded. “If that would be okay.”
Silence.
More silence.
Still more silence.
I looked at my phone.
The call had disconnected.
She hugged me while I cried. I cried so hard and so bitterly I thought I might throw up. I was near mortally wounded. Completely disowned; rejected. Cast aside. The woman who carried me in her body for nine months. Who raised me, loved me. Until I told her I preferred women. Crushed. That’s your Jenna Amundsen.
29 and an orphan. Oh well. It happens.
She was tender and slow when she took me that night.
“I can’t make the hurt go away, baby girl, but I can love you till you beg me to stop.”
I felt my eyes tear again and nodded.
She kissed the tears away, kissed the tip of my nose, and pressed her soft lips to mine.
My fingers were thick in her hair. I pushed my hips up to her, begging, silently, to be taken.
Skin to skin we lay in her bed. Our bed.
“Please,” I begged.
She smiled.
“I have to get something.”
Um, okay.
She went to her dresser and fumbled around for something.
Smiling, she came back with scarves.
“We’ve talked, baby girl, and it’s time I show you what it’s like to be restrained and blindfolded.”
I shivered. I felt my nipples tighten and my pussy leak. Goosebumps everywhere.
“Okay. Whatever you want.”
Green eyes shimmered.
“Really?”
Oh god! Hung by the tongue. In for a penny, in for a pound, right?
“Really!”
As firmly as I could. As I squirmed under her gaze.
Again!
She held the scarves as she kissed me, leaning over me.
“Thank you, gorgeous. I’ll be good to you; I promise.”
I shook my head.
“I don’t want good. I want whatever it is that has been lurking. Waiting to show itself to me. Give it all to me, lover.”
Her eyes widened as I spoke. The smile broadened.
She nodded.
“Okay. Okay!” Her eyes gleamed. I shivered. Again.
“You’ll thank me tomorrow; you may not like me very much later tonight.”
Wait! Later tonight. It was already… oh fuck it. I don’t care.
I saw the scarf come at my face.
“Bye, bye, beautiful.”
Darkness. She lifted my head and tied off the scarf.
I felt me leaking between my legs, down toward my ass.
I was terrified. And beyond turned on.
I felt her shift on the bed. My wrist was next. After the knot had been made, my arm was lifted up and back.
My left arm was next. She straddled me as she duplicated what she’d done to my right wrist.
I was nearly panting from the excitement and terror of the unknown. And the unseen.
I felt her breath on my mouth.
“Ready?”
I whimpered as I nodded.
I felt the grin and shivered. Yet again.
I was nearly delirious. And she’d only kissed me.
You may wonder how I ‘felt’ her grin.
Take away a sense and the others are heightened. My body was on fire with excitement, fear, and desire.
My heart pounded wildly. I told you I was nearly hyperventilating. Crazed.
She got off the bed.
Puzzled, I lay still, except for the squirming.
I was on my back.
I wanted desperately to ease the raging fire between my legs. But I had nothing to grind against. Well, at least until she came back.
I felt my honey come back to me – still off the bed though.
I took a deep breath as I felt the cold on my nipples – both of them.
It had to be ice.
She let the cubes sit on my nipples. I felt water run down the curve of my skin.
“Oh my god!”
She drizzled the chilled water on my heated skin and I felt her mouth on me.
She had ice in her mouth, keeping me chilled. Teasing me, biting me, sending me screaming into orgasm.
Surprised me completely. I bucked wildly, screaming at her.
“Oh my god. You’re amazing. Don’t stop!! Please god, don’t stop.”
She chuckled. It was cold and foreboding.
I bucked off the bed, begging for help with the fire.
Nothing.
Cold and ice. Dripping. Her mouth moving from peak to peak.
The bliss slid back. FUCK! It left me wanting more. Lots more. Screaming for more. Begging. Futilely.
Absolute, glorious, mind boggling agony. I knew I was in for something. Something amazing.
It felt like it might change my life. Again.
Her lips and tongue pushed against my mouth.
“Having fun?”
“You may be about the best kind of evil there is, woman. Do what you want with me.”
As I felt her freezing fingers tease my sex, she murmured, “I intend to!”
There was no room on my body for more goosebumps. And I’m certain I felt more.
And I’m certain I shivered.
My vixen has been wandering in and out as I’ve been writing tonight. I think, from the look in her eyes, she has plans for me. I’m blushing. So I’ll continue this tomorrow. Maybe.
Night, night lovers… wherever you are!!
***************************************
There was a time of crisis for us. It happened innocently enough… at least at first. We were so close that I had never seen any signs of jealousy in my honey. We had been out one night; a club more than a bar, where there was music, dancing, and lots of women. We had danced, of course, and each of us had been asked to dance with a few of the others who were enjoying a really fun Saturday night.
She screamed that her name was Sam, for, I guessed, Samantha. Tall, willowy, blonde, busty, and geezuz god a fabulous dancer. Sensuality oozed from every pore and, much to my surprise (and chagrin) she took an immediate fancy to me.
Yeah! That was the problem. After the second dance Bren came to fetch me. Thankfully.
“I’m enjoying dancing with this beauty, honey. I promise to bring her back when we’re through.”
I saw the danger in the eyes I love and began to protest. I took Bren’s hand and was about to say goodbye to Sam when the music started up again. Sam took me, spun me and began to dance, slow and close. I looked for my girl but she was gone. I could feel the fear bubble in my core.
My body was stiff with fear. Sam could tell something was different. She turned me loose halfway through the song and I headed to our table. Her purse and jacket were gone. In a panic I left, hurrying to find my honey.
We’d taken a cab because we would be having cocktails and didn’t want to risk driving. I tried calling on the way home. Her phone kept going to voice mail. My heart sank. This wasn’t like her. It was just a couple of dances.
I wasn’t happy with the obvious way Sam had ogled me. Her dancing was both skilled and sensuous. She was flirting with me using her body as bait as we moved together on the crowded dance floor.
That was part of the problem. A busy Saturday night left little room for me to escape her clutches, if you will.
Anyway… I cried bitter tears when I got home, still not having been able to make contact with my Bren.
Sunday wasn’t much better. I went to our health club, hoping she’d be working off her anger. No sale! Shit.
I didn’t know what to do!! We’d had disagreements before but nothing overtly dangerous, which was what this felt.
I tried not to make this more than it… well, truth be told, more than it might be. Make sense?
Neither of us had cars; nor did we need them. We lived close enough to the heart of the city to avail ourselves of buses, trains, or cabs to get around. It presented some mild inconveniences at times. Thus – Zip Cars! A truly marvelous idea, utilized when, for instance, we went to dinner at Dorothy and Jerry’s. You get the idea.
So, I walked to her place, thankful it was close by. I did give thought to letting myself into her apartment. Truth? I chickened out. I didn’t want a confrontation. I didn’t understand her anger. Was it anger? Jealousy? After nothing more than a couple of dances with a complete stranger I’d never see again? Absolutely not my girl’s style.
I’d written a note which I left in her mail box. I did have the thought of leaving it under her front door. But the mail box seemed safer. I’m not proud to share that with you. Or admit it. But it was true.
The days dragged on. I cried every night and slept poorly. I wasn’t eating much; nor well. I’d fallen into many of Bren’s dietary habits, which, combined with our time at the health club, left me in much better shape since maybe high school.
Nights alone were misery, and an empty bed at night and waking up alone were sheer misery.
I came home in a fog after the work week ended Friday. I literally dragged up the stairs and sighed as the key turned the lock. I was so not looking forward to a weekend alone. We were a couple. What started as a fling had matured into a relationship, a committed, intense, intimate relationship with the promise of… a life together.
There she was!! Startled, I stood inside the door, my heart pounding, afraid, completely undone.
“Hi.”
Her voice soft. Her eyes were slightly hooded. I was unable to read her body language as she sat in the light blue chair in front of the window. Not a whole lot of eye contact either.
“Hi!!”
I was confused, hurt, excited, cautious, unsure, and all kitty wanted was to dance with her honey. I hadn’t touched her all week.
“I didn’t know if it would be okay if I came into your home without asking. I hope…”
“Shut up! You know it’s okay, okay?”
The grin started slowly. It wound up the full 1,000 watt smile I loved so much.
“Okay!” Said with emotion.
I went for broke.
“Get over here and kiss me. Now!”
Startled, she found my eyes.
“Now!”
She stood, walked to where I stood, pushed me against the door, and kissed me. She pinned my arms to my side, wrapped me in her arms, lowered her lips to mine, and took me.
YES!
It was exactly what I wanted her to do. Own me!! Take me!! Not exactly submissive, but eager to let her lead.
Her fingers found my hair and dug in. She knew I loved it.
Her mouth moved to my neck, which left me with weak knees. She knew that too. She chewed on my ear, nibbling my neck in between.
“Please!”
She nodded, knowing what I wanted.
I wanted her to mark me… show everyone I was hers.
She ground my flesh with her teeth. I shivered. It hurt some, but I adored the feeling and put up with the pain.
Just as quickly, she stopped. Completely.
As in, turned me loose and walked back to the chair, where she sat, primly, knees together, hands folded in her lap.
“We’re too good to let something like what happened last weekend disrupt what we have. I’m sorry. I got jealous; I let liquor and that… woman… get under my skin.” She shook her head in what seemed like disgust. “I hope you can forgive me for my silliness.” Eyes soft, she said, “I love you.”
I heard it all, took it all in, and wanted to rush to her, fall to my knees in front of her, and hug her.
“Apology accepted of course. It was a silly thing that, in the big picture, means next to nothing. That said, lover, I think we should spend tonight apart.” Her eyes widened. “I’ve missed you terribly; this has been a week from hell. I want nothing more than to spend the night in our bed. But I think we need a night to heal. Apart from each other.”
I saw surprise in her wide eyes. What followed was acceptance. Complete acceptance. She nodded.
“I like it, honey. I think you’re right. I don’t think spending the night together would be the worst thing, but I’ll agree that tonight might not be the night to be intimate. May I call you tomorrow?”
Too formal. Ridiculously formal. I smiled.
“Let’s plan on dinner tomorrow. You pick the restaurant. I’ll pay.” She opened her mouth to protest. “I’ll pay!!”
The smirk was… I shivered. That says it all.
“And I get to have my way with you first.” The greens became impossibly wide. She did the fish mouth thing. Know what I mean?
“I’d like you to kiss me again before you say goodnight, gorgeous.”
She exploded from the chair, upon me in a couple of hurried steps.
She devoured me.
That’s the best way to put it. Her mouth was everywhere, as were her hands. She pressed against me, pushing, forcing my legs apart, grinding as we kis… no, as she kisse… no, devoured me.
I had no idea how long it went on. It ended when she turned me loose, kissed me softly on the lips, and, in a devilishly soft whisper, said, “I love you and I want to make a life with you, Jenna. Till tomorrow.”
I stepped aside, still gathering myself, as she opened the door, looked quickly over her shoulder, smiled, and headed down the stairs.
After closing and locking the door, I leaned my head against it, still agog.
I giggled when I realized I still had my coat on. Can you believe it? So stunned to see her, then to have her take me as furiously as she did, not once but twice, I was only dimly aware I hadn’t taken my goddamn coat off!!
“That woman and the hold on me she has,” I muttered to no one, since I was the only one there. Which set off the giggles.
Kitty pleaded… well demanded… that I give her some relief. Much needed.
I ran the tub, fully intending to take whatever pleasure I could in the soothing relief of way too hot water.
My phone buzzed. Puzzled at who might text me at this late hour, I hurried to the dresser, desperate to turn the water off before it got too, too high.
“NO touching, pet! Save it for me tomorrow. ILU!”
Goddamn her!!
“Yes, miss. ILU2.”
I pulled the plug and watched, disheartened, as the water disappeared down the drain, thankful that it was only the water and not my relationship with Brenda. I slept better than I had all week, for which I was grateful. Kitty was NOT happy!!
I felt like I’d tossed and turned all night… which may have been the case, as I woke up in a heap of damp sheets.
As if drugged, I stumbled to the bathroom to do what my bladder demanded. When I was finished and had… um, finished, I stood staring at the ghost in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes. Pale.
“Why did you make the demand you did? You know you wanted her to be here with you.”
I couldn’t meet her eyes, lowered mine, shook my head, and bent as the cool water ran on my hands. I braced myself several times, then patted my face dry.
Smoothing my hair with my fingers, I tried to smile bravely at the me in the mirror.
“Tonight will make up for it. Of that I’m certain.”
God I hope so!!
My subconscious, still unsure of why she chose me, spoke what was, it seems, my still greatest fear.
I haven’t spent much time talking about that. Yeah, right; for good reason.
I may be okay looking. I’ve had my share of lovers; some short lived, some not so much.
I’ve never felt I’m anything special. If you’re a shrink, you’d probably ask if I’d felt like that all my life.
Truth? Did I mention my Mom? smh Not good for a girl’s self image. Well, this girl anyway.
“You came out backwards and you’ve been that way ever since.”
I shared that with Candace, a lovely blonde from some time ago. She gasped, then hugged me tight.
“It’s the worst possible kind of child abuse – emotional. She hurt you, baby. Left a mark on your soul no one will ever see. And that’s why it’s so miserable.”
Numb, as usual, I could only nod in silent agreement.
I think Candace soured on me from what I can only guess was my lack of self esteem.
Anyway…
The day was folly. I had to do grocery shopping. And, brilliantly, forgot my written list… on the table where the TV is in the living room. After I’d put my jacket on. So I botched it. Bought about half of what I needed. The worst was forgetting barbeque potato chips. I can’t help myself. I love chips like I crave popcorn.
And strawberry Twizzlers. shrug Hey, I live alone, mostly, and it’s comfort food. Only slightly less fattening than a tub of Ben & Jerry whatever.
Um, I know I live with Brenda. It’s me; I’m scared. Well, worried more than scared.
Please don’t judge! I’m doing my best to be as honest as possible about how this whole thing felt as it happened.
There wasn’t much I owned that Brenda hadn’t seen me in while we’d dated. Naturally, I debated about whether to buy something new. And I fretted about whether I’d find something. And where to shop. And what if I need shoes? And should I settle for getting my hair done? Will she like it?
I felt like I needed a nap by the time I needed to bathe and get dressed for dinner.
I think half of my closet was strewn on my bed as I went through outfit after outfit. I probably burned 500 calories in nervous energy fussing about what to wear.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I’ve never heard a reasonable explanation for it. Bren loves me; of this I’m sure. I’m mad in love with her. This was so not news. Yeah we primped for each other; that happened before we pretty much lived together. Are we that desperate to make a good impression with the woman who sees us when we wake up in the morning? Puffy eyes, dragon breath, no makeup? We want to impress her? I sighed as I put on the last of my eyes.
Brenda made a reservation at Angelina, a fabulous four star restaurant in East Lakeview, a bit north of where we lived. She sent a text with the name and address. I replied with a smiley face.
Nervous, I grabbed a cab far too early and arrived at the restaurant twenty minutes early. I announced my presence to the dopey puppy and was told to “let me know when the rest of your party arrives.'” I spared him a slow, painful death.
I ordered a chardonnay at the bar and tried to find the best spot to find my honey whenever she appeared. The wine was passable. My heart pounded. I fidgeted in the chair, twirling the glass for absolutely no reason. I missed her arrival due to my nervous lunacy.
She spotted me as the puppy led her to where I sat. The smile was angelic and set my center on fire.
Kitty begged me to leave and do what she wanted. Um, I admit the thought had legs.
Her eyes moved over me; she smiled. Beamed, actually.
“I’d love you in sackcloth and ashes, baby, but you’ve outdone yourself.” Eyes smoldering suddenly, she added, “I could eat you up!” Please help me!!
“I’m terribly nervous, Bren. Thank you for the compliment. I fussed forever trying to pick something you’d like.”
She’d leaned in to kiss me before I spoke. Startled, it seemed, by my words, she pulled back, her eyes finding mine.
“Nervous? Really? Why?”
I was a little miffed that she questioned me.
“I don’t know what you were like this week, but I was a mess. Didn’t sleep well; didn’t eat particularly well, didn’t exercise like we would… have.” I shrugged and added, “I missed you.”
She had the good graces to blush.
The prissy puppy came behind her and asked, “May I show you to your table, ladies?” Ugh!
We ordered drinks. White wine for me, keeping with what I’d ordered. Brenda ordered a cosmo.
“I thought you might be at the club today, honey.” She smiled that smile. “Even if we couldn’t fool around, I could have ogled your all-too-fine form.” Which set me into a haze of blushes. I squirmed as kitty flooded.
“You are just too cute! Do you know that?”
“Well, um, you have mentioned it now and then, so it’s not a complete surprise anymore. Thing is, honey, I mostly feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have you in my life.” I lowered my eyes, shook my head, and added, “I have ever since laying eyes on you that day on the bridge.”
The greens I adore lowered as she blushed, adorably.
“You’re every bit as beautiful as you think I am, silly trid.”
“Ladies, may I take your order?”
She was cute. Red hair, green eyes, and a figure the ill-fitting uniform couldn’t hide. Not that I was paying attention.
My green eyes blazed at me across the table.
What on earth is going on with her? It was me giving a someone the once over. We all do it, don’t we? Geez!!
We ordered two appetizers: Antipasta Freddo and Calimari Siciliana; we’d share them.
There was a debate about whether to do one appetizer and a salad to share. We decided against it.
Bren ordered Rigatoni Napoli. Chicken caramelized onions, wild ‘shrooms, and a cream sauce.
I almost had the Veal Piccata… but it came with cooked spinach, which I absolutely detest. I decided on pork tenderloin, which included asparagus, garlic mashed potatoes, and cherry port wine for some reason.
The cute server dealt with, we settled in.
I lifted my glass of wine and offered a toast.
“To the woman I love, completely.”
She smiled, nodded, and added, “For the long term.”
Yes please!!
“So you said you didn’t work out like usual. Why, if I may ask?”
“I was pretty depressed, Bren. I couldn’t figure out why you bolted so suddenly. And you wouldn’t answer your phone. I left you a message in your mailbox which you never responded to.” I looked down, shaking my head. “It felt like a complete overreaction on your part.” I shook my head again and spoke, my voice stronger. “She meant nothing to me. You had to know that. She was a good dancer, but we wound up close together because the damn club was so crowded on a Saturday night. Nothing more.”
Her gorgeous face was expressionless as she listened to me.
“I felt your hand in mine and knew you wanted to leave.” She shook her head, twirling her drink in the short, clear glass. “I don’t know why I got so jealous, so ridiculously, irrationally jealous. And when I got home, and the phone kept buzzing, I was embarrassed, and didn’t want to face you. And it only got worse as the week went on. I missed you.”
Not knowing what to say or do I settled for the easy thing. Take a sip of my wine. Which turned into two.
“Is this a one time thing, honey, or… are you the jealous type?” Daring to venture into dangerous waters, I followed with, “I had never seen that side of you and it startled me.” I had been looking at my glass when I’d asked. She was blushing and clearly uncomfortable.
“What? Please, Bren, what did I say that has you so uncomfortable so suddenly?”
“I hoped this would be a fun night; that we’d have a quiet, romantic dinner, and go home and make wonderful love.” She looked away. “I’m terribly embarrassed about how I acted… overreacted. I’m not sure I want this night soiled with what we’re talking about.”
A part of me was upset. She had walked out on me; hadn’t returned or answered my calls and message.
Another part was willing to sweep it all under the table.
And a voice, from somewhere in the foggy recesses, said, “If you’re going to make a life with her, you’ve got to ask. You know it’s important; she does too. Tables turned, honey. Keep after it. She owes it to you.” I sighed.
“We’ll have our dinner, as you suggested, and our night will be wonderful as always. I’d appreciate it if you could expound on your ‘why.'”
Naturally, the appetizers appeared. We divvied them up and ate in silence. For me, at least, a most uneasy silence.
Not a minute after the main courses were presented, and the pretty server left, Bren asked, “You interested in her too?”
Stunned and confused, my eyes filled.
Being Saturday night, the restaurant was packed, so I didn’t want to raise my voice, though God knows I wanted to!!
“Whatever virus is coursing through your veins, please know! Only one woman sets me on fire. Only one wets my panties. Only one… just one… has me at my most vulnerable. Only you, Brenda. Totally. Completely. No one else.”
I felt the area around us grow quiet, which only made me more uncomfortable. I had tried not to raise my voice.
It seems I had failed.
“I see.”
I see? I fucking see? Are you shitting me? I goddamn see?
“Maybe I should say goodnight. We can spend some time apart… some more time apart… and see what comes of all this. See if you come to your senses.”
Oh dear god. Why did I say that? I saw the hurt register immediately and regretted it just that quickly.
The green eyes I loved so very much clouded up immediately and tears followed. Fuck!
“Goodnight.” With that, she stood, put on her coat, and turned to leave.
My heart fell. Shattered. Terribly guilty.
I had lowered my eyes and didn’t register that she’d come back to the table.
She bent to kiss me and said, “I love you.” Shocked me when she added, “Let’s take a couple of days so each of us can sort this out. Night, lover.”
The room buzzed again as the voices, I’m sure, went back and forth with what they’d heard. Mortified, I sat stiffly, horribly uncomfortable. My appetite gone, I stared at my dish and my honeys.
“Is everything okay, miss?”
It all came out as the emotional dam burst. I laid my head on my arms and sobbed, without a care about who might see.
None of you know me, know us, know how good we are together. I’m so scared. Scared out of my mind.
The tears stopped eventually.
I lifted my head, dried my eyes in my napkin, and only then saw there was a plastic bag, tied at the top, where my dinner, our dinners, had been.
Yeah great. Leftovers of this complete disaster of what might have been the dinner that sparked the rest of my life.
The wreckage of the Edmund Fitzgerald had nothing on me that night. Drama queen, aren’t I?? Hee hee
Mustering what was left of my self esteem, I put my jacket on, took the leftovers, paid the bill, and stepped outside to hail a cab.
I gave the driver my address and slumped in shattered silence.
NPR radio played in the black void of the chilly night.
I shook my head.
“No! Wait… take me to my honey!! I have to see her!! This can’t be how this ends!!”
I gave him the address and fidgeted, frantic with worry… and anticipation.
After paying the fare, I hurried to the lobby door. I opened the lock and climbed to the second floor. My nerves got the better of me for more than a minute. I debated about whether to knock or just open the door. I did have a key, which gave me tacit permission to enter her world.
I knocked.
And knocked again.
And again.
I leaned against the door jam and cried. Where was she? Had I lost her for good?
I walked home, devastated, questioning myself, frustrated with her, wondering how it had gone so horribly off the tracks.
Numbly, I turned on the lights after opening my front door. Startled, I found her in the same blue chair as a few days ago.
“I’m an asshole. You’re the angel I’d waited for, wondered about all my life. I can’t let my green eyed monster get in the way of the glorious thing we are.” She stood and walked to me, smiling. The tears started again.
“Would you please let me take you to bed tonight? I have so much love I want to make and you are the only one I want to give it to.”
Sobbing, for a completely different reason, I nodded.
She pushed the coat off my shoulders, locked the door, leaving the coat on the floor, and, after turning off the light, led me to our bedroom.
She faced me in the dark and kissed me. I was liquid with nerves and want.
She unzipped my dress and pushed it off my shoulders, kissing every bit of me that was exposed along the way.
Breasts she’d devoured were hers to have again as my bra fell; my panties followed after she’d had her fill of my beauties and guided me to our bed. When I was on my back, I scurried to the middle of the bed at her soft urging.
She undressed slowly, teasing me with a slow strip tease, giving me glances of terrain, hills and valleys that were all too familiar, devoured again and again when we made the love we make.
She finally joined me, slipping seamlessly into my arms, legs entwined, mouths pressed, breasts as well.
Her mouth left mine long enough to ask, “May I lead?”
Eyeroll.
Are you sure you weren’t a blonde in a previous life, lover? (Apologies to the blondes reading!!)
After we’d kissed for about a week, she resumed where she’d left off last night. My neck. What hadn’t been furrowed was that Saturday night. I had marks on my neck that, gloriously, lasted through Thanksgiving. Yay me!
I squirmed and squealed, gasping with long since needed release, as I was being ravaged.
And then she moved south!!
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that hers and mine danced that dance the way we lesbians do.
She exploded with unabashed glee. My kitty, I mean. Hers followed sometime around the time she was munching on my left nipple. Yeah, it left a mark. So what!! Her ecstasy led to mine… again.
“Lift your legs and hold them while I fuck you.”
Mmkay!
She did.
Oh my god I liked it. Umm, no, loved it.
A whole bunch of times.
Shattered.
Consider me gasping, breathless, spent, begging her (silently) to stop.
Yeah, that was a problem.
She didn’t.
I knew, learned the, um, hard way, wink, that she was wonderfully multi-orgasmic.
And she… how do I say this… went into a whole ‘nother stratosphere that night.
She did things to me that night we’d never done before. And shush! You don’t need that detail. Eyebrows be wigglin’.
We woke up to bright sun in a tangle of damp sheets, in a tangle of fabulous.
A kiss on my neck was followed by a muffled, “Morning.”
Yeah! That!
I grunted. Or groaned. I’m not exactly sure.
“You go do the bathroom thing first. I want more of you.”
I shivered. And smiled. And padded off to do what nature demanded. You know the drill, so shut up.
You’re gonna laugh. I was bloated; my period was on the immediate horizon.
I was a little bit glad, after the carnal delight of last night.
Yeah, each of us had earned our red wings.
Do not cringe!! We’re women, we’re lesbians, and we love each other regardless.
I made coffee and breakfast… giggling.
Meaning… I destroyed my honey.
And trust me… she liked it.
Her cries and screams of delight were my confirmation.
She huddled in a tight fetal position when I kissed her neck and left to make brekky.
The bacon was nearly finished and coffee was brewing when I felt her lips on my neck as her arms circled my breasts.
I smiled.
She pulled the robe from my shoulders.
“I’m naked and you should be too, bacon be damned.”
“The robe is my protection from bacon grease, you dope.”
“Your dope.”
My reply was lost in her kiss.
The eggs were burned, the bacon petrified, a new pot of coffee was needed after the ravaging I gladly succumbed to on the kitchen table. And the counter. Yeah, and… um. Blush.
I’m gonna say goodbye for now as someone has ‘that’ look in her eye.
************************
It was spring of the following year that she surprised me with a ring. A diamond. I won’t say I was totally shocked. I mean, we were living together full time by then, and we’d talked over the Christmas holiday about ‘the ring thing’ as she called it. Didn’t mean I didn’t cry a river that night, though. Nor did we sleep very long.
And here’s the thing: She took me completely by surprise with how she asked me to marry her!! I have tears, still.
It was a warm Saturday evening in late April. It had rained most of the afternoon, forcing cancellation of the Cubs game. Poo! But it cleared up nicely. And my honey asked, “Have you ever been to the Skydeck at the Sears Tower?” (Most Chicagoans still call it that even though the official name is “Willis Tower.”)
“No, is that where you want to go?”
“I haven’t either, and I thought it might be fun. Plus, after the rain and how it’s cleared up so nicely, we might get lucky and have a really good viewing night.” Oh! That’s a good point. “And, we can go to dinner afterwards.” Oh my, this was shaping up to be a fun night!
“Okay, fun. Ideas?”
“People at work talk about an Irish restaurant, Paddy O’Fegan’s. I think it would be fun to try it. Sound okay to you?”
Okay, so that was the plan. I suppose I should have known something was up when we got to the Skydeck and my honey pulled tickets out of her purse. But she smiled that smile, took my hand, and zowie, it was other worldly. Turns out Bren was right; skies were clear, daylight savings had come a few weeks earlier, and we could see Indiana’s shore line and what I believe was Michigan City. And icky old Soldier Field, and the other baseball place, and gosh, just about everything in any direction.
Right in middle of it all, Brenda got down on one knee. I stood, staring, not yet comprehending what was happening. And then I started crying.
She smiled up at me and said, “Jenna Amundsen, you’d make me the happiest woman in this city if you would accept this ring as a testament to our love and the promise that we’ll be married soon and spend the rest of our days together.”
Tears still flowing, I screeched, “YES!!” I saw a few heads turn in our direction and people smiling. And then, as she stood and kissed me, a few gathered around and cheered. And clapped. And, of course, I cried again.
All the way down on the elevator, and on the sidewalk as Bren flagged a cab, I stared at the ring. It was beautiful!! It shone like crazy, it fit perfectly, and it was exactly what I would have bought if I was buying it for myself. She’d killed it, hit it out of the park. That perfect.
I was on cloud nine all through dinner. We sat next to each other. I can’t even tell you what I had for dinner. It was okay, I guess, but I was engaged!! She loves me, and she bought me a ring!!
“You were adorable, lover. And I managed to pull off the surprise, it seems. Completely too!!” She laughed. “I wasn’t sure if you’d figure it out. From me wanting to take a cab downtown, to suggesting the Skydeck, and dinner, It all turned out perfectly, didn’t it?”
“Oh my god, yes honey. Up to and including you taking a knee, I had no clue what was coming. Absolutely none.”
And the brat insisted on a bottle of champagne. It’s so damn bubbly, but it was good. And we did the swap glasses thing, and kissed, and had our server take pictures with B’s camera and mine. She looked like she might pitch a fit when I said I’d pay for dinner.
“For the love of all that’s holy, let me pay for dinner so I can say I was part of this amazing night.”
And she laughed.
“What’s that thing on your finger, doll?” Did she just get stupid or something?
“My ring of course!” I said somewhat indignantly.
“Then trust me, you have in fact been part of this amazing night.”
Oh yeah, I guess I have. DUH! But I did pay. And we took a cab home. To Bren’s place. We hadn’t moved in together yet, though that was next on the agenda. And she wanted us to celebrate at her place. Which was fine with me.
We drank the rest of the champagne in bed from cheapo plastic glasses. Didn’t matter. Nor did it matter that the sheets got kind of wet when someone poured the bubbly on my boobs, tummy, and kitty, in that order, and proceeded to lick it all off. That sorts hints at how the night went. Suffice to say it was wet, noisy, and long.
The sun came up too damn early Sunday morning, not that it mattered. We spent most of the day in bed. Other than a breakfast of cereal and coffee. And showers. Glorious hot showers and lots of kissing and giggling.
And we ordered in ribs. Because someone had an idea of how we might make use of the sauce. Bren giggled when I told her my intentions. Yeah, it was a great weekend!!
****************************
I’m going to close this before we get married. We’ve agreed to keep it small. I sent my parents an invitation; never got a call or anything. I’m more sad than angry. My one sib, my sister, doesn’t much care for our parents any more than I do. And she’s straight, still looking. She’ll stand up for me. Brenda has a brother, William, (William, not Bill) who will stand up for her. He’s super cute, and his wife, Mary Kate, is really a doll.
Bren’s parents generously agreed to take the wedding party to dinner the night before. Very sweet of them.
It’s funny how things turn out, isn’t it? Why that day, that time? Why that bridge, although I confess I cross it quite a lot. I’m not overly aggressive, but I stopped and asked a complete stranger to have coffee, fumbling all the way. And she said yes!! We were cautious with each other, and things moved slowly. Until they didn’t.
I’ll speak for me. I couldn’t be any happier and wouldn’t have it any other way. The title, “What Do You Do” pretty much says it all. I had absolutely no intention of falling in love again. Purely reactionary on my part that came from one too many miserable breakups. I was gobsmacked at her beauty and, incredibly, stopped and told her so. And she smiled!!
I guess it was just meant to be. And if it was, why bother to get in the way. Of fate, or whatever the heck this thing is.
I love my Bren, we’ll be married soon, and I not only can’t I wait, I’m totally over the moon thrilled at the prospect of spending my life with her. I hope I did us justice in my telling of our tale, our love. Thanks so much for taking the time. And may love reach out and find you, maybe at the oddest time, perhaps at what may seem as the most inopportune time. I just hope you’ll be ready and have an open heart when it happens. :: smile :: B’bye for now!!