Loading...My name is Brad and I’m huge. I’m talking 6’4 and 245lbs of muscle. To top it off, I’m a bear and I’m only 20. Imagine a bull in the china shop, that’s me. I fucking hate it. I’ve always heard that we want what we can’t have. That is so true. I wish that I was small and delicate but I’m not. I’m a big hairy oaf.
To top it off, I tend to scare some people because of how I look. I can be walking down the street and if I accidentally bump into someone, before I can apologize, they’re scurrying away.
No one would believe that I’m shy or that I’ve never played football or even that I’m gay. People judge me based on how I look and think that I’m untouchable. Unfortunately, because of it I don’t have many real conversations with people. It doesn’t help that I’m always attempting to fade into the background. It’s like hiding an elephant behind a curtain.
I began attending a four-year college after getting my associates degree in junior college. I know it’s ass-backwards but I hadn’t really planned to go at all. I later figured that maybe I could break out of my shell if I went away to a bigger school. I ended up still being a freshman because almost none of my courses transferred over. I didn’t really care though.
I decided to move into the dorms, it was easier than trying to find an apartment and commuting. I was nervous about what type of roommate I was going to get. I hoped that there wouldn’t be any trouble about me being gay, and I’d never used my size as a way of intimidation before. No one knew that I was gay, but I wasn’t planning on hiding. I was tired of being the shy and quiet guy who no one understood.
David
I’d just gotten to my new dormitory and I was buzzing I was so excited. New people and new experiences were always something that excited me. The first thing I did before unpacking my things was plug in my stereo. I was dancing and playing an air guitar when the door opened.
I whipped around so fast that I fell on my ass. I was laughing my head off and then I realized that I still didn’t know who this person was still standing at the door. He had to be my new roommate because he had a key.
My God, he was huge. He looked like a linebacker and he was extremely hairy. Brown hair covered his arms, legs, and he had a full goatee with a five o’clock shadow. He was eyeing me cautiously as I got up.
Wow, I was about 5’7 with shoes on and he had to be about 6’3. He was still standing in the doorway so I extended my hand to him. “Hey, I’m David; you must be my new roommate. What’s your name?”
He flushed a little and shook his head, “I’m sorry, I’m Brad. Yeah, I’m your new roommate.” He had the softest voice I’d ever heard. Not feminine or anything. It was just a very low timbre. It sounded like he’d never raised his voice and wouldn’t know how to yell.
His voice wafted over me and I let out a huge smile. This was going to be an interesting year. I wondered if he was gay like me. Oh well, I didn’t think I’d have trouble with him, call it a hunch. He just had the kindest eyes I’d ever seen. I hoped that I wasn’t wrong though.
Brad
I opened the door to find my new roommate dancing to some old school rock. The door must have startled him because he whipped around so fast that he fell. I didn’t know what to make of that but I didn’t expect him to start laughing. Oh great, I thought, he’s a hottie and he has a sense of humor.
He probably wouldn’t make it past my chest if we stood side by side. His hair was black and spiked but otherwise he was smooth and hairless. When he held out his hand, I couldn’t help but think of him as a pixie. He was so small that I was envious and wished I could just trade places with him.
He was delicate and his emerald eyes had me groaning inwardly. He smiled at me and I was hooked. I blushed when I realized that he was waiting for me to introduce myself. He didn’t seem scared of me so that was a good sign. After the intro’s he just started dancing again and continued unpacking.
David
My my he was a quiet one. He hadn’t said more than a couple of words since coming into the room. It didn’t really bother me because everyone is different. It gave me a chance to check him out.
There was no doubt that he was a looker. The fact that he was shy just made him all the more cute. He reminded me of a gentle giant. I struck up some benign conversation and found out that we were both transfer students and we were the same age. His voice never changed tone. It was melodic in its smoothness.
I sighed a bit. He would find out I was gay soon enough and then that would put an end to my fantasies. It was never a good idea to become involved with someone like a roommate anyway. Plus, I wasn’t even sure he was gay.
We became friends pretty quickly. Not best friends, but we were both really easy going. I noticed that we were the polar opposites of each other though. I couldn’t wait to get involved in everything. I went to so many functions that I was quickly gaining a numerous amount of friends who all knew that I was gay.
Brad, on the other hand, seemed to want to only fade into the woodworks. I didn’t understand it. People were drawn to him, whether it was because of his looks or just from the sheer size of him, but they never stayed around for long.
He was a nerd, for lack of a better word. The problem seemed to be that no one ever took him for that. Most girls thought he played sports or something and the guys; well they tried to get him to join. He’d told me that it had been like that all his life. I thought that it was sad really. He was just a regular guy but no one ever approached him like that.
We never really talked unless I initiated it so when I got back to the dorm one day, I came in asking questions. “Hey Brad, how come you don’t date? I could always set you up with someone.”
He looked at me and rolled his eyes. I liked that he wasn’t so shy around me anymore. “Like who Dave? I haven’t met one person who didn’t think I was some muscle bound jock. That would be okay if they didn’t seem disappointed once they found out that I’ve never been interested in sports and I only work out because it relaxes me.”
I realized that he said ‘person’ and not male or female. We’d been in school for over month and I still didn’t know if he was gay or not. “Plus Dave, you don’t date either, and you’re becoming the most popular person around.”
“Hey don’t look at me, we’ve both had offers. I just don’t really want to get into that. I love meeting new people and going to all the club meetings. I love being involved and I think having someone who doesn’t understand how involved I’ll be will just be too complicated. So, you avoided my question and got me to answer it myself, so spill.”
He blushed a little bit and I thought it was odd. “I don’t know, I just want to meet someone who isn’t asking what major league team I want to play for within ten minutes of meeting me. It’s cheapening and I’m losing my faith in humanity.”
I saw that he’d made a joke, albeit a sad one, it made me smile anyway. He saw me and returned my grin with a megawatt smile. I hated it when he did that. It transformed his face completely and his brown eyes always sparkled. It always made my stomach do flip-flops. It reminded me of what a beautiful person he was inside and out.
I didn’t want to want him but I was losing that battle. I changed and left in time for my next meeting.
Brad
College was turning out to be a repetition of ‘this is your life’. Sometimes it was amusing to hear what people thought I would do with my life. It’s gone from wrestling to competitive body building to playing pro football or basketball. People just didn’t believe that I was a nerd who loved the library more than any type of sport out there. Sure, I loved to watch them on TV, but who wouldn’t?
I was at a loss as to how to find someone because not only did I have to get past people’s stereotypes, I had to let people know that I was gay. Most of the girls that approached me didn’t deserve to know anything about me, let alone my sexual preference. I’d been hit on by a couple of guys but I kept comparing them to a certain pixie-like guy who seemed to be ever present in my thoughts.
On top of that, I’d be seen as the aggressor or top. I didn’t want to be either one, but because of my size, it’s almost expected. That is, unless I get someone who is closer to my size. Unfortunately, I’m attracted to my roommate and I’m a virgin. I can’t exactly pursue someone and then not know what the hell I’m doing. Plus, I was hoping that my first time would be special.
One day David came in excited as ever and damn near jumping out of his skin. He was such a ball of energy that I often wondered how he didn’t drop from exhaustion. He was looking at me and cheesing like it was going out of style. “What are you so excited about?”
“I got you a date! Look, before you say anything, just hear me out. Jill from one of my groups knows you’re my roommate and she knows you’re not a jock. In fact, once she found that out she seemed more interested! So what do you say?”
I was so shocked that I just didn’t speak for a minute. I must have been starring off into space because he started waving his hands in front of my face. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently shook me. I loved the feel of his hands on me. Every now and then, he’d pat me on the back and I’d have to remind myself not to think lusty thoughts. “I know who she is, but I can’t go out with her.”
His face fell a little but he just went on trying to convince me. “Why not? You told me that you wanted someone who didn’t think you were a jock and here you go. Plus, she’s hot.”
I was a little nervous but it seemed moot not to tell him my reason. I sighed and plunged into it headfirst. “I’m gay David. I don’t think Jill would appreciate me going out with her when we both want the same thing.”
He sort of deflated and sat down on his bed with his mouth open. “Ok, well what about Matt from my psych class? He thinks you’re hot.”
I felt light as a feather after telling him and hearing his reaction. I couldn’t help it, I threw my head back and hooted with laughter. “I’m sorry, that’s strike two for you, I won’t go out with him either, he’s not my type.”
He looked a bit put out and then started mumbling. I felt so great that I was still chuckling when he walked out to go to his next class.
David
So he was gay! That just made my life a whole lot harder. I was glad when Jill and I were talking because it presented the perfect opportunity to find out if he was gay. Now that I knew that he was, how was I gonna keep my hands and thoughts to myself? And what was it about Matt that he didn’t like? Matt was a bear like him. Maybe he liked twinks or really effeminate guys.
I’d never seen him laugh like that. All of the muscles in his neck were corded, and he actually hooted. It was so sexy that I just wanted to bite the spot of exposed skin. I had to leave. His laugh was affecting me too much. That beautiful smile of his was doing things to me.
I went to class but I couldn’t concentrate very well. I shouldn’t have pushed it, he shouldn’t have told me. My attraction for him was just growing and I didn’t know what to do about it. He had such a sweet countenance that it was hard not to think of what we’d be like together.
For some reason I just didn’t think it was a good idea to go there with him. He seemed almost fragile in how misunderstood he was. I loved the fact that I was probably the only one who really talked to him. I wouldn’t say that we were really great friends because I wanted him too much to just be his friend, but we were definitely close.
I was trying not to attach any names to him but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He wasn’t just a gentle giant, he was my gentle giant. He never raised his voice, he always was very polite. I’d never seen him angry. He wasn’t shy so much as he was quiet.
It never bothered me that he was so quiet. It wasn’t like he was stony or anything. I’d probably never tell him, but he helped calm me down when I needed to study. I sort of have boundless energy and his quiet aura just helped me focus.
I didn’t know if I could handle feeling like I did about him. I wasn’t sure that I was ready for something long term and he screams commitment. On the other hand, I didn’t know if I’d want to let him go after getting involved with him. Aside from all of that, what if he didn’t like guys like me?
I just needed to let it go. Somehow I just felt that I’d hurt him or something. It wasn’t that I thought I was more experienced than him. I thought he was such a great person that I almost felt unworthy. I sighed and went back to the dorms.
He was reading in bed. He was always reading in bed. It was the familiarity of that- that made me smile. I always tried not to notice how truly hot he was but sometimes it was hard not to. I loved his brown hair and the way his beard grew in. When he was frustrated with a subject, he would often not shave. I got to see how truly hairy he could become and it was so sexy.
I know that some people think brown eyes are nondescript, but his eyes make him look like the softest person on Earth. They are so kind and I never see judgment in them. When he’s irritated it’s like a crime has been committed because it’s so unlike him and his eyes become hooded.
His lips, I don’t even want to think of his lips. They’re plump and pink and are perfectly framed by his facial hair. He normally has on shorts and a t-shirt so I don’t think i’ve ever seen his chest. I’m glad because I’m not sure I could have stopped the drool.
What made him seem so perfect is that he truly didn’t know how hot he was. What he did know of his effect on people he seemed to not even want. He never flaunted himself. If anything, he seemed to cover himself and shy away from exposure. It was like he wanted to disappear.
I was all over the place. I was involved in so many things on top of my studies that I felt flighty. Maybe doing so much wasn’t such a good idea. I was splitting my time amongst too many things. I felt like my affections were being torn between that and Brad and we weren’t even together.
I didn’t think I could be there for him and continue my life. I never wanted to pick and never thought that I’d have to. It was ridiculous to even be thinking about this. He hadn’t even shown any interest in me. I was pathetic and sad for maybe the first real time in my life.
I sat on my bed with an ‘omph’ and just starred ahead.
Brad
David sat on his bed without saying anything. That was so odd because he usually was talking or singing or dancing or something. He hadn’t said anything. I put down my book and just looked at him. He looked sad. I didn’t ever remember seeing him sad.
He still looked like my pixie. His face had small features that would seem almost delicate if they weren’t so dark. His eyes had been my favorite feature since I met him, but they were a bit dull right now. “What’s wrong pix?” I was so concerned that the name just slipped out.
He looked up at me questioningly. “Why’d you call me ‘pix’?”
I smiled a little but I couldn’t tell him. “I might tell you one day. Why do you look so sad?”
“I have a crush on someone I don’t deserve.”
That shocked me a little bit. “What makes you think that you don’t deserve them? There isn’t anything bad about you.”
He just shook his head and laid down on his bed. He wasn’t going to answer me, which was fine. I wasn’t sure that I wanted him to wax poetic about some chick that he was falling for. It would have been even worse if it were a guy. He knew I was gay, but I still didn’t know about him.
I guess the years of never having people know me helped me be able to keep my feelings hidden. I knew how I felt about him, but there was no way that I was going to pursue him. Especially with him having a meltdown over someone.
It just wasn’t fair. Someone got under his skin enough to make his bubbly personality diminish. They weren’t worth it if they made him act like that and I told him so. He just smiled at me and told me that he was going to call me ‘g-g’ and I couldn’t ask him why.
He rolled onto his side and looked at me hard. I was getting a little nervous but he finally spoke. “Can I ask you some things?”
“Things? As in plural? Well, i’ll try to answer your questions.” I didn’t know what to expect but I hoped that I could cheer him up. It was a crime for him to be sad, at least it was to me.
“Do you know why you’re so shy and quiet?” Now what this had to do with anything I didn’t know but for him I’d answer. No one else had cared enough to find out. It just added to what I already felt for him.
“Yeah I do. I’ve always been bigger than those around me. If it wasn’t in height then it was in size. I’ve always felt like a big oaf. I felt clumsy and out of place. So I did the only thing that I knew how to put myself into the background. I have a subdued personality because it’s the only way to not get noticed. After people meet me, I fade into the woodwork because I make myself nondescript.”
“If you could change that about yourself would you?”
“Wow that is a hard one because it’s a bit of a double edged sword. Part of me would jump at the chance to be small and delicate and to really be able blend into a crowd. On the other hand, if I looked like the perfect representation of what I wanted, then I could still find something to change. Plus, I like my personality and I think that I would be a different person if I felt differently about myself.”
I really didn’t know where this was going but it felt great to have someone to tell these things to. I even came to the realization that I like myself. I know that there will be someone out there to appreciate me for who I am. If I really thought about it, no one had run from me except for a few instances. Maybe I had been going about this all wrong.
I should be flattered that so many people think I’m a jock. I could use it to my advantage. Especially since the object of my affections was tripping over someone other than me. The more I thought of it though the more I became resigned. This didn’t stop me from wanting David though.
“Care to tell me why you’re asking these questions?”
“I knew most of it but I wanted to make sure. You’re right though. You wouldn’t be the person you are if you had a different self image. I just asked because you reject people because of their initial reaction to you. What you don’t seem to realize is that people are automatically drawn to you. Male and female. Not everyone thinks you’re a jock and not everyone likes you just because of it.”
I snorted, certain that he was going crazy. “Yeah, just you. You’re the only person here who just met me and didn’t ask me about sports. You know I love the library and you don’t seem to care, so I guess you’re the ‘everybody’ you’re talking about.”
“I just wanted to know why you are the way you are.”
“Yeah but why? I was hoping that I could cheer you up but hearing about me seems just as depressing. What do you want me to do to cheer you up? ”
David
He wanted to cheer me up. That was so sweet. I didn’t really have an answer for why I’d asked the questions. I was just thinking of how sweet and kind he was and I wondered how it came about. I couldn’t very well tell him that so I didn’t.
“I like knowing things about my friends.” It was a lame explanation but it was all I had.
“As far as how to cheer me up, don’t worry about it, i’ll be ok.” He shook his head and then turned my stereo on. He stood back and proceeded to dance and do his best imitation of me playing an air guitar.
I’d never seen him do anything like it. I was rolling on my bed laughing and had tears running down my face. He sat back on his bed and just grinned at me. Oh damn, I fell for him in that instant. I’d probably loved him all along. Well, I would only let myself bask in it for a few minutes. Then it was back to reality.
“Thank you so much, but you really didn’t have to do that.”
“Aww man, what are friends for?”
I looked at him for the longest and just had to know the answer to the question that had been burning within me for as long as I’d known he was gay. “What is your type?”
“Wow, talk about true confessions. Um, well my type is determined by what I reject about myself. I know it’s irrational, but I don’t want someone who is just like me. I may not have as many as I used to but I still have issues about myself. I don’t want to work through them with a replica of me.”
He looked at me and signaled that he wasn’t done. “I don’t think that I would like someone that is extremely feminine either. If I wanted a woman then I’d be with one. I just want someone normal and opposite of me in proportions. On top of all that though, if someone just saw me and not their stereotypes, then the rest probably wouldn’t even matter.”
Was he trying to tell me something or was I just hearing it that way because I wanted him? It was a frustrating thought. He’d never expressed that he might be interested and I found myself feeling a bit anxious. I was far beyond not wanting to get involved. I wanted my gentle giant all to myself.
It occurred to me that he might not even know that I was gay. It was odd but it was still a possibility. I never hid my sexuality from anyone who asked, but he didn’t ask. Plus, we hung with completely different crowds. If I told him that I was gay then he’d know that I had ulterior motives.
“Wow, well you sure do ask a lot of questions. Do you mind if I ask some of my own?”
I wasn’t sure that I wanted him to ask me anything but fair was fair. “Sure go ahead.”
“What is your type? I know that you’ve had offers, so why haven’t you taken them up?”
“Um, well I like all types, I just haven’t met anyone that made me want to pursue them other than my crush. And well, like I said, I don’t deserve him.” I knew that he would catch it and when he looked up, startled at what he’d heard, I couldn’t help but smile.
“Him? You like a guy? You’re gay? Why didn’t you tell me?!” With each question, he became a little bit more agitated.
“Look, I never tried to hide it. I told anyone who asked. It never occurred to me that you didn’t know until recently.”
“Well of course I didn’t know. It’s not like I pry into your private life on a regular basis.” He got up looking really nervous and told me that he’d be at the library. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell that was all about.
Brad
Not only am I shy, and quiet, I’m a wuss on top of that. So the guy that i’ve fallen for is gay. That should make me ecstatic. Except he’s hung up on some jerk that he must really be into.
Whoever it was must be pretty special and stupid. Why couldn’t they see that he was a wonderful person who should be cherished. He was fun and energetic and sunlight in a bottle. Man, I had it bad. I knew that I was placing blame but it was easier than thinking about the alternative.
What if the other person liked him too and he just didn’t know? He may not even be a jerk. That just made my life harder. How would I take it when he finally told the guy? What if they became a couple? I’d have to see him like and maybe even love someone else. I was tripping. I almost felt like crying.
I was sitting in the library on the third floor in a corner. I was as far away from everyone as I could possibly be. I had a book in front of me but I couldn’t tell you what it was about. My cell phone rang and the caller i.d. said that it was David. I didn’t want to answer but I didn’t want to be rude. Besides, it might have been an emergency.
“Hey Dave what’s up?” I spoke into the phone in a low voice.
“This isn’t Dave. Dave’s been in an accident. He’s being admitted to the emergency room. He’s unconscious right now, but since I knew you were his roommate I called. Get to the hospital man.”
I closed the phone without saying anything else. I almost went into panic mode. I stuffed my things back into my bag and ran out of the library. I was consumed with all kinds of worst-case scenarios. I could have been in a part of the library that got crappy reception and not even gotten the call.
I didn’t even know who it was that called me. I briefly thought that it could have been Dave’s crush but I didn’t want to dwell on that. I arrived at the hospital in record time, thanking the heavens that I hadn’t gotten a ticket.
I walked into the emergency room and recognized a guy but I couldn’t remember his name. He came up to me and told me he was Matt from Dave’s psych class. He told me that there were three of them in the car and that they were going to a friend’s house to study. Someone ran a light and plowed into the side of the car. Dave was sitting in the passenger side where the car was hit and was the most banged up.
I waited with Matt until the doctor came out. He said that Dave had a broken leg and arm and he had a slight concussion. I was boneless with relief. It could have been so much worse. I asked if we could see him. Matt told me that he’d go check on the driver and I should go see Dave.
I walked into his room and almost lost it. He looked so small in the bed. There were tubes in his arms ad his face was bruised. I pulled a chair up to his bed and just sat. I couldn’t help but look at him. I felt helpless and stricken. He was my life whether we ever got together or not. I knew now that I was crazy about him.
He was having a nightmare. “Matt… Brian… I’m ok… my arm… I can’t… I can’t feel my leg… No… NOOOOOO!”
“Oh my God! Pix! Dave! Please wake up! You’re dreaming. It’s ok, it’s ok.” I shushed him over and over. I found myself kissing his forehead repeatedly. It was calming me down as much as it seemed to be calming him. His forehead was bathed in sweat and I wiped it away with my hands.
I sat back in the chair and tried not to think of kissing him. I wanted nothing more than to hold him in my arms but I couldn’t. I settled for resting my hand on his left arm.
A few hours later, he started groaning and I shot up. I calmed him down as much as possible and hit the button for the nurse. I knew that I had stayed past visiting hours but I didn’t want to leave. The nurse gave him another dose of pain medication and he was out.
David
So this is what it feels like to be dead. Maybe I wasn’t dead though. There were times when the blackness would fade and the pain would come on full force. I was also having delusions. I’d feel Brad kissing me and touching me. I must have been hallucinating or lying in limbo. There was a woman who kept sending the pain away and me back into blackness. Bless her.
After a few days, I realized that I was not dead. In fact, I just had been plowed into by a car. I felt like it too. My only consolation was that Brad had been a constant fixture at my bedside. He was hovering like a mother hen, although he’d never admit it. I loved every minute of it.
As of this minute he was sitting by my bed pretending to read a book. He kept stealing glances at me and the worried look hadn’t left his face. “You know I’m alright, or at least I will be. They’ve decreased my meds and I won’t even have any permanent damage.”
He looked at me and snorted. It was the only sign he ever showed when he was irritated. Why would he be irritated? “Yeah, just don’t try to get up like you did yesterday. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
I smiled warmly at the recollection. I had to pee and I wasn’t aware that I had a catheter. I tried to make it to the bathroom but almost fell after a couple of steps. Brad caught me and nestled me back in bed before I could even blink. Unfortunately I dislodged the catheter and stained the floor and bedclothes. I don’t think i’ve ever seen Brad angry like that. It was so sexy the way he scolded me. I couldn’t even be embarrassed.
I left the hospital two weeks later and went back to the dorms. I insisted that Brad let me walk but not too vehemently. He carried me to our dorm room and nestled me onto my bed. The number of pillows had tripled on my bed and I knew Brad had done it.
He’d given me all of my assignments and made sure that all of my teachers knew about the accident. I was gaining confidence in thinking that he felt more for me than friendship. I just didn’t want to be wrong and then have it be awkward between us.
Everything except eating and writing was hard. It was a good thing that I was a leftie. Brad offered to help me but there was only so much of his closeness that I could stand. I just had to get up extra early to make it to class.
I came in huffing from exertion and Brad quickly grabbed my bag and helped me to a chair. “Thanks man. You know I never really thanked you for all you’ve done.”
“Don’t mention it. I’m your friend. Besides, you needed my help.”
I had to know if he felt anything for me. It just wasn’t fair that my emotions seemed ready to boil over and he was as cool as a cucumber. “You know, you hovered like a mother hen while I was in the hospital. I even thought you were there the first night I was there. You were, weren’t you?”
He started squirming a bit and blushed. “Yes, of course I was there. You were hurt.”
“I had a nightmare didn’t I? I felt you there trying to calm me down. Later I realized that I was so out of it that I couldn’t be sure but now I am. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He looked down at his hands before responding. “Yeah, you were pretty scared. I didn’t even know what to do but I didn’t want to bring it up because you were in so much pain.”
I waited until he looked at me before continuing. “Did you… did you kiss me?”
He looked a bit frantic. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. You were having a nightmare and I was trying to calm you down and then I just kissed your forehead. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I was just asking.” I saw him blow out an anxious breath and lay back on his bed. He just didn’t give anything away. I just decided to go for it.
“Besides Brad, I was just wondering why you haven’t done it again.” He sat up abruptly and looked at me. I was attempting to fade into the wall and not look at him.
“Did you want me to kiss you again?” He was looking at me hard and intensely.
My voice was barely above a whisper when I answered. “Yes, but you never did.”
Brad
I was finding it more and more difficult to breath. What David seemed to be doing was making my dreams come true. I’d spent the last few weeks trying not to spill my guts to him and profess my undying love.
Every time I saw him wince or heard him grunt I wanted to just cradle him. Truth be told I didn’t want to let him out of my sight. It sucked being a bystander when I wanted nothing more than to be his partner and mate. I wanted to be an important and integral part of his life. He was handing me the key but I was still terrified.
“I didn’t think it would be fair to the guy you have a crush on.” It was the truth but I also didn’t think I would be able to stop if I started.
He looked at me and smiled mischievously. “You are my crush.” I couldn’t believe it. So I’d been bad mouthing myself. I felt like a weight had been lifted off me.
I got up and scooped Dave into my arms. He leaned into my chest and I felt as if my heart was going to burst. He fit so perfectly within the circle of my arms. I looked down at him and as I leaned in to claim my first kiss I whispered, “I have a crush on you too.”
The kiss was light and airy. I was afraid he’d disappear if I thought about it too much. I nibbled on his lips while cradling his face in my hands. His tongue delved into my mouth and I felt my chest rumble. I don’t know how long we kissed but when we finally stopped I leaned me forehead on his and stroked his face with my hands.
I sat holding him and kissing him for I don’t know how long. I still didn’t know what it meant for us but I was going to give him everything I had. I just didn’t want to scare him off.
He looked up and into my eyes. He had the most serene smile on his face. “Now will you tell me why you call me ‘pix’?”
I could do nothing but smile. I’d never be able to refuse him anything. Especially not with him looking at me like that and sitting on my lap.
“When I first met you I thought you looked like a pixie. You were so cute dancing and flitting around that it just stuck in my mind. You’re so small but you’re a bundle of energy, my sunlight in a bottle. That became my nickname for you whenever I thought about you. What about you, why did you say you were gonna call me ‘g-g’?”
I still hadn’t let him go and by now I was rubbing his hand while linking it with mine. My larger hand dwarfed his and I loved the way it felt. I cradled his hand in mine and held it against my chest. I think my brain was spasing. I just couldn’t believe that he wanted me.
“It stands for gentle giant. You’re so sweet and nice. You never raise your voice and you have this amazing spirit. You calm me down just by me being in your presence.”
These were so many things that I’d never heard before. Just hearing that made me more sure of why I felt the way I felt. I tried not to crush him as I held him against me and just hugged him.
“So does this mean that you’ll be my boyfriend?” I asked him.
“You know it big guy.”
For once I didn’t mind being called big.
David
I was living in a dream. Brad was the perfect guy. I never realized how well our schedules worked out. He would walk me to each class and wouldn’t allow me to hold my bag or anything else. We couldn’t really hold hands because I was still on crutches but we always found ways to touch.
We would kiss each time we parted and I swear he would have carried me everywhere if I’d let him. He decided that I needed to be fed and proceeded to do so at every opportunity. I loved how protective of me he was. I was hobbling around on cloud nine.
I knew that I was still healing but he was making it easy to forget that I shouldn’t be thinking about sex. Every night I would sit nestled against his chest as I did homework or as he read or both. It was becoming a routine and one that I loved. However, I often felt him stiffening against me and I couldn’t help but wriggle a little and groan. He never did anything about it and I was getting frustrated.
I was quickly finding that I loved sleeping with him. We were watching TV one night and we fell asleep together. I woke up splayed across his chest. Since then I find myself finding ways to end up sleeping with him more often.
I loved feeling his chest rumble when he spoke and anything he said against my ear sounded so sexy. It always made me shiver in delight.
I was trying to find a way to up the intimacy. I didn’t want to push the issue if he wasn’t ready for it but it was getting harder to keep my desires in check.
We were cuddling in bed on a particularly rainy morning. I could see myself being like that every morning. The thought gave me pause. I was afraid that he wasn’t into me as much as I was into him. We hadn’t had any discussions about the future or anything.
“Why so quiet Pixie?” I looked into his eyes and smiled. He could always tell when my moods went downward.
“I’m just thinking about how much I like this, us, together like this.”
He sighed contently and said, “Yeah, I love the way you feel against me. You know, you don’t have to trick me into letting you sleep with me. I like it just as much as you do.”
I was blushing beet red as I moved up to kiss him. “I promise I won’t try to trick you again… at least not about that. But, let me make it up to you.” I started kissing his neck and I felt him tense up.
“Baby what’s wrong?” He looked terrified. He sat up and nestled me on his lap.
“I’m a virgin Pix, I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
I was blown over. This was so overwhelming. “Baby, you could never disappoint me. I’m sorry for pushing. I was just getting so worked up that I couldn’t help it. We won’t go there until you’re ready. I’m sorry.”
He started chuckling. “Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing? Plus, you’re the one with your arm and leg in a cast. You shouldn’t even be putting pressure on them.”
“You don’t have to apologize for anything. And I’m so sick of these casts that I’m going insane. They’ll be off next week, thank God. I can’t wait to give you a real hug. These don’t stop me from wanting you though.”
“Hey don’t knock the casts. They’re sexy. Just don’t go busting yourself up again. You’re sexier without them.” He smiled at me and started kissing me again. He began pulling up my shirt from the hymn but then stopped and ripped it down the middle from the neck. I gasped as he arched his eyebrow and smiled, “I thought you’d like that.”
Oh I definitely liked it. He was just looking at me. I wondered what was going through his head when he looked up and I saw the uncertainty in his eyes. I melted and just waited for him to make the next move.
“Can I do something… I mean try something… I mean, man I don’t know.” I put my fingers to his lips and he kissed them. It was a sweet gesture that he wasn’t even aware of.
“Brad, you can do whatever you want. I won’t bite and there’s no pressure. I’m yours so just go for it. Don’t think that you’ll hurt me or anything because I trust you totally.”
Brad
David didn’t know it but I was so close to telling him that I loved him that it was ridiculous. I was starring down at his smooth chest and I was just frozen for a minute. He made me feel so comfortable with the situation that I couldn’t help but take him up on his offer.
I hoped that he knew what he was in for because I had a lifetime of catching up to do. I wanted to experience everything and that included examining every inch of his body.
I gently removed his clothes and just caressed him with my eyes. He was beautiful to me. Everything about him was perfectly proportioned. His skin was silky smooth and he was completely hairless except for a small patch of curls around his cock.
His cock was beautiful. He was seven inches and cut with a nice girth. I knew that I wanted to feel that in me but that would come later. I traced over his skin with my fingertips.
His nipples hardened as my fingers trailed over them. He wasn’t only my Pixie, he was my Angel. I gently massaged his leg as I inspected his foot. I loved every inch of him. I lifted his cock with one finger and looked at it in fascination.
There was a pearly drop of pre right in his slit and I scooped it up to taste it. I closed my eyes to savor the taste. Dave’s eyes were almost closed and he was smiling at me. I tentatively licked the head of his cock and just wanted to stay there.
I licked it like it was an ice cream cone. I just loved the taste. I was leisurely lapping at it and it felt like I could stay there forever. He was getting a little anxious and trying to hump into my face. I felt thrilled that I was getting him close to cumming.
I couldn’t deep throat but I doubled my attempts at sucking the head and jerking the base. He started gasping loudly and then it happened. My mouth was filled with the warmth of his cum. I groaned and let it fill up my mouth before swallowing it down. He was still cumming so I got to repeat the delicious process all over again.
I sucked him until he became too sensitive. I moved up to look into his face. I cupped his cheek and he kissed me. “That was incredible Pix.”
He smiled broadly albeit sleepily at me. “Shouldn’t I be telling you that?”
“Nope, it was definitely something that tops my incredible list.”
“I want you to make me yours baby.”
I was so nervous when he said that but I was excited about it at the same time. “Okay baby, but you have to tell me what to do. I couldn’t live with myself if I messed up or hurt you.”
David
I tried to get up but Brad gave me a look that could have chilled tap water. He hated for me to do anything and I had no problem indulging him. I motioned for him to open my drawer. He found some lube and some different sized condoms.
He arched his brows at the condoms and I couldn’t help but blush. “I didn’t know how big you were so I got a couple different sizes.”
“When did you get these? I haven’t let you out of my sight since we’ve been together.”
Now I needed to just disappear. “I got them before the accident. I tried to make myself believe that they were just in case I met someone but they were really with you in mind.”
He sucked in a breath and his eyes darkened. He closed the distance between us and kissed me hungrily. I wanted to finally see him in all his naked glory. I pushed him away and began pulling up his shirt. He stilled my hands and stepped back.
He tore his t-shirt off. As his chest came into view my breath quickened and I knew I’d never get tired of seeing him. As he lowered his shorts my eyes bugged out of my head. I was in trouble there. He was not only huge, he was thick too. He had a mushroom head with veins running down the sides. I felt my mouth water at the thought of it filling my mouth.
I had only been with a few people, none of which were as big as him. The task seemed a bit daunting but I was up for the challenge. I gulped audibly, “You’ll need the extra large.”
He just nodded and laid down next to me.
We began kissing and I was getting harder and harder thinking of what was to come. I whispered against his mouth, “You’ve got to get me ready for you.” He looked apprehensive but then nodded.
“Tell me what to do baby.” He looked at me and I hoped and prayed that what I saw was love. I hoped that I wasn’t just seeing what I wanted to see.
“Take it slow and be gentle. Put some lube on your finger and rub them together to warm it up. Smear it on the outside of my hole. Add some more lube and then start slowly working it into my hole. Work one finger until you think I can handle another and then another. Don’t worry that you’ll hurt me because I know that you’ll be careful.”
He lifted my legs and looked at me in awe. I’d never had that reaction. He gasped as he began working his finger into my tight canal. I thought it was funny that he was having the same reactions as me to his touching. His fingers were large and I felt full already. I was loving the sensations.
He added another and then another finger. He began scissoring his fingers and I was damn near panting. He watched aptly as I took his fingers and he seemed to be breathing differently. This only served to make me hotter. My cock was so hard that I thought it would break.
“Baby I’m ready, please.” He quickly sheathed himself and then lathered lube all over the condom. He pushed at the entrance and the head popped in. I barely held back a groan. I told him to wait and noticed that his face was etched in concentration.
I told him to go ahead and he slowly started working his huge cock into me. He had to be about ten inches. I’d never felt so full in my life. With each inch and stroke he was claiming my ass, my body, my soul and I would never be the same.
He was moving torturously slow and I was going crazy. Everyone in the damn hall would know what we were doing by the end of the night. Soon Brad had stopped with the short thrusts and had begun long slow strokes.
Each stroke pressed against my prostate and made me groan. He leaned down to claim my lips and began stroking faster and faster. I was trying not to yell but it was so hard. I buried my face in his neck and breathed in his scent. I was light headed with all the sensations.
The feeling of almost constant pressure on my prostate coupled with the feeling of his pressed against me was driving me over the edge. He began grunting with each thrust and I knew that he was getting close. I reached between us so that I could jack off and possibly cum with him.
My jacking off caused my ass muscles to clench around him and he started pumping furiously and I felt him spasm and groan. I shot my load between us while feeling him pulse inside of me. I felt drained and wrung out.
Brad
I was still embedded in Dave but I felt myself softening. I leaned on my forearm to look into his face. He was glowing with a small smile on his face. He was rubbing his cum into his chest. I stopped him and licked all of his cum up. He cupped my face and then kissed me lazily.
I started kissing his lips, cheek and neck while nibbling on his ear. It had been something that I was finding that I loved to do. “That was so incredible baby. Will you do me too?”
I felt him tense up and when I looked into his eyes I saw shock. “You want… you want me to top you?” He had utter disbelief in his voice.
“No, not exactly.” He looked confused. I smiled and continued. “I don’t consider it topping or bottoming. I want it to be equal between us. I hate those types of labels. I want you to make love to me just like i’ve made love to you. If that’s ok with you.”
He looked at me and he had tears in his eyes. I kissed each of his eyelids because I hated that he was near crying. “I’ve never done it before but it’s definitely ok with me.”
Now it was my turn to be a little shocked. Who wouldn’t want a give and take relationship? “Why haven’t you done it?”
He looked at me trying to see if I was kidding but I really wanted his answer. “I’m always the bottom. I’ve been smaller than every other sexual partner so it’s just kinda what I do.”
“I don’t want it to be all that you do, that we do. I want to experience everything with you.” I realized that I was getting seriously close to telling him how I felt but I just couldn’t spit it out.
He was the only person who’d gotten this close to me and I was afraid plain and simple. I just would rather have not known whether or not he loved me because there was always the possibility that he didn’t.
I finally dislodged from him and disposed of the condom giving myself a quick wipe with some tissue. I laid on the bed and settled Dave on top of me. He was dozing within minutes and I found myself watching him while stroking his back.
He looked completely relaxed against me and I wished that we could sleep like that always. I knew that I had to take a chance and tell him how I felt if I wanted a chance at future happiness.
I knew we were young. That’s what scared me the most. I knew my Pix was a good person but I didn’t know if he wanted me long term. He was such an important part of campus life that I wasn’t sure that he wanted to be tied down with a life partner. I had to take that chance though.
I’d never been so nervous about anything in my life. I fell asleep trying to think of the perfect way to ask him to be with me forever.
David
I woke up cradled against Brad’s side. It was the easiest way for me to remain comfortable through the night with my casts. I moved a little and I felt that familiar soreness from having my ass reamed.
The more of it that I remembered, the more hot that I got. We were both naked under the covers but I couldn’t reach down and fondle him like I wanted because of my arm. I tried to wriggle under the covers so I could get my first taste of his massive cock but Brad got agitated when I moved.
I loved that he was conscious of me in his sleep. I waited until he settled down before I tried again. Once I got down to his crotch I nudged his cock with my nose and inhaled his scent. I laid flat on the bed and began licking the underside of his cock.
I began twirling my tongue around the head. I worked the head into my mouth so I could taste his whole length before he grew too big for me to deep throat. The monster was waking up so I quickly worked him into my throat. I groaned when my lips met his pubes.
Once he became fully erect I could only get about three fourths of him into my mouth. He was waking up and groaning. I started licking his balls, once I was sure that he was awake, and I jacked him off at the same time.
By now he’d thrown the covers back so that he could watch me. I looked up making sure that he could see my face in the moonlight and I winked. He had the same intense look that he always did but his eyes were clouded with lust. I loved it.
I lifted his legs slightly so that I could continue my licking downward. I licked his bud and he sucked in a breath. I licked all around his bud and his cheeks until he started to pucker. I could tell that he was trying hard not to be loud but I planned to change that.
I started working my tongue into his ass and I heard him hiss and clench his gut. Once he was taking my tongue I started alternating between my finger and my tongue. He was going crazy and I couldn’t wait until I actually got into him.
I hadn’t planned on making love to him, but it seemed to be going that way. He started humping onto my finger and when I added another he groaned. I moved back up to bathe his balls and then dove back onto his dick before he could blink. He almost sat up as he loudly gasped.
I sucked his dick like I was trying to pull his very essence through his cock. I don’t even think he noticed that I had added another finger. I started massaging his prostate with each downward swipe of my mouth on his cock. He was full out bucking by now and I knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold out for much longer.
I relaxed my gag reflex as much as I could and dove down until almost all of his cock was in my mouth and down my throat. I groaned realizing that I’d never had anything that big in my mouth. I began gulping and the sensations just became too great for him.
The sounds that I heard were almost incomprehensible. It was like he couldn’t get anything out. He jerked with each sound and with each jerk he shot out a jet of cum. The first jet went right down my throat but I moved off the head a little so that I could taste him. It was thick and creamy, a little bitter, but still a taste that I couldn’t get enough of.
I sucked him until he became too sensitive. I moved up until I could straddle his hips. He was smiling and looked like he was two seconds away from falling asleep. I was leaning on my arms just watching him. He cocked open an eye and tried to lift me up by my waist. “Get off your arm Pix.”
I stood up and I smiled because I knew that it wasn’t what he meant by his statement. I knew he didn’t like it but he was basking in the after glow of cumming. It gave me food for thought. I knew that all I had to do was sex him up and he’d be putty in my hands.
I walked over to get the condoms and lube and he knew why I’d gotten up. I loved that he was content to let me run the show. I began opening him up again and he could do nothing but groan. I needed to have him almost begging so I began trailing kisses up his torso to his nipples.
His nipples seemed to be extra sensitive because they became hard pebbles when I licked and nibbled on them. I gently bit him and he clenched the bed to keep from grabbing me. I was still lightly fingering him and I was ignoring his now rock hard cock.
He kept trying to jack himself off but I wouldn’t let him. He would hump onto my fingers and I would slow down even more. By now I was lovingly laving his belly button. I alternated between that and rubbing my cheek against his furry belly. I just loved the feel of him.
He was getting more and more frustrated. “Baby, I need… I need something, I don’t know. What are you doing to me?”
I smiled, loving the fact that I got to awaken his sexuality. “Tell me what you need”, I whispered.
He did a full body shiver. “I think I need you in me. I need to cum. I want to cum with you in me.”
Those were the magic words. I sheathed myself and lubed up. I fingered him again with some more lube and told him to relax. I soon as I pulled my fingers out I pushed the head of my cock in. I heard him groan and I paused. It worried me some, I looked into his face but I couldn’t tell if he was in pain or whether it felt good. For the first time that night I was anxious.
“Baby, please tell me if it hurts.” I felt his sphincter relax and he began breathing more normally. I was scared to move though.
“No Pix, it doesn’t hurt. Please make me yours.”
I started moving slowly inch by inch until I was fully imbedded in him. When I bottomed out we both groaned. This was heaven. He was tight, oh so tight. I started moving within him and I pressed myself to him so that his cock was trapped between us.
We kissed passionately and his hands were roaming all over my back. I sped up and went for his neck. He loved nibbling on my neck and it was time for me to return the favor. He was panting hard from my licking and nibbling and I knew that he’d have a mark later.
I wanted to see if he’d cum without touching himself so I leaned back and sped up my thrusting. I changed angles and knew that I was hitting his prostate because his eyes were closed and his mouth was now hanging partially open. The veins in his neck were standing out and I knew that he was close.
I kept thrusting but I bent down until I was at his ear level. I whispered in his ear, “I want you to cum for me baby. I want to feel you ass clenching me as you moan in pleasure.” I licked his ear and then bit down on his lobe. He grunted out my name and held me tight as I pumped into him.
I felt warmth spread against my chest at the same time that I felt his ass clench around me. His breath was coming in short bursts. I bit his shoulder as I came harder than I ever had before.
I disengaged myself from him and cleaned up before slumber overtook me. I took my time to lick up all of his thick ropy cum and to give his bum a tongue massage. I had to make sure that he really wasn’t hurt. Once I disposed of the condom I snuggled against him and was asleep almost instantly.
Brad
So much for going to class, I thought. There was no way that I was going anywhere when my love was nestled against me. Especially not after I’d experienced the greatest feelings of my life to date.
I hadn’t even known that I had it in me to feel like that. It was incredible! I think I actually yelled out. That was something that I never expected.
I didn’t want to move but I had to pee. I slowly moved off the bed and went to take care of it. I looked in the mirror as I was washing my hands. I had bite marks on my neck, my earlobe was purple and I had teeth marks in my shoulder.
I loved it. My Pixie was a wildcat. I would have loved nothing more than to go back in the room and take him or have him take me. But then he’d probably suspect that I couldn’t get enough of him.
Once I got back to the room, I sat on Dave’s bed and just watched him sleep. He was so beautiful to me that it was hard to believe he actually wanted me. He was so different from me and I loved everything about him.
He was curled around my pillow, looking like a sleeping angel. He started moving around noticing that I was gone and he looked up sleepily. He sounded groggy and grumpy when he spoke. “Why is my giant not still in bed with me?”
I chuckled lightly at his put out tone. “Your giant had to pee.” He looked thoughtful at that and then shook his head in the affirmative. He got up and put on some boxers and went to the bathroom. I was still smiling when he came back.
He sat on my lap and noticed the marks he’d given me. He turned beet red and gave me a sheepish look. “Don’t worry Angel, I loved how you went all wildcat on me. It’ll make me feel sexy all over again every time I look at these.”
He gave me a look that started my toes curling. “When did I become an angel?”
“Well according to last night you aren’t and in reality you’re probably only an angel when you sleep, but personally you’re my Angel.” I kissed his nose and then his lips. His blush was all I needed o see.
I knew that for once I had to take the first step. I couldn’t focus on of all of the negative things that could happen. Like him not feeling the same and then the rest of the school year being awkward. Or me telling him that I loved him and then having him not want me anymore. Or finding out that he liked me, he just didn’t love me.
I was hugging him more and more tightly to me. I didn’t even realize it. He tried to move and that’s when I noticed that I was holding him so tight. “What’s wrong baby?” He looked at me concerned and must have seen the anxious look on my face.
I kissed him long and hard, certain that everything was gonna go to hell once I told him. I cradled him against my chest and rested my head on the top of his head. I breathed in his scent and braced myself. “I love you”, I said and stopped breathing.
David
This was so unreal. He actually said that he loved me! I was on my way to feeling deliriously happy when I realized that he didn’t sound happy about it. I looked up at him and noticed that his whole body was taut and he was keeping a tight rein on his emotions. What the hell?
“Why do you sound like the apocalypse just started?”
He looked down at me and gulped audibly. I saw his eyes tear up and one lone tear escaped spilling down his cheek. “Because I knew you wouldn’t feel the same way. I just had to take a chance and tell you.”
He lifted me up and gently placed me on my bed. I knew he wanted to leave. He was dressing quickly. I knew that he wanted to cry. I was shocked for a moment. Why wouldn’t he think that I felt the same way? “Brad, how do you know that I don’t feel like that? You didn’t ask and it doesn’t seem like you want to stick around to find out.”
He had made it to the door but he turned around and sat on his bed. I saw that more tears had escaped and spilled down his cheeks. He was trying to hold it together but was losing the battle.
“I do love you, very much so. I just didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make things awkward if you didn’t feel the same. It never occurred to me that you’d say it first or that you’d think that I didn’t love you too. I guess were both stu…”
He attacked me! I was up off my feet and being twirled in the air before I knew it. Brad brought me up to face level and kissed me until my lungs burned. I was too shocked to realize that my legs were just dangling. My back was against the wall and Brad was holding me by my ass.
Just as quickly as I was pushed against the wall I was hefted up and carried to Brad’s bed. He laid down and brought me down on top of him. His face had been nestled in my neck and he still hadn’t spoken. He was breathing hard, like he’d run a marathon.
“Baby, why are you breathing like that?”
He nuzzled my neck and I had to hold back a groan. “Oh, it’s just because I almost just had a full out anxiety attack. Maybe it’s because I haven’t breathed in the past five minutes. Or maybe I just can’t believe that you really love me. It’s kinda hard to switch reels when i’ve spent all of this time trying to brace myself against your rejection.”
“Well breathe easy baby, and believe it. Why wouldn’t I love you?”
“Um maybe because we’re really young and you have so much going on. I just didn’t think you would want to fall in love. Plus, you could have any guy you wanted. I didn’t know if you wanted me for two months or two years. I still don’t know how long you want me for but i’ll give you everything i’ve got for as long as i’ve got it.”
He was so sweet. I could understand his not knowing. I felt the same way. “I’ve loved you for a while and I didn’t and don’t want anyone else. While it’s true that I wasn’t looking for love, I’m not mad that I have you.”
“What are you saying Pix? I don’t think I can take another anxiety attack.”
I smiled at him. He was being impatient, something that was totally out of character for him. I knew that this was really a turning point for us.
“I mean that I want to be with you too. I want to wake up next to you or on top of you or in your arms everyday. I know that we’re young and I don’t care. I want us to be together for as long as it takes us to stop loving each other.”
“Thank God. It was killing me trying to imagine my life without you.”
We were two big idiots. I loved him and he loved me but he didn’t want to tell me and I didn’t want to tell him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him and he was having panic attacks at the thought of us being apart.
“Well don’t worry baby, you’re stuck with me.”
“You promise?”
“Yes my giant.” We sealed the deal with a kiss and I couldn’t have been more happy.