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The Consolation of Love

Category: Mature
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She lay, elbow on the bed, head propped on her hand looking down at him.

It was impossible, and yet it had happened. Here was the living proof lying beside her and the sperm she could feel in her vagina and the bed redolent of their coupling.

He was asleep now and she reached out and touched his light brown hair as if to reassure herself that he really was there. Then she touched his penis, still warm, wet and sticky with their mingled fluids.

With a sigh she reached out to the bedside table with the tissue box on it. Pulling out a few tissues she held them against her sex organ and reluctantly rose from the bed and made her way to the bathroom and the shower.

He had come into her three times, and as she washed his sperm from her vagina she briefly wished it could have fertilised her. She smiled sadly knowing that she was past the age of giving birth — or was she? Hadn’t she read somewhere of a sixty one year old women giving birth? And what about Sarah in the bible, hadn’t she been eighty when she got pregnant?

But she wasn’t Sarah, but Sara, and in any case Sarah’s pregnancy had been something to do with divine intervention, and the mere fact that the sixty one year old woman’s pregnancy had made the news showed that it was an anomaly.

She dried herself and made her way back to the bed and sleeping Robbie. She looked at him and wondered what would happen when he woke in the morning. Would he be disgusted that he had copulated with a woman old enough to be his grandmother?

“What could he possibly want with me?” She asked herself. Fifty two years old, her body no longer having the elasticity of youth, her breasts no longer the firm hemispheres that Dan had enjoyed back then; her “lovely half melons” he had called them; so what could a nineteen year old boy want with her?

Well, she would have to wait until the morning to find out. Her eyelids drooped; it had been an emotional day of grief and then sexual passion. How odd she thought that one emotion could transmute into another.

The world faded and she slept.

* * * * * * * *

Robbie had come into the lives of Sara and Dan at a time when they were very susceptible. Twenty years married and they had not had the children they had longed for. Having tried all that medical science had to offer and they could afford, they had finally concluded that there would be no children. At the time of this, for them, tragic conclusion, Robbie had come into their lives.

They had seen Robbie around often, a pale scrawny boy whose parents were well known in the district as violent alcoholics. There was an older daughter a hopeless drug addict, and what Robbie’s life was like in that hell pit of a home, if home it could be called, could only be guessed at.

Robbie had been ten years old when Dan found him crying in the street. Robbie had found a discarded bicycle on the local rubbish tip and had tried to mend it, but it obviously needed new parts that Robbie could not possibly afford.

Dan the maker and mender of many things in his back garden workshop had brought the boy and the bicycle home. There in the workshop, using Dan’s collection of spare parts they had repaired the bicycle. He had then brought the boy into the kitchen for a drink and something to eat.

Sara knew a little of his history; how parents of other children told them they must not play with “the boy from that awful family,” and how Robbie constantly missed school. Looking at his thin weedy frame and pale face, Sara’s heart went out to him.

It might have been expected that Robbie would have taken on the behaviour of his family as many such children do, presenting a cynical and aggressive front to the world around them. This had not happened to Robbie. Instead he had a beaten, hopeless look.

It was this crushed look that had touched Sara most deeply. She had wanted to reach out to him, to hug him and feed him, but it had been Dan who had taken the step.

“Drop by any time I’m here son, there a lot of things we could fix up for you.”

Other children might have ignored this offer, but isolated Robbie took full advantage of it. He was often with Dan in the workshop learning how to use the tools and the small lathe and upright drill.

There were other spin-offs from this. Dan explained how he’d never be able to use these things correctly if he didn’t go to school and learn to read and write and do arithmetic properly. Robbie took this to heart and started to attend school regularly, and the combination of school and the practical work with Dan saw Robbie start to scrape himself up from the academic floor and gain some success.

Meantime Sara fed him and even bought him some clothes to replace the worn and filthy things he had been wearing.

It is not possible to say that Dan’s and Sara’s place became a second home for Robbie because it could hardly be said that he had a first home. Whatever the case Robbie began to spend increasing amounts of time with Dan and Sara, and it is no doubt true to say that he became for them the son they had never had.

When Robbie was twelve and Dan and Sara were going off for a fortnight’s caravan trip, they wanted to take Robbie with them, Robbie’s increasing presence in their home had been a gradually growing process and they had given no thought to contacting Robbie’s parents. The caravan holiday was however another matter. Dan went to see Robbie’s parents to ask their permission to take Robbie.

His parents were as usual drunk, and at first what Dan was asking did not sink in. When at last they managed to comprehend his father looked bleary eyed at Dan and muttered, “Take the liddle shit where yez like, s’long ash ‘esh oud uv our shight.”

That seemed to settle the matter and Robbie went on the holiday.

After that Robbie spent most of his time with Dan and Sara, and under Sara’s ministrations and good food he gradually ceased to be the weedy kid they had first met, and took on the lineaments, first of a sturdy boy, and then the good looks of a young man.

* * * * * * * *

Despite some success at school it was clear that Robbie was never going to belong to the upper echelons of academia. Dan worked for a firm of electrical contractors, and it was he who got Robbie an apprenticeship with the firm.

This meant some contact had to be made with his parents since they had to sign documents giving their permission for Robbie to take up the apprenticeship.

There was some slight difficulty since Robbie’s father, if he had ever learned to write, had forgotten how to; or alternatively was too inebriated to fill in the forms and sign. In the end it was Dan who filled in the forms and the father wrote what might pass as a signature, although it would more accurately be described as his mark.

This effectively ended Robbie’s association with his parents, without protest from the parents Robbie came to live with Sara and Dan.

Shortly after Robbie came to them Dan began to show some signs of declining health. He complained of shortness of breath and occasional pains in the chest.

Dan had always been an enthusiastic lover, but now he often failed to get an erection, and if he did he was unable to finish what he started. He felt terrible about this and made endless apologies to Sara.

Sara, who was I fact distressed by this lack of sex in her life, tried to reassure Dan that there was more to marriage than sex. That may well be true, but Sara in the end had to teach herself how to masturbate, an activity she had never previously engaged in.

Dan at first refused to see a doctor, saying “It’ll pass,” but it didn’t pass so finally he was forced to seek medical help.

What the doctor diagnosed and what the tests revealed, Dan was cagey about; “He’s just given me these tablets to take,” was all he would say.

It was two years after first seeing the doctor that Dan collapsed and died at work. The effect on Sara had been shattering. She wept constantly and oddly accused Dan of deserting her, asking, “What right had he got to die and leave me?”

What both she and Dan had seen as a lifetime bond that would take them into old age had been cut short. Sara faced a Dan-less future that even when he had become unwell and impotent, she had never anticipated ending so soon. She was probably right, there is more to marriage than sex, although let us not disparage that pleasurable part of marriage bonding.

Robbie was almost as broken as Sara over the loss of Dan. He had never quite seen them as substitute mother and father — or grandmother and grandfather as Sara would have put it. Dan had always referred to Robbie as his “mate.”

With Sara there was the obvious maternal thing, and that was one of the tragedies of her marriage. She was a woman that one would say was born to be a mother, with that buxom all embracing appearance that children love to snuggle against. Yet there was some slight ambiguity in her relationship with Robbie.

There was something — something she could not quite define in him or herself — something that was not exactly what she expected a mother-son relationship to be. That something became even more ambiguous when Dan could no longer meet her sexual needs.

She thought that the ambiguity might derive from the fact that she had not carried him in her womb. What she did not realise because she knew nothing of such things, was that she was experiencing what many biological mothers experience with their sons, a frequently unacknowledged and rarely brought to consummation sexual desire.

Sara might have taken warning from the fact that once Robbie started to date with girls she felt a tinge of jealousy, but even this did not bring the true nature of what she felt to open consciousness.

* * * * * * * *

It was Robbie who, made aware by Dan of what it meant — or was supposed mean — to be a man, had stifled his grief and been the one to made the funeral arrangements.

Dan had been a popular figure around the neighbourhood, always mending things, especially for the local kids, and the church was packed for the funeral service.

Afterwards there was a wake, again largely organised by Robbie. All this had kept him so occupied that he had not given vent to his despair at losing his mate.

It was when he and Sara sat together on the sofa amid the ruins of the feast after everyone had gone home that Robbie gave way. Sara and Robbie wept together, holding each other close.

It was then it had happened. By that strange transmutation, a phenomenon well known to those in bereavement counselling, when the grief takes on a sexual aspect. It is a cry for the comfort that close physical contact can give, and what is closer than a man and a woman in sexual contact?

Their union had been wordless. Sara had kissed Robbie, and as he felt the taste of her salt tears on his lips he had touched her breast. Afterwards, if they had been asked to explain how it happened, probably neither of them could have given a clear account.

It had been Sara who removed her panties and lay back on the sofa with her legs spread wide, ready to receive Robbie. Silently he had come over her, and only as he penetrated her did he moan and she gave a little cry.

The feel of his penis in her vagina was certainly a comfort and he brought her to orgasm, but for Sara it was an unusually quiet orgasm; merely a soft whimper as she climaxed.

Unexpectedly Robbie took a long time to come. It was after her orgasm and when she was well down that post-orgasmic slope that he moaned his sperm into her.

When he had finished they lay very still, his penis still in her as if to withdraw from her would bring to an end the consolation they had given each other.

It was when Robbie murmured, “I think I’m going to come again,” that Sara said, “Come to bed with me.” Naked and together in the bed it had been different. Robbie had kissed her passionately — even desperately — and he had lingered long over sucking her nipples and caressing her genitals with his fingers.

When he entered her Sara did what had often driven Dan wild, she gripped his penis with her powerful vaginal muscle. This had dragged a long low moan from him and he had started to beat into her frantically. This time she gave full vent to her orgasmic ecstasy, screaming and sobbing as he almost savagely poured his warm young seed into her.

Afterwards he had not withdrawn from her until he had once more ejaculated into her hot wet and rhythmically pulsating vagina.

After that he had withdrawn from her and gone to sleep.

* * * * * * * *

What dreams Sara and Robbie had that night, if any, are unknown.

Sara woke in the morning to find Robbie looking down at her a hand on her breast.

“I want you,” he said.

Sara pushed back the covers, and as with the first time they had coupled she lay back silently, her legs wide open to receive him. As he lay over her she could smell the fishy odour of their previous couplings on him, and this seemed to arouse quickly her to fever pitch.

He was slow to come this time and he frequently stopped and even withdrew from her to kiss her and suck her nipples. For a while he had knelt between her legs, and raising her buttocks with his hands had kissed and licked her long groove and her sensitive inner lips, causing her to scream and sob in anguish as she came.

He shot his sperm into her as she gripped his length with her vagina. Afterward he lay long inside her, unwilling to separate.

At last she had to speak her thoughts.

“What do you want with me, why do you do this with a woman old enough to be your grandmother?”

“I love you,” he said simply.

“Love me, but like this?”

“Yes, like this. I think I loved you from the first time you gave me something to eat and drink. Of course it wasn’t love like this, that came later and I’d wouldn’t have said or done anything because of Dan. And anyway, while Dan was alive you would never have…”

“So it was there, even before Dan died?”

“Yes, I didn’t want it to be, it just was.”

“But why…why with me…an old woman…?” “You’re not old, and I somehow knew that with you it would be special, different from the girls.”

“And is it?”

“Yes, it’s wonderful; I’ve never felt anything like it before. You’ll let me stay, won’t you? I mean, because we’ve done this you’ll let me…we’ll do it again?”

Sara laughed and ruffled his hair saying, “Yes stay, and you can do it with me as often as you want; perhaps we older women have got something to offer after all.”

* * * * * * * *

She must have had something to offer because they came together repeatedly over the following days; but then, I think that many older women have a lot to offer, and frequently they don’t realise it.

Sara was under no illusion about her future with Robbie. She didn’t know for how long she would be “special,” but she was willing to take what he had to offer for as long as he offered it. His youthful virility was profoundly gratifying and he often spoke of the deep satisfaction he had with her.

It is five years since they became lovers. Robbie is very much part of the household and Sara’s life, seeing himself as the man of the house, and giving her financial support. An interesting reversal considering it was Sara who once fed and clothed him.

There frequent copulating seems to have given Sara some of the aspects of youth.

Robbie still says that Sara is special. For how much longer in the sexual sense she will be special is impossible to say, but I have strong feeling that Sara will always be special for Robbie in one way or another.

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