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It was Sunday, a full day off from work. That meant I had the whole day to devote to my other job, the one I should have concentrated on years ago. I planned to do some serious work on my thesis. On the wrong side of my thirty-fifth birthday, I, Joseph Middleton, was a college boy. I was an average student in high school. My grades weren't good enough to get into a decent college, which didn't matter to me at the time. I just didn't care about much except hanging out with my friends and trying to get laid.

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"Honey, are you going to get up off that couch and help me with anything today, or am I going to have to get nasty about it?" Jill asked half-teasingly of her husband, Chet. It was nearly one o'clock on Saturday afternoon, and as far as she was concerned they were already an hour behind schedule. They were supposed to go out around five for an evening of celebrating, but she had plenty she still had to get done.

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The only thing that kept me from beating someone's face in at work that day was the complete absurdity of it all. I manage a large do-it-yourself home improvement supply store. A hurricane was churning up the coast, and people were going insane with their over-preparation for the storm. The media's "public service announcements" warned of Armageddon.

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