Sorry no sex scene’s. This is Part 2 to Prison Time. I hope you enjoy.
Hayden had only been gone a couple of days before I talked myself into believing he had moved on with someone else. I knew I couldn’t take Hayden home to my mother. She would freak out, so would the rest of my family.
“Mail call!” The CO announced over the speaker.
I watched as everyone jumped up to go see if they had received mail from the outside. Like family, mail was important in this place.
“Kevin Terrell!” He yelled.
I stepped up to him and grabbed the letter. Seeing it was from Hayden I decided to read it in my pod.
April 5, 1999
How are you? Fine I hope. Well I’ve been home a couple of days and I miss you like crazy. It’s funny trying to get back into a normal routine. I still wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I missed count or wishing I could climb into your bunk with you. I visited my parent’s grave, it still feels strange not having them here, but we never had a close relationship so I just look at it as if they were out of the country. Clair did a good job in taking care of everything. Now here I am CEO of a company; that I know nothing about. I live in a mansion that no one comes to visit and have enough money to survive the rest of my life. I inherited all of this and would walk away from it all to be with you. I try not to get sad thinking about our time apart but it’s hard. Hopefully you will be home soon and we can see each other.
Well baby I have to go, tell everyone I said hello.
Love Always and Forever
P.S. I put two hundred dollars on your books.
It felt good hearing from him and knowing he was going to be all right but after reading his letter I knew what I had to do. So I sat at my desk and wrote a reply.
April 8, 1999
Thanks’ for the money but I don’t think I can accept it. I’m doing great. I have fallen back into my old routine. They haven’t given me a new cellie yet but I know it’s coming. With time things will get easier for you. Look I don’t know how to tell you this so I will come straight out and say it. Forget about me Hayden. What we had was a jailhouse relationship. You’re in the real world, find someone to make you happy and leave me alone. I’ve had it set up were you can’t put money on my books and you should receive a check in ten days. Please move on and don’t write me again.
I put a stamp on the letter and put it in outgoing mail, I sat and stared at it until the CO put it in the bend for it to go out will all the other letters.
I was okay with my decision to put Hayden behind me. Finishing out my two-month so that I can go home was all I had on my mind.
So seven days later when the CO called my name at mail call I was a little shocked that Hayden had written me again.
April 15, 1999
Fuck you Kevin Terrell! How can you tell me to move on, when I’m in love with you! I can’t move on because it’s you that I want. I can’t believe you are throwing my love away like trash. I know you love me! You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it. I want to thank you for showing me that my parents and uncle weren’t the only ones that knew how to make me feel like shit. I won’t bother you again.
“Well that went well.” I thought as I put the letter back into the envelope. I sat on my bunk and stared at the letter. I felt this stabbing pain in my gut. All of a sudden I felt that writing my letter telling Hayden to move on, no longer felt like a good move. Why couldn’t I tell him how I really felt? That I missed him every night since he left, that I wanted to hold him in my arms.
“Hey, KT what’s up with you?” Jason asked standing at my pod door.
“Nothing!” I said looking up at him. “I’m just chilling.”
“Man you look a mess.” Jason said. “You’ve been moping around since Hayden left.”
“Leave it alone.” I yelled, “I don’t want to talk about Hayden.”
“I don’t get you.” Jason yelled back, “You have a chance at love, real love.”
“Please! Just leave it alone.” I said.
“NO!” Jason laughed “I’ve been your friend since we were ten.”
“Look! Just leave well enough alone!” I said as I felt my stomach turn. I ran over to the toilet and threw up.
“Sick!” Jason laughed. “Or should I say nerves. You love Hayden but because you over think shit you can’t get past the fact that he is a guy.”
“Jason I don’t need you analyzing me.” I said spitting in the toilet. “Leave please!”
“Fine I’ll leave but this conversation isn’t over.” He walked out the cell and I could hear him talking to someone. “Dam fool! I would kill to have someone like Hayden in my life. Someone that wanted me for me not what I can give or do for them.”
“I feel you!” The voice that answered was Garry’s. “Look I just got off the phone with Hayden and all he could do was cry.”
“I don’t know what else to say to KT.” Jason said, “But I will keep talking to him.”
I laid on my bunk and for the first time in my life I silently cried. When chow time was announced I didn’t have the strength to pull myself out of my pod to eat. I had fallen asleep when I hard a laugh that sounded like Hayden’s.
“KT! I’ll never love anyone like I love you.” Hayden whispered in my ear. We were standing in a garden. I had my arms wrapped around him.
“Hayden we can’t do this.” I whispered. “It’s not real what we feel for each other.”
“Fuck you KT.” He yelled then pulled away and started running. I ran to catch up with him but he disappeared. I looked everywhere to find him. I ran looking between bushes, under tables, everywhere. The garden changed to the stairs in the prison. I could see a figure standing by the steps. I could hear Hayden crying. As I got close the figure turned around, it was Tyrone and he had his hand around Hayden’s throat.
“HAYDEN!” I yelled something pushed me hard and they were gone.
“Hayden.” I mumbled as I sat up. I looked over and Tyrone was sitting at the desk in my pod.
“You got it bad.” He said shaking his head.
“This isn’t a good time Tyrone.” I mumbled standing up. “Get out.”
I couldn’t help but notice how hard I was sweating.
“NO!” He said, “Not until you listen. Hayden’s gone and you are a mess. Got your guard down, tripp’n like some lovesick fool.
All because you can’t face the fact that you fell in love. I’m in here because I tried to kill my wife’s lover.”
“So, what doesn’t that have to do with anything?” I asked.
“I tried to kill him because he was cheating on me with my wife.” He said.
My mouth dropped, we all knew he was in jail for attempted murder but we just assumed it was a woman.
“I lost it when I caught them together. I didn’t understand how he could say he loved me but cheated on me. But once I got here, saw Hayden. Who reminded me of him in so many ways, I realized it was my pride that got in the way of our love.”
“Do you have a point to this story?” I asked.
“The point is why should we hide what we feel. Why put labels on who we are? Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual, Metro-sexual.” He laughed, “It shouldn’t matter who we are or who we love. It’s how we lived our life and if we ever loved”
“My mother wouldn’t be able to handle this.” I said. “My family would go crazy.”
“I thought the same way,” He laughed. “You can’t choose what the heart wants. Plus you will drive yourself crazy trying to do the opposite of what the heart wants”
“One thing is for sure I fucked up with Hayden. He hates me and I don’t know how to fix it or if I want to.” I moaned.
“You will figure it out.” Tyrone said. “But you have to pull yourself together. Write him a letter or call him. Do something before you go crazy.”
“Why?” I asked as he got up.
“What?” He stopped at the door.
“Why do you care?” I said, “At one time you was trying to hurt Hayden.”
“Let’s just say Hayden opened my eyes.” He laughed.
Tyrone left as the CO called lights out.
That night I sat at the desk.
I was wrong.
I started the letter then scratched it out.
I’m sorry for all I said.
I scratched that out. “Why the hell was this so hard for me to write how I felt?” I thought as I walked over to my bunk and laid down. “Hayden loves me and I don’t have the courage to accept that love or the tell my mother what’s going on.”
I decide to leave everything alone. Accept that it’s not meant to be.
The next couple of weeks went by fast. I got it together and put some normalcy in my life. In that consist of three meals, working out, working and playing spades. Even thou my heart still ached for Hayden I was able to smile and laugh.
“Man you good?” Jason asked as we stood in the chow line.
Yeah,” I said shaking my head “I’m cool.”
“You heard from Hayden?” Jason asked.
“Hayden hates me.” I said.
“You are so dumb!” Garry replied. “Hayden wrote me a letter.
He asked how you were doing? I told him the truth. He loves you very much.”
“I really wish you all would stay out of my business.” I mumbled.
“Anyway!” Jason said. “It’s getting close.”
“I know. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming.” I said “So for you all that are writing people from my past.”
I paused thinking I might cross the line. “Don’t tell them I’m getting out.”
“So you don’t want Hayden to know you are home?” Garry frowned and shook his head.
“HUHHH” I growled.
“Grow up!” Jason said.
“I need you all to stay out of my business!” I yelled storming off to my pod.