Uh oh. I’ve heard that tone of voice before. Whenever you get that sort of introduction, you know that what comes after it can’t be good. It usually is followed by something like, We gotta talk.
“We gotta talk,” she said.
Here I was, relaxing. I had the game controller in my hand, the bad guys in my crosshairs.
I work hard; I deserve the time off, the downtime. I need the chance to decompress, take off the pressures of the day. You know, blow shit up.
I paused the game. “Okay,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment of leaving “the zone” of the video game.
She sat down next to me and I turned to her. That’s when I realized that she seemed slightly agitated, maybe even a little short of breath. Was she flushed, too? What was wrong?
“I’m sorry to interrupt your game, but I really need your help,” she said after taking a moment for a deep breath.
Despite myself, I couldn’t help but have a flash of a thought. Now? Really? Smooth. Considerate.
“I know you’re playing your game,” she continued. “But I can’t wait until you get done.”
“What’s the matter, sweetie,” I said, not sure where she was going with this and still somewhat anxious to return to the blinking “Game Paused” flashing upon the screen.
“I want – no, need – to use you,” she said, straight-faced.
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“I really need your fingers inside me so I can come,” she said.
Fuck the game!
She explained what she wanted as she grabbed my hand. She had been upstairs masturbating while I was playing the game. She pulled my hand to her crotch, which was soaked. She shuddered as my fingertips stroked her swollen, puffy lips, then she regained her composure.
The look in her eyes was simultaneously pleading, apologetic, and demanding. “I don’t want to fuck,” she said. “I just want to use you. I just need to come – desperately – and I’ve been trying to do it upstairs but I just can’t do it without some help.”
I grinned. All right! “Sure, baby,” I said, and started reaching for her.
She placed a hand against my chest. “No, I don’t think you understand,” she said. “I want to use you so that I can come. I’m not in the mood for sex. I’m sorry, but I just need the release right now.”
Realization dawned on me. She wanted to get off and didn’t really care if I did or not. Things were suddenly starting to dawn on me, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it.
She noticed my hesitation and her tone changed to a pleading whine. “Please…” her voice started to trail off. My girlfriend of a little over a year looked like she was about to cry, not because of emotion but because of frustration. I started to realize that she really was desperate. She was so frustrated that she honestly didn’t know what to do with herself.
“Come here,” I said, and leaned back against the arm of the sofa. She stood up and turned around so that she could lay on the couch against my chest in a cuddling position. Her back to my chest, I felt the strong thump-thump of her heart, even in this position. I slid my hand slowly down between her breasts and stomach.
She wasn’t having any of this foreplay shit. She grabbed my hand and shoved it down between her legs. I suppose she had gotten all the stimulation she needed upstairs on her own.
“I… told… you,” she said as my fingers dove into her pussy. Instantly her hips began bucking up against my fingers. She grabbed onto my wrist and began fucking my fingers, pressing her pelvis up and back. “I need to – ”
She didn’t finish. She didn’t have to. My fingers slipped in and out of her pussy lips, tracing over her clit in light circles and then diving into her pussy and then back up around her clit again. It was a rhythm I had found that she liked over our months of dating, and suddenly she started pushing with her legs, practically climbing up her chest.
I felt both of her hands grab my wrists and her legs clamp around my fingers. A strong girl for her size, her legs were pushing me back into the arm of the sofa so hard it hurt. I thought she was going to break the damn thing off and send me flying to the ground – either that or crush my hand completely.
I had touched her for no more than thirty seconds.
She slowly started to come down from her climactic high, and shuddered and convulsed as her body started to release and relax. With her the come down was never soft or smooth; she came down in jerks, fits and stops. I’m never quite sure when it’s over because the convulsions can continue for a few minutes afterwards, the contractions slowly separating out over time.
She collapsed against my chest, her face, neck and breasts covered in a thick sheen of sweat.
“Oh my God,” she exhaled. “Thank you! I’ve been trying to get there for a half an hour!”
She sat up, adjusted herself and extracted my hand, and stood up. “Thanks, baby,” she said, leaning over to kiss me gently on the lips. I could taste her sweat on her lips. “I really needed that.”
With that she turned and walked back up the stairs, leaving me on the couch with a raging hardon, a confused look on my face, and staring dumbfounded at the game controller which I had for some reason held on to the entire time.
It had been a long time, a very long time since I had been so completely taken by surprise by a woman with regards to anything sexual. Wait, what??
Should I go up after her? Should I ask her what the fuck just happened? Should I masturbate? Was this a test? Was she trying to get me to go after her?
Fuck! Game paused, indeed.
I unpaused the game. Two seconds later I re-paused it.
I stood up off the couch, uncomfortable as it was with the erection not quite adjusting properly to the shift in position, and prepared to head upstairs. I never got the chance as she came bounding downstairs with her jacket on.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m off to the store. I’ll be back in about an hour.”
She came up and kissed me again. “Thanks again, baby,” she said. Her look of relief seemed genuine. “You have no idea how much I needed that!”
And she was out the door.
I sat back down on the couch and mulled over my options. My erection was starting to subside. I was still horny at the memory of what just happened, but my confusion was starting to take hold. I contemplated taking advantage of the empty house to relieve some of my own frustrations, but I knew myself well enough to know that my head would get in the way. I rubbed the erection through my jeans absent-mindedly as I pondered my girlfriend’s bizarre request.
When she returned from the store I had attempted to get back into the game but I never quite got back into the zone. I had played the same stage over and over again as I got my ass kicked when my mind wandered.
“Okay, so what was that?” I asked her as I helped her bring the bags into the kitchen.
She smiled a coy half-smile. “What was what?” A little too sweetly.
“Don’t give me that, you know what I mean,” I said. “I’ve never seen you like that before.”
“What, horny?” she asked. “Yes you have.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. What’s this about using me?”
She stopped for a moment, seeming to choose her words carefully. “Have you ever just needed the release? I mean, haven’t you ever wished that you could just have a no-strings attached, selfish orgasm without needing to feel the pressure of doing something in return?”
Her bluntness took me by surprise. “Well, uh,” I stammered. Was this a trick question? I mean, sure, she could do it – she actually did it – but isn’t that the stereotypical man? Would I be admitting that yes, I would like that from time to time? I mean, it’s not just the sort of thing that you admit to, that you actually could be “that” guy. You’re supposed to be considerate, sensitive. Think of her before yourself. All that stuff.
She let me off the hook. “Sure you have,” she said, returning to the groceries. “We all have. Sometimes when I masturbate I just can’t get off, and I need help. But I don’t necessarily have the energy to do anything else.”
“Uh huh,” I said, trying to pretend I knew where she was going with this.
“Today was one of those times. I was getting frustrated and I knew what I was craving.”
I smiled. “What else do you crave, baby?” I said, trying to be flirtatious and suggestive.
She took me at face value. “Well, it depends on my mood. That’s something that I wanted to talk to you about, actually.”
I had positioned myself behind her with the intention of wrapping my arms around her and molesting her in all the correct inappropriate places. But this last comment topped me in my tracks. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well,” she said, then stopped. “Look, let’s sit down for a second.”
She brought me over to the couch where we had had our earlier tryst and faced me.
“Well, there are times when I’m horny and I just don’t want sex,” she said. “I get different cravings and I know i’ve never said this before to you but you know how I feel about you and that I would never ask something of you that’s unfair or that I wouldn’t do myself so I hope that it’s okay -”
“Wait, wait!” I said, interrupting her. She had started talking in rapid-fire staccato. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She took a breath, and smiled. “Look, sometimes I want to come, and there’s something specific that I need in order to do it. Sometimes I crave your fingers, like today. Sometimes I want you to lick me because I love your tongue. Sometimes I want you just to hold your cock in my mouth so I can suck on you while I come.”
I raised an eyebrow and smiled.
She raised a hand as if to contradict me. “Wait a minute, let me put it this way. You know I have toys, right? Well, sometimes I have moods about what toy I want to make me come. Sometimes the toys don’t work, and what I need is you or,” she said, with a evil smile, “a part of you.”
She shifted in the seat. “When that happens, I just want to use you. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I just want to come and come fast. I know it’s selfish -”
“Well, yeah…” I said.
” – but I thought that since we’ve been seeing each other this long I felt I could tell you how I really felt.”
I didn’t say anything, mulling over what she told me. She placed her hand on my thigh. “I want you to use me too,” she said. Off my look, she clarified, “I know that you get that way too. I know that you want to use me to get off sometimes. I get the feeling that sometimes you want to have sex but don’t do anything because you’re afraid of being selfish, so you’d rather not do anything at all.”
Damnit. She obviously knew me better than I thought she did.
She smiled. “It’s okay. I want you to use me. Well, from time to time that is, not always!” she laughed.
This was a new development in the relationship. I mean, no other woman I’ve ever been with even came close to suggesting something like this. I was, of course, immediately suspicious.
“I want us to be completely open and honest with each other,” she said slowly, looking directly into my eyes. “I’ve been holding back about this because I was afraid about how you would react. Today, though, i was so frustrated I thought I was going to just start crying if I didn’t get some relief.”
I nodded. I could see that for myself.
She regarded me carefully. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah!” I said, perhaps just a bit too forcefully. “I just wonder what genie we’re letting out of the bottle.”
She smiled. “Well, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. I want you to feel free to say ‘no’ if I ever ask to use you like that again. I really mean that,” she said. I must have had a strange expression on my face or something. In reality the possibilities were flooding through my mind faster than I could register them all.
The rest of the night we didn’t talk about the whole ‘using’ thing any more, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I tried to put myself in the situation where I would actually have the balls to go up to her and say, “Hey honey, I was just masturbating and I was thinking it would be so much better to come in your mouth, whaddya say?”
Yeah, somehow I didn’t think that would go over too well.
But then again, she had essentially done that to me, hadn’t she? I mean, okay, maybe the phrasing was different but that’s precisely how she had told me that she wanted to use my fingers.
We had sex that night, and my head was filled with fantasies that extended into elaborate masturbation sessions, when the ridiculousness swarmed over me. Why would I fantasize about masturbating when I was fucking a beautiful woman at the moment? And yet that’s what I was doing. Sometimes I have these little bizarre internal dialogues.
I slid my cock deep inside of her, feeling her wet, soft lips surround the base of my cock and suckle me as if it were her mouth, all the while imagining that I was in my home office jacking off and being frustrated just like she had been. In the fantasy I was stroking myself while she was downstairs, but unable to finish. I imagined myself going downstairs, my cock in my hand, and approaching her.
I need to use you, my imaginary self says. I need to come in your mouth.
She’s doing something in the kitchen. Washing dishes perhaps; it doesn’t matter. I place my hands on her shoulders and guide her to her knees. She looks up at me and opens her mouth, and I feed my cock slowly into her mouth, the ridge sliding onto her tongue until she is deep throating me.
My imaginary me is placing my hands against her head and I start fucking her mouth, and I feel her hands on my ass, taking me in as far as she can. My imaginary self knows that this is what was missing, this is what is so much better than my own hand.
I imagine looking down at her as she finds her face stuffed with my cock, using her. She looks up at me, her big hazel eyes watching me get closer and closer, observing. She really is letting me use her and my cock starts to swell. She has sucked me off enough times to know what this means, and starts sucking me harder.
I start coming, my fantasy world swirling and rushing away to be replaced by the uncontrollable orgasm that is forcing me to ejaculate into her body. I push forward into her, squeezing every last drop into her, my face so close to hers I can’t see all of it.
I lean back as I ride out the last of my orgasm to see an amused look on her face. Surely she couldn’t have known what I was thinking, could she? Could she?
Over the next few days my outlook on our relationship changed. The whole “using” thing enticed me, but scared me. I could very easily see how this could go horribly wrong. After all, no one likes to be ‘used’ in a relationship, at least not as far as I had ever heard.
“You’re just using me!”
The echoes of angry voices – voices that she and I had never used with each other – resonated in my head. I didn’t want to run the risk of screwing something up.
Thing is, I have always been horny, and can’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t be. As a result, I constantly fantasized about using her. It was a new playing, a novelty, that fantasy. I imagined using her in every possible way, having her use me as well. I fantasized about her coming up to me and asking for my fingers or my tongue.
Still I was scared to actually do it myself. One night a few weeks later I made a joke about being really horny and probably using her in the middle of the night.
She didn’t flinch. “Okay,” she said, and turned off the light.
I sat lying awake wondering what she would do if she were to be awoken in the middle of the night to me coming on her. I just couldn’t get it out of my head that it was a rude awakening (no pun intended).
In the afternoon of the next day, she asked me why I hadn’t done anything the night before. I was surprised, because when I had told her that I might do it I was mostly joking. I thought perhaps she might take it as such too. Instead, she was genuinely surprised that I had not taken advantage of her. I mumbled something about sleeping all the way through the night by accident.
During the time we continued our highly active sex life, having sex pretty much every day, sometimes a few times a day. She hadn’t asked to use me, and I still hadn’t asked her either.
It was over a month later when something finally snapped inside of me. I go through phases and there are times where I have a craving that can only be satisfied by a particular activity, and I obsess on it for days on end.
Working in my office, I just couldn’t get the idea of my beautiful girlfriend’s luscious ass out of my mind. I love being inside of her and the more I thought of it the crazier I got. Fuck work, there was no way I could concentrate.
I suddenly understood what she had meant. I needed to get work done, I needed to focus. I knew that masturbation just wasn’t going to work, because I would still be horny and there would be no chance of being productive. I needed to fuck her if only so that I could actually get some work done!
I got up and went into the bedroom where she was doing some of her own reading.
“Baby,” I said. “I really need to come in your ass.”
She looked at me, a little taken by surprise, but she didn’t react at all. She just nodded and moved the book aside. She got up on her knees on the bed and unbuckled the belt of her jeans. She pushed the jeans halfway down her thighs and turned over onto all fours.
My cock was absolutely rigid. The woman was good to her word – I was to use her for my pleasure, no questions asked. She was merely facilitating this for me. I took the lubricant on the side of the bed and coated my cock, which I had taken out from my unzipped pants.
I got up on the bed and pointed my cock at her tiny asshole. I knew what was about to happen and I can not remember another time when I was harder than I was at this moment.
She reached behind her and spread her ass cheeks apart to give me access. The slick cockhead pressed into her, and slowly started to disappear inside of her ass. I watched, amazed as always, at her ability to relax her muscles to allow me to slide inside her. No other woman I’ve ever been with had been able to relax their ass that much.
It took almost no time to rest my pelvis against her ass. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of relief. This is what had been going through my mind for the past several days, this is what I had needed to feel, this is what was going to get me to get back to work.
I pushed that thought aside and focused on my wonderful girlfriend prone in front of me, holding her ass open for me to use it. I started sliding my cock backwards and forwards and felt her ass squeeze me. I don’t know if it was in reaction to what I was doing or if she was helping me along.
Suddenly I felt free and liberated. I hadn’t realized how much I had held myself back during sex so that I would focus on my partner. It had gotten to the point where I didn’t even realized how much I had been holding back.
Now, however, I felt completely unhindered. Here was this woman who couldn’t possibly be any more accepting than she was. I was using her to come and it was completely okay.
I grabbed her hips and she never let go of her ass as I began to ride her. I pistoned my cock back and forth and felt the quickening sensation underneath my pelvis. The orgasm came and rocketed out of my cock and into her ass so fast I nearly passed out from the force. I had a momentary concern about the short time it took me, but at that point I didn’t care.
I withdrew from her and sat back on my haunches. She angled herself off the bed, grabbed the belt of her jeans and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek before going into the bathroom. I washed myself off in the sink and returned to my office before she got out of the bathroom.
I felt more relaxed than I had in longer than I could remember. The workday in front of me wasn’t daunting, there was nothing clouding the path forward. I knew that I could be extremely productive because of what happened.
And then the worry hit. Did I just act like an asshole, using her for my selfish pleasure? Should I have stayed there, talked to her afterwards, cuddled? Should I have helped her come, despite what she had said?
I tried to focus on the work but the doubts kept creeping back into my head. Shit, shit, shit. Did I fuck things up with her?
As if by divine providence she entered the office and came over to me.
Breaking out into a huge grin, she leaned in and wrapped her arms around me. “Finally!” she said.