I was emptying the dishwasher when Amy knocked at the back door.
‘It’s open,’ I yelled.
Amy was our next door neighbor. She’d been a friend of our family’s for five years, and she and my mom were particularly close. Amy had really been there for her when my parents got divorced and my dad moved out. She was always dropping by. She brightened up the place.
‘Hi, Beth!’ She slid the back door open and came in. She must have been out in her garden, because she was wearing a two-piece swimsuit with a pair of denim shorts over the top. She was carrying a Tupperware bowl. ‘Just wanted to return this.’
‘Mom’s not home,’ I said. ‘She’ll be back soon, though. Want a drink?’
We stood in the kitchen drinking cold lemonade and chatting. I loved talking with Amy. She was smart, funny, and a great listener when I droned on about boys, or school, or whatever. I always felt so comfortable around her. I often told her things I wouldn’t tell my mom, or even my best friend, and she always gave me excellent advice. She was a little younger than my mother; sort of the much older sister I never had. She was also a very successful photographer, making it on her own, and answered to no one. In many ways, she was everything I wanted to be.
That particular morning, I was telling Amy about my date from the night before. I’d gone out for the second time with a boy I really liked. He was a perfect gentleman; charming, sensitive, intelligent. I’d thought there was a real chance it might develop into something serious in time.
‘Then I let him kiss me,’ I said, taking a quick sip of lemonade.
‘How was it?’ asked Amy.
‘Awful! It was the sloppiest experience of my life.’ Amy laughed. ‘Then he started groping me like some kind of caveman or porn star. I pushed him off and left. Another disappointing asshole. I don’t know how I pick them.’
‘Oh, I’m sure it’s not you, honey.’
‘It must be. It’s like I have some kind of radar that’s only tuned to macho, immature idiots. They can’t all be like that.’
‘You just haven’t found what you’re looking for yet,’ Amy said.
‘I’m not even sure I want to keep looking.’ I sighed. ‘Maybe it’s not worth the hassle.’
Amy sipped her drink slowly, and there was a long pause before she spoke.
‘Beth.’ She looked me in the eyes. Hers were brown. Somehow I’d never noticed that before. ‘Have you considered that maybe you just don’t like boys?’
I knew Amy was gay. She had often brought her girlfriends by for drinks or dinner at our place. My mom and I had never discussed it; to us, it wasn’t even an issue. We were probably relieved. The last thing either of us wanted was someone bringing another man to our house.
I was a little shocked by her question.
‘What makes you say that?’ Had I done or said something that made her think I was a lesbian? Could she see it and I couldn’t? Did being gay give her some special radar of her own?
‘Well,’ she put her glass down on the counter, ‘it seems to me that you spend an awful lot of time complaining about how frustrating and disappointing boys are. They don’t seem to be able to give you what you want, and . . .’
‘And what?’ I asked, my voice surprisingly quiet.
‘And I was wondering . . . I mean, have you ever thought about it?’
‘About being with a girl?’
Amy nodded. I had to think before answering. The air between us had changed. The conversation was becoming dangerous, in a good way.
‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘I’ve thought about what it would be like.’ Amy smiled gently and nodded. I felt free to continue. ‘Like, sometimes, if I see two women kissing, like in a movie or something, it kinda turns me on.’ I felt myself blush slightly. ‘Because, I wonder if it’s different.’
‘It is,’ said Amy. ‘Trust me.’
‘Did you ever kiss a guy?’
‘A few, when I was younger. And some of them were okay; but only okay.’
It was a hot day, but until that moment I had not been aware of it. Now I felt my whole body getting warmer. I’d never talked about this with anyone, and I wasn’t prepared for how exciting it felt.
‘So, when was your first kiss with a girl?’ I asked.
Amy’s eyes went far away. ‘That didn’t happen until I was in college. Her name was Sarah. I was failing math, and she was tutoring me some nights. I still don’t know how we got into it. One minute were discussing algebra, and the next we were lying on the bed, kissing like crazy. It just seemed like the most natural thing in the world. And I knew I would never go back to boys after that.’
I glanced down at Amy’s bare stomach, at the smooth, tanned skin that disappeared into the waist of her shorts. Then I slipped my eyes back up her body, to the swell of her breasts. Her nipples were hard beneath her bikini top.
‘So, how’s it different?’ I asked, suddenly very nervous. I wasn’t sure if I was pressing too far. I wasn’t even sure where too far was.
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘It’s something you can’t really put into words.’ She stared at me with a kind of serious expression. ‘You just have to experience it to know.’
My stomach was tingling. Neither of us spoke. I put my empty glass down and found myself moving very slowly toward her. We were in a moment. I’m sure you’ve been there, too. You’re with someone, and you both stop talking, and there’s this incredible tension in the air because you know what’s about to happen, and it’s terrifying and wonderful at the same time.
Amy had been leaning against the counter. She stood up straight and turned to face me dead on. I took another step and began to reach out with one hand. I hesitated, and let my arm fall back down. But the look in her eyes made me reach out again, and this time I touched her arm. The simple contact of my fingers on her skin made me feel it was okay. My final step was quicker, and it brought me right to her, mere inches away. I tilted my head, parted my lips, and leaned forward.
My eyes didn’t close until our lips met. At first it was a shock, like jumping into cold water. Then my fear blew out like a flame, and it didn’t matter anymore that I was kissing a woman. All that mattered was the softness of her skin, the smell of sun block and shampoo, the comfort of her hands on my hips, and the warm, delicate dance of her velvet lips. She was right: it was like nothing I had experienced before.
The first kiss was brief, maybe only six seconds. Our lips separated, and I opened my eyes to gaze into hers. She might have been about to ask me how it felt, when I pressed myself closer and kissed her again. I put my free hand on her waist, my thumb resting against her stomach. My whole body seemed to come alive. My lips were at the center of an electrical storm that raced through me, lighting me up. It was almost more than I could bare.
The second kiss was much longer, and when it was over, I was breathless. Amy’s eyes were sparkling. I’d never seen her look more beautiful. That brief moment, as we stood there gazing silently at each other, changed everything for me. It was like admitting to myself all the unformed thoughts and feelings I’d had since I was a little girl; things that I’d been afraid to explore in the naked light of day. After all the fumbling and let-downs of my experiences with boys – though there hadn’t been that many – this suddenly felt perfectly right.
Amy slowly took my hand from her arm and placed it on her bikini top. I was shaking slightly. At first I couldn’t move. Then I began to stroke her, curving my hand to the shape of her breast. I felt the outline of her rigid nipple beneath my palm, and she sighed as I brushed across it. I took notice, and pinched her nipple between my thumb and finger.
‘Harder,’ she whispered.
I pinched her again, and this time she sucked in breath and bit her bottom lip. I felt a surge of arousal, knowing that I had given her pleasure. In the past, I’d never felt like I was doing anything to please the boys I was with. They seemed to get all their pleasure from trying to do things to me. Now, for the first time, I could see that I was capable of making someone feel good, on equal terms.
Amy was breathing hard. She kissed me this time, resting one hand gently on my face. Her other hand moved to my waist, pushing my T-shirt up and holding my side. She caressed me softly at first, then became firmer as she moved up toward my breasts. I closed my eyes and let out a fragile moan.
That was when she stopped.
I opened my eyes, my chest rising and falling rapidly, my legs quivering. Her hand was still on my side, but her head was turned slightly away.
‘We should stop,’ she said.
I panicked. Had I done something wrong? My mind was racing. I felt drunk, and none of it made any sense. All I wanted was for her to keep touching me.
I asked, ‘Why?’
At that moment the front door opened, and I heard the muffled sounds of my mom coming into the house. I still didn’t move. I wanted to cry.
Amy looked into my eyes. ‘I’ll be at home later,’ she said, ‘if you want to.’
Then she removed her hand and stepped away. I straightened my T-shirt and picked up the empty glasses from the counter. Mom walked into the kitchen with a couple of grocery bags.
‘Oh, hi!’ she said to Amy. She looked at me, and I knew that my cheeks must have been flushed. I gave a shaky smile and turned away, back to the dishwasher. ‘You’ll never guess who I just ran into at the market,’ Mom went on.
‘Who?’ Amy asked.
And suddenly everything was normal again. My mom and Amy talked just as they always did, and I got out of there as quickly as I could and went up to my room. As soon as my door was shut I almost collapsed onto my bed. I’d never been so excited, so intensely aroused, in my life. I was dizzy, and I wanted to scream. I closed my eyes and replayed the whole scene in my head, reliving certain details over and over.
I pulled my T-shirt up and stroked my breasts, imagining that my hands were Amy’s. My nipples have always been sensitive, and that day that felt on fire. I was so desperate to come that I almost ripped opened my jeans, plunging my hand inside my panties. I was shocked by how wet my pussy was. The next few minutes were a blur. I masturbated furiously with one hand, stroking my breasts and stomach with the other. When I came, I had to bury my face into my pillow so that I wouldn’t be heard.
It was only when my orgasm had subsided, and my frantic mind began to settle, that I was able to think clearly about what had happened. I understood then why Amy had stopped. She knew that I was a virgin. I mean, I had let boys feel my breasts a few times, and I had messed around a bit with oral, but it had never amounted to much. The only boy who’d actually gone down on me had been so terrible that I’d faked orgasm after a couple of minutes just so he’d stop.
Amy was older, and could have easily forced herself on me. I sensed that she had wanted me very much, but that she had stopped herself because she knew it was a big decision. She wanted me to be sure before I did something I’d regret. If I went to her that night, it would be my choice. For that, I respected her even more; wanted her even more. It didn’t take me long to decide what I was going to do.
It was after nine as I stood outside Amy’s door. She opened it, and smiled.
‘I was afraid you wouldn’t come,’ she said, letting me in and closing the door behind me. ‘Listen, I didn’t go to your house today to seduce you. It just sort of . . . happened.’
‘I know.’ I took her hand. She was dressed in a pink silk robe, and nothing else. ‘I’m here because I want to be. I guess it’s what I’ve always wanted. I just never had the chance.’
‘I’m glad you came,’ Amy said. ‘I’ve been thinking about you all afternoon.’
She kissed me, and it just kept getting better and better. Her tongue eased its way into my mouth and played with my own. I felt my knees go instantly weak again, and I pressed my body close to hers. Amy kept a hold on my hand and led me down the hall. My heart was fluttering wildly. She stopped outside the bathroom.
‘I was just about to take a shower,’ she said, watching for my reaction. Without a word I opened the bathroom door and walked in first. As I turned around to face her, I was already unbuttoning my shirt. Amy gently halted my hands and took over the job herself. It was such a thrill to be unwrapped by her. The want in her eyes made me feel sexy and desirable in a way that I never had before. She stripped me down to my panties – I hadn’t bothered to wear a bra – and I felt intensely vulnerable, standing almost naked before her. It was something I wasn’t used to, and I was a little scared. She was about to pull my panties down when she sensed my hesitation.
Amy stepped back, looked into my eyes, then opened her robe and allowed it to glide swiftly off her shoulders and gather at her feet. I took in her naked body for the first time. Her skin was the same soft, natural tone all over, with no tan lines. Her hips were a little more shapely than mine, and the tops of her well-toned thighs curved neatly into a triangle of hair that was the same deep brown as that of her head. Her breasts were large and firm, with nipples that were much bigger than mine. She looked incredible.
She stepped forward and took my face in her hands. I touched her waist, then slowly reached around to stroke her smooth ass. As we kissed, Amy’s hands dropped into the waistband of my panties. She pushed them down, and I stepped out of them, no longer afraid. Our breasts were touching, and I felt my nipples getting hard against her skin. She manoeuvred her left leg between mine, and I moved my pussy firmly on her thigh. I was getting more adventurous all the time.
In the shower we touched, and explored, but not too deeply. We kissed and caressed, soaping each other up and embracing beneath the spray. Then we got out and, wrapped in towels and shivering slightly, ran to the warmth of Amy’s bedroom.
The room was lit by only a single bedside lamp. She dried me, her actions always so gentle and loving, and laid me down on the bed. As she knelt beside me, just staring at my body, I felt every inch of my skin come alive under her gaze. I was desperate for her to touch me, but she stayed like that for a while, simply looking.
When she finally reached out a hand and touched my stomach, I jolted as though shocked by electricity. The smallest, finest hairs on my skin stood up, reaching for her fingers. She brushed her hand up my body, just barely touching me, and my breath shuddered from my lips. I had never been handled so softly. It was somewhere on the wonderful border between caressing and tickling; almost enough to make me laugh, but not quite.
When she reached my breasts I was going crazy. She licked one of her fingers and rubbed it over my left nipple, and I curled my toes up. She lowered her mouth and, with the slightest pressure, teased my solid nipple with her tongue. I moaned as she flicked it, then sucked it, then nibbled it. She took her time, moving to my other nipple. All the while, her hand was stroking me again, up and down my stomach and sides, so that it felt almost like two lovers were attending to me.
I closed my eyes and felt Amy explore my body. Her mouth seemed to kiss and lick every part of me: my neck, my shoulders, my arms, hands, waist, thighs, behind my knees, my ankles. Her breath and hands were so warm, opening me up and making me tingle in places I never knew could actually be pleasurable. By the time she began stroking my outer labia, the tension inside me was a spring wound tight and aching to be released. I was hot and wet, breathing hard and hungry for her.
Amy put her finger inside me, just a little, and when it was wet she began stroking my clit. It was heaven. Still, I felt a little guilty getting all the attention, and I was eager to discover Beth’s body. I sat up slightly, and she leaned down to kiss me. I put my hands on her breasts, and she sensed what I wanted. She knelt up on the bed, and I sat facing her, my legs on either side of hers.
My face was level with her breasts, and I began to kiss her there, as gentle as she had been with me. Every time my lips made contact with her skin, her breath shuddered. Her reactions turned me on even more. I moved down to her stomach, pushing my tongue briefly into her belly button. She giggled a little, then moaned as I moved down even further, stroking her ass at the same time. I kissed and licked the tops of her thighs, gradually getting closer to what lay between them. I was drowning in the scent of her arousal, but I was still too afraid.
I stopped and shook my head.
I couldn’t look her in the eye. ‘I’m sorry. I just don’t want to mess it up and disappoint you.’ I was almost crying.
She touched my chin and lifted my face. Her warm smile made me feel instantly okay. ‘You won’t disappoint me. I don’t expect you to be an expert your first time.’
She lay down beside me on the bed and opened her legs. ‘Here.’ She guided my hand to her pussy. It felt almost hot. ‘Just touch me like you touch yourself.’
So I did. I masturbated her just the way I like it, and it turned out, she liked it that way too. As I moved my wet finger over her clit, watching the pleasure on her face, I began to think about how I would like someone to go down on me. When I had a clear picture in my mind, I took my hand away and lowered my mouth.
At first I was tentative. I tasted her out of curiosity, and I liked it. Starting at the bottom, I ran my tongue all the way up to her clit, then repeated. As my confidence increased I began to improvise, slowing down, or lingering at the top for a couple of extra licks.
‘That’s good,’ Amy breathed. ‘Just do what feels natural.’
After a minute or two I centered in on her clit, lapping at it as though it were an ice cream. I went slow, then fast; hard, then very gentle. Amy was making louder noises, and moving her hips in time. I was really concentrating, paying attention to her body and the reactions she was giving. I lost tack of time, buried in her excitement. I almost felt like I was getting inside her.
When she came, I slightly panicked. I stopped moving my tongue, but she gripped my head and told me to keep going. I kept licking until the tension had evaporated from her, and her butt collapsed back on the bed. When I lifted my mouth, my face was wet; a mixture of my saliva and her orgasm. I wiped my chin but left my lips. Then I moved up and lay on top of Amy. She kissed me greedily, and I could tell she liked tasting herself on me.
When she had recovered, she said, ‘Thank you.’
‘Was it okay?’
You couldn’t tell?’ she laughed.
‘Well, I don’t know. I guess so, but . . .’
She kissed me again. ‘It was great. You’re a natural pussy-eater, baby.’ She rolled me gently over onto my back. ‘And now, it’s your turn.’
I wasn’t nervous anymore. I was desperate for her to go down on me. I spread my legs and watched as she kissed the length of my thighs. My cunt was burning, but she was taking her time, making me wait. I kept lifting my butt to push my crotch toward her, and every time she smiled and kept licking and kissing around the tops of my thighs.
‘Please,’ I said.
That was the magic word. Amy finally put her mouth on my pussy, licking the outer lips. From that first contact I fell into ecstasy. Her tongue knew me better than my own fingers. She toyed, caressed and licked me in a way that made me utterly helpless. I became like water, sinking and rising; juddering with the ripples that emanated from between my legs. My clit was pulsing like a tiny heart, sending out heat that washed over my body.
I moaned and panted, unable to control the sounds that came from my open mouth. I would have done anything for Amy in that moment, just as long as she kept doing it to me. ‘Don’t stop,’ I breathed. ‘Don’t stop, don’t stop.’ It built up inside me, and I could feel that pleasant itch that signalled the beginning of my orgasm. Amy somehow sensed it and stopped, lifting her tongue from my clit. I writhed around, begging her to keep going.
She started again, bringing me to the brink, and then stopping just as before. I was almost in tears, and I thrust myself against her face. Finally, she grabbed both my buttocks and went to work ferociously on my clit. I felt myself about to come, and this time Amy didn’t stop. My whole body felt charged with electricity, and when it exploded through me I thought I was going to pass out. I struggled to find my breath as wave after wave of intense pleasure ripped through me. It was the most powerful orgasm I’d ever had.
Tears were now streaming down my face, but there was a smile on my lips. It took me a few minutes to fully come down. Amy lay beside me and stroked my forehead, kissing my cheek and neck. When I’d caught my breath again, I kissed her fully and thanked her. We lay there together for a while, snuggling and talking.
After a while we dressed and had dinner. I was still shaking a little as we cooked. We kept touching each other; just little things like a stroke on the arm or a quick pat on the butt. After dinner we shared a bottle of wine in the living room by the fire. Then we sixty-nined on the rug and took another shower. I went home later in a daze of complete joy. I may have been unsure about things before that night, but afterwards there were no doubts. I was finished with boys forever.
Amy and I continued our affair all throughout the summer. She taught me so much about sex and how to give and receive pleasure. There were parts of me that had been dormant and Amy woke them all. In the fall I went off to college, sure that I would eventually come back to Amy. But I met other girls, and I fell in love with one of them. Amy understood. It was all she’d ever wanted for me.
She moved away after my second year. I never forgot her, though. There were boys that had come before, but I always consider that kiss, standing in my kitchen on that bright summer day, to be my first.