Loading...The girl sighed as her tea colored eyes flicked over me; her contempt was hard to miss. I rolled my eyes pretending to be unaffected, although her obvious dislike cut to the quick and made my confidence waver. I wondered why she affected me so much, that was a thought I didn’t want to examine too closely and so I pushed it aside.
Moreover I wondered why I had ended up partnered with her and why teachers always seemed to think random pairing was going to change the social hierarchy of high school. This wasn’t some feel good teen movie of the year, it was real life with real kids and real honest to goodness meanness.
Angela had transferred to Middlebrook High right at the beginning of the year and the rumors had started almost immediately. She dressed in loose jeans and wife beaters and more often than not she paired the outfits with timberland boots and fifty nine fifty hats. The way she dressed didn’t detract from her beauty but as usual judgments were made based on her appearance. I didn’t exactly understand that the other girls were threatened by her, plenty of other girls chose not to dress in tight jeans and short skirts, but they not all of them were labeled “Like that” apparently like that was just another way to say she was a lesbian. Maybe the rumors stuck because she never denied it, and silence was just as good as admission. I didn’t know what to think, I mean I didn’t spread the rumors but I didn’t stop people from being openly and obviously rude to her either, so I guess I was no better than anyone else. I felt bad for her but not bad enough to even make an effort to befriend her.
The truth was she piqued my interest way too much for my comfort, I knew I was “like that.” but I fought tooth and nail to keep who I was a secret. I didn’t think I was strong enough to live my life with other people not liking me for a difference I couldn’t change. God knows I’d tried to just be straight but it wasn’t really working out. I’d had sex with guys before but I really couldn’t see what the big deal was. Sex was uncomfortable and not at all pleasing but I dutifully threw myself into the not so roomy backseat of my boyfriend’s father’s car and faked my way through fifteen hellish minutes to affirm my straightness and uphold the image of what I perceived as normal. Being paired with Angie terrified me but the teacher had already announced there would be no compromising on our partnerships and so I was stuck.
We moved into our groups and waited to be assigned a topic. She just sat there staring at me I looked away because her eyes unsettled me. A moment before I turned away she winked at me. My heart raced and I looked everywhere but at her and nearly ran from the classroom when the dismissal bell rang. She caught up with me before I made it to my car she practically screamed my name causing a few students to stop and look. I could feel myself blushing as I whirled around to face her. “What the fuck do you want?” I demanded with a lot of unnecessary meanness in my voice. She looked like she would cry when I screamed at her, I had been embarrassed that people had seen her running after me screaming my name but I hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings not really. I felt bad instantly as she stumbled over her words.
“You ran out so fast after class and we didn’t set up a time to work on the project, we should really get started immediately there’s a ton of work to do” She trailed off looking a little embarrassed as I stared at her.
“Around six should be fine you can come to my house I said briskly before walking away.” I felt like a jerk and I knew I was acting like one but every time she was near me the attraction I felt for her was harder to ignore. The fact that I couldn’t shake the feelings set me on edge but I’d have to at least try to control myself if we were going to work together.
She rang my doorbell at six on the dot. I’d been waiting by the door for her and although I would have denied it to the grave if asked I’d also gotten changed for her. I donned a pair of tight black boot-cut jeans and a tight sleeveless red turtleneck. I’d pulled my hair into a ponytail and even sprayed on a little perfume.
Opening the door and stepping back I let her enter. When she passed me I was surprised to catch a hint of flowery body splash. I assumed she wouldn’t be the type to wear perfume and such. As soon as the thought crossed my mind I knew I was as bad as the kids who teased and taunted her. My judgments of her were based entirely on things I didn’t know and had never taken the time to find out. She looked a little uncomfortable when I turned to her after shutting the door. I walked past her and headed to the kitchen expecting her to follow me she mumbled something but I didn’t hear her. She was actually very soft spoken, I turned to ask her what she had said and she ran right into me. I would have fallen had she not grabbed my upper arms and held me upright. Her hands did nothing to steady my emotions or the kick of excitement in my stomach. For a split second I wanted to kiss her I even leaned slightly forward but then catching myself I pushed her away, much harder than necessary. “Get off of me.” I told her. She looked ready to burst into tears and again I realized I was being a bitch. “Sorry” I mumbled “I didn’t mean to push you like that.”
“Listen I’m not going to attack you or anything.” She was mad and she had every right to be but there was something else in her voice. If I’d known her better I would have been able to define that something as hurt.
I commenced our walk to the kitchen my books were already there. She seated herself in the seat farthest away from me and dropped her book bag on the ground. Taking out her social studies text book and a green five subject note book she began to read without a word.
“What are you doing?” I asked her
She gave me a cold look and the contempt was back in full force.
“Reading.” She spat the word out as if it tasted bad inside her mouth.
“I know that, I meant if you’re not planning to work with me then we need to split up the work so we each research different things.”
“Me not work with you? You’re the one who made it clear that you don’t want to work with me, believe me you weren’t my choice either.”
“I’m sorry.”
That was all I could say and I really was apologizing but she just rolled her eyes and said “whatever.” However she did move closer to where my books were and shared the notes she had taken so far. It turned out Angela was an excellent note taker everything was all professional and organized she even had different topics in different colored ink. I knew she was good at sports because she was on every team except cheerleading but I’d never considered her academics.
We worked for an hour looking up facts about the agriculture and climate and economy of Brazil then she said that she had to go but she would look on the web for more stuff on the government and social system if I would look up agriculture and imports and exports. I agreed and walked her to the door, disappointed that she was leaving so early. I couldn’t concentrate on research but I still worked and looked up sites because I didn’t want Angela thinking I was a slacker who wouldn’t do my part. As a matter of fact I researched much more than I needed or intended too.
When I finally got into bed, images of her popped into my mind. I entertained them briefly before pushing them aside like the proper little straight girl I claimed to be. The next day I found myself giddy I couldn’t wait until last period. When I walked into the classroom I smiled at her genuinely happy to be in her presence again.
Amber, one of my longtime friends gave me a look as if to ask why I’d be smiling at Angela. I just shrugged and took my seat. When we got into our work groups Angela and I traded information. We had actually gotten a big head start on the project as every one seemed to just be beginning.
I tried to very hard to concentrate on highlighting and taking notes from the information I had printed off the internet but my eyes kept drifting to Angela. I watched her slender fingers holding her pen and noticed the thin gold rings she wore on both her thumbs plus the one she wore on the middle finger of the left hand. All of them were simple plain gold rings and beautiful on her delicate hands. Her nails were naturally long and I could see that she had shaped them but she wore no polish. It struck me then and there that her hands were sexy. That’s all it took for my mind to go AWOL and instead of thinking about agriculture and how it affected the economy in Brazil I was suddenly thinking of all the things her hands could do.
She was clicking the tiny gold ring that pierced her tongue on her teeth. The sound drew my eyes from her hands to her face. She was staring at me hard and had probably asked me a question or something because she seemed to be waiting for an answer. “Pardon me?”
“I said do you want to come over either tonight or sometime this weekend?”
It was Friday night and I had a date with my boyfriend he was taking me to the movies but I knew we’d end up seeing some violent action packed movie. Joey really had far too much control over our relationship but I needed him to be my sickeningly macho hertro boyfriend to keep people from doubting my orientation. I knew right then and there I’d cancel the date and spend the evening with Angela. I told her tonight would be great. She said anytime after five would be fine with her. She only lived seven houses down so I didn’t need directions.
After school I hung out with my friends at the local mall. They alternately grilled me about Angela and pitied me for getting stuck with her. I told them that, no she hadn’t tried anything and that she was actually really smart and focused. Still they talked trash about her and said things that were beyond cruel. For a moment I wondered how I could have called these girls my friends for so long. What would they say if they knew about me? Would they shut me out and shove me in the halls or worse? I sort of wandered away from them giving some excuse about being sick to my stomach. Actually it wasn’t far from the truth. I was sick, sick of not being like them and sick of wanting to be like them. I started to drive home when I realized that I had left my book bag at school. I circled back to the high school and went inside. The janitor was nice enough to open the classroom door for me so that I could get my bag. I was on my way out of the building when I heard someone calling me. I turned to see Angela running down the hall she had on a pair of small tight shorts that were part of the girls track uniform and a racer back tank top one of those kinds made for working out.
For the first time ever I saw her without a hat or bandanna. The front of her dark hair was braided into an intricate design of criss-crossing cornrows she had the rest pulled into a ponytail. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, I knew I was staring but I couldn’t stop. She was slightly sweaty from track practice and carrying a gym bag and her book bag. “Can you give me a ride home?” She asked looking at the ground and sounding embarrassed. She said if I couldn’t it was cool she could walk. I just stared at her some more, we lived more than three an a half miles away and with her bags it would be a long walk.
“I’ll take you.” I said once I finally managed to speak. However I didn’t move I just kept taking her in. She always wore loose fitting clothes so the full impact of her figure had never hit me. She was lean and toned but she definitely had curves. “What?”
She asked clicking her tongue ring against the back of her teeth. She was asking why I was staring, I immediately began to blush and cursed my light skin for showing the tell tale sign of my embarrassment.
“Nothing.” I said turning to exit the school. Once we got inside my car I focused on driving but couldn’t stop my eyes from drifting over her thighs. At a particularly long red light the thin sheen of sweat on her thighs glistened in the sunlight pouring through the window. I couldn’t have taken my eyes off of her legs if my life depended on it, and I was starting to forget why I shouldn’t be looking in the first place. She clicked the ring against the back of her teeth causing me to look up into her face. She was smiling like she knew exactly what was on my mind. “Green light.” She said pointing to the traffic signal.
I sped off faster than the law allowed slowing my speed when I realized I was doing 50 miles per hour in a residential area. When we got to her house I started to just let her out and go home but she said if I didn’t mind I could just come in she wanted to take a quick shower but then we could work. Images of her soaking wet in the shower immediately flew into my head and all I could do was nod. She smiled and told me to come on in. Although we lived on the same suburban street and the design of our homes was virtually the same the, inside of her house was vastly different from my own, it was immediately homey and welcoming. There were four children sitting in the family room playing monopoly they were obviously sets of identical twins. The room was filled with laughter and fun. “Those are my brothers and sisters, Chloe, April, Drew and Doc.” “Doc?” I asked wondering how crazy her mother had to be to have named her child after a fairy tale dwarf.
“Oh well his name is Anthony but he’s really smart and ever since he was two years old he’s said he was going to be a doctor. He knows a lot of medical stuff.”
“Oh” was all I said
“Anyway I’m going to take a shower you don’t have to wait with the kids you can come upstairs.”
Before I could decide what to do a woman walked to the swinging door that lead from what I could only guess was the kitchen. She had to be Angela’s mother, the resemblance between them was strong. The woman was more shapely and heavier than her athletic daughter but still a knockout in her own right.
“Hey mama” Angela called racing up the stairs. “This is Mia.”
Her mother immediately embraced me, and instead of being weirded out it actually made me comfortable. I wished my parents didn’t travel so much I’d have loved to come home to my mother and father but now that I was 18 they traveled even more frequently than ever before, leaving me for weeks at a time. On the rare occasion when they were home there were charity events and fundraisers and benefits and tons of other things that were much more important to them than I could ever be. They weren’t proud of my near straight A’s or good behavior over all, in fact it was expected but they plied me with gifts to assuage their guilt for not having been parents. Hell in truth they couldn’t really even be called guardians I had been raised by nannies and sitters until I’d hit 16, then my parents deemed me mature enough to stay alone. Each year since then they had spent more and more time traveling.
My friends of course thought the freedom was cool, and I never told them or any one for that matter, that I desperately wished my mother was home to fight with me about inane things like wardrobe choices or whether or not I could get my nose pierced or that I wanted my father around to make sure my skirts weren’t to short and that my boyfriend wasn’t a total dick. But the truth was that the weren’t there and they didn’t really care overmuch so long as I kept my grades up and stayed out of trouble with the police. I didn’t think about it often but walking into a house where everything seemed so different brought my lack of familial bonds into sharp focus.
I ended up staying in the family room with the kids. The girls were 13 and the boys were 11, they were nice kids and within moments they had me laughing and talking. They all went off to the kitchen to have a snack of some sort and I sat there not having been invited to leave the family room. I never liked to do things in other people’s home without permission. Had I been feeling introspective I might have related my reluctance to the fact that I feared reprimand as well as rejection, but I wasn’t introspective not then. I was to busy denying who I was to discover any internal truths. A few moments after the kids disappeared Angela came back down stairs. She wore a pair of wide leg boy jeans and a light blue half shirt with a Baby Phat logo on it. For the first time I saw that she had a gold barbell in her navel. The shiny piece of metal looked so cute on her dark brown skin and for a second I couldn’t breathe. I was surprised that she had worn a half shirt and it must’ve shown on my face because she laughed and brushed her long hair over her shoulder. “I can’t wear this kind of shirt to school” she said.
I just nodded she was right it was technically against the dress code, and the way she looked in those loose jeans riding low on her hips and the half shirt should have made the whole damn outfit illegal. She was incredibly sexy a fact that I wished I hadn’t noticed. .
She let me stare at her for a few moments, while she just stood there and I looked at her from head to toe then from toes to head. She even had cute toes, painted of all colors neon green. She smiled when I met her eyes the second time. “So what are you doing in here alone?”
I shrugged. “The kids went to get a snack.”
“Well did you want something?” She asked me I nodded I was kind of hungry I hadn’t eaten since lunch. I followed her into the kitchen where the kids were consuming a plate of cookies. I noticed a toddler in a highchair, she was sitting next to Angela’s mother mashing what may have once been a banana into her mouth. She was a gorgeous child with huge hazel eyes and dark smooth skin. “This is Asia she said pointing to the baby” she kissed the child on the forehead and turned to me “so what do you want to eat” she asked I shrugged “whatever you’re having I guess.” “I’m going to have a turkey sandwich want one?” I nodded. She took out the lunch meat and lettuce and cheese and a loaf of bread. “Mayonnaise or mustard?” she asked “Oh you don’t have to make mine Angela.”
“Mayonnaise or mustard she repeated.” As though I hadn’t even spoken
“Both.” I said
She made us both huge sandwiches and told me to grab two sodas out of the fridge while she put the food on plates. She motioned with her head for me to follow her and on the way past the front room I grabbed my back pack. We headed upstairs past the second floor and into the attic. It was obviously her room and very spacious and quite neat. Someone had clearly had it done professionally what with the hard wood floors and paneling on the walls. I noticed there were two doors on the far wall one was open and a quick glance told me it was the bathroom. The other door was shut, and I was looking at it wondering where it lead when she told me. “That is Asia’s room.”
“Do you mind sharing with her?” I asked
“Not really she’s pretty quiet and she sleeps very soundly.” I nodded then said “So do you have any other brothers and sisters or is it just the six of you?”
“I only have four siblings 2 sister and two brothers.” She paused as if trying to decide whether to go on. “Asia is mine.”
Before I could think I spoke “But you’re… I mean how could you?” I trailed off and just stood there feeling dumb.
She clicked her ring against her teeth for a moment then spoke. “I am gay and I was two years ago when I got raped, apparently a few of the boys on the football team thought they’d teach me a lesson, for liking girls. I got pregnant.” She spoke as if the whole incident were no big deal but I was stunned how could she be so calm when I could already feel myself starting to cry for her.
“God don’t pity me.” She sighed “And don’t tell anyone”
“I don’t pity you” I said blinking back tears “and I won’t tell anyone.” “Good” was all she said before setting the plates down on the desk I wondered how she could trust me so fully, I knew I wouldn’t tell her secrets but how could she know? Before I could think any further she spoke.
“So don’t you usually have a date or something on Friday nights?” She asked changing the subject.
“Shit.” I said running my hands through my hair and closing my eyes for a second.
“Well don’t get all bent out of shape about it.” She said “I was only asking”
“No it’s not that, I just forgot to call Joey and cancel.”
She just stared at me until I spoke again. “Can I use your phone?” “Sure It’s right over there.” She replied as she pointed to a bedside table.
I sat on the bed and slowly dialed Joey’s number, he was audibly angry when I canceled and started screaming at me despite the fact that he often stood me up without so much as a word. I was sure Angela could hear him calling me a bitch and asking if I was fucking around with some guy.
“Joey, please…” I started to plead with him. I was in the middle of a sentence trying to calm him down and tell him I was just studying when the line went dead. At first I couldn’t process what had just happened, Angela had pulled the adapter for the cordless phone out of the wall cutting of the call. When I looked up she looked mad enough to send a tiny shiver of fear through me. I wondered what I’d done to illicit such a look whatever it was I wouldn’t be doing again anytime soon. “I’m sorry” I said apologizing reflexively. “What for?” she asked me dropping the adapter on the nightstand. I didn’t know what I was sorry for so I didn’t say anything.
She looked at me for a few beats then walked across the room and started eating her sandwich without a word. I just sat there feeling embarrassed I’m sure she thought I was stupid for staying with Joey but she didn’t understand my reasons.
A knock on the door broke through the silence that filled the room and one of the kids screamed that someone was on the phone for me, Angela opened the door and snatched the cordless phone from the whoever was outside of the door. I knew the caller on the line was Joey, he’d called back after seeing a strange number on his caller ID.
I reached for the phone but Angela wouldn’t give it to me. She spoke into the receiver as she stared at me. ” Yes, she is here as a matter of fact.” I could hear Joey screaming at her and demanding to speak to me. Angela didn’t bother trying to yell over him instead she just said goodbye and hung up the pone.
Joey was still screaming when she hung up. The phone rang again immediately This time when she picked it up she had lost patience and there was an edge to her voice that made the hairs on my arm stand on end.
“Listen to me if you call this number again I’m calling the police, I’m really not interested fucking around little boy.” She hung up again this time the phone didn’t ring anymore. I smiled at her, still more than a little embarrassed. After I nibbled my sandwich a bit we got to work, she finished my food for me as the encounter with Joey had made me lose my appetite.
Since there was only one chair and she was sitting in it I worked on the bed eventually stretching out on my belly to read and take notes. When she brought her book and lay next to me it seemed stupid to move. First off I knew her feelings would be hurt and I didn’t want to be insensitive, secondly I really didn’t want to move. She actually made me comfortable and true to her word she didn’t “Attack me or anything”
We worked for hours breaking only to get more food. We used books she had picked up at the library the day before but hadn’t felt like lugging to school for in class work. We actually finished all the research and a goodly portion of the oral report. Still I worked because I didn’t want to leave. Finally with everything but the visual aide done I couldn’t think of another reason to stay. We’d have to get poster boards and things to complete that part.
As we were leaving her room she grabbed my hand and held it for a second. “Listen Mia don’t you ever let anyone make you feel like you’re less than beautiful.”
As quickly as she grabbed my hand she let it go, I felt like crying but I couldn’t understand exactly why. Once we were downstairs she walked me to the door, stopping in the family room to get the baby who had called out to her as we passed. When she was holding the child I could see how much they looked alike. I smiled touching the little girl’s springy locks. She had a head full of thick dense curls. When I touched her hair she giggled and leaned toward me. I had to put my arms out to keep her from tumbling from her mother’s arms and onto the floor. The child had literally thrown herself at me. I rested her on my hip for a moment looking into her eyes that were exactly like her mother’s.
“She’s beautiful” I told Angela “Thank you” She said with a proud smile
The little girl laughed, clapping her little hands. I noticed she had the tiniest gold ring I had ever seen on her left middle finger and a single bracelet on her tiny wrist. After clapping her hands the child put her face close enough to mine for our noses to touch “Boo-ful boo-ful boo-ful .” She giggled some more.
“Wow” Angela said, “She usually hates strangers. But she seems to like you and she’s right you are boo-ful.”
The little girl giggled and turned to her mother, she almost put her little index finger into my eye blindly pointing “boo-ful” she said again.
“That’s right baby-girl very beautiful.” She said staring into my eyes and reaching for the little girl. Suddenly Asia clung to my neck and screamed loud enough to startle me. She had some set of lungs on her, I thought my ears would bleed. I backed away and motioned to Angela to let the little girl be. She dropped her arms away from the child and Asia immediately stopped screaming. I held her close and carried her to the family room. She was smiling and happy and clearly not a single tear had fallen.
“You don’t have to stay Mia I know you must be tired, besides it’s bedtime for her.”
“Oh it’s alright and if you don’t mind I’ll take her up for you. I don’t want her screaming and carrying on.”
“Are you sure?” Angela asked
I didn’t answer instead I just started up the stairs. When I passed Angela’s mother in the hall and she grinned at me more than the child I was carrying. “I see little Miss Asia minor has taken a shine to you.”
I smiled both at what she had said and because she had called the child “little miss Asia minor.” I shrugged and continued up the stairs, by that time Angie was right behind me. Back inside of her bedroom I walked over and opened the door that had been closed all night. I was speechless for a moment, I could see that someone had taken a lot of time painting a Winnie the Pooh scene on the walls, complete with the hundred acre woods, in the old style not the newly animated Disney version. There was also a blue cloud filled sky painted on the ceiling. I whistled and turned to Angela. “Who painted this?” She smiled a little and shrugged “Me.”
“Wow, you’re really talented.”
She just shrugged some more, and I could see she was a little uncomfortable so I dropped it and put the little girl on the dressing table. The diapers were right out on plain view so I undressed the baby and changed her asking Angela were the pajamas were. I had my hand on Asia’s belly holding her in place so that she wouldn’t move suddenly and roll onto the hard wood floor. Angela stepped up behind me and leaned in, I could feel her breasts pressing into my back and her breath tickling my neck as she reached up and opened a drawer that had been built into the wall and painted with part of the scene. I hadn’t even noticed them. “In there.” She said quietly. Neither of us moved for a moment but then she stepped back. I got Asia in her pajamas and put her into the white crib in the middle of the room. She wasn’t having it she started to scream as soon as her little feet touched the bedding. I picked her up and sat in the rocking chair in the corner she stopped crying as I held her but didn’t look the least bit sleepy. I rocked her for a while to no avail before beginning to sing softly. My very first nanny had always sung to me and it was the only form of comfort I could offer, I didn’t know any lullabies so I sang Summertime. By the second time through the song Asia was asleep. When I looked up from the little girl’s face Angela was staring at me with her mouth slightly open and tears in her eyes.
“You have an amazing voice.” That was all she said. I hadn’t sung in front of anyone in ages and in truth I hadn’t really meant to sing in front of her, I had just wanted to put the baby to sleep. I’d dropped out of the school choir two years before because the teacher was a fucking cunt, and I certainly wasn’t joining any church choir. I had more than enough to deal with without having to worry about religion.
I could feel myself blushing as I quietly thanked her. I stood up and put the baby in the crib before turning back to Angela. I followed her into her room and shut Asia’s door, then we just stood there looking at each other, I wanted to kiss her so badly it was like a physical ache, but I was afraid. Afraid that a kiss wouldn’t be enough and then I’d really and truly no going back would be “that way”. I couldn’t handle all that a kiss could entail, so we just stood there as awkward as two left shoes. Finally I mumbled goodbye and walked out of the room. She followed me down to the door and stood there until I pulled away.
Once I got home all I wanted to do was go to sleep, but of course I couldn’t always have what I wanted. After I took a shower and laid down in my bed I was more awake than I could ever recall being. There were questions that I couldn’t answer and there were truths I was desperate to deny. Just before I finally went to sleep I wondered if the truth would ever set me free.
The next day Angela showed up at my house at noon. I was in short shorts and an old pink panther t-shirt sans bra, needless to say I wished I had on some cute little outfit to look nice for her, she gave me a once over and her smile made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on the planet. She had poster board and markers with her to finish the project. I wondered if she really was that into it or if like me she was using the project to spend as much time together as we could without fully admitting that there was an attraction between us. I invited her in and debated whether or not I should “Get cute”, I decided not to because it would be too obvious. I felt giddy as a preteen on her first date. I think I may have even been sweating a little.
We worked for two hours straight and had the graphs charts and maps done completing a project that wasn’t going to be do for weeks. I wished we’d worked slower or had more to work on just so I would have a reason to see her everyday, things were so much easier when I was provided with a tailor made excuse. I didn’t have the courage to take the first step let alone to admit that I was attracted to her on a physical level as well as emotionally bound to her. We hung out for a little while but the atmosphere was strained, partially because I wanted her badly, and partly because I didn’t want to want her. My conflicting emotions caused me to run hot and cold, I couldn’t blame her for wanting to escape my mood swings.
I didn’t see her again until school on Monday, I watched her whenever I could and at least twice I know she caught me the second time she winked at me and my heart skipped a beat. By the time I got to last period I couldn’t wait to be near her. We wouldn’t be doing group work today which disappointed me because that meant I wouldn’t be able to talk to Angela, not that I could think of anything to say anyway. Instead of listening I sort of zoned out while the teacher talked about current events, I was surprised when the bell rang, time had flown by. I gathered my books and stuffed them into my bag before heading out the door, Angela was no where to be seen but I figured she had run off to one of her many sports practices. I was still a little out of sorts when I ran into Joey in the main hallway, I had been avoiding him nearly all day and would have kept on if he hadn’t grabbed me by the arm and pushed my back against a row of bright orange lockers. There was a lot of end of the day commotion in the halls and no one took pause to see why my boyfriend had me trapped against the lockers. He lowered his head so that it was only inches away from my ear. “Gotcha.” He whispered tightening his grip on my arm and pressing his lips to mine. I struggled but couldn’t push him away. I was gagging and suffocating from the “kiss” he was giving me and I wanted to run like hell, except I couldn’t move.
A palm slapping against the locker net to us made Joey lift his head, I’d never been more glad to see a hall monitor in my life. Most of the students had cleared out and the monitor was glaring at us. “This is a school, not a make out party.” I was trying my best not to puke as she stood there until Joey moved his body from mine. He still had me by the arm and I had to pull hard to get him to release me, and I know he only did that because the monitor was still staring at us. I walked in the opposite direction once I was free, I was headed to the gym I knew there was track practice behind it and I also knew that if I walked out the front door I’d never be able to out run Joey to get to my car. He was after all the running back and he’d broken several school and state records with his speed.
I was so afraid I was shaking, Joey had never really hurt me but he had made it clear that he could, the only reason he didn’t was because I nearly always went along and did things his way. As idiotic as he could sometimes be he made me feel special, like someone really did care about me after all. That was the real reason I had stayed with him for so long, I could have gotten almost any guy to fill the boyfriend requirement but would they care? I didn’t think so. I also didn’t think I was ready to pay whatever price Joey had in store for me. The track team was indeed behind the school running laps and doing exercise drills. I spotted Angela nearly the first second I walked out of the building. Her brown skin was glistening in the sun and even from a distance I could see that she was focused, she was running faster than everyone else by three or long paces but I could tell she wasn’t even strained. I leaned against the side of the building and watched her, her presence calmed me and although my stomach was still knotted with fear I felt a little safer.
I watched them until practice was over, when the girls were heading back into the gym and toward the locker room Angela saw me. She grabbed my hand and I had no choice but to follow her. The other girls were in different states of undress but Angela just grabbed her gym bag and her book bag off of the bench and left the locker room. She had let go of my hand to get her stuff and I wished she hadn’t. Of course I didn’t say anything or make any motion to reinstate the contact. When we left the locker room she turned to me “What’s the matter with you?” She asked
I didn’t say anything. I wanted to explain to her about Joey and tell her I needed her to protect me but in truth I knew she probably couldn’t yes she was stronger than me but I doubted if she could hold Joey off without being injured. I didn’t know what to say but I knew I wouldn’t let her walk out to my car with me because I refused to put her in danger. Instead I told her to wait right where she was because it didn’t make sense for her to have to lug her bags all the way across the parking lot after she’d just worked out. With a smile I said “I’ll pull around if you want a ride that is.”
“I’ll ride anywhere you want to take me” she replied. I smiled for real and walked out of the door. The parking lot was mostly empty and it took all my courage not to turn back, I made it to my car unscathed but I wasn’t fool enough to relax, he hadn’t waited me out but I couldn’t hide forever. I pulled the car around to the front of the school and watched Angela get in. Again I wanted to tell her what was going on but I couldn’t. Instead I drove the short distance to her house in a distracted silence. She asked me to come in but I refused, I knew if I went with her I’d breakdown , I was an emotional mess and I wanted to keep that part of myself behind closed doors. I let myself in the house and made sure to lock the door before going up to my room. I tried to watch television but inane situation comedies grated on my nerves in the best of times, so being stressed made TV a no go. I turned on the radio and tried to do a little school work but I couldn’t concentrate. Eventually I ended up laying across the bed falling asleep I didn’t wake up until about eight, I was starving and so I headed down to the kitchen to see what was there. My dinner such as it was ended up being a bowl of frosted flakes. I was just finishing my feast when the phone rang, looking on the caller Id I smiled. It was Angela or at least someone from her house. I picked up the phone “Hello.” “Hey are you busy?” Angela asked
I looked at the empty kitchen and the bowl of cereal in my hand and nearly laughed out loud. “Um no” I said managing not break into gales of laughter I could hear Angela taking a deep breath before she spoke again. “Well do you want to come over and hang out?” Did I want to come over and hang out? Hell yes in fact I could think of nothing I wanted to do more. “Sure.” I said as if it didn’t matter one way or the other.
“Okay” She said I could tell she was smiling.
“Give me a little while I have to straighten up before I leave.” I told her
“Ok. See you soon” I hung up the phone and sat there smiling for at least two minutes before I got up and rinsed my bowl and spoon. Then I ran upstairs to change. I had a walk in closet and a dresser full of clothes but I still had nothing to wear. Not wanting to take up to much time I had to decide quickly and so I ended up in a pair of lowrise jeans and a Low cut cropped pink shirt. I paired the outfit with pink sandals and a belt to match. All in all it was the best I was going to do in under seven minutes. Before putting on a pair of big silver hoop earrings I pulled my hair into a ponytail and put on some make up. I was ready and excited I couldn’t wait to see her. I normally would have walked down to her house thinking it was dumb to drive half a block, especially with gas prices steadily on the rise but the confrontation with Joey still had me shook so I grabbed my keys and headed to my car. The dark quiet night unsettled me but I made it to Angela’s front door untouched and once inside I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.
One of the girl twins had answered the door but I couldn’t tell which one it was, before I could ask to see Angela the girl bellowed loud enough to be heard within an eight mile radius. Angela emerged form the kitchen wearing of all things a short baby blue nightie. I couldn’t help but stare. Her hair was all undone from the braids in the front and it cascaded around her face.
She looked both surprised and embarrassed I could tell she hadn’t quite been expecting me so soon, although if this was how she lounged around the house I would be randomly stopping by all the time. I couldn’t stop my eyes from taking her in from the tips of her toes to the last bone straight strand of brown hair on her head.
She looked embarrassed as she brushed past me mumbling something about getting changed. “Oh don’t change on my account” I told her. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow and I heard a out burst of laughter from the kitchen. Obviously more than one member of her family was eavesdropping. Not wanting to just stand in the family room being observed or listened too we went upstairs to her room.
“I thought you had to straighten up or something” She said in an accusing tone.
“I was in a hurry to see you” the words had slipped out of my mouth before I could catch them. Again Angela raised her eyebrow, this time when she did it she placed her hands on her hips. “And why is that?”
I stepped closer to her and passed my hand over the side of her face, she inhaled sharply and I moved even nearer tipping her chin up just a little. “Because I missed you.” I told her with my lips almost touching hers. She leaned in just a fraction of an inch and kissed me. At first it was just the soft stroke of lips against lips but I wanted more, as far as I was concerned this was my first kiss and I had big plans. Sure I’d been kissed before but I had never once felt like I was falling off of the edge of a cliff. My fingers were in her hair and her arms were wrapped around my neck when we I parted my lips and licked the small space between hers. I could feel my tongue brushing against her upper teeth for a moment before she opened her mouth for me, then it was hot wet and juicy between us lips tongues teeth and moans. That’s what I remember. I didn’t even want to breathe if it meant my lips being away from hers but eventually we did part both of us panting flushed “What did you do that for?” She asked me
I blinked because I wasn’t sure what had happened. “Why did I kiss you?” I asked her. She just looked at me with the contempt that I’d first seen in her golden eyes. She might as well have kicked me in the stomach, that’s how much it hurt. I looked down at the ground trying not to cry an effort at which I failed miserably. I turned away from her and walked out of the room leaving the door open as I went. I ran down the stairs and out the front door and to my car. It took me less than two minutes to get to my house and I was still crying. I locked the car and armed the alarm before shutting the drivers side door, I didn’t notice Joey until it was to late.
He was parked on the opposite side of the dark street and before I could unlock the door to my house he had ran across the road and up the driveway, I almost managed to get the door unlocked before he grabbed me by the arm, spinning me around he slammed my back against the door causing my head to bounce with a hard crack against the wood.
My vision blurred with new tears and I almost blacked out but I knew I couldn’t do that.
“Where the hell have you been Mia?” He screamed at me I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I opened my mouth to answer and before I had even realized that he’d lifted his left hand, he back handed me. Again my head snapped back and slammed against the oak door, I tasted blood in my mouth and I knew if I didn’t get away from him he would either kill me or hurt me very badly. Because he has still holding my upper arms I could barely move around let alone run for it. I relaxed my body and did what I always did, I started apologizing to him and pleading with him. He may as well have been deaf for all the good my words did. He started dragging me toward his car and I knew that if he got me in there he would rape me because I certainly wasn’t about to consent to anything. I started to struggle but he just laughed and picked me up. I had a small frame but I was tall so it wasn’t easy for him to haul me kicking and screaming to the car. He had to put me down after a few paces and press his hand over my mouth to silence me, as he dragged me by the hair toward the street I bit down as hard as I could and tasted more blood in my mouth but this time it wasn’t mine. I kicked him in the head as hard as I could while he bent over clutching his injured hand to his stomach. He reeled back and fell to the ground, he was in pain but not incapacitated. I took off running I could hear him getting up to chase me and I knew if he caught me I’d wake up in a hospital room somewhere. I kicked my shoes of leaving them on the ground, before continuing to run. I went the closest place I could think of which of course was Angela’s house. I didn’t bother to ring the doorbell and wait, there was no time. Instead I opened the door and walked in slamming and locking it behind me.
I sat on the floor with my back pressed to the door hoping he wouldn’t find me. My whole body was shaking and I was more afraid than I’d ever been before, Angela was coming down the stairs I guess to see what was going on and at the same time her mother was walking out of the kitchen both of them looked shocked when they looked into my face. It was Angela who said “Jesus Mia what the hell happened to you?” Then she ran down the stairs and kneeled in front of me. I don’t remember what happened after that. Everything just went black and for a moment I felt peaceful.
When I woke up I was in the hospital and my head was pounding and Angela was sitting in a chair next to the bed watching me like a hawk, as soon as I opened my eyes she leaned forward. “Are you okay Mi?” she asked quietly. I tried to smile at her but my mouth hurt too much. I just nodded at her unable to make my vocal chords work. She got up and got me a glass of water and opened the straw that was sitting on the little rolling table top.
“I remember when I woke up in the hospital” she said “I was so thirsty and not one of the nurses bothered to bring me a straw.” She went on as she held the cup out to me. When I sat up my head reeled and I felt nauseated. I took me a moment to get control of my motor skills but I tried to take the cup from her hand. Seeing the way I’d sat up she held the cup out of my reach and seated herself of the side of the hospital bed. Holding the water near my mouth she used her other hand to slide the straw between my lips. I drank the water as if I had been stranded in the middle of the Sahara for weeks the small paper cup was empty in moments. Angela refilled before I had the chance to ask her, she sat back down on the bed and held the cup while I drank. When I had emptied the second drink she set the cup down on the table, “You want more?” she asked.
“No.” I said finally able to speak. I noticed that the side of my face hurt when I spoke but there was something I really needed to tell her so I looked past the pain and talked.
“Thank you for staying with me, you didn’t have too.” I told her She looked at me for a while without saying anything then she reached out and held my hand, squeezing gently. “I wanted to stay Mi.” She paused before going on. “I didn’t mean to make you cry you know?” she whispered softly. I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded although I didn’t know any such thing.
“Why did you kiss me?” she asked letting go of my hand and standing up and beginning to pace. She didn’t seem mad just restless.
“Because I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first day I saw you in the hallway.” I told her, it was the God’s honest truth too.
She didn’t respond and I wondered if I’d said something wrong. Before I could ask her a short brown haired nurse came in, she was smiling and looking like a grin alone could heal. “Glad you’re awake kiddo.” The nurse said, she was acting way to familiar for my liking. I just eyed her while she went on speaking. “The doctor’s going to release you in a little bit and he’ll give you a prescription for some pain medication. You’re basically fine except for the pain and swelling. ”
Great that meant my face was a mess, I wasn’t even worried about being good looking so much as I wondered how I would explain what happened to everyone at school. When the chipper little nurse left I looked at Angela. I wanted to ask her about the kiss we’d shared and gage her reaction but I didn’t want to push her on a subject she’d obviously rather drop. Instead I asked her “Where are my clothes?” Beneath the thin hospital sheets the only covering I had was a medical issue backless gown. Had Angela been in the room when they had undressed me? I blushed despite myself.
“You clothes are in there.” She pointed to a blue plastic bag marked personal items that was hanging on the back of the door. “They’re all messed up so you can’t wear them, anyway we have to take them down to the police station. The police were here but you had already been sedated so they couldn’t talk to you. I packed you some clothes to wear though.” She went over to the other chair in the room which was situated in the corner by the window. She handed me a pair of loose jeans and a hooded sweatshirt along with a pair of cross trainers socks and a hat. I looked at the hat I was holding in my hands and turning it this way and that just to be sure. “Isn’t this like your favorite hat, you wear it practically every other day.” She raised an eyebrow
“For your information that’s my lucky hat, and I don’t let just anybody wear it. But I am glad you notice what I wear.” I blushed again before swinging my legs over the side of the bed. My whole body ached but there was nothing I could do but clench my teeth and slide the pants on one leg at a time, standing only to button and zipper them before sitting down again. I pulled the loose sweatshirt over my head and used it as a cover, under which I untied and took of the hospital gown. Then I slid my arms into the sleeves. The clothes were ridiculously loose but really comfortable, and best of all they smelled like her. I wished I had a comb and a tooth brush but wishes weren’t any good without a fairy godmother and so I made due and jammed the hat over my wild mass of curly hair. The doctor came in a few minutes later and by then I’d managed to get the socks and sneakers on all by myself since I had stubbornly refused Angela’s offer to assist me.
The doctor talked to me about the pain medication and told me to come back if I had reoccurring dizziness or bleeding, I took the prescription from his hand and told him I’d be sure to come back if I had even the slightest problem. After that I was free to go although I had no idea just then where I would go. I couldn’t go home yet because I was just too afraid and I didn’t have one friend I could tell what had happened who wouldn’t tell the whole damn school, well in truth I guess I didn’t have one friend. Not a real one anyway. I almost started crying right there in the hospital lobby but then saw Angela’s parents pull up in their van and I relaxed. I wondered when she’d called them or if they had just known what time I was due to be released. It didn’t matter really I was just so glad to see them. Before I could even get through the automatic sliding doors her mother had jumped out the car and run up to me. She embraced me lightly as If I were made of glass, but her arms still felt sure and strong. I hugged her back for a long while before letting her go, Angela’s Dad was right behind her mother and although I’d only met him once or twice in passing he hugged me too. “I’ll hurt him bad sweetie. You just say the word.” He told me as we briefly embraced. I could have smiled then I had never had anyone try to protect me before, not in the real sense, not like this.
In the car Angela’s parents told me that I would be staying with them, the tone her mother used let me know it wasn’t an invitation it was a demand. I was relieved and not the least bit put out. Before we could go back to the house however I had to go down to the police station. The police asked me a few questions but it was clear that Joey wouldn’t get more than a slap on the wrist in this town, he was a star player for the varsity football team in a town that lived and breathed for state championships, plus his father was a judge and could have his son out of the system in the blink of an eye. Plus he’d already made a statement to the police, finally after an hour of going round and round with the cops I stood up and walked out of the room, they were calling my name but I didn’t even bother to turn around, what was the point. Angela and her parents were waiting in the filthy stale smelling outer room when I emerged. No one said anything as we walked out of the building, when we got in the car I told them that I wouldn’t be pressing charges. Still no one said anything, I didn’t want to seem like a fool so I explained to them how the questioning had gone and how the officers had basically tried to make it seem like we were rough housing and things got out of hand. My lip was split and the my right eye was black and swollen almost shut plus I had a slight concussion from where my head had slammed against the door not to mention the five stitches on my hairline. He had split my head open with his class ring when he back handed me, and the cops thought this qualified as rough housing. Good thing he didn’t really assault me or I might have ended up dead.
Angela held my hand and whispered that it would be okay and as crazy as it seems I knew she was right. When we pulled up to the house Doc opened the door I knew it was him because he had a model of the human brain in his hand. They all spilled out of the house including Asia who was in the arms of one of her aunts, they had apparently been waiting by the door for the car to pull up. I felt bad all of a sudden I’d probably scared the kids when I ran into the house last night.
By the time I got out of the car all of the kids were talking at once, mostly they were asking if I was okay and I assured them that I was hurt but I’d be fine. They all looked at Doc and he nodded as if to affirm the fact that I was telling the truth and all the kids seemed to trust him on it. Asia reached out for me but her mother stepped up and took her before I could get her. “Mi I’m not going to argue with you about this, you need to rest and Asia is not exactly a sedative. The child began screaming when she understood that all the words her mother had said meant one thing. “No”
Angela didn’t pay her any attention as a matter of fact no one did, by the time we made it into the house Asia had simply stooped screaming. She hadn’t gotten any attention so it seemed she wasn’t about to exhaust herself by screaming her head off. Smart kid.
Angela set the baby down and motioned for me to come with her. I went with her to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. She closed the door and turned to me. “I know it’ll be kind of crowded to stay here since you’re used to being alone and everything so I was thinking that you could sleep in my room and I’d sleep with the girls. Asia would still need to use her own room, but I’ll make sure she’s asleep before I go down and after that she’s no problem, I swear.”
She spoke fast as if she were afraid I’d interrupt her speech and she’d have to start all over again. “First of all being here is a big relief I was so scared I’d have to go home and be alone, secondly we can both sleep up here, and I promise not to attack you or anything.” I told her with a smile well almost with a smile. She laughed and sat down on the bed with me. Her face grew serious as she watched me and she reached out and gently stroked the side of my face, I flinched expecting her touch to hurt but it didn’t. There were tears in her eyes or so I thought maybe it was the way the light was hitting them, I couldn’t be sure. Without a word she leaned in and kissed my uninjured cheek, then sitting back she asked “Why did he do this? Was it because of me?”
I shook my head “No it wasn’t because of you, it was my fault I know how mad he gets and I stood him up last Friday then I didn’t call him at all, and I avoided him on Monday, his feelings were hurt and he gets Really jealous, I should have called him. It’s not your fault.”
She looked at me like I was crazy, “Mi it’s not your fault either, don’t you ever say that I don’t care how mad he was he doesn’t get to beat you.”
“He didn’t bea…” I started
“Yes Mia, yes he did.” Angela cut in not even letting me finis h the lie of denial that was fresh on my lips. I knew she was right and the fact that I’d blindly jumped to Joey’s defense sort of scared me. It was reflex and I guess old habits really did die hard. Suddenly I was very tired but I felt gross, in what must have seemed like an abrupt manner I asked Angela for a towel and a washcloth she went and got me one of each and even managed to find me an unused tooth brush. She gave me the stuff and then left to give me some privacy while I showered. I locked the door behind her and went into the bathroom. I examined my face in the mirror and sighed it wasn’t as bad as I thought but it was bad. Putting my appearance out of my mind I took a long hot shower washing and conditioning my hair. When I got out I realized I had no clothes to wear so I put on the clothes Angela had given me at the hospital and laid down on the bed.
I had forgotten the door was bolted until I heard the lock click. Angela had opened the door with her key “You’ve got some damn nerve locking me out of my room Mi” she said with a laugh. Sorry I mumbled already half asleep. “It’s okay, I was just checking on you, I see you’re almost out but you’ve got to wake up for a second.
“No” I mumbled
“Yes” she said sitting down on the bed and bouncing a little.
“I went and got your prescription filled and I went to your house and packed up some clothes for you. You need to wake up and take your medicine then I promise you can sleep. I sat up and my head felt like it was going to explode I snatched the white pill from the palm of her hand and swallowed it not even bothering with the cup of orange juice she had brought up. I could hear her laughing before I drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up I was all kinds of disoriented, it took me a few ticks to get my bearings. I sat up slowly and miraculously my head felt ok except for the muted pounding at the base of my skull. It was a far cry from the headache I’d had earlier and almost a relief. I stood up and walked to the door without even a hint of dizziness I made it downstairs to the kitchen and felt as though I’d run a marathon in mud. I ached like crazy but at least I hadn’t passed out or anything.
The whole family was in the kitchen eating dinner, and laughing I felt like an interloper as soon as I walked in. That feeling lasted about five seconds, at which point Doc looked at me and crossed his eyes. “What are ya new aint’cha ever ate dinner before?” I sat down at the table and looked at the options as good as it looked I knew both my mouth and my stomach would rebel at the thought of eating lasagna salad and garlic bread. Obviously Angela or someone had thought of that. She got up from the table and went over to the stove when She came back she passed me a bowl of soup and a spoon. Whoever had made this chicken soup hadn’t gotten it out of any can. I ate two whole bowls of it and tried to help clean up but even the preteens were waving me away, so I sat at the table and talked to Asia. Leaning in toward her I said “It’s just you and me kid.” She laughed like she knew what I was talking about then reached out her little hand to gingerly touch my face. “Boo boo?” she asked. I nodded and she stared at me. “Kiss it.” She told me puckering her lips as if to show what a kiss was. I leaned over more and she kissed my face and patted my hair. “Okay now.” She stated as if just by virtue of saying it, it was true. Forgetting about my boo-boos she focused on something infinitely more important. “Cookies” she whispered pointing to a plate of chocolate chip goodies on the counter. Obviously she’d been told no or else she wouldn’t be whispering. “Did your mommy say no?” I asked her. She didn’t answer instead she looked away ignoring me completely. I almost laughed she was too young to be dismissing me but she’d done just that.
“Uh oh” Angela said coming up behind me “now you’ve ticked Asia minor off.” I laughed and shrugged my shoulders “she wanted cookies but I wasn’t sure if she could have them.”
“She knew she couldn’t, I told her no that’s why she asked you.” Angela said
“I figured as much.”
The little girl still wouldn’t look in my direction but her anger was so cute. Angela hoisted her out of the highchair and carried her into the family room we hung out for a while before I started to get a massive headache; Angela brought me another pill and a glass of juice which I drank gratefully after swallowing the bitter little pill. I was off to sleep less than a half hour later, before crawling into bed I changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that she had gotten from my house. It was only about eight o’clock but I was dead tired again, I didn’t hear Angela put the baby down to sleep but I did stir when she herself came to bed at about midnight. She was laying blankets out on the floor and trying to be quiet, she wasn’t doing a good job of sneaking about as she hadn’t turned on the light. The room was pitch black save the stream of moonlight that cascaded through the window.
What the hell are you doing?” I whispered to her
She gasped “Jesus Mi you scared the living hell out of me.”
“What are you doing?” I repeated
“I’m sleeping on the ground, go back to sleep.”
“You are not sleeping on the ground” I said sitting up “you can sleep in the bed alone or you can sleep in the bed with me but you are not sleeping on the floor.” I went on
She just stood there so I reached out and grabbed her hand and pilled her toward the bed. “Please Angie don’t sleep on the floor. I don’t want to put you out and even if you say I’m not I know I am.”
She sighed and crawled into the bed moving across my body to lay in the space where I wasn’t. I was asleep moments later. When I woke up in the morning the thought of going to school terrified me, I wanted to hide and stay away not to mention I was still afraid of Joey. As it turned out Angela’s mother had made arrangements for me to be home schooled by a tutoring service for at least the next month so I didn’t have to leave the house, I was glad she had thought ahead. It crossed my mind that she’d probably gone through the same steps after Angie was raped, for the first time I realized things could have been so much worse for me, it was the reality of that thought that made me thankful in spite of what I’d been through and for the first time in my life I sincerely thanked God. I tried to tell her my parents would pay for the tutor but she just pretended like I hadn’t even spoken. Now I knew where Angela had picked up her selective hearing
After Angela and the others went off to school I called my parents in Madrid and explained what had happened. My mother hardly wasted a sigh on me and my father told me that he thought I was a better judge of character. Good old mom and dad, I had expected as much from them so I wasn’t shocked still their lack of concern stung. I willed myself not to cry and went to work on the assignments that I hadn’t gotten around to doing yet.
The month passed by rather too quickly for my liking and I wanted more time to hide from the world but I knew I couldn’t let myself be afraid forever. I wasn’t planning on being a vigilante or anything but I sure as shit wasn’t going to be a victim again. Angela and her entire family had been great, they never once made me fee like I was to blame in fact they acted like nothing had even happened, well that’s not exactly true. Everyone acknowledged what had happened to me but no one treated me any differently and their actions eased a lot of my rejection based fears. In addition to providing me with a support system her family also accepted me as part of them, again their actions touched me in a way I hadn’t been touched before. I wasn’t afraid of who I was around them because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would accept me no matter what.
It was the weekend before I was to return to school and even with all the help and support I was still a nervous wreck. I hadn’t been outside of the house in about three and a half weeks, despite the encouragement of Angela’s mother. I hadn’t wanted to see anyone even after my face was back to normal.
The Saturday before what I was calling Doomsday I was in Angela’s room sitting on the bed and generally zoning out when she came in with Asia in tow. I smiled as I did nearly every time she walked into the room. “Hey what are you doing up here all alone” she said sitting down in the desk chair with the baby in her lap. The chair never did seem to be facing the desk.
I shrugged not wanting to tell her I was filled with anxiety about going back to school. Normally she would have called me on my hedging but Asia was trying her best to get away from her mother. Angela spread her legs a little and let the child sit between them before tightening them slightly and effectively trapping the little girl.
Asia still struggled as her mother went to work combing her hair and greasing her scalp. The little girl opened her mouth and started screaming bloody murder. By now I knew it was just a ritual with her. She usually started screaming at the sight of the large toothed comb and didn’t stop until her mother released her. Today my nerves were on edge and the child’s screams were getting to me. I stood up planning to walk out but when I walked by the two of them the baby stopped screaming and looked at me curiously. My frustration melted away as she smiled at me and lifted her arms, I couldn’t very well take her from her mothers arms while she was getting her hair combed so I knelt on the ground in front of the two of them and looked into her eyes.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked her. Asia cracked up like and I smiled even more broadly. Her laughter could light up a room. As suddenly as she had started the little girl stopped laughing and leaned toward me. “Mi-a” she said putting her small hand on my lips. “sing.” The child was definitely a diva because she demanded a song, her tone didn’t even suggest that she was asking.
I didn’t do her bidding immediately so she said it again. “Mi-a sing” She moved her hand and waited. I started to sing softly and she smiled but stayed silent listening intently. I kept right on singing until her hair was done and she didn’t move one inch. Angela mouthed a silent thank you to me as she released Asia into my arms. The little girl threw herself at me and I almost tumbled back. The both of us were giggling. She demanded that I sing again and so I did. We curled up on the bed and I sang one more song. When I was done I looked down and smiled. She was sound asleep.
Angela was looking at the two of us grinning and I wondered what she was thinking, I almost always wanted to know what was on her mind. She came over to the bed and leaned over me and for a moment my heart raced , and I was sure she could hear it pounding in my chest. She didn’t even touch me, instead she picked up Asia and transferred her to the crib in the adjoining bedroom. I felt like an idiot for having thought she was finally going to kiss me, at least I hadn’t leaned into her or puckered my lips.
When Angela came back she sat next to me on the bed. I looked at her and wished I knew how to make the first move. As she had promised the very first day we had spoken, she had not attacked me or anything but now I sort of wanted her too. We hadn’t touched since the night I’d kissed her and I wasn’t so sure she wanted me. Sometimes I caught her looking at me in a way that made me shiver for a second and other times she didn’t even so much as glance my way.
I wanted her to notice me, and so day after day for nearly two weeks I’d make sure I was up long before she was making myself up, straightening my hair and trying to look date-able. I had gone through the same ritual early this morning which is why I was completely made up at 10AM on a Saturday morning with no place to go. For the most part I figured Angela hadn’t even noticed the effort I put into getting ready but she was about to prove me wrong.
She had been staring at me for quite sometime without a word, mostly I was lost in my own thoughts but her honey colored eyes trapped me and I began to squirm.
“What?” I asked wondering why she was staring.
She looked me over silently and then went into the bathroom, when she emerged she had a wet wash cloth in her hand. I had no idea what she was about to do. Grabbing my hand Angela led me to the mirror over her dresser and stood behind me. “You look beautiful like this” she told me then she turned me toward her and began running the wash cloth over my face gently as if I were a child she wiped away all the makeup I had so carefully applied, before reaching around me and grabbing a bottle of lotion and poured some into her palm rubbing her hands together before she smoothed it over my skin. Turning me back to the mirror she smiled at our reflection, and her lips were near my ear when she spoke.
“Stunning” she whispered. The word made me shiver, or maybe it was the way she said it that had me trembling like a leaf in a windstorm. Her lips moved again as I watched our reflection. “You don’t have to dress up for me either Mia, I want you not the girl everyone thinks you are.” Those few simple words had me crying I turned to face her and she embraced me. I cried for a long, long time and all through it she just held me rocking back and forth gently. When the tears subsided I was embarrassed for having wept on her shoulder and I tried to move back, her arms loosened but she didn’t release me. I pulled my head back from her shoulder and looked into her face, her eyes looked almost gold and her lips were slightly parted as she looked back. I didn’t know if it was right or not but I lowered my head and kissed her softly on the lips. I was so afraid not because all of this was new, nope my fear stemmed from the reaction she’d had the first time I kissed her. I pulled away after only a moment or two and searched her eyes for answers. She didn’t speak at first but she didn’t push me away either, instead she ran the fingernails of her left hand over the side of my face and watched me. I exhaled slowly trying not to shiver at her caress. “Are you sure?” that was all she said and I nodded because I was absolutely sure that I wanted her, I was also sure that I loved her but I couldn’t very well just blurt that little fact out. Running her hand into my hair she leaned in and nibbled gently on my bottom lip. Her eyes were wide open and I was staring into them as her lips sent hot waves of need shooting through my body. Every nerve ending was screaming for her touch and I knew I had never wanted anyone more. Her fingertips stroked my back and shoulders as she parted my lips with her tongue, and I moaned, a for real no faking moan. That had never happened before I had always and I do mean always faked it, granted my sex life had only included Joey and a boy named Kevin who I’d once let grope me at a beach party when we’d both been drunk on cheap pink champagne. Neither one of those experiences had been that great so I had no idea kissing alone could wind me up like this.
Angela stopped kissing me and backed toward the bed pulling me along with her. She sat down and pulled me onto her lap so that I was straddling her hips. Wasting no time she kissed me again, licking and sucking my lips before parting them with her tongue. Her hands were on my back again but this time she ran her fingers under the hem of my red tank top. Her fingers touched my bare skin and I arched toward her. Lifting the shirt she pulled her head back slightly and then yanked the garment up over my head. I lifted my arms to help her and giggled when she tossed the shirt across the room. She caught me by surprise when she pulled my nipple into her mouth and sucked gently as she flicked the tip of her tongue back and forth over the hardening flesh. I damn near screamed but she shushed me, with a reminder that the baby was asleep. I quieted down a little but not much, I couldn’t help it. Her teeth ran over the edge of my nipple and she bit me softly at first but then a little harder. My breathing quickened when she bit down hard and I pressed her head closer.
Pulling away she looked into my eyes as her fingers toyed with the button on my jeans. “You like it a little rough around the edges Mi?” She asked with a smirk I blushed and she cracked up.
I shrugged and looked down “I don’t even know I said” Answering her question.
She tipped my head up “What do you mean you don’t know?”
I blushed even more. “I’ve never…” “Are you a virgin?” She asked sounding amazed.
“Not technically no I’ve just never enjoyed sex before.”
“You’ve never…” Her eyes widened as she caught my meaning.
“Oh” was all she said.
I felt stupid, and I would have moved away if she hadn’t slipped her hand into my pants and stroked me through my panties. I hadn’t even realized she undone my pants. Her fingers moved lightly against my me as she pulled my nipple back between her teeth trapping and rolling and biting it. My hips rose to meet her fingers and my hands gripped her long hair pulling as each new sensation flowed through me.
She was using her free hand to pinch and roll my other nipple and I was on the edge of losing control. Her hand moved into my panties and this time she moaned I was soaking wet dripping and hot, she stroked gently running her fingers up and down my slit and spreading my wetness all over. When she parted me with her fingertip and stroked the tip of my clit I did lose it. My muscles tensed and my back arched as my hips became fluid and loose. I pushed against her and gripped her head as I climaxed. Angela didn’t let up for a moment she stroked my clit in hard fast circles with her thumb and penetrated me with her middle finger pumping in and out hard and fast. I still don’t know how I managed not to scream but I rode her hand moaning and gasping as she took me over the edge again. Colors danced in front of my eyes and every muscle in my body tensed as I came all over her fingertips. So this was the big deal, now I got it.
Kissing me on the lips she let her hand rest inside of me and smirked when she felt the tell tale tensing of the little aftershocks that rolled through me. Her finger circled languidly and I rolled my hips just a little. “Well Mi did you enjoy it?” Angela asked pulling her hand out of my pants.
I didn’t say a word, instead I pushed her shoulders hard making her fall flat onto the bedspread. I kissed her hard and heavy tasting her lips and the dark wet inside of her mouth. My hands were all over wanting to touch her every place at once. She helped me maneuver her shirt off and I took her jeans easily, they were so loose the came off with one hard tug on the bottoms. I crawled back up her body touching and savoring every inch of exposed skin. I kissed her everywhere leaving little bits of moisture on her skin from where my tongue touched her. I wanted to move slowly and with skill but I didn’t have the control to hold back then and my skills were limited.
I stopped kissing her and sat there straddling her hips and looking down at her. “You don’t have to do this you know.” She told me I frowned “I want to do it but I..” I couldn’t form the right words so I paused.
“You what?” she asked gently.
“I’ve never done this before and I really want to do it right.” I was blushing again and feeling stupid to boot. I thought she would laugh at me or push me away but I should have known better. “It’s okay Mi, just follow my responses, you’ll know when you do it right.” I nodded that made sense. I had never even thought of using her reaction as a guide because I happened to know that horns and whistles don’t necessarily mean there’s a train.
I kissed her again on the lips before trailing my lips down to her neck and nibbling softly. Nipping gently I moved on to her collarbones then ran my tongue over her upper chest. She was moaning by the time my tongue reached the swell of her breasts. Lifting up slightly we managed to get her bra off. Her nipples were deep chocolate brown against her light skin and they looked thicker and longer than my own. Bending my head I took one of them between my lips and sucked gently while pushing the hard bud with my tongue. She gasped then and moaned quietly. I sucked harder and she squirmed beneath me, moving my mouth to her other breast I repeated the action going back and forth. She was moaning non stop and arching her hips up. Sliding a hand between us I slipped my fingers into her panties. She was wet and unbelievably hot. I pushed a finger into her center and she said my name. I could hardly believe the rush I got just from hearing my name on her lips. I moved my hand in and out rapidly slipping on her silky wetness. Adding another finger I could feel her stretch and tighten around me. I was afraid of hurting her but she was begging. “Come on Mi fuck me harder.” I moved faster pushing my fingers into her. Her hips nearly through me off of her and I had to scoot my body back over her legs to keep up the rhythm. Still not satisfied with the position I pulled my hand away and moved off of her. She moaned in frustration this time. I smiled and spread her legs apart, with her knees bent and her feet resting firmly against the bed. Laying between her legs on my belly I pushed my fingers back into her.
I fucked her hard and fast just like she asked and I could feel myself getting wetter just watching my fingers disappear inside of her center. Her pussy was only inches away from my face and I could see little droplets of her wetness shimmering on the patch of short curly hair. Without thinking about it I moved my lips towards her. I slid my tongue over her cunt getting my first taste of her tangy sweetness. She locked her legs around my head trapping me as her hips moved. I licked up and down for a bit before settling in and driving my tongue hard against her clit licking in rough long strokes. Her hips were in constant motion and she was definitely moaning over and over again. I slipped my own hand between my legs and rolled my fingertips over my clit as I continued to lick and fuck her. She said my name time and time again and those words mixed with the sensation of my fingers and the feel and taste of her drove me over the edge again. When I started to climax I moaned and then I could feel her wetness thicken and increase. I pulled my hand away and plunged my tongue into her as my wet fingertips teased her clit. She came all over my lips and tongue before unlocking her thighs. I moved up her body and lay on top of her. She embraced me and said. “That was some God damn beginners luck Mi.” I smiled and closed my eyes, feeling safer than I ever had before.