Loading...I sat on the couch staring into the fire and feeling very content. A light snow was falling outside, making the small house feel even cozier. The only light in the room came from the flickering flames. It was a perfectly comfortable evening, one that I wished could last forever. And at this moment, in my mind, I knew it would.
A shadow passed in front of me. My friend, who owned this beautiful cottage, sat next to me on the couch. She sat with one leg tucked under the other; her elbow perched on the back of the couch and her hand casually running through her reddish-brown hair. I could feel her watching me for a moment as I stared at the flames.
“You ok?” she asked with a whisper.
I pulled my eyes away from the fire and turned to her. As the firelight flickered across her face, as she continued to play with her hair and looked at me with twinkling eyes, I felt something… unexpected.
I swallowed hard. “Yes… yes, I’m fine. Great, actually.” I had to look away for fear she would see what I was feeling.
She paused for a moment, then softly repositioned herself slightly closer to me. “Can I ask you a question?”
Questions she could ask started flying through my head. But realizing she was one of my closest friends, I metaphorically shook them away and figured she was starting another of our philosophical discussions.
“Sure,” I answered.
There was a pause, long enough for me to wonder if she was really going to ask me anything. Apparently she was searching for the right words.
Finally, I heard her whisper, “What’s it like?”
I looked at her. My mind had just been in a place where this question had certain meaning, and I knew that couldn’t be what she was wondering. She was looking into the fire, an expression of innocence on her face… almost… longing.
“What’s what like?” I answered.
“You know… being… intimate with someone?”
Her words brought a flood of emotions that I felt… physically FELT… like a combination of the warmest of shivers down my spine and sheer terror at not being able to control myself. Neither feeling made any sense whatsoever. After all, she was a longtime friend of mine, and it was really an innocent, logical question for her to ask me. She knew I was fairly experienced and currently in a very happy, committed physical relationship with someone. I knew she had never been so much as romantically kissed… though at this moment, I could not for the life of me understand why. She was absolutely beautiful, inside and out, at least to me. We had a very open relationship, discussing virtually everything freely.
“I’m sorry… you weren’t… expecting that, were you?” she said softly with a smile.
“Not exactly.” But little did she know what I had been thinking moments earlier.
“Well, if you don’t want to answer…”
“No, it’s ok.” I said it before I even realized what I might be getting myself into. I always said that when she asked me an unexpected question. And I always answered it. It was almost a ritual for her to offer me the out and for me not to take it.
I glanced at her. She was calmly but anxiously awaiting my reply. Her right leg was pulled up on the couch, with her foot tucked under her left leg that hung casually to the floor. She still had her head propped on her right elbow, her fingers tucked in amongst the gentle curls of her glimmering hair. Her left hand was resting high on her left thigh. Somehow in her position, my mind couldn’t help but be drawn to two parts of her I had never noticed before. Her slightly snug cardigan wrapped her breasts perfectly… and her current leg position was strangely… inviting. I had to look away.
“Um… well…” I began. She dropped her hand from her hair and looked at me. I could feel her intensity, which I knew was just her excitement in hearing an answer. “You know how there are some people… a few people… whom you just feel physically safe with? Like, just being in their presence makes you feel warm and safe, and you don’t even have to speak to enjoy it? And you just want to be around them because they make you feel so good?”
“Yes,” she whispered, barely audible.
I swallowed. “Well, it’s like that… except… just being around them isn’t enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you want to… touch them. Have your hand brush theirs, have your legs touch… when those things happen, you just feel shivers, it feels so good.”
She didn’t speak for a moment, considering what I had just said. I wasn’t sure she had ever felt such a thing. I knew she had crushes, but I also knew she wasn’t exactly the type to have even accidental physical contact with people.
Finally, she whispered, “I don’t know what that’s like.” I looked at her. She was looking down at her legs, and I sensed sadness in her. “I mean, I like a nice hug now and then, but…” “Not like that,” I said quickly. “More like… I don’t know if I can explain. You have to feel it.”
“I don’t know that I can,” she said sadly, once again barely audible.
I watched her, and suddenly without realizing it I had turned myself completely toward her on the couch, moving as close to her as was physically possible. My mind went completely blank; all I saw was her – her tousled hair, her entire body, and her beautiful face touched with sadness. I unconsciously reached my right hand up to her cheek, and very slowly, I ran my thumb up along her cheekbone. My fingertips brushed her earlobe and ran along her jaw line as the palm of my hand caressed her face. Her skin was so soft to the touch. Slowly I pulled my hand down to her chin and gently raise her eyes to mine. As they met, I felt every inch of my body explode in an almost uncontrollable fire of physical emotion.
My mind blinked back. I swallowed and began to pull my hand away. She caught it with hers. She gazed at me, her eyes watering slightly. Her lips parted slightly as she whispered, “No… please…” She pulled my hand back to her cheek and held it there, rubbing her check against it gently. Her eyes closed slowly and I let my mind go once again. I gently ran my thumb along her lips, which breathlessly parted even more. “I… I think…” she whispered.
“Don’t think,” I whispered, my mind now completely gone. She opened her eyes again, and as I looked into them, I saw more raw emotion than I had ever seen in her. I could feel my body respond to her with overwhelming longing.
“I don’t think I can,” she mouthed. “I want… more… please…”
My left hand almost immediately reached up to her face, and I ran my fingers through the same curls she was playing with earlier. When my hand reached the back of her head, I pulled her toward me slightly. My right hand was still caressing her cheek gently. I ran its palm up so that my fingers brushed her neck just below her ear. Slowly, I felt myself leaning toward her. The moment seemed to be suspended in time somehow. My lips parted slightly. Very slowly, I let my lips graze hers. My body felt hers respond. Her lips were so soft, perfectly moist and incredibly inviting… I could not stop feeling them with my own.
“Oh, God…” she moaned quietly, breathlessly.
“Now do you understand?” I whispered, my lips brushing hers as I spoke.
“Please don’t stop… please… teach me…” Each word she spoke made my body shiver. I pulled her closer and let my right hand drop to her left arm, gently running up and down her sweater. I tilted my head and let my tongue reach out to touch her lips. She whimpered slightly and then I felt her tongue touching mine. Our lips caught one another’s as our tongue danced. Both of us were breathless, with quiet whimpers escaping as we kissed.
Before I had realized it, my right hand was resting on her left hip, my fingers touching her naked skin where her sweater was pulled away from her jeans. I slowly ran my hand up under her sweater, feeling the soft skin of her back. She straightened as my fingers ran along her spine, but she leaned into our kiss deeper, inviting me to pull her even closer. Her right leg was still tucked up on the couch between us. Slowly, without taking my lips from hers, I slid down to the floor and knelt before her, turning her toward me. She dropped her right leg to the floor and spread her knees apart, allowing me to pull her to the edge of the couch, our chests now completely touching each other’s and her knees holding my hips. She reached both of her hands to the back of my head and held me close, as if she never wanted the kiss to end. I felt my own hands pulling her forcefully closer, one still tangled in the curls on the back of her head, the other now rubbing the length of her back beneath her sweater.
Finally, I broke our kiss. I pulled my face away from hers and looked at her, the firelight flickering off an unexpected trail down her cheek. She slowly opened her eyes. They were filled with tears.
My left hand released her hair and I brushed the trail gently with my fingertips. “What is it?” I asked quietly, scared to death to hear the answer.
She swallowed hard. I felt her fingers play with my hair nervously. “I just… I never knew…” She was desperately searching for words. I watched her tender lips as they tried to express the myriad of thoughts flying through her mind. “… the intensity… my God…” I felt her eyes suddenly focus on mine, and when I looked up into them, they immediately captured mine with an undeniable pleading. “Please,” she whispered. “Please don’t stop… please… teach me how to feel… please… here, tonight… no one will know… please, God, please don’t stop…”
Driven by her pleas, my hunger for her now was uncontrollable. I wrapped both of my arms tightly around her, my right hand still slid up beneath her sweater; my left hand reaching across her back to grip her left shoulder firmly. I captured her lips with mine, my tongue immediately searching for and finding hers. She held me tightly, her arms wrapped around my head. I retreated from the kiss suddenly, inspiring a desperate moan from her. Quickly, I started to run the tip of my tongue, barely protruding from my parted lips, along her jaw line to her ear, where I teased her earlobe hungrily. I smiled as a surprised whimper escaped from her.
“You like?” I whispered softly into her ear.
“God, yes,” she said huskily.
“Good… good….” I answered, everything seemingly out of my mind’s control now. “More?” I teased. I knew the answer.
“Dear God, yes… more… teach me everything…” she pleaded. My body ached for her; I could feel my own excitement swelling between my legs.
I let my lips and tongue trail down her neck slowly. She stretched her neck uncontrollably, breathlessly, enjoying my touch. Near where her neck met her shoulder, at the soft area just above her collarbone, I paused to let my tongue tease as I sucked on her tender skin gently. She moaned, holding me there. I pulled the collar of her sweater toward her shoulder and ran my lips and tongue along the newly exposed skin. Slowly, I moved along her collarbone back to the base of her neck. She leaned her head backward, giving me full access to every inch of her throat. As I ran my lips slowly up toward her chin, I released her collar and moved my hand around to her chest. Slowly, with my right hand still caressing her back beneath her clothes, I began unbuttoning her sweater.
With each button, more of her beautiful skin was met with the firelight. I moved my lips downward, greeting each new inch with the tip of my tongue. I lingered at the area just between her breasts, where her bra interrupted the trail. I pulled her chest closer to me by putting pressure on her back with my right hand near her bra clasp. I continued to tease that area as my left hand finished unbuttoning her sweater. Then I pulled back for a moment, slipping my right hand out from her back. I looked at what I had just uncovered. God, she was beautiful. I reached both of my hands to her face and pulled her into a hungry kiss again. As our tongues intertwined, my hands fell to her shoulders and pushed the sweater down her arms. It fell to the couch. She reached her now naked arms around my head again and gently pushed my head downward. I released her mouth and smiled at her hint. Then I lowered my lips and began teasing her collarbone again with my tongue.
She was breathing heavily now, with the occasional whimper spurring me to be more aggressive. I began to run my tongue along the rim of her bra, dancing along the top of her breast. I reached up with my hands to her shoulders, finding her bra straps. As I continued to kiss her breasts along the bra line, I slowly pulled the straps down her arms. As the straps descended, more of her breast became exposed to my tongue. She released me long enough to pull her arms out of the straps and then held my head close once again. I wrapped my left arm around the small of her back, pulling her closer to the edge of the couch, rubbing my pelvis between her legs. My right hand went to the top of her left breast and pulled the bra away, exposing her hard nipple.
At the site of her immensely excited nipple, I groaned hungrily. I cupped the breast and slowly caressed it, watching how it fit so perfectly in my hand. I looked up at her face. Her eyes were closed; her lips parted as her short breaths escaped them. As I continued to watch the enticing expression on her face, I gently ran my thumb back and forth across her nipple. She moaned softly. I then captured her nipple between my thumb and forefinger and gently began pinching and twisting it.
“Oh… my… God…” she whimpered as I watched another tear trickle down her cheek. Her face held an expression of complete submissiveness, complete surrender. I pulled my left hand from her back and pulled her bra away from her right breast, caressing it momentarily before pinching that nipple as well. I felt her body ripple with excitement as I teased both of her hardened nipples. I watched as her face contorted with extreme pleasure at my touch. Slowly I leaned toward her and again captured her lips with mine. She returned my kiss with a hunger unlike I had ever felt before.
With our lips still brushing each other’s and our tongues still teasing each other’s, I whispered, “Is that enough?”
Her eyes opened and she pulled her lips away. She reached down and held my hands to her breasts, where my fingers were still playing with her nipples. “I cannot imagine more,” she whispered. “I could not imagine this.”
“There is more,” I whispered back. “Much more. But I can stop here.”
“No,” she said quickly. “Please… no. Teach me everything.”
“But perhaps you should wait for the right…”
“No,” she interrupted. “I trust you. With you, I can just feel it. I don’t have to wonder where it’s going or if it’s right… I trust you. I… want… you… tonight I just want you to teach me…please…” Her words trailed off as I started to run my tongue along the soft skin of her breasts again. I cupped her right breast firmly with my left hand and lifted it slightly. Then I began teasing the nibble with the tip of my tongue. She moaned, slightly louder this time.
Suddenly I took the nipple into my mouth, sucking it with my lips and caressing it with my tongue. She gasped and forcefully held my head against her breast. I continued to pinch and twist her left nipple as I sucked on her right. She was rocking with pleasure now, her legs wrapping around my waist and pulling me into her crotch. Her hips were moving just enough to give herself a slight sensation between her legs. I started thrusting my hips in rhythm with her movements. Then I switched breasts, taking her left nipple in my mouth and forcefully sucking it, pinching her now wet right nipple with my fingers.
With her breast still within my mouth, I wrapped both of my arms tightly around her waist and pulled her off the couch. I gently laid her on the floor, my tongue still teasing her nipple as I sucked on it. I moved my hands to her waist and started pulling at the waistline of her jeans. She raised her pelvis, inviting me to pull her jeans down over her hips. I eagerly did so, leaving her panties on.
Her jeans removed, I lay on top of her, her legs wrapped around mine, her arms now wistfully holding my head against her breast. I switched breast again, sucking now on the right nipple. I slid my right hand down the side of her naked body, along her hip. I lifted myself up just enough to slide it between her legs. Her panties were drenched in her excitement. She groaned loudly as I pushed my fingers along her crotch outside of her panties. Finding what I knew would excite her, I supported myself on my knees, reached for her hands with my left hand, pushed them above her head, and held them by her wrists as I sucked on her nipple and began rubbing her clitoris through her wet panties in small, circular motions.
She was moaning almost continually now, thrusting her hips with the rhythm of my hand. I released her nipple and looked up at her face. It was contorted in extreme pleasure, straining with the excitement rolling through her body. Tears were streaming down her temples. I knew she was completely under my control.
I stopped rubbing her clit and moved my hand to her hip. I leaned down and gently kissed her on the lips. Her eyes opened. “No, don’t stop…” she pleaded.
I smiled gently. “I don’t want to,” I answered as I released her wrists. “It’s just… I want to… feel… inside of you…but…”
“But what?”
“But… no one… has before…” I whispered. “This shouldn’t be the first…”
She gazed into my eyes and reached up to gently touch my face. “I trust you,” she whispered. “I know this moment probably won’t ever repeat itself between us. But if anyone is going to be the first to touch me inside… I desperately want it to be you.” A tear punctuated her words. “I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone.”
With that, I felt my own eyes water. I leaned down and kissed her lips gently. Then, very slowly, I slid my right hand inside her panties. Her eyes widened as my fingers teased her clit again, this time without the barrier of her panties. I watched her as she closed her eyes, moaning softly once more. Very slowly, very carefully, I slid one of my fingers inside her.
“Oh… my… God…” she whimpered.
I pulled it out slowly, then slid it back in, this time going deeper. I felt her muscles rippling inside against my finger. I started rubbing her clit again with my thumb as I slid my finger in and out of her, each time pushing a bit deeper, each time going a bit faster. She arched her back against me, and I watched her face as she panted. She raised her hands above her head, but instead of grabbing her wrists again, I squeezed her breast and began sucking the nipple once more.
She was thrusting regularly against my hand now. I pulled my finger out, and very slowly, slid two fingers inside. She arched herself hard against me. I stopped teasing her breast and pulled my fingers out, worried I had hurt her. “No… no… more… please…” she panted. I slowly slid both fingers back in. She moaned deeply. I pulled them almost all the way out, then slid them back in, this time deeper. “Yes… yes…” she begged. I pulled them out and thrust them in even deeper. Once again I rubbed her clit with my thumb as I continued to thrust my fingers inside of her. I leaned down and sucked on her nipple again as my fingers slid in and out of her.
She arched hard again and virtually stopped breathing. I pushed my fingers as deeply as I could and wiggled them slowly as I sucked hard on her breast. I felt the muscles inside of her crushing my fingers. Suddenly, she screamed as I felt every muscle in her explode with uncontrolled pleasure. The muscles inside of her rippled against my fingers. I tried to pull them out slightly to thrust into her again, but her muscles wouldn’t let me. I stopped pressuring her clit and touched it very lightly. The ripples continued for what seemed like several minutes. Then, very slowly, she regained her breath. I slowly pulled my fingers out of her. I kissed her breast gently and slid off to her side, my leg still on top of her and my arm sliding under her head. She curled into me, and I wrapped my arms around her.
We lay like that for several minutes. I watched the firelight dance across her satisfied face and along her naked body. I played with her curls gently and occasionally rubbed a tear from her cheek. Her eyes remained closed for several minutes as she regained some power over her body.
Finally, she opened her eyes and looked at me. I smiled weakly at her. In the time we had been laying there, my mind had returned. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I couldn’t believe I had let myself do that, let myself touch her at all.
She searched my eyes, apparently reading my concern. She reached a hand up and got my attention with a gentle touch on my cheek. She smiled at me. “Thank you,” she whispered. I looked past her for a moment, not believing what she had said. “I know it’s not what you expected… me either. But I couldn’t have chosen a better person to show me what it can be like. I won’t regret this… please… please don’t regret this.”
I looked back at her. Her eyes were so trusting, so thankful. I pulled her closer and held her tightly. It was, admittedly, the most arousing experience of my life. As we lay there in front of the fire, I finally realized I had given her something she had been wanting for years. And I wasn’t obligated in any way to give it again.
She fell asleep in my arms that night… the only time she ever did.