He came to me in the middle of the night, like always. There was no hello exchanged, no easy transition from sleep to sex; most often I woke to the most wonderful feeling in the world, of being inside my lover’s mouth, and only knew what it was when it was over.
He moved over me, pausing to lick my chest a few times before his hot mouth settled over mine.
I gave myself to him, all of me, as he spread my legs and settled between them. I gasped when he entered me, sobbed when he insisted on moving slowly, moaned when he hit my prostate, screamed when it became too much, sighed when I lay there spent, insensate, not even fully comprehending what was happening, only that it was. Didn’t even realize who was doing this to me until his weight lifted from my bed and I could hear the ruffling of clothes.
“You could at least hold me once, you know,” I murmured into the darkness, making little effort on my voice being heard.
“Sorry, babe,” I could hear weariness in his voice and immediately wanted to jump up and make him feel better, even though my mind was already slipping back into unconsciousness.
I snapped awake and looked around, giving a sheepish smile when I realized where I was. “Sorry Maria, couldn’t sleep last night.”
“It’s starting to happen too often. What is this, the fourth time this week?”
I winced and looked at my full plate of chicken salad. “Sorry, love, just a lot on my mind these days.”
“Oh, god, Jonnie, tell me already! I’m getting tired of you shutting me out!”
“I’m not shutting you out,” I said while giving another shrug and picking up my fork to pick at my food.
“Jonnie, in all the years that we’ve been sister and brother, this is the first time that you have shrugged instead of told me the truth, and you’ve been avoiding this discussion for the last month!”
“Maria, just don’t,” I muttered, my voice practically fading into nonexistence.
She sighed, and I knew that I’d won. “God, Jonnie, this is really getting to me. Just, snap out of this soon, okay?”
I’ll try, I told myself.
I dimly felt the sensation of being lifted and then, “Wake up.”
I moaned and cracked open bleary eyes. “Wha-” The rest was cut off when I was set on my feet and shoved chest first into the wall.
“I’ve been meaning to try this for a while,” he whispered into my ear, his warm breath tickling me.
I stepped back, yawning, shook my head when I heard the sound of the cap to the lubricant bottle being unscrewed. My mind drifted and next thing I knew, he had gripped my hips and was in me. I brought my hands up to keep my head from smashing into the wall. This time, he gave me the mindless, hard fucking that I’d been begging for.
My body lit on fire, every nerve ending open for stimulation, the slightest wind from his breath had me shivering. I could feel him pumping away inside me, burning me from the inside, branding me as his.
I felt as if I was opening, as everything inside me began to sing with the oncoming orgasm when he pulled out completely.
My whole body was tense and tears rolled from my eyes as time stood still. I could hear his harsh breathing from somewhere behind me. I couldn’t even feel his hands anymore.
He was back inside me.
I screamed with release.
Her. I looked up and then down immediately. I couldn’t deal with her, couldn’t look at her, couldn’t hear her voice. It was too painful.
Why did she have to be so persistent?
“What, Cassandra?” I snapped.
She frowned at me. “I’m having a small dinner party at my house, I was hoping you could come.”
“Cassandra,” I sighed her name.
“Oh, god, Jonnie, this little spat between my husband and you has gone on long enough! We were becoming friends, but when you met Rick you pulled away completely! Well, I’d really love to be your friend, and I will be, despite your objections. Now, you better be at there!”
“Or you’ll what?”
She stared at me and she shook her head. “I was really hoping that working in a real company would be different than high school, that the people there would be adults. Thank you for reminding me that I’m just the geek in the corner that nobody wants to talk to!”
She stalked away and I buried my head in my hands.
I lifted my head from the pillow and blinked at him, wondering what he meant and why he was still there.
“This is you.” I felt something thrust into my hand. I turned on the light and froze when I saw that it was a photo. A photo of me. Dimly, I recalled the click and flash of the night before, but it had disappeared from my mind when he had left.
I was standing, my body bent like a bow string, my eyes clenched tight, my mouth open, my body glistening with sweat. Everything about my body was accented, especially my erection, darker than the rest of me, pointing straight to the ceiling.
“You can’t see my scars,” I murmured.
“No, you look healthy and at your peak,” he said.
I can hear the amusement in his voice, but I ignored it as I reveled in me, for once finding myself attractive.
“Why did you give it to me? Why did you do it?” I asked him.
He came close and nipped my chin. “Your low self-esteem annoys me.”
“Funny, you haven’t heard me put myself down in a while.”
“Yet it’s there. I wanted something of you to carry around, and most of all wanted a photo. I’m giving you the copy, figured you’d at least admit that you look amazing for once in your life.”
I rolled onto my stomach. “Yep, I definitely look fine.”
He sighed. He knew I wasn’t saying what he wanted me to say.
“You weren’t there.”
I looked up at Cassandra and raised my eyebrows. “Wasn’t where?”
“The dinner party.”
“Don’t tell me you’re surprised.”
“Ugh, what is it between you and my husband anyway? He refuses to talk about it.”
“Well, then I will as well.”
“Oh, god, when was it that you two knew each other?”
When I was first realizing what I was.
“Oh my god, that was so long ago! Why can’t you just move on?”
Because what he did ruined all of my future relationships. As soon as the thought entered my mind, I blanched.
“Jonnie? What is it, Jonnie?”
He had said that I’m amazing, even knowing what was there. He was still there.
“Nothing, Cassandra, go back to work.”
I could feel his mouth on me, swallowing me, there to bring me to desperate peaks of arousal so he could play with me.
But I wasn’t into it.
“Why do you do this?” I whispered.
He immediately stopped and pulled himself from me. My mind hardened itself against the pleas of my body.
“Why do I do what?”
“No, I don’t. I’ve yet to know just how your mind works. Tell me, what is it that I do that you don’t like?”
I didn’t say anything.
“You don’t like the way I fuck you? What? I’m not big enough for you?” he was sneering now, I could feel him over me, taut, all male, perfection, and probably all for slugging me.
“That’s not what I mean.”
“What? You don’t like that I don’t take you out? Not spending any money on you? Hell, even if we could be seen together, I wouldn’t take you anywhere. Why should I be associated with you, you lowlife piece of-”
I reared up and slammed my hands into his chest. His arms closed around me as we tumbled onto the floor, him on the bottom. “Finally,” he gasped, and dragged my head down to his.
His kiss seared my soul and his hands seared my body as he swept them over my back, my butt, and into my crack. I pulled away from him and managed to spit out, “What were you-” before I howled with pleasure as he plunged two fingers into me and found my prostate.
“I think my interrogation skills are fine, don’t you?” he muttered into my neck. “I’ve gotten you to admit that you don’t think that low of yourself, even if not verbally.”
I opened my mouth, probably to curse him out, but my intention was lost as he flipped us over to return to what he had been doing earlier.
It was a week later that I was working late, repeating that one phrase over and over in my mind.
I turned to see my boss, James, standing outside my cubicle, frowning at me.
“What?” I asked, frowning when I realized my voice was weak.
“I’ve heard of overtime, but this is too much. It’s midnight.”
I glanced at the clock by my computer and shook my head, “I just have to finish this,” I said around a yawn.
“It can wait ‘til tomorrow.”
“No, it can’t,” I said, shaking my head.
“Oh? When’s it due?”
That made me pause, and it took a few seconds for me to come up with the answer. “In two days.”
“Then it can wait. You’re one of my best editors, Jonathon, I don’t want anything happening to you. Is everything all right at home?”
“Oh? What’s the problem?”
I opened my mouth, then caught myself. “Wow, I must be really tired,” I muttered to myself, then spoke up, “It’s nothing I can’t fix myself.”
“You do that.”
In the back, some newscaster repeated part of a story she had told earlier, “Apparently, the police were called when a van in front of the building blew up. They appeared in time to arrest the Hessia gang, but not without a fight. Five cops were injured while Two of the Hessia gang died immediately and four were transported to the hospital where one died in the van. Unfortunately, two of the Hessia gang have escaped.”
“Look at that, new meat.”
I turned to see what my friend had been talking about, and found it. A middle-aged man was standing in front of the doorway, looking around. He was shaking his head and even I could see that he seemed a bit nervous.
“Think it’s a closet case?” I asked.
“It’s definitely a closet case. Um, time to break him in.”
Drake slid from his seat and began walking toward the newcomer, and I took in his appearance, feeling myself harden when seeing how built he was, and the ample package between his legs. His face was okay, not much to look at, a nose with freckle dusted over them, an ample mouth, pale skin, and light brown hair with golden highlights. It was his eyes that really captivated me. They were brown, but really light, almost honey. They seemed to glow when they fell on me.
Drake walked up to him, and the eyes flickered from me to him. They talked, but it all stopped when the stranger nodded at me and Drake turned around to give me a grin. He walked back to his seat, taking the man with him.
“Jonnie, baby, looks like you got an admirer,” Drake said in a sing-song voice
I gave the man a smile, but I didn’t know what else to do. I attracted attention with my bright green eyes and blonde hair and my slight build wasn’t bad, but I had never really returned the attraction, always wondering what they’d say when they saw my legs. I stuck to people who’d disappear after sex, but I had a feeling this guy would show up again.
He leaned forward and whispered, “Don’t like what you see?” into my ear.
“That’s not it at all,” I whispered back.
A hand crept up the inside of my thigh, “Then how ‘bout we get together?”
“How ‘bout not?”
He licked my ear, sucked briefly on my earlobe, and I melted.
He didn’t speak in the car, and I didn’t ask him anything. It occurred to me right as I walked into my apartment that I didn’t know his name, but that faded away when he came in after me, slammed the door shut, then slammed me against the wall and began to kiss me.
It was only when his hands roamed too close to my legs that I began to return his assault. I pushed my hand beneath his belt and smirked when it closed around him. He threw his head back, and then unbuckled my belt and his knees buckled. We fell to the floor, and he whispered, “Lube.”
“Suck your fingers and stick them in me,” I whispered.
He complied quickly and efficiently, and soon enough I was face down on the floor with a man that I’d considered shy pounding away on top of me and giving me rug burn like never before.
Afterwards, he dressed immediately, gave me a quick kiss, and left. And returned the next day.
“Johnnie, I think you’re sick.”
“Mind your own business, Maria.”
“Oh, come on, you’re walking around like a zombie. What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing’s the matter with me.”
“Oh, please, that’s is such bullshit. Did a guy reject you?”
“Oh, come on.”
She rolled her eyes. “I really wish you’d go for more than one night stands.”
“I don’t need a relationship to survive.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Because you have someone that will share your burdens.”
“And I’ll have to share their burdens.”
She sighed. “I really love you, Jonnie, I just wish you’d let others do that, too.”
“What? Three times? God, ain’t it nice that the few times you decide to open up, you do it to such jerks.”
“What? It’s the truth. Your idea of opening up is a few dates and then sex with the light on, and that just doesn’t cut it for some men, and you seem to go for those kind of men.”
I remembered him and shook my head. “No, not really.”
She read something about that and her eyes lit up. “Oh, my god. Tell me everything!”
“I don’t want to.”
“Because it’s over.”
“Why are you handcuffing me?”
“Because I want to.”
I sighed. “Should you really be using these handcuffs? You wouldn’t get in trouble, would you?”
He chuckled and made sure I couldn’t get out of my position; sitting in a chair with my hands handcuffed to the wooden legs. Naked.
He unbuttoned my shirt slowly, pausing to lick my chest as every inch of skin appeared. I was writhing on the chair when he began to pull my pants off. I froze, but it was too late. He had already seen. He had my pants off in a second.
“So this is why you insisted on the light being off,” he murmured, looking at my legs.
My face was turned away. “Let me go,” I whispered.
“No.” He kissed my knee and my head snapped to him, my eyes searched his, desperate for any sign of betrayal. I couldn’t let this stranger, this man who only let me know what his profession and current predicament was, this man that wouldn’t even tell me his name, be the one to finally get past my defenses. I needed a well rounded man, not one that could disappear on me one day because someone in his life suddenly put him on a leash.
“Why did you come back?”
“Yes, that night.”
“Because you were a hot fuck.”
His crude language had me gasping, especially when he sucked my big toe into his mouth.
Cassandra walked into my cubicle, but I didn’t want to acknowledge her. I didn’t need any more invitations.
“Jonnie, I am so sorry.”
Everything stopped. I turned around to see tears glistening in her eyes.
“Cassandra,” my voice was barely a whisper.
“I made him tell me and he told. I am so, so sorry.”
“Cassandra, it’s not your fault,” I reached out to hug her and the tears spilled.
“But, I married him! My god, I didn’t know he could do such a thing!”
“Cassie, we were young, foolish, he could have done anything back then.”
“Except act maturely?”
I shook my head.”
“I just, I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Jonnie. If there’s anything I could do.”
“There’s nothing, Cassandra. I’m sorry about this. We might have had a wonderful friendship, but, unfortunately, I can’t.”
“I was in a car.”
He lay beside me, still. He didn’t know what I was talking about, why I had started talking. For some reason, he had stayed the night, for the first time, but I had no doubt he wouldn’t be doing it again. That he wouldn’t even have a choice.
“I was heading toward my grandmother’s house and other cars appeared in back of mine. They began to bump into mine, and I tried to get ahead. Suddenly, they pulled down their windows and began screaming things like ‘faggot,’ ‘cocksucker,’ and then I remember this one guy, he had his car be brought up in front of mine while I desperately tried to get mine away. He did it so easily; his car was a better model, newer, built for speed, mine was a dump. He threw a beer bottle at my front window. There was a crack, and stuff splashed all over it. I crashed into a tree. The whole front of the car caved in, ruined my legs. The doctors say I’m lucky to be walking.”
He didn’t say anything, just looked at me. I could feel his eyes on me. When I turned my head toward his, his golden eyes glowed with unshed tears.
“Because of that guy, I can’t be friends with a really wonderful woman. Because of that one incident, he’s going to be married to a woman that will feel like she doesn’t really know him. And because of him, you’re the first man that’s remained with me after learning of them. Thank you.”
“Wow, this Hessia thing’s all over the papers. It’s all anyone’s talking about. Everybody’s wondering which of the friends was the leak. My god, can you believe it? These people killed hundreds of children, and they were arrested because of a leak.”
I scowled at my food, and Maria nudged me. “Didn’t you hear a word I said?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Well, anyway, did you hear that one of the four injured guys died on the way to the hospital? My god, it’s horrible. There’s a picture of him lying on the gurney. Gosh, isn’t it a shame, he’s so handsome.”
I didn’t glance at the picture. The image was already seared into my mind.
“You never fuck with the windows open or lights on.”
He glanced at me, and then sighed. “I don’t want anybody to see.”
“The wrong person, that’s who.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Listen, babe, I may seem cautious, but there’s more than my job that’s on the line.”
“It’s just, you didn’t seem that affected by … it … it’s okay if you are.”
He punched me and then grabbed me, pulling me into a hug, burying his head into my shoulder. “You fucking idiot, it’s not that, god, it’s not that. It’s not that, it’s much bigger than that. I love your fucking legs, especially when they’re wrapped around my waist.”
“So, why haven’t you been on a date for three years, Jonnie? Maria’s getting real worried about you!”
“I know, Ma, I know. She’s told me.”
“Baby, I know it might be harder to meet cute guys when you’re gay, but surely there are some online things. God knows, Eric’s been raving about the people he’s met online.”
“Eric’s thirteen, Mama, don’t let him do that.”
“Why? He’s promised not to say where he lives, his real name, and that he won’t meet any of them, so why bother? He’ll do it anyway.”
I smiled. “You’re wonderful, Ma.”
“Course I am, now tell me, why is it that you aren’t dating anyone.”
“Because I fell in love.”
She squealed. “Really? To who? When? Why haven’t you told anyone? My god, I could spank you for this, boy!”
She immediately quieted down. “What happened?”
“Remember all the goings on about the Hessia gang a few years ago?”
“Well, he was one of the so-called friends that died the night they were arrested.”
“You fell in love with a felon?”
“No, Mama, I fell in love with a cop working undercover. He was the leak.”
“Yeah, oh. I love you, Mama.”
“Are you going?”
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “I’ve got to.”
“Okay, bye then, baby.”
It was when the phone clicked off that I moved on. I looked around myself. My apartment was a mess. For three years, I had relived my memories of him, and that time, over and over in my head, just loving him more, but I had finally told another of him. Of my cop. Of the man with golden eyes and no name. I can finally move on.
“So, technically, I’m dead. They even killed off my original identity.”
“Who was that?”
He chuckled. “I dunno, it’s kind of fun having you not know my name.”
We were lying on my bed, side by side, our hands intertwined. “Yeah, well, last time I looked, usually when a person sleeps with another for three months straight, they know each other’s names.”
“Yeah, I know,” his voice softened and he turned his head to kiss my shoulder. “They’re making me move to New York.”
“Witness Protection Program, two of the Hessia gang escaped.”
“What are you going to do there?”
“They’re taking me off the police force, a good thing since I was getting tired of it. I’m going to be a psychologist for teens. Should be easy compared to what I usually do.”
I snorted. “I had to go to a psychologist after the accident, and believe me, I did not make her life any easier. Though, when she found out some of the things the others called me and that it was true, she set out to brainwash me.”
“Really? What’d she do?”
“Well, she told me that I was doing the devil’s work, then she tried to convince me that I’m really straight and that my hormones were just acting up.”
“Did any of it work?”
“Nope, then she tried telling me that I’m possessed and told my parents to get a priest. They realized what she was up to, and took away my weekend fun with her.”
“What’d you do to her?”
I sat up, balancing my upper body on my elbows to look down at him, “And why would I have done anything to her?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Okay, I looked up porn sites on the web and memorized the graphics. It was fun reciting them to her.”
He laughed and flipped me, tickling me. I desperately tried to ward off his attention, then welcomed it when he kissed me and I could feel him becoming hard.
When we quieted down, he stayed perched on my chest, our noses touching. “Come with me,” he murmured.
I didn’t hesitate. “No, my life is here.”
He nodded, “Thought you’d say that. Just, your options are open. I’m gonna leave you my address there.”
“And what if when I come there, you’re already involved?” I brought up a hand to stroke his head, feeling his baby soft hair.
“That’s not going to happen for a while, just so you know. If I am, we’ll see what happens.”
I looked away. “Tell me your name.”
“Only if you come.”
“I’ve done that already.”
He chuckled. “When you show up there, I’ll tell you my name.”
“What makes you think it’s a when?”
“Don’t know, a feeling, I suppose.”
“I’m leaving, Maria.”
“Why are you leaving?”
“Because I wanna see New York.”
“What’s there to see?”
“Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, museums, plenty of places.”
She sighed and crossed her arms. “Fine, go, but be careful.”
“I always am,” I whisper and kiss her cheek.
I knocked on the door, and smiled when he opened the door. “Hey, you.”
“Hey,” he said softly, leaning against the side of the doorway, then straightening. “Come in.”
“Wow, you almost seem nervous,” I said.
“Not possible, at all.” He stopped in front of me. “What do you think?”
“You’re blocking my view.”
“Oh, sorry,” he stepped aside, and I smiled.
“It’s cozy, makes me think of sitting by the fireplace with chocolate in my hands.”
The whole place was done over with muted browns, the walls covered by rugs, the furniture looked soft and inviting. Only, there was no fireplace.
“Yeah, if only that were possible. I’m only beginning to learn that a good psychologists’ weekly paycheck is much larger than that of a cop’s and that I could actually afford things. So far, I’m saving. I refuse to touch that money.”
I laughed. “Like a pauper winning a lottery, huh?”
“Probably.” He looked sheepish, uncomfortable.
I let my bags drop to the floor and walked over to him. “You involved?” he shook his head no. I got to him and pressed myself against him. “Your name?” he shook his head.
I smirked and dragged him down for a kiss that had both of us revealing pent up emotions and me stumbling. We fell onto the floor and I paused for a moment to thank his decorating skills and putting such a thick carpet on the floor.
I ripped open his shirt, desperate for him, and leaned down to bit a nipple. He groaned and wiggled underneath me. I continued playing with his nipples as I move down his stomach, pausing at his navel. I loved his navel, it was innie, unlike mine. I stroked it, marveling at the sweat that had already appeared on his skin and he pushed at my head, trying to make it go lower. I resisted for a moment, then moved on.
I took him out of his jeans, stroking him, sucking him. He wasn’t large, just average, but he knew how to use it and best of all, he knew how to use it on me. I knew I needed to use more than my saliva as lubricant, especially for how long I’d gone without, but I wasn’t really thinking when I straddled him.
“Fuck!” I cursed when he entered me, and pain shot throughout my system. Immediately my body tensed and screamed at me to get out of there.
He shushed me, caressed me, “It’s okay, baby, you just went to fast, relax, love, you can do this.”
It took a lot of effort to relax, even more to not just pull him into me, but to rock above him, letting my muscles loosen and for him to enter me millimeter by millimeter. When I finally sat on him, he hit my prostate and I groaned. “Damn.”
“Yeah, damn.” He flipped us over and began moving in and out of me slowly even when I beat his chest.
“Hurry up, damn you,” I whispered harshly as the need to orgasm grew slowly and remained out of reach.
Eventually he complied, when both our bodies were soaked with sweat and he had to keep himself from crushing me by balancing his body balanced on his hands, and his butt began to move faster between my legs.
We through our heads back, and I arched my back until I could feel his chest.
“Hunter,” he whispered just before I let go.
I came screaming that name.
My cell phone rang and I grumbled as I was forced to stand up and get my bag. “Yeah?” I asked, wincing as the effort scratched my throat.
“Baby? You alright? You sound hoarse.”
“Yeah, just, busy night last night.”
“Oh, goodness. Where are you?”
“At a friend’s apartment.”
“At a boyfriend’s apartment or a one night stand?”
I paused for dramatic effect. “Boyfriend’s apartment.”
She squealed and I can hear her screaming into the background, “Maria, your brother’s got himself a boyfriend.”
And then Maria screamed back, “And for not telling me, I’m not talking to him.”
I laughed when Mama said, “Well, boy, you should have told her. When’d you get this boyfriend?”
“Three years ago.”
“I’ll explain later, Mama. How are things at home?”
“Oh, no, boy, don’t you dare. You tell me all about him.”
“What’s there to tell?” I asked, then continued when I felt hands wrap around me from behind, “He’s amazing, in bed and everywhere else, I love him.”
I could feel his smile against my throat when I held the phone away from my ear as my Mama screamed again.
And then, “Give the phone to him, I want to talk to him!”
“Here,” I gave it over immediately.
Hunter sent me a mock glare and put the phone to his ear, “Yes, ma’am?”
After that, I could only hear his answers, “Yes, I’m taking very good care of him, ma’am … Yes, we’ve eaten, ma’am … No, I will not stop calling you ma’am … I wanna meet you before I call you Mama … Yes, I cook … His favorites? All right.”
I watched him rifle in a cabinet by the bed and take out a notepad and a pen. “Shoot,” he said, and then began writing down something. I crept up behind him to see my favorite foods going on there.
Chuckling, I turned back to the bed and lay down as my two worlds collided.