Loading...To this day I cannot believe what happened to me. I have never told a soul and I never even went back to where I had worked, not even to get my stuff. In fact, it took me about a week to clean myself so that I could leave my apartment.
My name is Sara. I’m a mix between Vietnamese/Cambodian and French. My mother, who was French, worked with a group of international peacekeepers and succumbed to what is frequently called ‘disaster sex’ after a flood disaster had killed about 3,500 people.
I never met my father. My mother found out she was pregnant when she had returned home. She decided to keep me, but after two years put me up for adoption. I don’t know why. That is how I ended up in the United States with a wonderful family who raised me, took me to church, gave me a private education, put me through college and loved me as a daughter. I have no memory of my mother at all, only what I was told.
I was working in a large bank, processing loans. It was this enormous room filled with low walled cubicles and fluorescent lighting. I shared my cube with one other woman, Jessica, who was friends with Matthew. He also worked at the bank.
I have long black hair, am very small, and look very Asian. I was always painfully shy and every time Matthew came to the cube to talk with Jessica I could not even bear to look at him, but he frequently and openly stared at me. He had such intense eyes. He had jet-black hair, which he cut very short, and a narrow face. He was not tall, but he was much taller than me. He was an impeccable dresser, and I really liked that about him because so was I. He stood very straight, very proper. He talked quietly.
After many months I would say ‘hi’ to him when he said ‘hi’ to me, and I would tip my head down with my hand to my head as I did so, because my eyes would begin to blink furiously. I could see him smiling as I ran away. I think I liked him, I don’t know anymore, but it was becoming impossible. My heart would begin racing as I left my apartment for work knowing that he was there. We rode up the elevator one time, he and I, I wanted to talk to him. I asked him what he liked, and he said music. I said me too.
And he asked, “Do you like any local bands?”
I said, “Yes I do.” Which was true because I would go to clubs with my girlfriends.
“Which ones?” He looked at me expectant.
My head was empty, “I don’t know their names.”
He laughed. He had a way of tipping his head up when he laughed, and the air went out of me when he did it this time.
Silence.
He asked, “Do you have any tattoos?”
I said, “No. Why?”
Just then the doors opened, “See you later” and he got off the elevator. As the doors were closing he said, “You look like someone who would have a tattoo.”
This was distressing to me. In my church our pastor would say that tattoos were a stain on the soul. I thought about this the rest of the day.
He came to my cube one evening, a Friday. I can remember putting my things into my enormous bag. Small little me standing there in my tan slacks and flowery top, and he stepping up to me, standing above me. I can feel the weight of the bag on my shoulder as I looked up at him. It is for me my strongest memory – Frozen in Time.
He stood before me, smiled, he was so mysterious, he had such dark eyes. He was wearing all black. I do not remember him wearing that earlier in the day.
He said, “Some friends and I are going to go to The Club tonight. Would you like to go?”
I hesitated. He added, “It’s not like a date or anything.”
I said, “Yes.” I thought I would faint. I kept nodding my head.
I gave him my information. He said, “I’ll pick you up at about nine.”
I kept nodding my head.
I had not been out with a boy in a very long time. It is funny, I lived among so many white men and they see Asian girls and think that we are so exotic and unobtainable. What they do not realize is that we feel much the same about them. It is an interesting chemistry. But I was so painfully shy and it was read as being aloof. Unobtainable. I felt cursed. I had many girlfriends, I had a few boyfriends. But not in a long time just then.
So that evening, I really fixed up. I was excited. He said it was not a date, but I felt like – yes it was a date.
I wore a wonderful miniskirt. It was red. It was not a schoolgirl skirt, but it had some pleats and sort of had that look. I wore white socks and black chunky shoes. I wore a silk top that showed my midriff. I brushed my hair until it shined. I put red lipstick on. My breasts are considered large, but they aren’t really. I am not quite a C cup, but everyone expects less of an Asian girl, so they get more! My boyfriends always told me how wonderful my breasts are, and I wore my best top to show them off tonight. Light fabric and a deep V down the front. White, showing off my ‘exotic’ skin – Ha! I decided not to wear a bra. That decision changed the course of the evening for me.
He came right on time and picked me up, looked at me with a smile and said come on. He had a nice car, I don’t remember what it was. I don’t even remember its color. I remember so little of riding with him then, I was so nervous! It’s funny how I remember at the office; but nothing then.
He took me to his apartment where he said we would meet his friends. It was an old warehouse space. The walls were limestone and brick. The floors wood, and the ceiling had metal, lights just hanging down from the metal, such a high ceiling. It went on and on. And it was dark, this wonderful open expanse. The room had these clusters of little chairs, sofas, tables all around. Laying on the sofa was a woman watching TV.
She did not even look up at me. He saw me stare at her and said, “She is my room mate. . . She’s a model.”
He took a magazine, French Vogue I think, and put it in my hand. “Page 35. I’ll put on some music.”
I walked over near to the cluster of furniture where she lay, I could hear the music. And I turned to page 35. I looked at the pictures and up at her. It was her. I stopped. Did not want to get too close.
She didn’t move, just said, “I took those in Paris.”
I said, “My mother is French.”
And she just sort of looked at me.
Three others arrived then, and it included my cube mate. Oh, I was relieved and I went over and stood by her.
“Jessica!”
Matthew came back with some wine in a very large bottle and a bunch of glasses. Nothing matched. He poured them all on a table for no one in particular. There were only six of us and he poured maybe fifteen glasses. The table had no chairs around it.
I took a glass and took a large sip. It was TERRIBLE! I said, “What is this?”
He said, “I don’t know.”
I drank the whole glass just so I would not have to taste it anymore. Everyone took a glass and was drinking. Listening to the music. Matthew’s roommate was still watching TV but the music was so loud you could not hear anything but music. We talked loud.
I said to Jessica, “Have you been here before?”
She said, “Hmmm. We went to the same college.”
I nodded. I had never asked her that before. I never knew. She eyed me, said in my ear, “You like Matthew don’t you?”
I flushed immediately, felt hot. “No.” I said. She eyed me.
More people came and I had another glass of wine, drank it quickly and felt more relaxed. Matthew came into the room with three large metal jars; they said ‘Flour’ ‘Sugar’ ‘Coffee’, and started to take out plastic bags.
I could smell it. Marijuana!
“We aren’t supposed to.” My heart was patting away.
Matthew came up to me, I was standing next to Jessica. He said, “How do you want to feel?”
I said, “What.”
“Happy, I have a Columbian Green; Giggles – a nice Canadian; Mellow – a really dark Thai.”
I said, “This one says coffee.”
And he said “Something like that. I spend my money on cheap wine and lots of good marijuana.”
Jessica said, “He knows his marijuana. He’s like a connoisseur.”
“Of Marijuana??” I whispered to Jessica. “We aren’t supposed to…”
She said, “No one cares.”
I was watching everybody. Matthew was now rolling joints for no one in particular. He looked at me. “What do you want?” More people were coming in, milling about.
He had such a wonderful smile, and I was feeling more relaxed. Had a cup of the awful wine in my hand.
I said, “I want giggles!”
He said, “Giggles it is.”
Marijuana is very strange. When I drink I can feel it right away. I can feel the difference, how it affects me. But marijuana I never notice any change. I always feel ‘normal.’ I might not remember things so well, things might strike me as funny. But my ability to self assess is impaired, obliterated. I smoked that joint and felt just fine, I was having lots of fun. There were people all around, and then we all got in cars and went to The Club.
I had never been there before. It was really big, really loud. There were so many people, and these enormous screens showing videos. Bright colors flashing everywhere and I was smiling and standing close to Matthew as we went in. He lay his hand on the small of my back as I walked ahead of him. I remember that so well. His touch. He was wearing that all black outfit, and just about everyone was wearing the same thing. I really stood out in this little red skirt, white top and white socks. I looked around and felt like a light bulb. I was holding my hands to myself.
Matthew looked at me, pointing, “Black lights.”
I was a light bulb!
We all started to dance. Someone asked me if I wanted a drink. I said, No. I had enough. And the music was wonderful. I started to dance and these two boys started to dance near me and around me. I felt their attentions and it really felt good. You couldn’t talk so I just smiled.
Matthew came up and put a drink in my hand. Jessica was with him and he just said, “Come on.”
I followed and we sort of walked up near to the stage and then went off to one side through a line in one of the walls, went ‘back stage’ which was actually to the side of the band that was playing. You could see the band there playing from the side.
I said, “What are we doing.”
“I know the band.”
There were these platforms and large white sheets that had bright theater lights shining on them from the back, facing toward the dance floor. There were like five of them. Jessica crawled up on one of the platforms and started to dance. Her shadow was reflected in sharp relief on the white sheet and you could see it, her Silhouette, from the other side. It looked really cool. So from the dance floor this shadow of the dancer.
There was a ledge all around this back area and it was lined with poured drinks. I set my glass on the ledge and said, “What are those?”
“For the band. You can have as many as you want. No one keeps track.” He took my hand, “Come here.”
And he led me to the other platform that was next to Jessica. I hesitated. They were only about three feet high. But my skirt was short and you would be able to see up my skirt. I wore white panties and was thinking that. He lifted me up onto the platform, and I loved the way his hands felt on my hips. I started to giggle. “What are you doing.”
“Dance,” he said.
And he got up on the platform with me. I could see my shadow on the sheet, I knew how my shadow was being projected out the other side onto the dance floor. Jessica was dancing now with another boy, and another couple was next to me who I didn’t know.
I was giggling again. “This is crazy!”
“You like this.”
I nodded. I liked Matthew. I said, “I need another drink.”
He went to the ledge and took a different drink from the one I had set down. I sipped. It was strong. “What is this?”
“Yaggermeister.”
I had never head of that before and sipped it down.
And we danced. I moved and watched my shadow. Matthew took out another joint, you could see him light it on the shadow of the screen. I was so happy. My head spinning. The noise. “Want another.”
I took the joint and inhaled. It rushed through my blood. “What is this one?”
“Uh, what?”
“Mellow or Giggles?”
He laughed. “You ask a lot of questions. I don’t know.”
I laughed some more.
He said, “I like your laugh you should laugh more.”
I giggled again and covered my face. It was all so funny.
After awhile someone went up to Matthew and then he went over and whispered something to Jessica and then came back.
He looked at me, “They want you and Jessica to take your tops off.”
“What!?”
“Out there,” He pointed through the white screen to the dance floor. “They want you to take your tops off.”
I was confused.
“Jessica said she didn’t care. She would if you would.”
My eyes grew wide. I understood.
I looked at Jessica. She was smiling at me, holding the hand of the boy she was with.
“They can’t see anything.”
I smiled, “You can!”
“Well yeah, but…”
And I lifted my white top off, the whole motion reflected against the screen, and I could hear the crowd on the other side of the sheet cheer. I threw my top down next to the platform and started dancing, turning myself so the outline of my bare breasts reflected on the screen, and then facing Matthew. Jessica followed, another cheer. The band looked over at us and gave a thumbs up.
I was looking at her. It was so weird being in this building looking at her with her top off. She was bigger than me, her breasts were swinging around as she danced. She was smiling. She caught my eye and waved. I waved back.
“I need another drink,” and Matthew brought another yaggermeister. I loved the way he was staring at me. So attentive. I hadn’t been with a boy in so long.
You could totally see that I had no top on now on the screen. It was a very smooth surface. And when I get nervous or aroused my nipples really point out. The image on the screen was amazing. It was me. I knew everyone could see me. My heart was racing and I really started to dance, lifting my hands over my head, rubbing myself and wiggling, lifting my skirt up around my waist. I loved the way it looked on that screen. Matthew could see my panties when I did that. I leaned in close to Matthew.
He put his hands around my waist. I could feel his hands on my bare skin. I looked down at his legs my hair hanging in front of my face and then up into his eyes. He just was smiling, looking back and dancing. I was getting pretty tired and said I needed to sit down for a while and stepped off the platform and put my top back on. Matthew jumped down and said there was an area upstairs that was nice.
I said ok. Jessica followed us, she was slowly putting her top on as we went up these really narrow steep steps. I was really feeling tipsy, and I followed both of them. We climbed and climbed. I have no idea where we went or where we ended up. We were deep inside this thrumming building, the bass shaking the floor. It was a room with a low ceiling. Matthew took my hand, “We are right above the band.”
The walls were black and there were candles. There were three sofas. Old sofas. Everything smelled like cigarettes. An odd shaped glass table between the sofas. I was straightening myself out and sitting down. There were not very many people here and it was quieter, except the pounding of the bass. Jessica was sitting next to me.
She leaned in, “Having fun?”
“Crazy!”
There were drinks all over the table and I just took one. When Matthew came back I started to rub the nape of his neck and he leaned in and kissed me. It was just a nice soft little kiss.
“How you feeling?” he said.
“Great.” I took another drink. A shot of something. He got up and left.
Jessica took my hand, I looked at her. “Want a cigarette?” She held one out to me.
“No, I don’t smoke.”
She lit it and took a drag. “Neither do I.”
Matthew came back and sat back next to me. He leaned in and said, “You know how to give a blow job.”
I was surprised, and paused. What kind of question? I looked at Jessica but she didn’t hear. In my mind I was thinking I can’t say no because then that means I have never done it before. I started to laugh, and I said, “Yes.”
I started to turn toward him. When he said, “Someone said they would give you a hundred dollars if you gave them a blow job.”
“What?”
“A hundred dollars for a blow job from you. I said I’d ask.”
I looked at Jessica, Jessica heard this part, just shrugged.
At that moment, I was feeling so confused. I liked Matthew. I felt sort of betrayed. But I loved dancing in front of that screen, loved having my top off. I loved looking at Jessica without her top. I was feeling very aroused. Could feel my cheeks burning. I hadn’t had sex in over a year. And I was getting so incredibly aroused. Blow Job.
I said, “Ok.”
I took another sip of my drink, and watched Matthew wander off. The music was louder now, or seemed louder. My heart was pounding in my throat.
“Have you ever done this before?” I said to Jessica.
“Sometimes.”
I said, “Stay here,” and took her hand.
In fact three guys came up. One standing at the front, he had his hand out. There was a hundred dollar bill.
I said, “What’s your name?”
“Bill.”
He was so nervous. He was so thin. He had long blonde hair, and big eyes.
“You want a blow job Bill?” He was nodding his head and I took the money in my hand and lay it on the table.
“Ok.”
Matthew got out of the way, and I turned myself on the sofa so my back was to Jessica. The boy came and sat himself down with his back to the sofa and I watched him open his pants and take his penis out. It stood straight up out of a shock of brown hair.
It was surreal. How did I get here? I couldn’t believe it.
He was looking at me then, and said. “This is ok?”
I pulled my hair out of my face and nodded. I was going to have a cock in my mouth.
I bent over him and let his cock slide in my wet mouth, licking it with my tongue. I felt him stiffen and breath in. Hold his breath, and I closed my lips around him and bobbed my head up and down. The touch of a cock in my mouth was so wonderful. Completely unexpected. And as I gave Bill his blowjob Jessica started to rub the small of my back. Soft slow twirls of her fingertips, as she reached her whole hand up under my top. I loved the way her hand felt on my back.
I kept sucking and sliding on his cock and could feel him trying to pump his mouth into me. I cannot have a cock in my mouth too far and I remember at one point lifting my head up and looking at him and saying, “You hold still.”
It was like a command and he didn’t move a muscle after that. I went faster and faster on him, he put a hand on top of my head and I felt him start to cum, it was filling my mouth fast. I had never swallowed before but didn’t want to get anything on my clothes. So I started to drink.
Jessica was still behind me and she had reached her hand around. I could feel her caressing my breast, holding me in her hand, squeezing. She held my nipple in her fingers, twirling it around and pinching me. I have such sensitive nipples and as I drank Bill’s cum, her hand on me was getting me very aroused. I looked down into Bill’s lap when I was finished, and it looked so funny, there was this bright red ring around the base of his cock from my lipstick.
“Thanks, that was so great!. Thanks.”
Jessica took her hand away and I looked back at her. She didn’t acknowledge what she had just done, and maybe thought I had not even noticed.
Then another boy came forward. He was shorter, stockier. He had a hundred dollars. And I just looked at him. I looked back at Jessica and I remember thinking, if I do this again maybe she will rub my back again and touch me. I wanted to feel my body rubbed. I nodded my head. I don’t remember how many people were in that room. Matthew was watching from across the table. I took another sip of some wine on the table, sort of to clear my palette. Weird. Where was I? I couldn’t remember coming here.
Another one hundred dollar bill lay on the table and this other shorter boy on the couch. I remembered getting up on my knees this time, and again putting my mouth over this cock. It was thicker. I had never been around more than one cock at a time, and the ability to compare was very very weird to me. It tasted different. He smelled different, the hairs of his cock were shorter. And I began to bob my head up and down in his lap. He lay his hand on my head and stroked my hair. I really liked the way he stroked my hair, soft almost reverential.
Jessica began to rub my back again – *what I wanted* – and I scotched back so I was closer to her. She also started to rub my feet. I must have kicked my shoes off.
Her hands were sliding up my calves and then she was stroking my thighs, her soft fingers tickling up my legs. It felt so good! I could feel myself tingling, I could feel myself getting wet and I was letting my ass rise and fall as I sucked on this cock. Oh how I loved her touch! I could feel her touching my panties, tracing her fingers along the hem right at the crook of my puss and thigh, she was lightly rubbing my ass, feeling the pout of my pussy and then she was rubbing my back again.
I could feel the cum rush into my mouth as she touched my panties again, I was feeling dizzy from her touch and I lifted up as she lay her hand between my legs just then, and felt the cum squirting out. It got all over him. It ran down his cock and got on his pants. I had a streak on my cheek. It was in my hair.
I said, “Sorry.”
His mouth was held open, he looked like he was panting, and he just got up closing his pants and disappeared.
I set myself up again on the couch, settled my back against the rear cushion and felt so horny. My pussy was so wet and I wriggled around on the cushion. I drank from another glass and looked at Jessica. Her cheeks were red and mottled, and I took her hand, leaned over and began to kiss her.
She melted. I was kissing her there on the sofa and could feel hands on my body. Matthew who had been watching me was unzipping my skirt. I looked back at him and he was tugging my skirt down my legs and I let one leg drop off the sofa and lifted my other leg, helping him. I was just in socks, panties and my top now. The sofa felt sticky on my skin. I continued to kiss Jessica, and she held my chin in her hand. I touched her breasts through her top. I had never touched another woman’s breasts before, they felt like mine.
Matthew was rubbing his hands between my legs over my panties and I know they were soaked. I rubbed myself back against him, tipping my hips up and down, and felt him rise up on the sofa. He was opening his pants. I looked back.
“Is this ok?” he asked. He was so sweet.
I just nodded and kept looking back at him. His cock was long and narrow, jet black hair stood out from his crotch.
I said, “Wait.”
And slid my panties down my backside. I looked around the room at the people who were watching. Jessica was breathing in my ear, “You’re so hot. Do you know that..” She was positioning herself in front of me, “You want to eat me?”
Matthew was setting his cock at my pussy and sliding up inside me. I could feel the head of his cock sitting right between my hips. It felt so bizarre. It had to be the marijuana, I have never felt anything like that before or since. It felt warm there and then I could feel it moving inside me, like this little ball, trembling and vibrating. He was holding my hips. Jessica was taking off her panties and opening her legs, lifting her skirt. She had these little blonde hairs on her puss. I could smell her before I touched her.
I leaned down and lightly licked her as she pushed her puss up into my face, and I began to lay flatter on the sofa, people were moving to make room. Matthew was lifting my top and someone had given him a magic marker. I could feel the cold tip of a pen on my back.
I lifted my face from Jessica. She had her hands on my head. He was writing something on my back as he fucked me.
I said, “What does it say?”
Matthew looked up at me, still writing. “‘Slot A Goes into Slot B,’ and there was an arrow pointing down at my pussy along the crack of my ass. He kept fucking me and I went back to eating out Jessica, my tongue touched her clit. I never imagined I would touch another girl’s clit. It was so small!
I could feel him pumping into me harder and harder, long deep strokes and then he slammed against me, pushing my nose in between Jessica’s legs with each thrust. I loved the way her clit felt. I drew circles around it and felt her breathing, squirming into my face.
I had never seen one close up. I backed away and spread her pussy lips, looked into her. Pink folds, and shining wet, her little clit formed this little seed. It looked like a pumpkin seed. Her vagina was white. I could feel Matthew cum in me. I simply lay there as he came in me, laying on the sofa pressing my tongue into Jessica.
She was pressing so tight against me, rubbing her puss against my mouth. We had our fingers entwined together, she was looking down at me the whole time holding her legs open. I could feel her trembling as she came.
I felt another bare cock, and I looked back. I didn’t recognize who it was. His pants were down around his knees. He had long hair.
I said, “A hundred dollars.”
And he backed away.
But then another cock. I saw a hundred dollars put on the table. I could feel the cock slide right inside. I was already so wet and full with cum. It was the second time I had been fucked tonight. This cock was big. I could feel myself opening up and had never felt anything like it. It went deep into me and I started.
Jessica was holding me. And I began to pant. I could feel myself starting to cum. I had not cum yet. But my pussy was so sensitive. It was like I had been cumming all along in little pieces, the cum building in me and now they were all falling together. You would not even have had to do anything but lay your hand on me to make me cum, it was just the slow build up in how aroused I was. Oh my God!
I began to buck back hard against this enormous cock. And could feel myself shuddering. I said, “Fuck, I’m cumming. Oh God! Oh yes. Mmmm.”
Jessica kissed me on the mouth and I fell down into the cushions, her legs around my head. I could smell her pussy, the hairs brushing my cheek. The cock continued to move inside me, and I was too sensitive, I began to pull away but he held me there. It felt like I was going to cum again, it felt like I had to pee. And then I could feel him spraying in me and it was like ‘oh what a relief’ he will pull out now.
I lay with my head on the sofa and Jessica’s hand on my head. I could still smell her pussy. I felt the pen on my skin again, the cold tip against my hot skin. I looked back. He had crossed out the ‘O’ in the two ‘slots’ and put ‘U’s’ there. So it said ‘Slut’ And he signed Great Fuck on my ass. Great on my left cheek and Fuck on my right cheek.
I lay there and pushed myself up. I could feel cum running down my leg. Another hundred dollars, another cock. I looked over at Matthew and could see he was hard again. The cock was behind hanging there behind my ass, and then nuzzling in – I lifted my ass. This man had on no pants. But then I turned around and faced him, faced Matthew, just laying there on my back.
My panties were still at my knees. I looked at them. “Take them off,” I said to the man with no pants.
He did. All I had now was my top and my socks. I lifted my knees. “A hundred dollars?” I said.
“It’s on the table.” There was this nice little pile of hundred dollar bills. There were lots of boys standing around one side of the room now. Some girls were sitting across the table making out. I brought my knees up high, one rested along the top of the couch and he came up over me. This boy was very pretty and I remember he smelled nice. No cigarettes, no alcohol.
He slid right into me. He was much smaller. I closed my legs around him. I whispered in his ear, “Fuck me.”
He didn’t say anything. I stared into Matthews eyes as this boy was pumping away above me and I dug my nails into him, scratched him hard.
“Ow.”
He looked like he was mad at me. I laughed. Matthew laughed with me. I put my arms above my head. Someone gave him another marker. He lifted himself up and drew a bulls eye around one of my breasts and a dog collar around my neck. I just lay there and watched him. I could feel his cock sliding up into me as I lay there. The cold marker, and the head of his cock laying between my hips.
Matthew began rubbing his cock over his pants as I stared at him, watching the whole time. I jerked my head a couple times, giving Matthew a sort of ‘come here’ signal. He walked over while the guy was fucking me and took the marker. He wrote on my cheek, ‘Blow Jobs $100′ and an arrow to the corner of my mouth. I let him, just asking “What does it say.”
He told me.
“You’re free,” I said.
He opened his pants and got down on his knees and pushed his cock in my mouth. I sucked on him. The black hairs curling around, tickling my nose. I sneezed and I think I bit him. He said,
“Ow.”
I laughed.
The guy without pants was cumming. I could feel it. The sofa was getting wet. My ass was in this cool circle of wet.
I was sucking on Matthew. It felt like it was just us then. He was looking at me, I was smiling as good of a smile as you can with a cock in your mouth. Jessica was giving a blowjob now to some guy. I bet he gave her a hundred dollars. But I didn’t know. Her skirt was up over her waist still. I touched her puss, feeling the tangle of hairs, and she lay a hand on mine.
We were sort of leaning against each other. I felt another cock enter me, I looked down. The guy was smiling and waving a hundred dollar bill. I looked back at Matthew. I felt the cock press up between my legs again and he began thrusting into me hard, he liked fucking hard. And it felt better somehow. I could feel it more.
I could feel myself starting to cum again, it came from somewhere else. I felt like it was all over the surface of my body. My skin got cold and it felt like I had a fever. I was sweating. “Oh God,” I was saying, my mouth full of Matthew as he was sliding himself in and out of my mouth. And it was so bizarre. As I felt myself cumming all over, the guy who liked it rough was cumming in me and Matthew was spraying in my mouth. I couldn’t take it, it hurt, it felt too good, too intense.
I yelled “Ahhhh,” and I turned my head away and felt cum spraying all over the side of my face. I just lay there. I ached, my body was so hungry.
Jessica took the pen and wrote I love you upside down on my forehead. I closed my eyes and the room was spinning. I had never felt such animal pleasure in my life. I had nothing. I was nobody. It was this dark room, warm, cold, wet, hot, smelling of sweat and pussy.
There was music, I had not even noticed that. There were words but I don’t know what they meant. People talking. I looked across a sea of glasses and didn’t know what they were. I knew I wanted another one, like a cat reaching and drank. I don’t know what it was. It was red. I closed my eyes…
I looked down at myself. My top was off. When did that happen? One breast had writing on it, the other red circles. My tummy had squiggly lines, blue waves. Someone had drawn a dolphin there in black ink. My pussy was black, this wonderful tangle of hair. I loved the way my pussy looked. It was so compact. My little hips. I still had my socks on. I must have fallen asleep. Jessica was whispering something to me. I don’t know what it was.
I looked at her, she smiled. “You ok?”
I nodded. I looked at my hands, there were holes, circles drawn in the palm of my hands in black ink colored with red. Stigmata’s. Someone drew the nails of Christ in my hands. I had to have fallen asleep. Did anyone fuck me then? How many? I remember thinking, Did they Pay??
I held my hands out above my head, turning my arms. I saw movement. Someone stood over me with their cock sticking straight out. A hundred dollar bill in their hand. I didn’t respond, just rolled over onto my stomach and lifted my ass. I felt him slide into me.
Jessica leaned down and whispered in my ear. “You want to come home with me tonight?” I nodded my head.
He was fucking me softly. I could barely feel him. Steady in and out. He was writing on me though, I could feel it. He drew an enormous butterfly on my back. I knew that later. He must have been an artist because it was so beautiful, perfectly done. It was a Monarch. The antennae went up each side of my neck along the jugular. Black and orange. I loved the way that marker felt on my back. It wasn’t cold anymore. I remember that marker better than his cock, feeling it slipping along the surface of my skin, caressing me.
I looked at the table and it was covered in hundred dollar bills. No one had stolen any of them. I thought how weird? These are good people and I reached over and took another drink from one of the glasses. My eyesight was blurry.
Another cock was set into my mouth, and I heard someone in my ear. “Can I fuck you in the ass – for two hundred dollars. Please?”
I held out my hand. Felt the two bills. Lay it on the floor. I lifted my ass in the air. Fucked in the Ass! I had never done that before. A cock was still pumping in my mouth, I was sucking and sucking. I reached back and touched myself between my legs, rubbed the cum and pussy juices and pressed them into my ass hole. I tried to feel my ass. I looked back, his cock was not so big. I lifted my ass in the air and felt him touch me there.
He pressed and I lifted up my head, the cock in my mouth following me. I could feel myself opening. I felt like a cow, lifting my front. I felt like I was calling to my young. I don’t know why. I lifted myself up, the penis in my mouth began to spray me and I turned my head. I felt it falling in my hair, and up and down my back. He was writing something on me. I looked at my arm. There were signatures. People were signing me with their names!
I felt the cock pop in. Oh, ow, Oh my God! I think it hurt, but it felt so good. And then sliding up into me!! Slowly I could feel myself opening.
My cunt felt hot. It felt empty, but this cock was sliding along the outside wall of my vagina, I could feel it. It felt so intense, and I was going into an immediate orgasm. I held my mouth open, and gave these low moans. Lifted myself up onto my hands pushing back on him. He was sliding his whole length out and then back in, long slow strokes. I could feel his hands between my legs. Oh my God. Oh my God! Never in my life. This cock up my ass felt like I were being split open. It felt like he was standing inside me, my chest lay open and he was in me. I was this animal being gutted. The warmth running up into me. I could feel it in my stomach. I lay my head down. I felt like a deer being torn to pieces by wolves. I knew then that the day I died would feel wonderful.
I was one with everything.
I sat myself up and looked around. My body was covered with writing. I was soaking wet. My hair was crusty with cum. My lips were swollen. I could barely see. I didn’t feel so good just then.
I sat up, naked and a few men were standing there with hundred dollar bills. I stared at them awhile and then I shook my head. They looked at Jessica. She was topless. Her lips were smeared with red. She said, “We have to go.”
I held my top in my hand. It was wet. It had alcohol spilled all over it. I pulled it over myself, you could see my nipples right through the fabric. My panties were never found. Probably a souvenir. My skirt was tucked beside me and I slid it on, zipped it up. I felt thinner. Found my shoes and sat there, slid on one and then the other.
As I reached down I could see the writing. Writing was up and down my arms. Down my legs. I tried to stand and my legs hurt. My pussy felt like it was a wound. I felt like my mouth had a surface of film, like I had been eating candy all night. My throat was dry. “I need some water.” I tried to brush out my hair with my fingers, and looked at Jessica.
I remember this part of the evening so well. She was leaning against me, her cheek against mine. Our hair was tangled together. We held hands.
Matthew asked me if he could take me home. We both shook our heads no. He asked me if I was ok. He had gathered together the hundred dollar bills, and set them in my hand. I was afraid to count them. I answered with shakes and nods of the head. I wanted to go home with Jessica.
I walked out of The Club at 3:30 that morning. The silence was surreal, it rushed around us and I looked around. The silence was shocking. I rode home with Jessica in silence. She was looking out the front windshield of her car like we were in the middle of the worst storm in the world and she couldn’t see a thing. It was a clear night.
When we got to her house we looked at ourselves in the mirror. They wrote on her too. Signatures! Up and down our arms and legs. We got in the shower and scrubbed, but gave up, they were still there, fading only a little. We were tired. I scrubbed her and she scrubbed me. We filled the tub and sat in the water, like little sisters.
We turned the shower back on as we sat in the water, our legs lifted and tangled around each other. We laughed a little bit in the spray of the shower. Commented on what sluts we were tonight, but then kind of felt the other. Let our hands roam over our bodies in the spray of the water falling around us. Just feeling the others presence.
I whispered, “I Love you,” into her ear and kissed her.
She said how she loved me. We dried ourselves off and crawled into her little bed and clung to one another. She whispered in my ear, “Can I taste you.”
I kissed her, we kissed and kissed forever. I pushed her down between my legs and held her there. She licked at me soft and cooed. Her warm hair falling around my hips. I could feel her breath on my pussy. It felt so good. She just licked me lightly, smoothing my skin, cleaning me, like a mother licking her pups. I fell asleep with her between my legs that night. We swore our love to each other.
When I woke she was wrapped around me. I looked at her in the soft light. I loved her. I loved her so much. I thought I must be a lesbian. At about eight in the morning I had to pee. I thought I hadn’t peed at all last night. But I must of.
I went to the restroom, could barely walk, my head hurt and looked at myself. I was still dizzy. I looked in the mirror at targets on my breast, ‘I Love You’ upside down on my forehead, a smiley face on my cheek, Blow Job $100 and the arrow pointing at my mouth. I could see the black lines running up my neck and I turned around, there was that beautiful perfect butterfly. The wings perfectly following my shoulder blades, the curves the muscles of my back, the curves of my body. It was amazing.
And the signatures! Black ink, blue ink, red ink, green ink. Indelible marker. I was filling with remorse. I felt sick. What had I done?
I looked for my clothes, they lay there in the bathroom and I slipped them on and then out of that house. I pulled my clothes over myself. People looking at me, the writing was all up and down my arms, my legs, on my face my neck. I found my way home and locked the door, lay in my bed and curled up into a little ball. Closed my eyes. What had I done? And why had I loved it so??
I never went back to my office. Not even to pick up my things. I showered three and four times a day, scrubbing myself, watching the stains on my body and soul fade gradually. I missed Jessica painfully. I wanted to live the rest of my life with her, but knew I could never see her again. I never did.
I changed my phone number. I moved.
Some things are too mysterious to bare. For our safety we keep them covered.
I opened mine.
This is my story.
**********
Oh, I have a tattoo now. It is of a butterfly.
When people ask, I say it is because I like butterflies.