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The Spirit of James

Category: Gay Male
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I first met James at a Christmas party my parents were throwing. He was the contractor they had hired to put together the new house they were building as an anniversary gift to each other. It would be a lot bigger than the two stories, three-bedroom house I had grown up in, which meant that there would be plenty of room for either me or my sister if we needed it, which wasn’t something I was about to complain about, considering that at twenty four, I was about to run back home with my tail between my legs.

Needless to say, it wasn’t looking like my best Christmas ever. For someone who moved out at eighteen and never looked back, I was not exactly looking forward to moving back in with mom and dad, especially because I would have some explaining to do.

They lived in the small town of Park City, Utah. If you’ve ever been there then you know it’s a great tourist spot for skiing, and it wasn’t without its charms. But, for someone who grew up there, I’d have to say that it wasn’t my favorite place in the world. Most of the locals I remembered were stuck up rich kids who didn’t give you the time of day.

My sister, Jen, was three years older and she too, moved out when she was eighteen. She ended up in Phoenix, and ended up marrying a pilot a year later. Nice guy, but he’s never around, so it’s mostly just my sister and her four-year-old daughter now.

As for me, I followed my sister to Phoenix. We always were close. I did the trade school thing and got a job working as a paralegal in one of the local law firms. In my free time I’d help out with my niece, and the rest of the time I was busy getting myself in a world of trouble that eventually forced me to move back in with my parents.

Let me explain. See, my sister is the only one who really knows everything about my life. She’s known that I had a preference for the same sex since we were kids. She always did bug me to tell my parents about it, but there was no way I was going to do that. Not even after I moved away from home.

Besides, by then I was still dating Ashley. A nice Catholic girl who grew up in the same neighborhood as me and then followed me down to Arizona to go to college. My folks loved her, and after a year away from home we moved into a small apartment together. I think everyone was expecting a wedding, including Ashley.

Then, I met Aaron.

Okay, it wasn’t as innocent as just meeting someone. I loved Ashley, I really did, but more as a second sister than anything. We had sex, but there was definitely something missing from it, and it reached the point that I could hardly get it up for her anymore without closing my eyes and picturing broad shoulders, narrow hips and that one big difference between men and women.

So, I went cruising at a gay bar, and hooked up with one of the first guys I met. Aaron. What was supposed to be a one-time thing turned into a relationship. Aaron was a nice guy. Too nice. He knew about Ashley and he was okay with it for a while. But when he figured out that I wasn’t planning on leaving her any time soon he started demanding more from me, which I was in no way prepared for.

Around the same time, Ashley was pressing for couples counseling because I didn’t want to sleep with her anymore. She was too sweet to accuse me of cheating, but she turned feral when I refused the counseling. Then she wanted to know when I was going to marry her. Between Ashley and Aaron I think I’d succeeded in making a pretty good mess of things.

My sister warned me it would happen, but I never really was any good at listening to her. It was just before Halloween when I was seen walking out of a club with Aaron.

By Ashley’s best friend.

After Ashley was finished screaming at me, she threw me out. I was paying most of the rent at our apartment, but I was really in no position to argue with her. Besides, Aaron was more than happy to take me in.

That lasted a whole two weeks before we figured out that other than great sex, we couldn’t stand each other. He was a slob and I kept alphabetizing the soup cans in his cupboard. We drove each other crazy. It became painfully obvious that things weren’t going to work out.

So, I moved in with my sister. It was only supposed to be temporarily, her husband was never home and she liked the extra help with her daughter. But then, shit hit the fan again and I lost my job after the law firm went belly up after loosing a malpractice claim against them.

Merry fucking Christmas to me.

Well, I spent a month looking for another job with no luck, while my savings was slowly disappearing and I was still paying my half of the rent at mine and Ashley’s apartment. My sister told me that I could stay, but there was no way I was going let my life fall apart in front of her when she already had a husband who was never home and a four year old to take care of.

So mom and dad to the rescue.

Just before Christmas, I made the call. I explained that I’d lost my job and Ashley dumped me. My mom was devastated about Ashley, so when she began to threaten a phone call to my ex girlfriend, I assured my mother that I deserved it, but I didn’t elaborate. Then, after I convinced her that I would not be working things out with Ashley, she insisted I come home. I didn’t even have to ask.

So, I arrived a week before Christmas, just in time for the annual party my parents had with all of their friends and extended family, and a few people from my dad’s dental practice, where it was decided that I would be doing secretarial work until I found another job.

The party was at the old house, because the new one wasn’t finished yet, and it was crowded. My sister was there, but she was too busy with my niece to help me fend of curious relatives wanting to know what happened to Ashley.

Once everyone seemed to know that I was single again, every aunt turned matchmaker started introducing me to eligible young women at the party. My mother was included among these matchmakers, so there was no avoiding it.

Before dinner I was able to sneak away for a little while, at least. I went to hide in my old room, which was the same as it was when I left it. Same gray wallpaper, same twin sized bed. My old computer was there, and so was my old stash of well-used magazines under the loose floorboard in front of my desk. Let’s just say that they weren’t the same magazines that you’d find in any ‘normal’ teenage boys room and my sister had even borrowed them from me once or twice.

Now, earlier in the evening, I had met James only briefly. My father had introduced him to me when people first started arriving. My first thought was, James seemed entirely out of place among the sea of people in holiday sweaters and strong perfumes in his faded jeans and black mesh shirt. When I found out who he was, my second thought was that there was no way I would have figured this guy to be a contractor that my dad would hire in a million years. He looked more like a guy off an album cover for a rock band.

He couldn’t even have been much older than me. He was tall and had a body that came from years of hard work, not a gym. He had short black hair that he kept spiky, several piercings up both of his ears, a hoop in his left eyebrow, and a stud in his chin. There was a spider tattoo on the back of his neck, and I was just guessing that if I got him undressed that I would find more surprises.

I had never gone for the piercing and tattoo look myself, but I had to admit that James was a good looking guy. On top of that appealing body he had great features, green eyes surrounded by long black lashes, sharp lines that seemed to make up his face, but full, kissable lips.

My introduction to him was only a brief one, but he seemed to be as uninterested to be at the party as I was. Throughout the night though, I had learned a little more about him.

Apparently, he didn’t have any family and my mother had invited him to join us for Christmas next week. Actually, invite would be too nice a word where my mother was involved. The poor guy probably had no choice in the matter.

I also leaned that I was not the only one that night who had to deal with would-be matchmakers. James was introduced to his share of possible mates, so I heard. But other than meeting him at the door, I hadn’t seen him at all since then. That wasn’t surprising with all of the people my parents had invited. They were everywhere. Including in my room when I went to hide in it.

At least, James was in my room.

He was definitely the last person I was expecting. Especially there, in MY room. With MY loose floorboard propped up, and one of MY magazines in his hands as he flipped through it. An old issue of playgirl.

I swear I about had a heart attack. The only person who I was ‘out’ to in my family was my sister. Not even her husband new. I’d had those magazines stashed away for over six years and my very nosey mother had yet to find them. Leave it to a nosy contractor to stumble upon my little hiding place, and my biggest secret.

The asshole didn’t even bat one of those pretty eyes when I walked in. He just stood there, glanced up, and flipped to the next page while I stood there trying to remove my jaw from the floor.

“So this is your room?” he asked casually.

I tried to expel several things from my mouth, hoping that I would end up saying something clever, but instead, I ended up stuttering out an incoherent string of nonsense before I opted to snatch the magazine out of his hand and shove it back under the floorboard.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” I finally got out.

He was still stunned from my rude repossession of the magazine, and when I looked up from sliding the board back in place he finally got to see just how freaked out I was. And then he had the nerve to smile. It was a great smile of straight white teeth, but I wanted to wipe it off his face.

“Hey, sorry.” He said, “I didn’t mean to intrude. This was just the only room in the whole house that seemed quiet. You’re Cameron junior, right?”

That’s right. Cameron Jay Pruitt junior, after my father. I hated the junior part. You’d think my parents could have taken the extra five minutes to find me my own name for the birth certificate.

I ignored the hand James was offering me to shake and glowered at him. But I’m sure I wasn’t very intimidating. At twenty-four I could still pass for eighteen, not standing an inch over five-ten.

“It’s Cam.” I replied, “Now look, about what you saw, it’s not what you think, so…”

He was smiling again. Damn him. Didn’t he know that this was serious? I couldn’t have him informing my family and extended family about my personal life.

“I’m sure it’s exactly what I think it is.” He said smugly.

I just gaped at him.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” I demanded.

He had the nerve to offer me his hand, smiling again, “James Phelman. You’re parents hired me to…”

“I know who you are!” I waved his hand away. He was really starting to get to me, and I didn’t need this kind of trouble right now. I was already homeless; if my parents discovered the real reason why Ashley dumped me I’d be completely screwed. “Will you just get out of here already?”

I threw myself down on my bed and assumed the defeated position of elbows on knees, head in hands. And I waited to hear the door close. It never did. When I felt the bed dip and looked up to see James sitting calmly next to me I glared daggers at him.

“Look,” he sighed, toying with the stud in his chin, “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just came in here to get away for a while and noticed your board was loose.” He made it a point to gesture to the ground, “that kind of thing drives me crazy. I was going to fix it for you, but then I saw the magazines and I guess I got a little distracted. But seriously, you can relax. I don’t plan on saying anything.”

“Fine.” I said coldly.

“You know,” he said after a moment of more of my scowling, “Someone should really help you get into the Christmas spirit.”

“Well, James, I’m not exactly in the mood for it this year.”

“So I hear. Lost your job, lost you’re girl. I bet I can guess why you lost the girl.” He smirked, “And now you’re moving back home. I can see why you’re down.”

It didn’t surprise me that he knew all of that about me. My mother liked to gossip.

“Yeah, well, what would you know about it?” I retorted.

“Nothing I guess,” he replied with a wan smile. And then suddenly stood up, prompting me to do the same. “But, if you get tired of your own pity party, and if you decide that you’re ready to stop hiding before you’re mother sets you up with the next Mrs. Right. Come on over, I might just be able to help you find that Christmas spirit after all.”

He handed me a card with an address and phone number on it while I stared in disbelief, and then he walked out the door.

Did he just make a pass at me?

Well duh! Why else would he be so interested in those magazines? I really needed to work on my gaydar. And my people skills.


Two nights later, I tossed in my small bed, wondering what the hell I was going to do with my life. I needed to find a job, but my mother was kind enough to inform me that it was in bad taste to do so during the Christmas season, but I could hardly just relax and not think about it. If I had to live with my parents and work in my father’s office any longer than absolutely necessary, I would go positively insane. Especially after two full days of stringing more Christmas lights, helping to bake holiday cookies and last minute shopping on the very crowded main street.

I needed to get out of that house. I needed to get out of that town.

I just needed to get out.

Funny, how while I was sick and tired of everyone trying to jam their Christmas cheer down my throat, all I could think about was James and his insistence that I find my Christmas spirit.

I absently reached for the card he had given me, where I had placed it on my nightstand next to my cell phone. I stared at it for a few minutes, wondering about the possibilities.

I hadn’t been laid since my last night with Aaron, and I could imagine the pros of getting together with James for a few hours. He was hot and there was no denying that. I wouldn’t mind rolling around with him for a few hours, not at all.

When I finally, instinctively reached for my rapidly inflating cock from thinking about the possibilities, I reached for my phone too. But then I dropped the phone and looked at the card again. There was an address. James didn’t say to call; he said to come over.

Park City wasn’t a very big place; I could be there in five minutes. Now, the only question was, did I have the guts to go over there? He was practically a stranger to me. He was working for my parents. If I went through with this, would things get complicated?

Fuck it. If I didn’t get laid soon I was going to go out of my mind anyways. There’s only so much masturbation can do before you start craving another warm, sweaty body pressed against you and a nice tight ass to hold onto.

I dressed in my jeans and white sweater before I pulled on my heavier jacket, to fight the cold that I still wasn’t used to from spending so much time in Arizona.

It was only nine o’clock but I managed to get out without alerting my parents, or my sister, which was a miracle in itself. I climbed into my subaru and I looked at the card again. I was familiar with the street name. I made it there in less than five minutes and looked up at the duplex I had parked in front of it. I looked closely at the addresses in front of both separate entrances, and was glad to see that the lights were on at the address James had given me.

I got out of my car before I could change my mind and the next thing I knew I was knocking on a door decorated with a lit up wreath. When it opened, and James stood there in an old pair of flannel pajamas he didn’t even look surprised to see me.

Well wasn’t he presumptuous.

“Nice P.J.s” I remarked.

He leaned on his doorframe with his arms crossed, that smug look never leaving his face.

“Hello, Cam. Come to find that Christmas spirit, did you?”

I came looking for something spirited, but I doubt it had anything to do with Christmas. I was suddenly starting to think that this was a bad idea. James might have been hot, but there was no way I was in the mood to put up with his arrogant bullshit.

“Never mind.” I scowled, not hesitating to turn around and make my leave. I wasn’t prepared for the way his strong hand wrapped around my arm and he practically swung me through the opened door and into the warmth of his home. “Hey!” I objected as he gave me a pat on the back and passed me by.

“Drink?” he called as he made his way towards the kitchen.

“Yeah.” I huffed, taking a moment to look around.

His home wasn’t at all what I was expecting. A large rug covered the hardwood floor running over the entire living room, except for where it met tile in front of a burning fireplace. There was one hall on the other side of the front door, leading to two closed doors, and the living room opened up into the kitchen. I could see him as he opened a cabinet for some glasses.

The ceiling was vaulted and there was a long wooden staircase leading up to a loft. The whole place was open and clean and smelled like cinnamon. And for a single guy, he certainly made a point of decorating for Christmas.

There were lights strung up and a tall, decorated tree in the corner. A red tablecloth was set over the coffee table and it was topped with a collection of Christmas snow globes and angel figurines.

This was not at all what I was expecting.

I walked towards the Christmas tree and upon closer inspection I saw that all the ornaments were little framed pictures of children. I leaned forward, inspecting it closer and I didn’t hear James come back.

“So, your family too much for you?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I sighed; taking the drink he was offering me. I guess at this point I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was eggnog. At least he used extra nog. “What’s with all the kids?” I asked.

James looked at his tree and reached out to flick one of the ornaments.

“Every year I sponsor Christmas for a few kids who don’t have much.” he shrugged. “They always send me an ornament like this after the holidays.” Then he turned and headed towards the three-piece leather sofa in the room, “do you want to sit down?”

I followed him to the couch and silently sipped my eggnog as we stared into the fire. It gave me time to think, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. I was beginning to feel like an asshole.

James was obviously a nice guy. I wasn’t. I strung along my girlfriend and my boyfriend until I got caught, and then ran home to mommy and daddy when shit hit the fan. On top of that, I’d been throwing myself a pity party when my whole ordeal was my fault in the first place.

Except for the job. It wasn’t my fault that I lost my job.

But at least I had somewhere to run to when I needed it. I had my family, as obnoxious as they were. But James didn’t have that. He was all alone. Something about seeing him all alone in a home decorated for Christmas with nothing but the nameless ornaments to keep him company depressed me.

I also felt terrible for showing up on his doorstep expecting a quick fix. Now I had a feeling that James didn’t have one night stands. He wasn’t picking me up when he invited me over. He invited me over because he was lonely.

Damn. I could be a real dumb ass sometimes.

“So, uh, where’s your family?” I asked.

I should have known that was not the right thing to ask. James’s handsome face darkened and he stared straight ahead when he answered.

“My parents passed away when I was really young.” He replied, “My brother raised me. He’s in Huston now. We don’t really talk any more.”

I didn’t have to ask why James and his brother didn’t talk. It was the exact same reason why I was afraid to tell my parents that I was gay.

“Sorry.” Oh yeah, I’m sure that helped.

He just looked at me and smiled with a shrug.

“It’s not a big deal. I’m used to being alone by now. It was really nice of your parents to invite me over for Christmas, though.”

It never occurred to me that James would want to come over for Christmas. And to think, the last six years of my life I had tried to get out of the yearly visits and parties. That only made me feel worse.

“Well, yeah.” I nodded, “My mom likes to make a big deal. It’ll be fun. It’s good that you can make it.”

“Really?” he smirked. “I was sort of getting the impression that you didn’t want me around.”

“Look, James, I’m really sorry about that.” and I meant it, “You just caught me off guard the other night, and besides Jen, my family doesn’t exactly know…”

“You have a great family, Cam.” He said softly, “I’m sure everything will work out for you.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so we both just sort of stared at each other until it became too uncomfortable for me and I cleared my throat and stood up. He followed suit and took back my glass when I handed it to him.

“Um, look, I should really get back home.” I said, feeling uncomfortable being there.

James just nodded and as I made my way to the door I could feel him following behind me. I stopped with my hand on the door handle and turned back to say goodbye, but before I could get the word out, James was in front of me.

His head came down and he pressed his soft lips to mine. I wasn’t expecting it, and stood there stupidly as he kissed me. I felt his tongue brush over my lips and they instinctively parted and his tongue swept into my mouth, as he pressed further.

He tasted like eggnog and nutmeg and while his lips were just as soft as they looked, his tongue was aggressive, thrusting in and out of my mouth. His hands dropped to my hips and when I finally got over the initial shock I closed my eyes, gripped the front of his flannel pajamas and kissed him back.

James pressed forward and his body pressed against mine as I fell back against the door. I wrapped my arms around him; sliding my hands down his back to his firm, round ass and pulled him up against me. I ground my jean-clad erection against the bulge in his pajamas and he softly moaned against my mouth before he broke away and we were both forced to catch our breath. I followed James’s eyes up to the ceiling as he smiled.

“Mistletoe.” He whispered.

And there it was, the mistletoe hanging directly over us. Which would explain the kiss. But I had never been this turned on under the mistletoe before. I grabbed his shirt and drug his mouth down to mine again. His lips parted and he pulled me back away from the door as my tongue swept in.

I did my best not to step on his bare feet as we seemed to spin in circles as he led me back out of the doorway and then pushed me against the wall by the stairs, his hands working their way under my jacket and pushing it off my shoulders.

When my arms were free I reached for the buttons on his pajama top and after releasing the top three I lost patience and pulled back long enough to wrestle his shirt off.

His shirt fell the ground and I got about two seconds to enjoy the view of his upper torso, strong chest, tight abs, the two nipple rings and the tribal tattoos surrounding his biceps, before he pushed me up against the wall again and moved his tongue into my mouth.

James pushed one hand underneath my sweater while the other slid down and cupped my erection through my jeans. I groaned and leaned into him, letting my fingers wander his chest, I flicked at his nipple rings with my thumb, somewhat fascinated with them and even more interested when he jumped at the contact. His hands became even more aggressive, grabbing my ass and pulling me closer as he fondled me through my jeans.

But when he reached for my belt I did the unthinkable. I stopped him. It was probably the worst time in the world to grow a conscience, but there it was, eating at me. James was a nice guy. A nice, gorgeous, lonely guy, and I felt like I was taking advantage of him.

I grabbed his hands and pushed him back so I could stand up straight, my back against the wall. I hated that look of confusion and concern he gave me when I stopped him, like he knew that I was about to reject him.

“I’m sorry, we have to stop.” I insisted.

“Why?” that was a fair question.

“James, you’re a great guy. Me? I’m a complete mess. I’m definitely not what you’re looking for and if I stay…”

“Hey.” He smiled, sliding his hands back down to my hips and pulling me against him, tracing my belt with his fingers, and then moving down, teasingly tracing the zipper of my jeans, “I’m not asking you to bare my children, Cam. And maybe you’re a mess, but we’ll get some of that Christmas spirit into you yet.”

And then he kissed me again, slower this time. I felt like I was melting against him and all I could do was open up and let his tongue have it’s way with my mouth, while he loosened my belt and unbuttoned my pants.

He lifted the bottom of my shirt and I obediently lifted my arms over my head so he could pull it off. I cupped the back of his head and pulled his lips to mine as his calloused hands ran over my shoulders and down my chest, his fingers hooking in my jeans as he pushed them down my hips and over my ass.

I gasped as he suddenly grabbed my arms and spun me around. My hands went to the wall that I had been leaning against to keep my body from slamming into it, while one strong arm wrapped securely around my chest and his hand pushed through my boxers. I groaned as his fingers wrapped around my hard cock, and I wanted to protest when he let go almost a second later.

And then he was pushing my jeans down while I struggled to kick off my shoes. He stopped when my pants were around my knees and then he yanked on my shorts. My erection got caught in the elastic waistband and after being forced down it slapped back up against my stomach and my boxers joined my jeans around my knees. I quickly realized that if I tried to move I’d fall down. That is, if I wanted to go anywhere, which I didn’t when James’s arms wrapped around me from behind and I felt his erection through his soft pants, resting at the cleft of my ass.

His wet, warm mouth came down on my neck, sending a shiver through my body, and his hand slid down my stomach, through my blond pubic thatch and his fingers wrapped around my erection. I pushed my hips forward, pressing my cock into his hand, daring him to do something other than hold it. Okay, it might have been more like begging.

But his hand remained where it was, holding me, unmoving. His other hand slid down my back and firmly rested on my ass, preventing me from thrusting forward. His mouth moved over my shoulders, back up my neck and he nipped my ear, drawing my lobe into his mouth. It was torture. I wanted to turn around and touch him.

“Tell me about your best Christmas ever.” He practically breathed into my ear, causing another tremor of the chills to move down my body.

It took me another minute to focus on what he was saying, the way he was holding my cock, kneading my ass and licking my neck. When I finally figured out what he asked, well…was he kidding me?


“Your best Christmas ever.” He repeated, nipping my ear again, “Tell me what made you happy, Cam.” He drew his thumb down the cleft of my ass, nudging with gentle pressure at my puckered hole and I gasped. Did he actually expect me to have a conversation now? I mean, right now?

I pushed back against his thumb and turned my head to kiss him. He at least gave me that much. His tongue plunged back into my mouth, teasing me again before he pulled back and rested his chin on my shoulder, pressing at my entrance again and giving my erection a squeeze.

“That made me happy.” I offered.

James chuckled against my ear. “No fair. Tell me what really made you happy, Cam.”

He pulled away from my ass and ran his hand up my back again, rubbing in slow circles as he painfully, slowly, ran his hand up and down the length of my cock a few times before cupping my balls. How the hell did he expect me to think in this condition? I opened my mouth to tell him anything, make something up if I had to, just to get him to continue.

But I stopped. And when I opened my mouth again I found myself giving him exactly what he asked for, as he continued to kiss and suckle my neck and shoulders, fondling my balls.

“When I was eight.” I replied, “The year before my grandpa died. He took me ice skating.”

James brought both of his hands back to my hips and suddenly turned me around again. It was a miracle I didn’t trip and fall with my pants around my knees. He pressed his body against mine and I wrapped my arms around him, pushing my hands into the back of his pants and cupping his butt cheeks, grateful to be touching him again.

“Do you like ice skating?” he asked.

“Hate it.”

“Then what was so great about going?”

“It was with my grandpa. We were close. I haven’t gone since.”

And, deciding that we had done enough talking, I leaned forward and kissed him hard. James cupped the back of my head and pulled me to him, I felt like he was devouring my mouth. I couldn’t remember the last time that I enjoyed kissing so much.

I also decided that it was time for him to have less clothing on. I tore my mouth away from his and moved my lips over his neck. James hissed in a breath and tilted his head back, giving me better access to his throat. I moved my tongue over his Adam’s apple and gripped his pajama bottoms, pulling them down.

I kissed down his chest and drew one of his nipple rings into my mouth, pushing the tip of my tongue through it, flicking his nipple, as it became a hard little pebble. He cupped the back of my head and held me there as his breathing began to quicken and his chest heaved.

I broke away from his hold and moved to his other nipple, giving it the same treatment as I moved his pants a little lower, holding them just below his ass. Glancing down I saw the purplish head of his erect cock staring up at me, drooling with pre-come and suddenly I wanted to give something other than his nipples attention.

I stood up straight, my hands securely on his hips, even as he was forced to step back when I kicked off my pants and then I pulled him back to me. James dropped his lips on mine and pushed me back again, his hips rotating forward as he ground our erections together and groaned.

I gripped his pants again and as I slid down his body, moving to my knees, I pulled the pants down to his ankles and helped him step out of them. I looked back up at him as he stood there expectantly, glancing down at me from under long lashes. He stood perfectly still as I let my eyes wander down his body, stopping at more tattoos around his muscular thighs. They matched the ones around his biceps and I took the time to run my fingers over the markings, moving to the back of his thighs before I slid my hands to his ass and pulled him forward.

James obediently leaned towards me, taking in a breath as I opened my mouth over his balls and drew one into my mouth. I suckled and teased and then moved on to the next one. I gripped his butt cheeks and pulled him closer, pushing my knees forward and coaxing him to spread his legs as I sucked both balls into my mouth, swirling my tongue under them, pushing back against his perineum.

Both of James’s hands dropped on my head and his fingers tangled in my hair. He released a small whimper of protest when I pulled back, but it his breath hitched again when licked my way up his shaft, over the head of his erection, soaking up his pre-come with my tongue.

I looked up at him and watched his face as I slowly took him into my mouth, inch my inch, swirling my tongue around against his cock. His lips parted slightly, still swollen from our kisses and he watched me intently as I sealed my mouth over his erection, swallowing him until my nose was buried in his curly black pubic hair. He smelled like male musk and something clean. Christmas. He smelled like Christmas. More cinnamon maybe. He was absolutely intoxicating.

I held him there for a moment, letting the muscles in my throat clench and unclench around him before I moved back up his shaft until only the head was in my mouth, and then I went down on him again. His hips rocked slowly and I could feel him shaking, attempting to keep control, but I pulled him forward, guiding him to a comfortable pace. I wasn’t worried about keeping up. His heavy breathing turned into small moans, flooding my ears, just the way I liked it.

His grip on my hair tightened and then loosened, his fingers massaging my scalp. I moved my fingers down the cleft of his ass and teasingly circled his sphincter. His hole twitched and he thrust forward harder. I heard my own muffled moan as the muscles in my throat trapped the head of his cock again and I felt his shaft vibrate in my mouth as the effect.

Just as I started to pull back, James’s grip on my hair tightened again. With another whimper he spent himself in my mouth. I pulled back a little more, gathering the ropes on my tongue and leisurely swallowing, holding him up against me as his knees shook and he trembled through his orgasm.

I waited for him to soften in my mouth and then I slowly guided him around me until he could lean against the wall and recover as I slowly made my way to my feet. My knees were sore from having been on the wooden floor for so long but I didn’t care. When I reached my feet I let James wrap his arms around me and I leaned into him, burying my face against his neck and sliding my hands up and down his sides. My erection was still hard and pressing against his thigh, but I already felt content, just listening to his breathing as he ran his fingers through my hair.

When I lifted my head I just looked at him. His eyes were on me and unblinking and he had a sated expression on his face. I did that to him, and I took a certain satisfaction from knowing that. For someone I had spent less than an hour’s total time with, I was feeling comfortable with James.

I couldn’t explain it. There was something special about him. I had known that he was special when I tried to leave before this started, not wanting to end up hurting him. He was just one of those people, that no matter what you do, you know you’re not good enough for them. But you want them anyways, because you feel like just being around them makes you a better person.

I had given James pleasure. I was the cause of that contended look on his face. And, for once in my life, I cared about more than what I wanted. If he asked me to, I would have gotten dressed right then and left without any reciprocation, just satisfied that I had done something for him. That had never happened to me before.

There were people I cared about. Ashley. Aaron. But in the end, it was all about me. What I wanted. What I needed. That’s the way I liked it. There was something different about James that I couldn’t figure out. It scared the hell out of me, but I didn’t know how to run away from it.

He leaned forward and kissed me. Softly. Slowly. He kissed deeper, tasting himself in my mouth. He pulled back and his lips brushed against my cheek. His reached for my hand and laced his fingers with mine.

“Come with me.” he whispered.

I swallowed, unable to respond. He knew that I wouldn’t argue. He led me by my hand, down the hall with the closed doors. He walked a step in front of me and I let myself admire his round ass and strong back, taking note of yet another tattoo, a large dragon. I absently reached out and touched it.

James stopped walking. He released my hand, as if giving me permission to explore further, so I stepped up behind him and ran my hands over his tattooed back. I dropped a kiss on his shoulder and he turned around, taking me by the hips and he pulled me against him in the dark hall. I could feel his breath on my ear. We just stood there, motionless. But it felt like we were dancing.

“Tell me something, Cam.” His voice sounded soft, almost like I was just imagining it. “Tell me why you hate Christmas.”

“I don’t hate Christmas.” My voice was normal, but I said it quickly. Too quickly.

“Yes you do.” I didn’t have to see his face to know that there was one of those smug little smiles on it. “And it’s time for you to figure out why that is. And do something about it.”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t argue either. Maybe deep down I knew he was right. I hated Christmas. But how do you hate something that doesn’t mean anything to you? It’s just another holiday. A break in the work schedule. But now I didn’t have a job, so it wasn’t even that.

But I hated it. I hated Christmas. I wondered why that mattered. I wondered why it mattered to James.

He wrapped his arm around my back and guided me towards the door at the end of the hall while I thought about it. We went through the door. It was a bathroom. A big bathroom, with a huge tub in the corner, equipped with a shower and jets.

James went to turn on the water, and I stood in the doorway waiting for him. I waited like an abandoned dog. But standing there seemed better than following him around like a lost puppy. When he turned around and looked at me again, a smile spread across his face, and he moved towards me, slowly, with all the gracefulness of a cat. I just waited, transfixed, waiting to see what he would do next.

I saw his eyes move down my body and I followed them until I was looking down at my erect cock, standing flat against my stomach, staring back at me.

And then James was in front of me.

I looked up at him as he backed me into the counter by the sink. He backed me up until I was forced to sit down on it. He did all of this without even touching me. It was almost a shock when he placed his hands on my knees, spreading them apart. He stepped between my legs and moved his hands up my thighs, to the spot where my hips connected to my legs. I shivered as he moved his hands higher, up my sides. He leaned closer and stopped just before his lips touched mine.

“When was your worst Christmas, Cam?” he asked. He let his lips brush mine only briefly and then pulled back again.

“When I was eight.” I replied, and then I finally reached up, cupping his face and leaning forward, I pressed my mouth to his, tracing his lips with my tongue until he opened enough for me to gain entry.

We pulled apart slowly, and my breath hitched when his hand suddenly wrapped around my erection. I glanced down to look at his fingers wrapped around me, and then I looked back up to his face. I felt surprisingly calm, considering everything my body was going through, just from him touching me.

“You never told me yours.” I said, no longer in a hurry at all. James looked thrown, like he wasn’t sure what I was talking about. “Your best Christmas.” I explained.

“First,” James smiled, “Tell me why your best Christmas, and your worst Christmas, were the same Christmas.” He began to stroke the length of my erection. I placed my hand over his, stopping the movement for a moment.

“It was the last time I saw my grandpa.” I replied. “Christmas wasn’t the same without him.”

“But that’s not why you hate it.” James smiled, and then he pulled away from me completely and went back to the tub. It was filled and he turned off the water before looking back at me and holding out his hand, “Come here.”

I moved off of the counter and reached for his hand. James stepped into the water first and lowered himself down before I joined him. He pulled me towards him and I faced him, straddling his lap. The water temperature was just above what was comfortable, but it was also relaxing. James turned on the jets and then began to use his hands, pushing water up over my chest and back as I rested my hands on his shoulders. I could already feel his cock inflating again against the cleft of my ass.

“Tell me about your best Christmas, James.” I said.

He smiled a small smile and rested his head against the back of the tub.

“Every Christmas.” He replied, “Before my parents died. My dad would take a whole week off work. My mom would sing Christmas carols every Christmas Eve, and by Christmas morning, by brother and I would have eaten all the candy canes off the tree.”

“But they’re gone.” I said, not understanding how anyone alone like James could still enjoy a holiday that was meant for family. “Why don’t you hate Christmas, James?”

“Some of the best memories I have is Christmas with my family.” He said with a sad smile. “My parents loved Christmas. They wouldn’t want me to hate it.”

“But why do you bother?” I asked. “Helping out kids…that’s nice and all, but why do you bother with the rest of it? Why the tree? Why the cheer when you know that you’ll be coming home to all of it alone?”

“Ah…see Cam, I might end up alone in the end, and the tree might not get used on Christmas morning. But I’d like to think that one day it will. And I bother, because sometimes there is someone to share it with. Like you. Only if it is for one night.”

He moved his hands down my back and cupped my ass, pulling me up against him and trapping my erection against our slippery bodies and I leaned forward to kiss him, wondering if one night with him would actually be enough. At this point, it didn’t seem like it.

I thought about what it would be like to spend Christmas with James as he moved one hand to my chest and brushed his thumb over my nipple and moved his fingers up and down the cleft of my ass, sending a jolt through me every time he brushed over my sphincter.

I wondered what he would look like on Christmas morning, under his Christmas tree, the way it should be. I hated even the idea of him spending one more morning like that alone, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized something about myself. I hated being alone on Christmas, even if I was never physically alone.

I felt alone.

My family didn’t know who I was, not really. They didn’t know that every year when I was holding Ashley’s hand and playing the happy hetero that I felt more alone than ever. I didn’t just want a partner that would make my parents happy. I wanted a partner to share myself with. Share Christmas with.

I gasped as James pressed a finger against my hole again and I rotated my hips, grinding my erection against his stomach as he slowly worked his way in. I dropped my head to his shoulder and turned my head to nip at his neck as he tilted his head back, and I lifted my butt some more to give him better access as he pushed his knuckle through my entrance and began to rotate and thrust his finger, loosening my hole.

I sighed and hummed my approval as he worked me, and released a grunt when he brushed up against my prostate and pinched my nipple. I pushed back against his finger and lifted my head, covering his mouth with mine. I lifted my hands to his head and gripped his hair as I kissed him harder and groaned as he worked a second finger inside with the first, coming in immediate contact with my prostate.

I jumped and my dick twitched. I thrust my tongue into his mouth and moved my hands over his chest, brushing his nipple rings with my thumbs as I rode his finger more urgently, feeling stretched but not filled. He pushed in deep and I whimpered against his ear, my muscles clenching around him. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling bliss or torture, but my cock felt so hard it ached, and I knew I wanted more.

“I’m ready.” I whispered.

But he shushed me with his mouth, licked my lips and plunged his tongue in. I groaned and briefly tensed at the sting of a third finger. He paused for the moment that it took me to relax and then began to move slowly, until the need for release became so painful that I reached for my erection, but he grabbed my hand and kissed my palm as I leaned into him, feeling helpless, grinding my cock against his stomach again.

“James.” It was a plea and he knew it. I was going insane with wanting more, needing more, and I whimpered as he withdrew his fingers and left me empty, but jumped when I felt the head of his erection nudging at my entrance.

I pulled back to look at him as his hands went firmly to my hips and he gently kissed my chin. He thrust upwards quickly and pulled me down the length of his cock, drawing cries from both of us. I sat there unmoving, adjusting to being filled with my ass resting on his balls.

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his; waiting for the pain to become a familiar ache as he softly kissed my face and rubbed circles on my back.

After a few moments I rotated my hips and tightened my muscles around his erection. James gasped and brought his hands to my hips again, guiding my up, until only the head of his cock remained inside, and then he thrust up and pulled me down in one long stroke.

I lifted myself, matching his rhythm as the water sloshed around us. He was beautiful with his head thrown back and a contented look on his face. He tilted his hips upwards and thrust forward, brushing against my nerves again.

I groaned and gripped his shoulders as his movement became more urgent and he wrapped his hand around my erection, stroking in time with his thrusts, moving harder and faster as he sought out my mouth and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

James moaned as I came between tour bodies and my ass clenched around his erection, pulling him over the edge until he spent himself in warm ropes inside of me. He wrapped his arms around me and continued to kiss me as he softened inside of my tingling ass. I felt empty when he slipped out, and held onto him for a few more minutes, not wanting to move, before we finally cleaned up and climbed out of the water.

We dried off in silence, worn out and sated. When I reached for the bathroom door I felt James’s arms wrap around me from behind and I paused.

“Do you want to stay the night?” he asked. It was strange, for someone who seemed so sure of himself, he almost sounded like he expected me to walk away just then. I turned around and pulled him into my arms, kissing his shoulder and holding him close.

“Yeah, James. I want to stay.”

Our clothes were forgotten below the stairs where we left them, and we went up to the loft, to his warm bed, and slowly drifted into sleep, intertwined.


Below the loft the fire was burning out, but the light from the flames still bounced off the walls and reflected off the ceiling as I opened my eyes and glanced down where James’s tongue flicked over my nipple. His hand was between my legs, cupping my reawakened erection and I brought my hand to stroke his hair, signaling that I was awake. He glanced up and smiled at me, before proceeding to kiss my chest.

“You we’re right you know.” I said, “I hate Christmas.”

He stopped what he was doing and moved to lay next to me, looking out from under his long lashes expectantly.

“I hate feeling alone.” I explained, “I hate being around my family, lying to them. I’m tired of not being myself. Christmas is about family. But, it’s not for me. It hasn’t been for a long time.”

James just smiled at me, not the reaction I was expecting. Not a smug grin. Just a sincere smile.

“Merry Christmas, Cam.”

And then he kissed me. I turned into him, rolling over his body, reaching down to wrap my hand around his hard organ. He spread his legs beneath me and I dropped between them, my finger seeking out his sphincter.

That night, five days before Christmas I entered James for the first time, his legs wrapped around me and he smiled that great smile that I would become so used to.

“Merry Christmas, James.”


It’s funny how meeting one person can change your entire outlook on life in particular. After meeting James my focus became making him happy. I wanted to give him everything that he didn’t have, not just take what I thought I needed.

I finally found my Christmas spirit on Christmas Eve. James took me ice-skating. I still hated it, and I fell down more times than I could count, but the company was good.

On Christmas morning James’s tree went to good use. I got him another snow globe to go with his collection, and after a private celebration we went to spend Christmas with my family. I didn’t come out on Christmas. But, I did come out. And James was right; I had a great family.

I found a job the week after Christmas, and all thoughts of getting away from my family and away from that town left my mind. It was home, now that there was a reason for me to consider it that.

That was last year.

This year, James and I spent Christmas morning in our home, under our tree, and I told James that I love him for the first time. I still haven’t lost my Christmas spirit. But, I figure if I ever do, James will be right there to help me find it again.

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