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Sudden Realizations

Category: Mature
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It’s peaceful up here in my school library. I like the big windows. I like the big tree outside the windows, here on the second floor, where I kinda feel like I’m in the tree. I’m trying to decide what kind of tree it is, and I think it may be a sycamore. That’s the kind with the smooth patchy bark, right? I think so.

The girls who showed up were making quite a bit of noise. Not all that bad, but still. This is a library. I guess I’m leaving then. I packed up all my junk, making quite a bit of noise myself, then left the library, off to find somewhere else to be. I didn’t want to head back to my dorm. That’s boring, and my roommate always makes me feel kinda left out. Not that I think she means to, but with her and Maddie always in and out, Tess too, I feel pretty much out of the dorm “popular” group. I never cared in high school, but when it’s the people you live with… it’s harder to ignore.

“Hey, Emma!” I turned to find Matt exiting the library behind me, hurrying to catch up. “Where you off to?”

I shrugged. “No idea. Wanna come?”

He grinned and fell in step with me. “So what general direction are we heading in?” he asked.

I pointed ahead of me, grinning at him. “That way.”

He raised one hand to slap his forehead in an exaggerated gesture of annoyance. I really wouldn’t be quite so sarcastic around him if he didn’t respond so well. “Lovely, Emma. Just lovely.” I laughed, following my indicated path towards the student union building. “What’ve you been doing?” he asked as we walked past the building and headed out to High Street. “Haven’t seen you in awhile.”

“Ooh, so long. Friday morning.” I rolled my eyes, making him laugh.

“Hey, be nice. I’ve known you for a week. Two days in comparison is quite long.”

That I had to give him. I shrugged. “Whatever. I haven’t been doing much. Writing, but nothing special. You?”

He winced. “My roommate decided we were going to rearrange our room. I was moving furniture around for most of the afternoon.”

I grinned. “Peter, right?” At his nod, I continued, unable to stop grinning. “Not exactly how I pictured you spending your Sunday afternoons, but hey. Whatever floats your boat.”

He looked at me oddly. “What did you picture me doing, then?”

I returned his look, wondering what he was suddenly thinking. “Oh, I dunno. You seem much more the type to sit in watching TV after sleeping till noon. Maybe a movie, fooling around with your friends… I dunno. Moving furniture didn’t quite come to mind.”

He smiled, almost in relief it seemed, making me wonder further what it was he thought I’d been thinking. “I guess you’re right. Not exactly my idea of Sunday afternoon either.” We walked along in silence for awhile, until we got off campus. “So… still heading that way?” he asked me jokingly, pointing ahead of us.

“Hmm. Why don’t we try that way?” I pointed down a random street, not that anywhere in Carlisle would lead us anywhere we shouldn’t be. He shrugged, and we headed down the new street. It was kinda nice just walking with Matt, friendly-like. “What did you think I meant?” I asked finally.


“When I said I didn’t picture you as moving furniture on Sunday afternoons. You gave me a weird look. What did you think I meant?” I almost tripped on the uneven sidewalk while my head was turned to look at him.

Reaching out to catch my elbow before I fell, he shrugged uncomfortably. “Nothing.” I barely needed to glare at him before he continued. “Not much, really. Some people just have stereotypes that I don’t like.”

That I could understand, though it didn’t really explain his oddness. “Like what?” I could have just dropped it, but when have I been known for tact?

He made a face. “Like the frat-house stereotype about the guys who spend their weekends, er… hooking up with girls.”

That made me blush. “That’s what you thought I meant? There’s no way I’d classify you like that. You’re not like the frat guys I know.”

He shrugged. “No, I know that. It was just on my mind…” I think he blushed slightly too, but he turned away to point at one of the restaurants. “Looks good.”

“Uh-huh.” Wait, what? He’d had what on his mind? Frat guys? Oh. Hooking up with girls. Not that surprising. That was one category I would put him in: the horny college male category. Almost all the guys I’d met here fell into that category… wait, why was he thinking about hooking up with girls? He’d just been at the library. I don’t think that studying would have brought that topic up.

I’m an idiot. I really am. It really took me that long to figure it out. “Wanna try it out?” he asked, making me blink and look up, startled. “What were you thinking?” he asked me, tilting his head curiously to look into my face.

My turn. “Nothing.” I looked across the little street at the café. “Sure, why not. I actually have money for once, so we might as well.” I hope my cheeks weren’t burning, but I can never really tell.

He shrugged slightly, and took my elbow to steer me out into the street, then across. Normally I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but given my revelation, I had to wonder. It’s not like I needed help crossing a tiny street like this. We entered the brightly painted little shop, four tables set with two chairs each lining the walls of the five-walled café. “Can I get you something?” the girl behind the counter asked.

“Chai latte, please,” I asked, rummaging in my pocket for my ten dollar bill. I’d rationed my cash, so that was the maximum I was going to let myself spend.

“And a large cappuccino,” Matt added, stepping forward to offer a twenty.

“Matt! You don’t have to…” He cut me off.

“I know I don’t. But I will anyway.” He grinned at me the way he does, and this time it made me blush. I had a feeling the sparkle in his eyes I’d always liked was intimately connected to my lack of a Y chromosome. His grin widened when he saw my cheeks flush a deeper shade of red. “Where shall we sit?” he asked over his shoulder as he accepted the change from the cashier, then both drinks from the lanky teen boy behind the counter.

I quickly turned away, hiding my blushing, and headed for a table. My bag went on the floor next to the table, and I sat in the green chair, leaving the blue one for him. “Thanks,” I murmured as he set my chai in front of me, and sat down with his own mug.

“My pleasure,” he said, smiling at me again in the way that now made my stomach twitch. I couldn’t tell yet if the twitch was a nice thing or not. Certainly he’s a wonderful guy, but I’ve only known him a week. I don’t need to throw myself into a relationship headfirst. Not with him in three of my five classes.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I’m an idiot. Of course I could jump into this relationship. This was college. I’d been complaining only the night before that I didn’t have any male prospects. It was annoying, and as I thought about it, I could feel something between my legs jump at the idea of having someone new. It had been such a long time…


“What?” I looked up from my mug, then realized that he must have asked me something. I blushed again. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just asked what you were so busy with in the library. You’ve been in there for hours. I saw your away message before I left.” He’d been looking for me? Hmm. That would be a bit better than if he was just plain horny. Ok, I really need to stop thinking like this! I thought I’d decided that hooking up with a guy in my classes was a bad thing?

“I was working on more Italian, then I spent some time emailing old friends…” I trailed off, grinning at my rambling. “Nevermind. I wasn’t doing much.” I sipped my chai then looked up to find his eyes on me. “What?”

He looked down at his coffee. “Nothing. Just thinking.”

“What were you thinking?” I bent my head down to look up into his eyes. “C’mon.”

“Nothing, really.” He looked up, then away from my eyes.

I hesitated, then reached out to take his hand with a grin on my face. “Give it up, Matt. I’m going to keep asking until you tell me.” But he really didn’t need to tell me now, since as soon as I’d touched him he had jumped.

“Hey…” He gave up. His voice started at a pitch common of exclamations, then just died off. “You’re horrible,” he told me sternly.

I nodded solemnly. “I can be. When I think there’s good reason.”

“Good reason?! Getting me so…” He stopped as he spilled the remainder of his cappuccino down the front of his t-shirt, face flushing as only an Irishman’s can.

I laughed quietly, looking away politely. “C’mon, Matt. Let’s head back to campus, alright?” Given that he’d ruined the last of his dignity, he just nodded and got up.

As we left the store, I slipped my hand into his. It was encouraging when he didn’t drop it immediately, but squeezed my hand instead.


When we reached the freshman dorms, he dropped my hand. “Well…” he began awkwardly, then just grinned at me and turned away towards his dorm, the building next to mine, face bright red again.

Umm… er… “Matt!” I called out before he’d gone ten feet. “My roommate was thinking of having a sleepover with the girls across the hall. Would… would you like to come up and talk? It’s quiet, and private.”

He turned around, the look in his eyes so eager it made my stomach do somersaults. Then he looked down at his shirt, and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. “I should go,” he began, though when I slumped, he continued quickly, “… change this first.”

I brightened. “Should I wait here? You can’t get into Atwater without a key…”

He looked from me to the door, and back, then grinned his heart-stopping grin. “Heck, it’s not like you haven’t seen me like this now.” I swear, my grin was wider than my face.

I raised a hand to beckon him, reaching for his hand. When he took it, I felt the spark of attraction that I hadn’t known in a while. “Come on,” I whispered, bordering on hysterics now. I was so totally gone, I don’t think my conscience could have shouted and expected me to hear it. We turned, refusing to let go of each other’s hand. I did drop his hand when I opened the door on the second floor, pointing at my room as I knocked on number 100.

“Come in!”

I leaned in, and like I had expected, Petra was sitting on Sam’s bed. “Hey, you were thinking of doing that sleepover tonight, right?”

From her look, I have a feeling my face told the whole story. “Yeah, sure,” she said with a carefully neutral shrug. I grinned at all three girls, then pulled back and closed the door behind myself.

I pointed at my door, then led Matt inside. He stepped in to look around as I closed the door. I stared at the lock for a while, considering it. Well… it couldn’t hurt. And it wasn’t like he couldn’t read my mind anyway. The click made him turn.

“That necessary?” he asked, and I could hear the laugh in his voice before I even turned around to see the smile.

“Well, I wouldn’t want you running away now that you finally agreed to come up and talk with me.”

He pouted, and my heart flipped over. “Only talk?” I could tell that now I had gotten the idea firmly planted in his head, he was as far lost as I.

I took one step at a time until I was less than a foot from him. “Well…” I said, leaning sideways in an over-exaggerated coy gesture. He reached out and caught my cheek, and then our lips met. I haven’t felt that kind of rush… ever. It might be the year-plus break that had made me need this so badly, but whatever the reason, I hadn’t been particularly aroused before, but as soon as our lips met I was gasping for his touch. I exhaled on a voiced note as we broke apart, looking down as I tried to catch my breath.

“That bad, huh?” he asked quietly, putting his hands to my waist, and slowly slipping them around me as he pulled me closer.

“What?” My head flew up to look at him. “Bad? Matt…” I closed my eyes before speaking again. “I really hope that’s not all you have in mind, because I don’t think you’re allowed to leave now.”

I opened my eyes when his hand tipped my chin upward. Looking the bare inch down into my eyes, he slowly smiled the grin that made my stomach do flips. Except this time it wasn’t just my stomach. “Leave? Not a chance.” I smiled in relief, then put my arms around his neck and leaned forward to kiss him. We were both gasping for breath this time, and he walked me backwards into my bed, then boosted me up and jumped up beside me. “You don’t mind if I change this, do you?” he asked, pulling at the semi-damp t-shirt that was likely stained brown permanently by now.

“Mind?” I asked innocently, then removed it for him. As soon as he was free of the shirt, he wrapped me in his arms again, as if having trouble believing I was still there when he couldn’t see me. “You’ve gotten me soaked in coffee too,” I complained, even though there were only a few tiny spots of brown on the pale yellow shirt.

Without needing any more encouragement, my shirt followed his, his hands on my bare skin as if magnetically drawn to me. His nose buried itself in my shoulder as his hands explored every inch of my back. I kissed his cheek, and he looked up, hunger in his eyes. The look he gave me made me stop breathing for a moment, and just sit and shiver with anticipation. Since he’d leaned back to look me in the face, he was now staring at my chest, still partially obscured.

I opened my eyes as his hand cupped my cheek for a moment, then slid slowly down my neck, and down my front until he met my bra. He looked up thoughtfully, then took one finger and pulled the cloth away from my skin. He leaned down to kiss my breast, and I started shaking. Without waiting for him to do it, I reached back and unclasped my bra, which, combined with his pulling away from the front, pulled it from my chest completely. Slipping the straps from where they lay at my elbows, I watched his face as I removed it.

His hands jumped up to cup my cheeks as he kissed me again and again. I slowly pulled him with me as I lay backwards. By the time we hit the mattress, his hands weren’t on my cheeks. When I gasped for breath, his lips joined his hands, making me gasp for entirely different reasons. When I gasped loud enough for it to be voiced, he paused, looking up at me with his usual twinkle in his eyes. “Something wrong?” he asked, playing innocent.

I sat up, making him pout again, but I ignored it this time, forcing him to sit up as well. I smiled at him, what usually I would call sarcastic, but I’m not sure what it was this time. I mirrored his movements as I put one hand to his cheek, then slid it slowly down his front. Clearly I didn’t stop at his chest, though. As my fingers met the waistband of his shorts, his eyes widened as they met mine. As my fingers quickly slipped inside his shorts, he gasped almost as loudly as I just had. “Something wrong?” I repeated, though I didn’t stop. He didn’t have enough breath to answer as he slumped against the wall, breathing heavily as one of my hands undid the fly of his shorts, and the other eagerly tested his pleasure tolerance. I only stopped long enough to remove shorts and boxers altogether, sending them to the floor.

“Emma…” he whispered quietly. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

I smiled, speaking as I leaned forward a fraction of an inch at a time. “You haven’t seen me try.” My lips met his skin the moment after, and his entire body stiffened to the point I thought he’d fall off the bed.

“Emma…” he whispered again, though this time his voice was hoarse and cracked twice. I pulled back, not truly wanting to give him a heart attack as he’d suggested.

“Yes?” I asked, but didn’t get a chance to continue as he lunged upward, wrapping his arms around me and bodily pushing me back to the mattress.

“You’re horrible,” he told me for the second time that evening. Then his lips met my nipple, and I stiffened beneath him. I relaxed almost instantly, as it was impossible to not notice the tension in him, and I wanted him relaxed… among other things. But when his hand slid into my shorts, I wasn’t thinking anymore.

He let me breathe after a moment of my own hoarse gasping. As I lay against my pillows, unable to think beyond the wonders of his touch, I didn’t notice him unzipping my shorts. It wasn’t until I felt his hands as well as the cloth about my knees that I looked up to see him grinning at me… as he threw my shorts and panties after his. From the look of challenge in his eyes, I knew what I was in for. But knowing and feeling are two different things. I knew it was too loud as I tried to choke back my gasping cry as his fingers explored. He paused a moment, likely wincing at the volume, since we both knew everyone in the dorm was listening.

My hand beckoned him, though I didn’t have the strength at the moment to lift it from my side. He slid along me, keeping as much skin contact as possible, until he was lying beside me and kissed me again. “Yes?”

“No heart attacks?” I begged. “It’s been over a year.”

“What?” he sounded surprised that I hadn’t already been with someone since I got to college. “That we need to fix.” But his hands were gentler as they ran down between my legs and explored the surface. “Unfortunately,” he whispered in my ear as his fingers tickled me, “I can’t help but want you now that you’ve led me on.”

“Led you on?” I asked, surprised. “I did nothing but invite you over.”

“And then lock the door,” he added with a smile. “I just thought I’d warn you before I give you a heart attack.” My eyes flew to meet his the second before two of his fingers delved deep within me. He’d given me just enough time to bite my lip, but the scream of delight was clear to both of us. I shook, enough to shake him as well. He smiled, kissed me, then drew his fingers out.

I almost cried at the sensation. “It really has been too long,” he remarked, nuzzling my neck. “You should have told me sooner.” I laughed quietly, but as he put his fingers back in position, I bit my lip again, just in case.

This time his fingers moved so slowly, I was breathless for a good two minutes before the motion ended. “I’m the one that’s horrible?” I asked, gasping for breath as I whispered. “You…” He didn’t give me time to finish before he slid his fingers out. I winced this time, but it wasn’t quite so bad as the first time.

“Yes, I suppose I can be horrible when I want you,” he replied, not quite repeating my earlier words. I had to smile, though my eyes closed with delight as his fingers strove within me yet again, not stopping before retreating, and diving again. My breath began coming in even gasps, until the point I’d expected some time before when we both felt the wetness from within me. He kissed me and withdrew his fingers. “Wouldn’t want to ruin it for you,” he murmured.

“I don’t think you could,” I whispered back, still breathing heavily. “Touch me again, and I’ll be yours in seconds.” He seemed to like the idea, given that he put it to the test. He slid down me until his head was level with my hips, then ever so slowly spread my legs with his hands. “Matt…” I cautioned as he leaned his head down, but he truly wished to test me.

When his tongue took the place of his fingers, I could feel the first small explosion within me. “Mmm…” he said quietly. “You taste delicious.” I didn’t have time to answer before his tongue tickled the outside of me for a moment, then thrust within me yet again. When he didn’t pause after removing it, I started shaking. Almost as quick as his fingers, his tongue was long enough that I could feel myself rising.

“Matt,” I called hysterically, just as I gasped for the last time, and was unable to breathe. True enough, his tongue was enough for me.

“Hmm?” he asked belatedly, sliding up to lie next to me, his passion pressing against my leg as a constant reminder.

“Ohh…” I moaned, keeping my voice as low as I could, given that I’d lost control of it for several moments. But, as I’d suggested, I couldn’t relax completely with him lying next to me, waiting. I turned my head to kiss him, and felt his fingers between my legs again, though much more casually… teasing at my nerves. When I gasped at the light touch of one finger to my opening, he laughed.

“I didn’t quite believe you before,” he told me, slowly sliding his fingers into their former position.

“Aahh…” I bit back another cry as his fingers returned to their active pursuits within me. “You should’ve…” I told him between gasps for breath.

“I do now.” In an instant his fingers were gone. I lay still for a moment, body already shaking with passion again. But I looked at him, smiling from beside me.

I slipped an arm around his waist, pulling him over me to lie flat between the wall and me. We both shivered delightedly as we felt the magnetic connection between us. Then it was my turn to smile at him, and I slid down his body, unable to remove my hands from his skin – but I wasn’t intending to. First my hands met the smooth skin of his cock, getting a gasp from him. But when my lips joined my hands, he froze entirely, biting his lip to keep from crying out. I could hear the moan within him from my proximity, and it only encouraged me to greater efforts. Within moments I’d gotten wetness from him. As I slid back up him to lie next to him I commented, “You taste good too.”

This was clearly too much. He rolled on top of me, hands caressing what parts of my chest they could as our lips met again and again. I spread my legs and suddenly felt a touch between them, freezing me where I was. Matt pushed himself up, and I felt his hips move as he shifted slightly for a better position. “You sure I can’t tease you more?” he asked me with a grin.

“You’re horrible…” I whispered before he thrust his way into me. Far better than his fingers or his tongue was the sensation I’d been without for almost eighteen months. He laughed as he heard the scream I bit back resound in my mouth.

“Clearly you need more practice,” he whispered, only making me moan. And this time I couldn’t bite it back. As he took his time pulling away, my moan rose in a slow crescendo, until my gasp at his reentrance cut it off. My body was so completely ready for him already I surprised myself, but then he was quite good at what he was doing.

Given the period of time I’d been without this, as well as his skill, I was motionless, all strength gone from my body. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. Bit by bit I regained some energy, each time he rammed his way to my unending pleasure I could move a bit more. This energy went into pushing my hips upward with each of his strokes, until he was gasping as much as I. Finally I couldn’t stand it and couldn’t bite back my moaning any longer.

As I started moaning louder with each thrust, he put his lips to mine, giving us the last connection at the moment we both released all our pent up emotion. “Don’t move,” I whispered before he had a chance, and we lay there until at long last he wasn’t strong enough to stay within me. It made me slightly more confident that he moaned louder than I at this last falling feeling. But I wouldn’t let him move further, and we fell asleep as we lay.

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